by Keary Taylor
I couldn’t tell Alex what was wrong. Something big was going to happen. Something was coming, or maybe I was running blindly towards it. But I didn’t know if it was going to be a good or a bad thing. Until I knew what I was doing I had to keep Alex in the dark. I had to keep him safe.
I could see the fear in Alex’s eyes with each passing day. The way his hands would quiver as he stood with them braced on the countertop told me just how hard the afterlife was trying to pull him back. His breath would catch in his throat, his eyes would squeeze shut.
And something felt different in me. There was something inside of me that felt like it was constantly shifting. Like the parts of me that were still alive were battling with the parts of me that had changed into something else.
A part of me wanted to go back.
Alone in the bookstore, I sank to my knees as my breath caught in my throat. Black spots filled my vision as my brain tried to focus. It felt like all of my insides were trying to break free or disappear, I couldn’t make my brain function enough to be sure.
As I flopped forward, catching myself on my palms before I collapsed on my face, I looked up. Trying to focus on something, anything to keep me where I was supposed to be, I searched the bookshelves before me, on the books on the very bottom shelf.
Then I saw it. A title long dusty and forgotten about.
Death, Sleep, and the Traveler by John Hawkes.
The world suddenly solidified and my entire being came into focus.
I didn’t even pull the book off the shelf to see what it was about as I stood. I had my answer.
Come see me when you’re closest to death, Cole had said.
It was so simple.
I counted backward from twenty as I lay on my bed alone that night. My palms were sweaty and my nerves threatened to eat me up from the inside out.
Closing my eyes I went over it again in my head, already feeling the buzz of sleep the two pills I had taken were starting to give me.
I couldn’t die. I was stuck.
But the body slows down when it sleeps. The heart slows, the blood slows, the brain slows.
Sleep was as close to death as I could get.
I’m coming, Cole, I thought to myself as my brain started to blur.
The space around me was dark, the kind of black that swallows everything whole. I felt around me but reached nothing but air.
“Cole?” I said cautiously.
No answer came.
I felt panic and anger surge in my system as I felt around again in the dark. I didn’t have time to wait. Cole had told me to come and here I was.
So where was he?
“Cole!” I shouted.
And suddenly I felt a presence behind me, felt the air become warmer on the back of my neck.
“You figured it out,” his honey smooth voice filled the darkness.
“You could have been a bit more specific,” I tried to sound confident.
“We were being watched,” Cole said as I sensed him walk around me. “I had to be careful.”
“Where are we?” I asked, hugging my arms around me.
“In an in between place,” he said quietly as he came to stand before me. “Not quite the world of the living, not quite the world of the dead.”
“Like Limbo?”
“I suppose it has been called that before.”
“Are we alone?”
“For now,” Cole said. “You never know when a proxy will send a soul here to wait.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. Proxy. That was what I had been.
“Where do you think the people you stood trial for went while you experienced their judgment?”
I didn’t answer. I had honestly never considered that before.
“In being granted your life back for a period of time, you traded experiencing death over and over again, just not your own. The people you stood trial for died at the same moment you fell asleep. And they came here as you stood their trial. They waited, until the final judgment was made and you returned to the world of the living.”
“That hardly seems fair punishment for wanting to live,” I said in a cold voice.
I sensed Cole shrug. “Life is a precious gift to be given. It comes with a heavy price.”
“It’s not right.”
“Those people you stood trial for owe you a great debt. They never had to experience their actual judgment.”
I just shook my head, fighting back the knots that were forming in my stomach.
“I need help, Cole,” I started, feeing the panic rising in my blood again. It was time to move on to the reason I had come. “I don’t know how to fight the council. I’m being followed. A woman was killed because of him, because of all of this. What is going on?”
“I told you before that they know something is wrong. Five times now you should have died, should have been ready for your own judgment, and yet you are still walking among the living, still have a heart that beats, albeit it differently than most, in your chest.
“They want to know why, and there are some that are not happy about your condition. Like Jeremiah.”
“The one who’s been following me?”
“Yes.”
I heard Cole sigh, heard him rub his hands together. “Things are changing in my world, Jessica. The afterlife is in chaos. The council changes. Every few centuries it shifts. Members are replaced, new ones are established.
“The man who has been following you is the man who held my position while I pursued you. My place had to be filled and Jeremiah was… promoted, if you will. And then I returned and was reinstated to my leadership of the condemned. He wasn’t happy about my return. He set the change into motion. He wants my position back when the shift happens. He believes if he brings you back, if he can figure out what has happened to you, that he can gain it. I believe he is also trying to provoke me into acting, into doing something that will make me lose my position.”
“He tried to kill me, Cole,” I breathed. “He caused an explosion. I lost some hair but I wasn’t injured. Another person was killed.”
“He’s a branded angel, Jessica,” Cole said as he took a step closer to me in the dark. “We will stop at nothing to get what we want.”
“I have to stop this,” I said as my jaw tightened. “This must end.”
The air started to warm around me. The ground at my feet started to shift. I was waking up.
“You’re running out of time,” Cole said through the blackness.
“Cole!” I shouted as everything pulsed and throbbed. I reached out for him but only found air.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I woke to blinding light, streaming through the massive window that overlooked the lake. My mind was racing as I blinked the sleep from my eyes, going over everything I had just learned.
There was a knock at the door and a moment later Alex stepped inside. He wore a red t-shirt and a pair of white basketball shorts. I couldn’t help but grin as he crossed the room to me. Red was always my favorite color on him.
“Good morning sleeping beauty,” he breathed as he crawled over the foot of the bed, sliding up my body.
“Morning,” I said as my lips met his.
“You look really amazing when you sleep, did you know that?” he asked as he brushed the back of his hand against my cheek.
“You watch me sleep?” I asked as I raised my eyebrows at him. “Doesn’t that seem just a bit creepy to you?”
He chuckled. “Just occasionally. There’s not exactly a lot to do around here at night.”
“Just a few more days and there will be plenty to do at night,” I teased.
“Six days,” he growled, biting at the neckline of my tank top playfully.
“I can’t wait to see what Costa Rica is like,” I said as I ran my hands through Alex’s sandy blond hair. “You’ve practically traveled the world and the only place I’ve ever been to was Cole’s decaying mansion.”
“Sandy beaches,” he said as he kissed my throat. �
�Warm waters,” he moved to the space just below my ear. “And three-hundred yards of ocean front all to ourselves.”
“Sounds like paradise,” I said as I closed my eyes, picturing the scene Alex was painting for me.
He kissed me softly on the lips, a slow lingering one. I looked up into his gray eyes as he hovered over me.
“I love you,” I said softly, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I wouldn’t still be here if it wasn’t for you. I owe you everything.”
“You’re worth it,” he said with a half-smile. “I don’t regret anything these past few months.”
My phone suddenly vibrated on the nightstand and I reached over to grab it. It was a text from Rita, asking where I was.
“Crap!” I half shouted as I practically pushed Alex off of me and bounded to the closet. “I didn’t realize what time it was! I never sleep in this late!”
“Are you still covering for Austin?” Alex asked from the bed.
“Yeah,” I called as I pulled on the first pair of clean pants I came across. “His sister’s gotten really bad I guess. No one dares leave her side.”
Pulling on a shirt, I raced for the bathroom next, trying in vain to tame my hair. It seemed pretty pointless, the curls were going to do whatever they wanted to do.
Just as I was about to run out the door, I stopped short. “Emily,” I said, steadying us both as I practically ran into her. As she met my eyes, I realized hers were red and swollen, trails the tears had made on her cheeks still evident.
“Can I just… hang out with you today?” she said, her voice quivering as she wiped at another tear that had broken loose.
“Hey,” I said as I pulled her into my arms. “What’s the matter?”
“I just…” she took in a shaking breath. “It all just kind of hit me again today. Cormack being gone, all the work I have to do to reverse what I’ve done.”
I felt my heart sink. I couldn’t even imagine what Emily was going through. It was hard enough when Alex wouldn’t ask me to marry him, but at least I still had him. Cormack was gone. For good.
“Well, I have to work today,” I said as I rubbed circles into her back. “But you can go in with me. If nothing else maybe you can find a good book to read to distract yourself.”
Emily stepped away, nodding as she wiped another tear away. “Thanks,” she said, giving me a half-smile.
We climbed into my GTO and I made my way to the freeway. Emily rested her forehead against the window and closed her eyes.
“I don’t even have a date for your wedding,” she said in a small voice.
“Trust me,” I said as I merged my way into the basically non-existent traffic. “You don’t need one. There’s literally only going to be you, Sal, my parents, maybe Caroline, Rod and Amber, and Rita and Austin. It’s not exactly an extensive guest list.”
“I’m really happy for you, you know,” Emily said. “You and Alex are perfect together.”
“Thanks,” I said as I reached over and gave her hand a quick squeeze.
We got to the bookstore, Emily set to browsing the shelves, and I started helping Rita out with the three customers at the counter. She always panicked when there were more than a few people in the building.
The day died out after the first hour and by eleven, there wasn’t a soul around besides, Rita, Emily, and myself. So I practically jumped when the bell at the front door chimed.
“Austin,” I said as he walked up to the counter. “How is everything?”
He put his elbows on the counter, letting his face settle into his hands. He looked dead tired. “Not so good. She’s declining pretty rapidly.”
Rita came walking out of her office, a white envelope in hand. “Here you go honey,” she said as she handed it to Austin across the counter. “I put a little bonus in there too.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Aunt Rita,” he said as she came around the counter and hugged him.
“I know,” she said as she patted him on the back. “But I know these aren’t easy times for you or your family financially.”
I noticed Emily then, standing quietly at the end of the counter, holding a book in her hands. She watched with concern in her eyes as Austin wiped a stray tear from his eye.
“Is everything okay?” she asked quietly.
Austin practically jumped when he heard her and looked embarrassed to have her see him crying. “Uh,” he stuttered. “It’s Emily, right?”
She just nodded.
“Um, it’s just my sister,” he started to explain, even though he really didn’t have to. “She’s been waiting for a new kidney for a long time now, but she isn’t up high enough on the donor list. She’s not doing so good.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, her eyes sad looking. “That’s terrible. How old is she?”
“Seven,” his voice cracked as he spoke. He took a deep breath as he wiped his eyes again. “I’d better get back to the hospital. Mom hasn’t slept in a few days. I’m going to see if I can get her to go home for a bit.”
Rita just nodded, a sad look on her face.
“Good luck,” was all I could say, wishing there was something that I could do.
Austin walked back outside. I noticed Emily’s eyes following him when she suddenly said, “I’ll be back in just a minute.” With that, she dashed out the door.
I didn’t mean to spy, but I couldn’t help but be curious while I watched through the glass as Emily caught up with Austin. She talked to him with rapid words I couldn’t make out. Austin’s brow furrowed for a bit, he asked something that looked like “why?” and Emily started talking rapidly again. When she was finished, he just looked at her for a long moment, like he was evaluating what she had said. And then he suddenly hugged her. When he stepped away he pulled a pen out of his pocket. Searching for a scrap of paper, Emily finally offered her hand. Austin started writing something down, hugged her again when he finished, then got in his car and left.
Emily was beaming when she walked back into the bookstore. I hadn’t seen her look that happy since before Cormack was gone.
“What was that all about?” I questioned, making sure Rita was out of earshot.
“I’m just going to go visit Austin’s sister in a little bit,” she said as she sat down at the counter. “Austin is going to go put his check in the bank and then swing back by and pick me up.”
“Why?” I asked, looking at her doubtfully. Somehow I sensed she wasn’t telling me the full story.
“Because she’s a sad little girl who could use all the support she can get,” Emily said innocently.
I looked at her doubtfully for a moment longer.
“Oh yeah,” she suddenly spoke up. Reaching for the book she had been holding earlier, she slid it down the counter. “I wanted to buy this book.”
“Vampires?” I said skeptically as I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Hey,” she said defensively. “At least it’s not angels.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
My shift ended and I drove home through the dark. The air felt still and cold as I parked the GTO in the driveway and walked up to the front door. The door creaked as I opened it, startling me in the dead quiet of the evening.
And then I saw Alex, sprawled out on the living room floor. His t-shirt was shredded to pieces around him, his wings spread out around him. He clutched at his bare chest, his eyes wide and staring up at the ceiling.
“Alex!” I screamed as I dropped my things and fell to his side. “Alex!”
“Jessica,” he barely managed to breathe. He took a gasping breath. He squeezed my hand so tightly it actually hurt.
I stared horrified at his body. It seemed to quiver, to shake and re-solidify. “Alex, stay with me!”
Reaching for a place inside of me, to a place that was dead and gone, a place that was more angel than human, I made a plea. If you can hear me Cole, don’t you dare let them take him from me.
“Don’t you dare,” I hissed aloud through clenched teeth. Alex was too ou
t of it to even realize I said anything. Lifting my eyes, I said a little louder “Don’t you dare take him. I will not let you take him from me again!”
Shifting my body, I straddled Alex’s chest with my legs, careful not to put any pressure on his already struggling to breathe chest. Placing my hands on the sides of his face, I forced his eyes to meet mine.
“Alex,” I said clearly and calmly. “You promised me that you wouldn’t let them take you before the wedding. We’re only days away. Don’t you dare break your promise to me.”
“I’m…” he struggled as his eyes started to lose focus. “I’m… trying.”
“Try harder,” I said, hating how my words were sounding. “I need you Alex. You are all that I have. I cannot lose you. I am going to figure this out. I will get you out of this. I just need a little more time.”
Alex met my eyes again, his own looking confused. His breath caught in his throat and he suddenly made a choking sound. Alex’s eyes rolled into the back of his head.
“Alex!” I screamed. “Don’t do this! Don’t let them take you!”
His body started to quake all the more.
It was then that I noticed how his skin looked just the tiniest bit tighter on his body. His veins seemed to stand out just a fraction more.
I swore under my breath.
“Hang on just a few minutes longer, Alex,” I said in a panicked voice. Gripping one of his hands tightly in mine, I lay next to him on the ground.
It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, to force my body to relax. I concentrated on making my heart slow, on making my thoughts clear and relax.
I closed my eyes and pictured the afterlife. The stone cylinder, the council’s chairs, the stairway that surrounded.
It didn’t take long for everything to blur and feel hazy.
When I opened my eyes I was there.
Not just in the Limbo blackness I had spoken to Cole in.
This was the afterlife I had visited every night, the afterlife Jeremiah had accidently taken me back to.
I was seated on the spiral staircase, alone. Just slightly below me, across the cylinder, the council talked hurriedly, in angry voices.