by Julie Kenner
“It’s not only the station. It’s everything. You’re like a mare that can’t be broken.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized his mistake.
“Oh, that’s lovely,” she retorted. “As if I should want to be tamed, so I can live with a bit in my mouth and haul your arse around all day long.”
“All right, maybe that wasn’t the best comparison. But there are some benefits to settling down and making a commitment.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she said. “I would rather we pass the ride to the airport in complete silence. Can you manage that?”
He felt her pulling away and there was nothing he could do to stop it. She’d been under so much stress, the weight of Harry’s injury and death bending her to the breaking point. But now, with the will, she’d cracked. The wall was back up and they’d returned to where they began.
Maybe Hayley wasn’t capable of a long-term relationship. He’d always wanted to believe she was perfect, but the more time he spent with her, the more he understood the ghosts that haunted her. No matter how hard he pushed, she simply pushed back.
It would be up to her to decide if they had a future. And nothing he could say or do would change that. He just hoped he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his life waiting for her to realize she loved him…and wondering what might have been if she had.
“HAYLEY!”
Teague’s voice echoed through the empty house. Hayley folded the T-shirt and tucked it into her bag. Then she bent down and picked up the sandals Teague had bought her and placed them in the plastic bag with her other shoes.
“Hayley!”
She found the letter she’d written to him and tucked it into the back pocket of her jeans. His footsteps sounded on the stairs as she closed the zipper on the tote and set it beside the bed. Then she sat down and folded her hands in her lap, knowing that the next few minutes might be more difficult than she’d ever imagined.
“Hayley?” He stepped inside her bedroom. “Didn’t you hear me calling?” His gaze dropped to the bag at her feet. “What’s going on?”
“I have to go,” she said.
“You don’t have to be back in Sydney until next week.”
“My agent got me an audition for a television series. They want me in Los Angeles right away. I have to go now.”
He frowned, shaking his head. “A television series?
In Los Angeles?”
She nodded.
“But you’re not going to do it, right? You have a job like that right here in Australia.”
“This would be different. This would be a lot more money.”
“Hayley, you own half this station. You don’t have to worry about money anymore.”
“But I can’t sell my half unless you agree to sell yours. So I really don’t have anything except a lot of land and no money.”
“If you need help, you know I’ll be there to help you. Do you need money?”
“See, there’s the problem.” She stood up and returned to her packing, grabbing her tote and stuffing a pair of jeans inside. “Any actress would kill for an opportunity like this.”
In truth, she still hadn’t decided whether it was a good idea. She was supposed to want a better career. Her agent had said so and she usually listened to her agent. This might open the door to American movies or at least a big role in an Australian movie.
But since she’d returned to Wallaroo after the reading of the will, she hadn’t thought much about her acting career. There had been long stretches of time when it hadn’t even entered her mind. If acting was her passion, wasn’t she supposed be obsessed with it?
Instead, she’d spent her time wandering around the house, making a mental list of the changes that needed to be made, imagining life at Wallaroo with Teague. With so much time alone, she’d found herself fantasizing an entire existence—and she’d liked what she’d seen in her head.
“I need to find out what it’s all about before I get too excited,” Hayley said in an indifferent tone.
“You were going to leave without saying goodbye?”
“I wrote you a letter.” She risked a glance up at him. “I want you to make sure you look after Molly. And if you need any money, call me. We should share the expenses of fixing this place up. If you don’t want to do that, then just keep a tally. If we ever sell the place, you can take it out of my share.”
Teague cursed softly. “You’re not coming back.”
“That’s not true. I have to come back. I’m under contract with Castle Cove through September.”
“I meant to Wallaroo. You’re not coming back here.”
“I’ll visit when I can.” She sat down on the edge of the bed. “When are you moving in?”
“I brought some of my stuff over today. Callum is coming later to pick me up and then I’ll fly the plane over here. I can’t very well get this place in shape if I don’t live here.”
“No. There is a lot to do.”
“I figure we ought to upgrade the homestead a bit while we’re looking for stock. I spoke to Cal and he’s interested in leasing some of the grazing land for Kerry Creek cattle. So we should have some money to invest.”
He made it sound as if she was going to be part of it all. Was that wishful thinking or did he believe he could change her mind about leaving? “That’s brilliant,” she muttered. “You have it all figured out.”
“Not all,” he said. “There are still a few pieces missing, but I’m working on those.”
“I don’t know when I’ll be able to come to Wallaroo again,” she said. “Our production schedule is always really busy. Maybe sometime in September.”
“No worries. You’ll be surprised when you come the next time. I’ll have this place in top shape.”
Hayley drew a deep breath and flopped back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. What did he want from her? Was she supposed to feel guilty for leaving all the work to him while she ran off and became a movie star?
Teague lay down beside her, turning to face her. He reached out and toyed with a lock of her hair. “We can make this work,” he said.
“Can we?”
“Only if you want to, Hayley. Do you? If you don’t, then you should get up and leave right now. Because I’m not sure I’m going to be able to say goodbye without making myself look like a damn drongo.”
Hayley rolled onto her side. “Kiss me,” she said, saying a silent prayer that one kiss would make everything clear in her head.
“Why? Do you expect that to change anything? I could tear all your clothes off and make love to you and you’d still leave. You decided to leave the day you got here and nothing that’s happened since has made a bit of difference, has it?”
“That’s not true. You don’t have to be cruel.”
“I’m being honest,” Teague said. “We’ve always been honest with each other, haven’t we?”
Hayley heard the anger in his voice, the bitter edge that sent daggers through her soul. Teague understood her too well. He knew exactly what was running through her mind right now, the desperate need to run away and the overwhelming temptation to stay.
He rolled over and threw his arm over his eyes. “Get the hell out of here, Hayley. You don’t belong here. You never have. The same way I don’t belong anywhere but here.”
“I’m—”
“Don’t. I don’t need any explanations. Just go.”
Hayley sat up. Bracing her hand beside his body, she leaned over and brushed a kiss across his lips. “Goodbye, Teague.” When he didn’t reply, she slowly stood and picked up her bags. He was still lying on the bed, his arm over his face, when she turned to take one last look.
As she walked down the stairs, she slowed her pace, waiting for him to come after her, to drag her back to the bedroom and make love to her for the rest of the afternoon. By the time she reached her car, Hayley realized he wasn’t going to come. He was going to let her walk away.
Drawing a ragged breath, she tossed her bags in the r
ear seat and got behind the wheel. She glanced up at her bedroom window, where the breeze ruffled the plain cotton curtains. He wasn’t there watching.
Hayley reached for the car door, then let her hand drop. She shoved her keys into her pocket, turned and walked toward the stable.
Molly was in her stall, munching on fresh hay. She watched Hayley with huge dark eyes, blinking as Hayley smoothed her hand over the mare’s nose. “You be a good girl,” she said. “Teague will take care of you now. He’ll make sure you have plenty to eat and get exercise. He’s good with horses and you’ll like him.”
Hayley’s eyes swam with tears. How was it she could walk away from Teague, yet the thought of leaving Molly made her cry? She kissed Molly’s muzzle, then turned and ran out of the stable.
As she approached the house, she saw Teague standing on the porch, his arm braced against one of the posts, his expression unreadable. Hayley stood next to the car, watching him. Their eyes locked for a long moment. Then she smiled and gave him a small wave.
He didn’t respond. Gathering her resolve, she got into the car and started the engine, then slowly drove out of the yard. She couldn’t bring herself to look in the rearview mirror. No, from now on, she couldn’t focus on the past. She had to look forward. Without regrets and without doubts.
This was her life and she’d make her own decisions. And whether they were right or wrong, she was willing to live with the consequences.
9
HAYLEY HAD NEVER SEEN anything like it. Miles and miles of traffic stretched out in front of the taxi, the landscape of cars wavering in the heat from the freeway pavement. Though traffic could be slow in Sydney, the government had quickly moved to fix the problem. Here in Los Angeles, people seemed to accept it as part of the lifestyle.
The airport had been worse than the freeway. Her flight had been delayed twice. She’d been scheduled to arrive twelve hours before her audition, giving her time to settle into a hotel and get some rest. Instead, she’d arrived with just two hours to spare and had to go from the airport to the studio directly.
“How long will it take to get there?” she asked the cabdriver.
He shrugged. “Maybe hour, two, could be,” he replied in a heavy accent. She glanced at his name card. Vladimir Petrosky. She’d heard that all the cabdrivers and waiters and store clerks in L.A. were aspiring actors. If that was true, she’d probably have plenty of competition.
“You call,” he said. “Tell them you be late.”
“I don’t have a phone,” Hayley replied.
He passed a mobile through the window between them. “Use mine,” he said. “No problem.”
Hayley pulled out the copy of her itinerary and searched for the number of the studio. When she found it, she punched the digits into the phone. A receptionist answered and put her through to the assistant producer’s assistant. Who put her through to the assistant producer. Who politely informed her that the producer had another appointment in an hour and if she didn’t make it, they would have to reschedule for next week.
“I’ll be there,” she said. Hayley handed the phone to the driver. “Is there another way? Perhaps we could get off this highway and find another route?”
“Other could be bad,” Vladimir said. “You have audition, yes?”
“Yes?”
He twisted around in his seat and looked at her. “You give me producer’s name and phone number, I get you there on time.”
Wasn’t this extortion? Not a very serious case, but an actor had to do what an actor had to do. “All right,” she said. “But I’m going to write it down and leave it here on the seat. If anyone asks, you don’t mention my name. Deal?”
“I not know your name,” Vladimir said.
“Good, that works out well for the both of us.”
True to Vladimir’s word, he managed to get her to the studio in under a half hour, taking the first exit off the freeway and then winding through busy city streets. She paid him with the cash her agent had given her, then hurried through the doors of a plain two-story building on the studio lot, dragging her bags along with her.
The receptionist pointed to a long sofa and Hayley sat down. The office was decorated with photos from the programs they produced. Like her show in Australia, this was an hour-long weekly drama. Set in an American hospital, the show had launched movie careers for three of its lead actors, so a place in the cast was considered a stepping stone to bigger things.
Bigger things, she mused. Was that really what she wanted? Her mind flashed back to the room she’d shared with Teague on the island, to the perfect solitude of their waterfront bungalow. All that seemed like a dream to her now, stuck in the middle of this noisy city with a haze of smog all around it.
She closed her eyes and pictured Teague in bed, his naked limbs twisted in the sheets, his hair rumpled. That’s what she wanted. Teague, naked and aroused, his lips on hers, his hands exploring her body, making her ache with desire. She wanted to go to bed at night knowing he’d be there in the morning. She wanted to talk to him about little things she’d discovered in the course of her day. And she wanted to be assured that he would always love her, no matter what.
But wasn’t that exactly what she’d walked away from? Hadn’t he offered that life to her? Why was it so easy to see, now that she was miles and miles away from him? Hayley pressed her palm to her chest, trying to ease the emptiness that had settled in her heart. Though she’d tried her best to convince herself otherwise, something had changed inside her.
The thought of loving him and then losing him no longer frightened her. Anything truly important always came with risks. Her real fear was that she’d go her entire life and never find another human being who would understand her the way Teague did. Had she deliberately ignored her true feelings simply because they’d begun when she was a child?
It was so easy to consider their connection a teenage infatuation, something never meant to survive to adulthood. But it had survived. And they did still love each other. And she’d been a… “Fool,” Hayley whispered.
She glanced up to see the receptionist watching her with an odd expression. “Is everything all right?”
“No,” Hayley said with a groan.
“Are you going to be ill?”
Hayley shook her head. “I don’t think so.” She stood up. “I have to leave. Can you call me a taxi?”
“But, Miss Fraser, Mr. Wells hasn’t seen you yet.”
“I know. But I don’t want to be seen. Tell him I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I’m not interested in doing American television. I don’t want to live in America. It’s too far away.”
“Are you sure?”
Hayley smiled. “I am. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Isn’t that crazy? I walk away from him a few days ago and now all I can think of is getting home to be with him.”
The receptionist smiled. “Oh, I understand. Love?”
“Yes!” Hayley cried. “I think it might be. And I don’t want to be living here while he’s there. I’m not even sure I want to be in Sydney. I mean, that’s at least fifteen hours by car. Although he has a plane, so he could probably come for visits. But I don’t like the idea of not seeing him every day. I think if you’re in love, you should be together. Don’t you?”
“Yes?”
“Exactly,” Hayley said. “I need to get to the airport right away. How long will it take for a taxi?”
“I’ll call right now,” she offered. “It will only be a few minutes.”
“That would be brilliant,” Hayley replied, picking up her bags. “I think it would be best if I waited outside.”
She didn’t want to have to make her excuses to Mr. Wells. After all, what would she say? I’m sorry, I can’t audition today because I just realized I’m still in love with my childhood sweetheart. “I’m such an idiot!” Hayley cried as she shoved open the main door and stumbled out.
She stood beneath a wide awning for five minutes before she saw a taxi appro
ach. The car stopped in front of her and she got inside, only to find Vladimir behind the wheel. He got out and tossed her bags in the boot. “It went well? You smiling.”
“No,” she said as she crawled inside. “It didn’t go at all. But that’s all right. I’ve got something really good waiting for me at home.”
Vladimir got behind the wheel. “Where can I take you?”
“To the airport,” she said.
“Quick trip,” Vladimir said. He started the meter and Hayley sat back and sighed softly. Her agent was going to be furious, but she didn’t care. He’d get over it. As for her acting career in Australia, she still had obligations, but once she’d fulfilled her contract, she was free to take projects she found interesting and exciting, and not just projects that would pay the bills.
Teague had been right. She owned half the station and though it wasn’t money in the bank, it was financial security. She’d always have a place to live, work that she found satisfying and the chance for a comfortable future. That was all she’d ever wanted from her acting career.
What would it feel like to leave celebrity behind? She’d never really enjoyed the notoriety that her career had brought and it wasn’t something she’d miss. And perhaps, someday, someone would ask what had happened to that girl who used to play the vixen on Castle Cove.
They’d find her living on Wallaroo with her childhood sweetheart, raising horses—and maybe a few children, as well. Although Hayley wasn’t sure about the children. How could she be a good parent when she’d never had a good example to follow? But, though she barely remembered her own parents, she did remember being loved. There had been smiles and hugs and giggles.
She let her thoughts drift, images flowing through her head, all of them comforting, happy, the pieces of her life she wanted to remember. There was no reason to always expect the worst, to be waiting for some disaster to befall her. Teague had tried to tell her that, but she hadn’t listened.
The next thing Hayley knew the driver was calling out to her. She opened her eyes and realized that she’d fallen asleep. Rubbing her face, she sat up and looked around. They were at the airport again, in the same spot from which Vladimir had picked her up. “Qantas?” he asked.