by Keary Taylor
As soon as the door closed, I collapsed back into the couch, my breath coming out in a big whoosh.
It felt like I had the world sitting on my chest and eventually I was just going to be crushed through the couch, into the ground below the house, and be swallowed up into nothing.
Alex’s hand slid into mine and I looked over to see his frame relax slightly. There were a few new black veins protruding around his eyes though. Everything about him seemed tight and unnatural.
“Better?” I asked wearily.
“Not particularly,” he said, and I could tell he was forcing his body to relax.
I studied his changing face for a few long moments. His eyes weren’t to the point that Cole’s were yet, but they weren’t far from it. Already, Alex was becoming less beautiful to look at, and more frightening. His skin stretched over his bones, like he was being sucked into himself.
“I’m tired,” I said, my eyes never leaving his gray ones.
“Are you really?” he breathed, his eyes never wavering either.
I finally broke away, staring at the black glass of the back door. “I don’t know,” I said as I shook my head. “I’m not even sure what real tired feels like anymore. But I have to go back.”
And without saying anything, because there was nothing new left to say, we both stood, and walked into the bedroom. We went through the motions of getting ready for bed, brushing teeth, changing clothes. Without a word spoken, we climbed between the sheets and I curled into Alex’s side. He slid his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my wilder than normal hair.
As I let my eyes slide closed, I did feel tired. Not tired as in wanting to sleep though. Tired of angels, of death, of always trying to fight so hard.
I just wanted a few normal hours. That was all.
But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Alex and I had reached the peak of our climb together. We were staring down at the avalanche that was going to take us to the bottom, not quite able to see where all of this was going to end. But there was no stopping this.
So I jumped off that peak, and let sleep take me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The shift inside of me hit me like a punch in the gut as I felt stone beneath my feet. In the all too familiar gasp, my lungs searched for air. After a few moments of nothing, hot, suffocating oxygen finally filled my quivering lungs.
Looking up, I saw the chairs of the council members, saw the bottoms of perfect bare feet. A figure stood on the catwalk, their sobs audible, even clear down here, so close to the fiery depths.
“There she is,” I heard the hissed whispers from across the cylinder. My eyes flashed to the speaker and found a woman whispering to a small group of other’s. All at once, their eyes found mine and I stood frozen as they started shifting through the mass toward me.
The group seemed to grow as they made their way around the large space, descending down the staircase toward me. I could only stand frozen as they approached, standing with my back pressed against the hot stones behind me.
“You are the proxy,” a man with black eyes spoke as the group stopped, just a few feet away from me. Nearly a dozen pairs of black eyes settled onto my face.
I simply nodded my head.
“We have heard what you are trying to do,” he spoke again. The light of flames danced on the surface of his perfectly white teeth. “Hushed word is being spread around the afterlife about a female proxy, asking favors of those she stood for. You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“I know that,” I said, my voice sounding more confident than I felt. “And I ask that you not inform certain angels about my presence.”
The man and a few of those behind him chuckled. “Mischief and rule-breaking is part of what granted us the brands on the back of our necks and the color of our eyes. Trust us, none of us are going to tell on you for doing something you’re not supposed to be doing.”
“Do you know why I am here?” I asked, hiding my shaking hands behind my back.
“Someone who kept you from joining us is in danger of not being around anymore,” he said casually.
I nodded. “And when he comes back, I need you all to not accept him. I need him sent back.”
Several members of the group laughed, glancing back and forth between each other. “You’ve got spunk. You’re a brave one. But naive. He’s dead. His life is gone. He can’t be sent back and be dead.”
“Just say that you’ll do it,” I said harshly, anger starting to brew in my system. “You all know what I’ve done for you. The hell I experienced for you. When the time comes, just say you won’t accept him. You owe it to me.”
The man who had been speaking for the others gave me a hard look, the wheels in his head turning. “I make no promise. But I will not forget what you have done for me,” he said, his eyes narrowing.
I heard a scream from above as a newly branded angel was dragged down into the fiery depths. Suddenly the cylinder was chaos. And I felt him before I saw him.
Cole and Jeremiah were on the staircase just above us, descending. Toward the group that surrounded me, and myself, hiding against the wall.
The man I had been talking to looked at me with wide eyes, glancing between me and the two council members. In a split second, he threw me over the edge of the staircase just as Cole glanced in my direction.
Violent tremors shook my hands as I cupped water in my hands at the kitchen sink and splashed water over my face. Something shook my insides. Or maybe it was more violent than that. It felt like a jack-hammer had been set loose inside of me.
Things had gotten worse overnight. For both Alex and I. The pain was so much worse after I woke up. My insides wouldn’t settle. I felt half in the afterlife, half in this world I wasn’t supposed to be a part of. And I’d woken up to Alex with his wings visible, glinting in the sun, the light breaking through them in too many places. The blackness around his eyes was more pronounced, his skin frightening and shrinking on his bones. His entire frame trembled.
The real life situation didn’t feel any less dreary than my supernatural one. I’d contacted a funeral home and they had agreed to take care of the funeral arrangements. I’d also called Sal’s attorney and she was taking care of everything else. My voice sounded dead even to me on the phone as I made the calls.
“Jessica?” a voice called from the master bedroom.
Closing my eyes tight for a second, I attempted to still the hurricane that was inside of me. Letting the oxygen flow in and out of my lungs should have made them feel real, but they didn’t.
“Coming,” I said as I stepped away from the counter. Every step I took across the hardwood floor seemed to echo maddeningly, my angelic senses in overdrive.
I stepped into the bedroom, the weight of everything a physical thing in the air. Amber sat in the rocking chair by the window, her eyes fixed on Alex’s form on the bed. He sat with his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms curling up and around his head. His entire frame was so tight looking it seemed he might shatter at any moment. Every feather of his wings shook.
“I have to go into work soon,” Amber said, the fear of this impossible situation obvious in her voice. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I half whispered, my voice sounding awful. “I’m fine.”
She stood and wrapped her arms around me for a brief minute. “I’m so sorry,” she breathed. She let go and a moment later I heard the front door close.
I watched Alex for a while. After I’d woken at five that morning and seen how bad Alex was, I was too afraid to let him out of my sight for even a moment, afraid that if I did, he would be gone. But as panic started to eat at me, my nerves were strung out, I had called Amber to come sit with him while I gave myself a break for two hours.
“Hey,” I finally said as I sat next to him on the bed, placing a hand on his bare shoulder.
He didn’t say anything in return, just took a sharp intake of breath.
“I’m…” my voice wavered, afraid to voice the thoughts I wasn�
��t sure I could turn into actions. “I’m thinking about taking one of Sal’s sleeping pills, so I can start going back more often.” But everything in me screamed no! against that statement.
“Jessica,” Alex said, his voice sounding pained in every way. “You know you can’t handle much more of this. You are already sleeping almost as much as you are awake. I can practically smell the pain you’re in.”
A single tear rolled down my cheek as I bit my lower lip for a moment to try and control myself. “At least it can’t kill me,” I breathed.
“But what kind of existence are you going to have after all of this?” he asked, his eyes terrifying as they met mine. I had to force myself to keep looking at him. “You’re shredding yourself to pieces. I can tell something in you doesn’t come back each time you sleep.”
“I am not giving up!” I suddenly hissed through clenched teeth. My hands shook all the harder. “Don’t you dare give up on me Alex Wright, and don’t you dare try and stop me from saving you!”
My breath came in and out in ragged draws as Alex looked at me with wide, surprised eyes. I let mine drop from his, feeling the fire that suddenly filled me die out.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a rush. “I’m sorry. I just…” I squeezed my eyes closed and pressed my fists into them, feeling my shoulders slump in on me. “I’m just…”
“Shh,” Alex said and I felt his shaking arms wrap around me. “I know.”
“I just don’t know if what I’ve done is going to be enough,” I said, my voice finally starting to calm. “They want you back so bad. I just don’t know if I’ve talked to enough of them. If I can just talk to more, they can help spread the word, maybe then it will be enough.”
“It will have to be,” Alex said as he stroked my hair. “Or I’ll start my own war in the afterlife.”
Amber came back later that afternoon. Having next to no food in the house, I had to go get something. It made me sick to think that I no longer had to run over in my head what Sal might be in need of. My entire body felt heavy as I loaded the two grocery bags into the back seat of the GTO.
The clouds had been building all day and as I parked in front of the bookstore they finally couldn’t hold anymore. The rain felt oddly comforting. Rain felt normal.
The bell on the front door sounded as I stepped inside. Katlin was working the front counter. I didn’t know her well since we worked alternating days.
“Hey,” she said with a bright smile. “I thought you were still on your honeymoon?”
I tried to force a smile onto my face. “We needed to come back a bit early.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked, her face growing concerned. “You don’t look your best.”
That fake smile on my face faltered. “I don’t exactly feel my best. Is Rita here?” I changed the subject.
“She’s in her office,” Katlin said, pointing toward the back of the store.
Barely remembering to say a thank you over my shoulder, I made a bee-line toward the back. As promised, I found Rita in the cramped, over-crowded closet of an office. I gave two knocks on her open door, drawing her attention away from her daily log book.
“Jessica!” she said in surprise. “Back already?”
I nodded, feeling everything inside of me squeeze. It felt like my entire body wanted to cry.
“Is everything alright?” she asked, pulling her reading glasses off, her brows knitting together.
I shook my head, fighting back the sting behind my eyes. “No.”
Rita cleared a stack of books off the chair in the corner of the office and eased me into it before closing the door. “What’s the matter?” she asked, her voice ever caring and kind.
I took a deep breath and let it come out in one quivering note. “You know the lady I help take care of?” I started. “Sal?”
Rita nodded.
“She passed away yesterday morning,” my voice shook. Rita’s face fell all the more. “She had an aneurysm that burst. The doctors said it had been there for a long time. Emily called yesterday to let us know, so we flew home.”
“Oh sweetie,” Rita said as she pulled me into her thin arms. “I’m so sorry.”
I nodded, hugging my sides tight underneath Rita’s embrace. “There’s something else,” I breathed into her wildly curly red hair. She sat back, her eyes focused on my face.
“Alex is sick,” I said. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it didn’t fully feel like a lie. “I mean really, really sick.”
“Is he going to be okay?” she said with a small gasp.
I shook my head. “He probably doesn’t have more than a few days left,” my voice cracked. My eyes fell to my lap, my arms squeezing my sides all the tighter. “I think…” I struggled to make my voice continue to work. “I think I won’t be coming in anymore for a while. I need to be with him.”
“Of course,” Rita said, her voice sounding light and airy, as if she was still trying to process everything I had just said.
“Will you be okay with the shop?” I asked, wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve.
“I’ll be alright, sweetie. Austin is taking some time off with the surgery today but he’ll be back in a few days.”
“Surgery today?” I questioned, grateful that the conversation was moving in a different direction.
“His little sister and Emily?” Rita said, her eyes looking a bit confused.
“What does Emily have to do with any of it?” I asked, my own expression growing more confused by the second.
“She never told you?”
I shook my head.
“You know Austin’s little sister needed a new kidney. Well, Emily talked to Austin about it, and just out of the blue volunteered to be tested to see if she was a match. And she was,” Rita’s eyes shone with tears and mixes of joy and sadness.
“Emily is giving his sister her kidney?” I said, my voice rising in pitch slightly.
Rita nodded. “The surgery is supposed to start in less than an hour.”
For the first time in what felt like a long time, something inside of me felt a little brighter.
Emily was going after redemption. In a big way
I squeezed my eyes closed, and relished in the small smile that spread over my lips. “She told me last night that she had plans with Austin today,” I chuckled.
Rita chuckled as well.
I opened my eyes again with a sigh. “Well,” I said as I stood. “I’d better be getting back home. Amber is sitting with Alex. I don’t want to leave them for too long.”
“Okay,” Rita said as she stood as well. She pulled me into one more quick hug and walked me to the front door. “Tell Alex that he is in my prayers,” Rita said as she watched me walk to my car. “You are too, Jessica. If you need anything, and I mean anything, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”
“Thanks,” I said with a sad smile, and slid into my car.
My cell phone rang as soon as I shut the door. It was the funeral home and they gave me all the details, let me know that everything would be set in three days. Sal’s attorney had let me know that according to Sal’s will she wanted to be cremated. We could pick up Sal’s remains and have our own service Saturday.
The rain continued to come down as I made my way to the freeway. I tried not to think about how I had lost a woman who felt equal parts best friend and foster child. I tried not to think about how I might also be losing my husband just days later.
And I tried not to think about ways to lose myself should he be lost.
Instead I realized I hadn’t seen any traces of Jeremiah since the wedding. This was almost alarming to realize that I had paid so little attention to that face. Something felt off there. Jeremiah didn’t seem the type to just let something like this go.
Amber seemed relieved when I entered the house. She’d never been good at handling stressful situations and the whole angel thing had always freaked her out. She practically ran out the door when I said she could go.
Alex shuffle
d around the kitchen, attempting to cook something with his unsteady hands in desperation to distract himself.
“Being babysat kinda’ sucks,” he said as he slid a sheet of chocolate chip cookies into the oven.
“Going to the afterlife kinda’ sucks,” I said as I joined him in the kitchen and wrapped my arms around his chest. I was somewhat relieved that his wings were gone. He felt slightly more solid.
“You have a good point,” he said as he pressed his lips to mine.
I leaned my head against his chest and breathed Alex in. That distinctive smell of his was growing stronger. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that none of this had happened, that he wasn’t an angel, that I wasn’t almost one as well.
“This isn’t how I pictured life just after our honeymoon,” Alex said quietly against the top of my head.
“Me either,” I confessed.
“Don’t get mad when I say this, okay?” Alex breathed, squeezing me gently.
“Okay?” I answered cautiously.
“We need to make sure everything gets transferred to you properly, should I… go,” he said, his voice tightening slightly. “I made up a will before, just after I got pulled back last time, but now that you’re my wife, things will need to be adjusted a bit.”
Everything in my chest tightened and I squeezed my eyes closed. I wanted him to not have spoken the words, to not have them be a threat. “Okay,” I managed to say.
“I’ll call Ted and have him make the adjustments tomorrow morning.”
Ted was Alex’s hefty priced, powerful attorney. With as much as Alex had to meet with him, I had yet to see him in person. Though with Alex’s current physical appearance he would be doing his dealings over the phone. I wouldn’t be meeting the man any time soon.
“On the brighter side,” Alex pushed on. “I got the other house rented out.”
“That’s great,” I tried to sound enthusiastic. I was pretty sure I failed. “I just found out some interesting news.”
“Oh yeah?”
I nodded my head against his chest. “Emily’s is donating one of her kidney’s.”