by Mary Dublin
"You're changing the subject," he accused, though he didn't raise his voice even a little. "Aren't you going to at least tell me why it's a terrible idea?"
Esmae huffed out a tiny breath of her own. There were plenty of reasons she didn't want to hide in his pocket, and the thought of having to explain how small it would make her feel was downright mortifying. "I told you this morning that I don't want to be trapped."
"It wouldn't be a prison," Daniel said with an uneasy laugh. "I'd take you out whenever you'd like, of course."
"Yes, but I can't very well tell you that from inside there, could I?"
"I'm sure I could hear you."
"I don't think so."
Daniel paused deeply, then whispered, "Is it because you're frightened of me?".
She spun on her heels, eyes wide. "No, I'm not—"
"You are. I'm not an idiot, I've seen the way you look at me now." The dejection in his eyes was hooded as he looked down. "I can't even imagine what I must look like to you."
Unable to make herself turn away again, Esmae uncrossed her arms and heaved a sigh. "Imagine meeting a person as tall as one of your towers, and you may begin to get the idea."
Her resolve wavered. He looked so concerned, the same way he'd been that morning when he wondered if she would still be there when he returned. This time, she couldn't see how his insistence on going outside was for anyone's benefit but her own. If only the process of getting outside didn't strike a shiver through her heart.
"Do I have a choice?" she asked, nervously clutching handfuls of her skirts.
Daniel frowned at her in disbelief, and even if he didn't mean to, he became all the more intimidating from up close. It was a good thing that he spoke up, because Esmae lost her voice entirely for a few moments, unable to take back her words.
"Of course you have a choice, Esmae," he said earnestly. "I told you, I want you to rest. Forcing you, kicking and screaming, into my pocket would be rather counterproductive, wouldn't it? Do you really think I'd do that to you?"
"No! I don't. I really don't."
Esmae dragged both hands down her face. She had never struggled so miserably with words in her life. It was only in line with her current luck that she would fumble with speaking to a giant. A terribly handsome giant, at that. She stared at the desk.
"I just can't stop thinking about last night," she blurted.. "You… captured me so easily. Your hands were so dark, and I couldn't see where you were taking me. I fought all I could and still couldn't do a thing to stop it. You wouldn't listen to me, either. And being in a pocket seems like it could easily be much of the same." She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could be braver when she opened them again. "I'm sorry."
The wait wasn't long before she heard Daniel shift. And then—warmth. The pad of a thumb brushed against her cheek with hesitance and care, as if to prove the gentleness of the hands she feared.
"If I had known it was you, I never would have—" The prince tapered off in a hushed voice. His gentle attention continued in a slow pattern on her cheek. "Can you ever forgive me?"
Her lips parted in surprise, eyes fluttering open. She tried not to flinch at the sight of his massive hand resting loosely around her. At any moment, his fingers could snap shut around her. But he wouldn't do that. She knew he wouldn't. His thumb paused upon her cheek as their eyes locked.
Thankfully there was no way he could perceive mad thudding of her heartbeat.
"I… yes, I forgive you," Esmae said haltingly, still processing that he would ask for forgiveness at all from someone her size. It was a simple act, but it gave her power all the same. "Alright," she added before she could change her mind. "We could—I suppose we could try the pocket."
"Are you sure?" Daniel questioned softly.
She bobbed her head, convincing herself as much as him. "I trust you."
He nodded back carefully. Her breath hitched as he slid a few fingers around her waist. It was with more reverence now that he lifted her, taking her with him as he sat back in his seat. Held at chest level, she watched with unwavering attention as he pulled open his jacket and wiggled a few fingers into the opening of the inner pocket.
Esmae squeezed the nearest finger for support as she stared down at the darkness waiting below her dangling feet.
"I'll be right here with you," Daniel reminded her. "Closer than ever, in fact."
He offered her a crooked smile of reassurance, but the butterflies in her stomach multiplied.
"Alright," she said weakly, inclining her head down toward the pocket.
She closed her eyes as he lowered her. Her dress brushed along the fabric of his jacket, and before long, her boots reached the inner seam at the bottom. Opening her eyes, Esmae was met with dim surroundings where faint light came from overhead, and only because Daniel still had his jacket open.
His fingers tentatively began to loosen, ready to release her into the darkness on her own.
"W-wait!" Esmae clung hard to his index finger, surprised at how quick he was to respond by gently curling his grip back around her.
His voice rumbled nearby, prompting her to stiffen. "Is it too much? I can take you back out."
Breathing shortly, she kept her hold on his finger and felt the bottom of the pocket with her legs. The fabric was sturdier than she would have expected, but there was no telling how it would feel once his hand wasn't providing support.
"Esmae?" After a beat of hesitation, his hand began to move upward, taking her with it.
"No," she called up, grateful that her voice didn't crack. "I can do it. You… you can let me go."
He said nothing, but his steady breathing through the fabric paused. When his fingers uncurled, she released him as well. Her attempt to stay standing failed, and she sank to her knees. The darkness grew thicker as Daniel's hand retreated from the pocket.
Esmae gripped handfuls of thick fabric around her, scrambling about to regain her bearings. She settled in the corner, curling her legs close and trying to keep her breathing in check. Her surroundings weren't nearly as stifling as when Daniel had trapped her in his hands, but there was no denying that it was similar.
"Can you feel me?" Her voice was higher and rife with nerves, and the noise bounced around her in the confines of the pocket. "You wouldn't forget I'm here?"
"Forget I have a tiny woman in my pocket?" Daniel sounded a mixture of offended and amused. "Esmae, I could never."
"I'm being serious!" she persisted.
"So am I!"
She sighed, tucking her knees closer. She was afraid to look up at what little of him was still visible overhead.
"I'm not—" Esmae faltered and swallowed. "I'm not too small?"
The jacket swayed as the prince gingerly let it fall flat against his chest. In the absolute darkness, something brushed against her from outside. The second time, she recognized it as Daniel's hand seeking her out, giving her that same reassuring attention that he had on the desk.
"Not by a longshot."
Esmae nodded, though he couldn't see her. She shifted, aware of his heart beating from the other side of the fabric. She couldn't be sure if it was beating faster than normal, or if it was in her head. She'd never felt a human's heartbeat before, after all.
"If you're sure..." She trailed off, deciding the small space would be worth it if it meant going out to the gardens. "I can handle this. For just a short while."
"Really?"
Esmae nodded, then remembered he couldn't see it. "Just—please go already!"
"Alright, alright," Daniel muttered, but she could hear a smile in his voice. The pocket lurched as he stood and what felt like dozens of stories passed by Esmae in fleeting seconds. He gave her general location what was undoubtedly meant to be a reassuring pat as he turned to leave, saying, "Just give me a kick if you need my attention."
Her response caught in her throat when he began walking. She white-knuckled the pocket fabric, curling more into herself. The rumbling of his footsteps had been bad
enough in the goblet. Here, her surroundings were even more unstable. It was one thing to be in his pocket while he was sitting, and it hadn't prepared her for this at all. She wondered if he would feel even her most forceful kicks with his strides bouncing through her.
Esmae leaned into his chest, the only solid support she could find. The shaking abruptly became even more unbearable, and she clenched her teeth to keep from crying out in alarm. She could only assume the change came from Daniel descending the stairs to the ground floor.
Unable to take much more, Esmae desperately twisted around to position herself to kick at him, but it seemed that every step he took went out of its way to throw her off balance. No sooner than she had somewhat stabled herself, his gait evened out again as he left the staircase.
Although the juddering lessened, Esmae went rigid again at the sounds of other footsteps in the corridor. Not nearly as loud as the ones shaking through her, but there all the same. Voices raised in polite greetings toward the prince, and Esmae couldn't help but tremble, wondering if she was visible at all through his jacket. Daniel hardly paused in his step as his responses rumbled around Esmae like thunder.
The other footsteps and voices were gone soon enough, and even through the thick fabric, Esmae sensed a change. The air was cooler—not quite a winter's chill, but pleasant. She had seen it was a clear day through the window that morning, and it truly began to register that she would be outside to experience it.
She stirred and unfolded herself from her tightly curled position at the bottom of the pocket, peering at the top with hopeful eyes. Perhaps enduring the shaking prison of fabric would be worth it after all.
She didn't have to wait much longer before Daniel's gait changed significantly. Each thudding footfall became cushioned by grass, and his heartbeat calmed a little.
"We're alone," Daniel announced under his breath. "Give me just a moment more."
Esmae peeked up when she heard gurgling water. Despite the stifling heat around her, her heart leapt a bit. She remembered this place.
As she felt Daniel finally lower himself to the ground, Esmae made a hasty attempt to compose her messy hair and crumpled skirts, determined to look as dignified as possible after such a harrowing trip. A moan of relief nearly escaped her when Daniel dipped a hand inside to retrieve her. She leaned eagerly into his palm, making it easy for those long fingers to secure around her and pull her out.
Daylight. The sun blinked behind pearly clouds against a crystal-blue sky. She couldn't put into words how the simple luxury of fresh air lifted her spirits. Shielding her eyes, she blinked to adjust her vision to the giant holding her aloft.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?"
She'd missed a spot of pocket-messed hair, and Daniel gently smoothed it down with his thumb. She flushed, almost forgetting his question.
"It… I suppose it…" Esmae trailed off as she twisted around in his loose grip to take in the sight of the gardens. Already, the thought of huddling at the bottom of his pocket was far from her mind. "Oh, my. It looks even lovelier than before."
A soft breeze pushed through the lush vegetation surroundings the short grass. Blooming flowers added splashes of color: rose bushes, lavender, marigolds, and half a dozen shades of pansies with butterflies dancing among them. Beyond rows of neatly trimmed hedges and patches of flowers, a bricked garden wall loomed. A small stream came from under the wall and ribboned directly through the garden, passing under a small wooden bridge and ending in a rocky pool of water.
Her three days as a human had been short, but her visits to the gardens during that time had been frequent.
"You seem to have taken a liking to the gardens," Daniel had told her with a curious smile when she requested for the third time that he take a walk with her around the hedges and flowers.
"They remind me of my home," she'd answered. A beacon of truth amongst the lies.
Esmae drew in a deep breath of fresh air. Even the memories of her short time as a human couldn't ward away the relief of being outside.
"This place would rival even the gardens in Evrosea," Esmae said, wearing a broad grin when she faced Daniel once more. "Could you put me down? I haven't felt grass in days."
"Of course," he stammered, twisting onto his side.
Once his hand was solidly laid on the lawn, Esmae released the vice-grip on his finger and nimbly dismounted. She was lucky the palace lawn was so neatly manicured. Far as she could see, most of the blades wouldn't reach past her shins.
She glanced back up at him with a grateful smile, too enthralled by the smell of earth and flowers to be intimidated at the sight of him. Daniel seemed to hold his breath as she took her first free steps through the grass, running her hands across the silken blades as she passed.
"I wish I could see this place through your eyes," Daniel remarked wistfully.
Esmae shot him a puzzled look over her shoulder. "You don't mean that."
"Why's that?"
The ground tremored as he shifted. He pulled off his jacket and folded it on the lawn. Esmae watched as he laid down on his side, resting his head on it like a cushion.
She gestured around her. "I'm used to things looking like this. The flowers, the grass, the leaves." Smiling wryly, she paused and looked his face up and down. "Well, I suppose I'm not quite used to having a human or a giant castle in front of me, but everything else looks just as it should to me. But you… seeing anything the way it looks to me would be overwhelming for you."
"I think I could handle it," he insisted.
Esmae stifled a giggle behind a hand. "Those sound like famous last words."
He grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling pleasantly. "Well, it certainly looks nice from here."
Her laughter faltered when she realized Daniel had yet to even glance at the stretch of grass beyond her.
She had half a mind to tell him just that, but she turned to the side, holding her hands at waist level and threading her fingers together. The last thing she wanted was to turn a pleasant outing awkward by accusing him of staring at her.
"It's not quite the same to simply lay down in the grass," Esmae scoffed. "Flowers are so tiny to you humans! I couldn't understand it until I saw for myself. So you probably can't imagine flowers being as big as you, or hedges as towering as castle walls unless you see it for yourself."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a smirk tug at Daniel's lips. "Yes, I'm sure the flowers are… terrifying."
The teasing note in his voice made her face flush, but her smile grew broader. "That's not what I mean!" She waved a hand at him dismissively and paced further along the grass. "Forget it."
No sooner than she turned to get another look at the expanse of the gardens, Esmae spotted a fluttering splash of blue color beside her. She gave a start and stumbled backwards a few steps, turning her head this way and that to follow the butterfly that had approached her.
"Hello," she murmured to it.
The butterfly finally came to a stop, landing on the skirt of her rose-red gown and flexing its wings slowly. The color was far more visible now: a rich sort of sapphire that almost made her jealous enough to want the color in her own wings. The fact that it had wings at all made her yearn for her own.
"I'm not a flower," she said with a chuckle, realizing the creature had been drawn to the color of her gown. "Sorry."
She thought about brushing it off, but she watched curiously as it moved higher. The butterfly crawled onto her forearm, eliciting a soft giggle that only grew louder as the insect reached her upper arm. Before it could crawl onto her shoulder, she blocked its path with her free hand, prompting it to transfer the tickling sensation onto her other arm.
"Really?" She laughed breathlessly, but she didn't have the heart to push the butterfly off by force. Turning around abruptly, she hoped it would fly off on its own from the movement.
The task was soon forgotten when she found Daniel still had his eyes locked on her, observing what had to be a strange interaction for
a human.
Her face felt even warmer, and she looked away, stammering, "There's, er… Butterflies come and go in Evrosea. I wouldn't be surprised if this one's passed through my home before. I thought it liked the color of my dress at first, but it seems it's familiar with fairies."
"It knows you?" Daniel asked.
Esmae tilted her head at the fuzzy creature. "Maybe."
She smiled softly at the harmless tickling of antennae running over her skin. It was a sensation she never in a million years thought she would miss, but there was an undeniable security in the familiarity.
And yet, she found her gaze wandering to the massive hands lying just within view.
"Doesn't look like it's planning on going anywhere," she went on after a moment. "Would you like to hold it?"
Daniel snorted softly. "I'd scare it off."
Determined, Esmae sauntered a few paces closer to him and lifted her arm. "Just try."
He still didn't comply. If anything, he leaned away the slightest bit from her. "You seem to have made a friend there. I wouldn't want to ruin it."
"Daniel," she insisted with a pout. "If it was perfectly fine with flying this close to you, then I'd say there's nothing to worry about. Besides, you convinced me to ride in your pocket. Is it too much to ask that you hold a butterfly?" She gave him a pointed look and swore his cheeks pinkened. "Bring your hand to me. Come on. But slowly."
His lips parted to argue further, but his eyes lingered on her for a second longer. He seemed to wrestle with himself for a moment before he shifted, propped his arm on his jacket and inched the other hand toward her.
Esmae observed his progress, gingerly gliding her fingertips along the edge of one of the butterfly's delicate blue wings. "Stop there. I'll come to you."
Daniel obeyed, leaving his hand resting upon the grass with his index finger slightly extended. Esmae closed the distance, pausing when she saw the butterfly's wings flexing a little faster. It had paused on her forearm. She supposed she couldn't blame it for being nervous.