by Mary Alford
I glanced at it and then to him curiously. “You’re reading my Bible?” I asked.
He nodded. “I just started. Do you believe all this stuff?” he asked and picked it up.
It was time to be honest with him about God as well. “Yes, I do,” I told him sincerely.
He seemed content with my answer. He put the Bible down and brought two plates filled with eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me and then sat down next to me.
“When did you start believing in God?” he asked quietly.
I swallowed the bite of food I’d taken. “A few months back. I went to a small church because I was, well, searching for something. It reminded me of when I was a kid. My parents used to take both me and my brother to church.” I stopped and shook my head.
“I can’t explain it, Roc, but a sense of peace came over me like I hadn’t felt before. I knew God was calling me back to him and I wanted to know more about him.”
I glanced over at him slightly embarrassed. Roc and I had never discussed religion before. I had no idea where he stood with God.
He looked deep into my eyes and surprised me. “I’d like that peace. It sounds like a good thing.”
“It is. He’s always there, no matter what I’m going through. You should pray about it, Roc. As Him for clarity. God still answers prayer,” I told him and was shaking with happiness. Roc hadn’t thought I’d lost my mind by talking about God.
“I will. I love you, Lena,” he said quietly and something in his tone captured my full attention. “And once this is finished for good, I want to try and work on having that normal peaceful life with you. I’m done with the spying, the death, the living in a shadow world, Lena. It’s over for me.”
As much as I wanted to believe him, I had to ask. “Ed came to the apartment, Roc. He was the one who told me you were dead. Ed made it sound like you’d taken the assignment so that I could get out. But Mark said you’d wanted out of our marriage for a long time. Is that true?”
Roc closed his eyes briefly, heartbreak written on his handsome face.
He came and knelt next to me. “I never wanted out of our marriage, Lena. Not once. But I thought you did. You were so miserable. All you ever talked about was having a normal life, a family. I felt it was my fault you didn’t have any of those things. I thought I was the one making you miserable. If you hadn’t met me, you would never have joined The Agency. And you might have lived those dreams with another man.”
Tears filled my eyes. “Roc, don’t you know that I never wanted any of those things until I met you? You were the one I wanted to share those things with.” I touched his face tenderly and asked, “Is it too late for us, Roc?”
“No, baby,” he said with so much heartbreaking emotion that at last I believed him. “No, it’s not too late. As long as we’re together, and we care about each other, then it can’t be too late. I know you love me and I love you. That much should be obvious, otherwise, I wouldn’t be here with you right now. This is our chance to have the normal life you’ve always wanted.”
Throughout all my months of wishing the two of us could be just like any other normal married couple spending time together, I was finding the reality of that dream completely different from my fantasies.
I framed his face with my hands and kissed the man of my dreams.
“You should finish your breakfast,” he said as he got to his feet and sat back down. “You’re eating for our child and yourself now.”
I smiled at his happiness. I never imagined Roc would be happy at the prospect of being a father.
“Did you find anything useful last night?” I found myself asking because I so wanted this whole sordid affair to be over.
“No, but I think Mark may be on to something important. You remember the raid on Silvers’ suspected hideout in D.C.?” I nodded and he continued, “Well, Mark’s team found numerous shredded documents. They’ve been sifting through each piece for weeks now without any luck, until yesterday. One of the team found something. Mark’s scanning and sending it over this morning. It’s in code. He believes it’s the same language as the one you translated from the thumb drive. Do you feel up to taking a look at it?”
“Yes, of course.”
When the e-mail finally arrived containing the document, I sat in front of Roc’s laptop and began translating it to paper while Roc roamed around the room impatiently.
The first few lines of the note followed the same rhetoric of the previous one. The rambling greeting went on for more than three paragraphs before the writer got around to the purpose of the note. What I found was a very detailed reference to least a half dozen prominent cities around the country. An attack of massive proportions was being planned.
These cities were well-known tourist attractions.
“Oh, no,” I whispered and Roc was immediately at my side.
“What is it?”
“This is so bad. This is major. It lists an attack like none we’ve seen before. One of this magnitude could literally cripple our country and make 9/11 look like a walk in the park.” I continued translating the details while he sat next to me reading what I wrote. The extent of the plot was unbelievable.
“We need to warn the team before it’s too late.” Roc reached for his cell phone but I stopped him. “What is it?” he asked.
“There’s something else. I spoke to Justin yesterday.” The expression in his eyes told me the importance of this piece of information.
“How? You didn’t call him from the cabin, did you?” Roc asked.
“No, well, not exactly.” When I saw Roc’s frustration, I added, “I called from my computer. It’s secure. He couldn’t have traced it.”
Roc got to his feet and tucked the weapon he’d placed on the table in front of us into his jacket. “This isn’t good. This means he’s trying to find our location. And he will soon enough.”
“That’s impossible.”
“You have no idea what advanced technology he possesses, Lena. Not only can he trace the call, he can be here in a matter of hours.” Roc glanced at the computer screen. “Do you have any idea when that’s taking place?” He indicated the document.
“I don’t know yet. A few days, maybe a week. I’m still trying to decipher the rest of the document.”
“Lena, you have to figure it out as soon as possible. Keep working on it.”
“Where are you going?” I asked as he gathered the keys and walked to the door.
“I have to go to town.”
“Why?” And then it hit me. “You’re meeting someone?”
“Lena, I can’t say. I’ll be back soon, though. Don’t leave the house and don’t talk to your brother again. And if you find anything else from that document about the date, call me immediately.” He left me without another word. I wondered what would happen to me once this information hit Ed’s desk.
Chapter Eleven
It was late before Roc returned and when he did, he wasn’t alone.
“Lena, I need to tell you something.” Before Roc could say anything further, Doren stepped inside the cabin and closed the door.
“Hello, Lena. It’s good to see you again,” Doren said and smiled at my confusion.
I turned to Roc in surprise. “What’s he doing here?”
“It’s okay. He’s on our side. I’m sorry, I wanted to explain before.” Roc’s gaze met mine and I understood what he had wanted to tell me.
I shook my head in disbelief when a knock sounded at the door and Roc went to answer it. He stepped aside as Ed Peyton walked in.
“Lena, I understand this must be difficult for you, but I need Roc’s help,” Ed said. Roc put his arm around me and brought me close to him.
I could barely stand near him believing that everything he’d told me had been another lie. Roc would never leave The Agency.
Ed turned to Roc. “Is there some place private where we can speak?” Part of me still expected Roc to refuse, while another part wanted to scream at Ed to leave us alone. In the
end, Roc was the one who made the decision for me.
Roc looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry, but I have to do this. We have to finish this once and for all.” He didn’t wait for me to argue, which I’m sure he’d come to expect; he simply pointed toward the door. “Let’s take a walk, Ed.” Doren and Ed stepped outside. Before Roc closed the door on all my fears, he turned back to me one more time.
“It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Don’t worry.” As my future walked out the door, I sank down to the sofa and cried.
I knew in my heart the truth. That Ed was here to take Roc away again on yet another dangerous assignment, which might end up getting him killed.
When Roc came back, he was alone, but judging by Roc’s expression, Ed had accomplished what he came here to do.
He closed the door and stood watching me, seeing all of my tears.
“What did he want?” I asked at last when I couldn’t stand Roc’s silence any longer.
“I think you know what he wants,” Roc told me, moving close to me.
“No. You can’t go. Let someone else be the hero this time. You’re not strong enough. Let Doren go. Think about us for once, Roc. Think about me and our child.”
“Lena, I am thinking about us.” I turned away but Roc came after me. “I don’t have a choice. I have to do this.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
I saw the truth. He was leaving me again for the job. Just like he had so many times in the past. There wasn’t anything I could do to stop him.
“I guess you have to do what you have to do then,” I said, shaking my head before I walked out of the house, leaving him standing there watching me run away yet again.
I walked for hours that day. I was angry and hurt that Roc could so easily forget about his promises and walk away from both our child and me. Maybe Roc had only been fooling himself into believing he wanted out.
In my heart, I believed if he left this time, I would never see him again. I couldn’t keep him with me no matter how much I wanted to beg him to stay. Roc had to make up his own mind about our future together outside of The Agency.
When I finally started back toward the house, I saw Roc had followed me part of the way. He stood waiting for me at the small gazebo someone had placed atop one of the small mountain peaks near the cabin.
“Lena, let’s talk.” I stopped close to him, silently watching. I wanted to take in every inch of him and store up all the little things about Roc that I loved so much, for the time when he was no longer a part of my life.
“What is there to talk about? You’re leaving, aren’t you?” I started past him but he caught me and brought me close.
“Don’t. Don’t run away from this. From me. Let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Roc. There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind, so what’s the point?”
“In other words, if I don’t do what you want, then I’m doing the wrong thing.”
“You’re leaving me. How do you expect me to feel? You’re leaving me again.”
Roc pulled me closer, his fingers tangling in my hair. He kissed me in the way that only Roc could. And I knew he was saying goodbye. When the kiss was over, I couldn’t stop my tears. I didn’t want to. I wanted him to know just how much he was hurting me.
“Lena, don’t. Please, don’t cry. I’m sorry, I know how hard this will be for you, but I have to do this.”
“You want to do this.”
“No, that’s not the truth. I don’t want to leave you but I have to.”
“Then tell me why. Tell me what Ed wants you to do. Are you going after my brother? Does he know about all the things I didn’t tell you about The Agency? Is he using it against you?”
“No, of course not. Ed’s not like that.”
“Then he does know?”
“I didn’t say that. Lena…”
“Then what is it, Roc? I’m your wife. I was part of that world as well. Tell me what he wants you to do!”
“I can’t, Lena. I can’t, okay. It’s best that you don’t know any of the details. For your own safety, you need to remain out of this. You have to trust me. I’m doing this for all of us.”
“Roc, please. Please…”
“I’ll be back. I promise you I will be back. I’m not going away forever, only for a little while.”
I think Roc truly believed those words at that moment. I didn’t. “When are you leaving?”
“I don’t know yet. Soon.”
We walked back to the cabin in silence. I could feel him watching me with that same unreadable expression I’d come to hate.
That night, there was so many things I wanted to say to him, but I just couldn’t seem to find the words.
After Roc fell asleep beside me, it was a long time before I could find comfort there. I lay close to the only man I’d ever loved and cried so many wasted tears for us. And when I at last slept, it was a deep, troubled sleep. I tossed and turned and cried, even in my sleep.
~
The sun was already high in the sky when I awoke and I was alone in bed. Even before I found the strength to get up and walk down the stairs to the kitchen, I knew Roc was gone. I found the note he’d left.
“You told me you didn’t know when you were leaving,” I said to the empty room then unfolded the note with fingers that shook and laid it on the table in front of me. It took all my strength to pick it up and read the words he’d written to me.
Lena, please know that I would never do anything to hurt you or our child, even though I know what you must be thinking now that I’m gone. But you’re wrong. I’m not leaving you. How could I leave my heart behind for good? You are my life. My heart. You’re everything to me. I love you, baby. Take care of yourself and our child for me. Please believe me when I tell you, I will come home to you soon. Love always, Roc.
I read that note over and over again. Even though I didn’t really believe the words he’d written there, I clung to those promises with all my heart. I wasn’t ready to let go of Roc. His note gave me the hope I needed to hold onto him for just a little while longer.
Until I was strong enough to let go.
Chapter Twelve
“Hello, Lena.” I glanced up to see Doren standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “I’m sorry about Roc.”
“Where is he?” I asked him. From the corner of my eye, a subtle change in Doren’s expression turned cautious.
He stepped into the room. “You know I can’t tell you.” For the moment, I accepted his answer. “We should talk.”
“Why?” I said, unable to hide by anger.
“Because there are things I need to know from you. Things that need settling between us as well. Lena, please, may I join you?”
I didn’t answer but he took my silence as consent.
“You plan on pointing that at me?” He indicated the weapon I’d forgotten I still held in my hand. In recent days, it had become part of me, and second nature for me to take it with me everywhere I went. I placed the gun in front of me on the table and waited while Doren poured coffee.
“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet,” I said with a sigh. “Did you really live in Riyadh for a while or was that just another lie?”
Doren lifted a quizzical eyebrow at my shift in conversation before answering. “Yes, I really lived in Riyadh. My stepfather worked in the diplomatic service and was friends with the royal family. We were frequent guests of King Fahd, in fact.”
“And did you and I really meet at a fundraiser?”
Doren laughed before giving me his best wounded look. “I’m hurt that you wouldn’t remember. Yes, it was seven years ago, at the cancer research fundraiser. You hair was longer then. I remember you wore a white silk dress.”
It was hard to hide my surprise. I knew about the fundraiser in question because Roc had mentioned it when I first questioned him about Doren, but it shocked me that Doren would remember in detail what I’d been wearing. The woman who attended that party seem
ed light years away from the woman I’d become. I barely remembered her anymore. I wondered what she would have done had she known what the future held for her.
“I want to know how you and Roc know each other. And don’t say you just met, because it’s obvious there’s a history between the two of you.”
“You should ask him.”
“I’m asking you,” I countered.
Doren didn’t say anything for such a long time that I found myself wondering if he would actually tell me the truth.
“All right, but I have to tell you, if this becomes an issue…”
“Yes, I know. You’ll take care of me. Give it a rest, Doren. You’re not scaring me. If you were going to hurt me you would have done so before now.”
He smiled in answer and my frustration with him grew.
“Enough, Doren. Just tell me the truth. We’re running out of time here and I need to know some answers. Who are you working for—not The Agency.”
“No. At least I’m not technically working for The Agency, but I am part of the CIA.”
“So why have you been following me?” And then it finally dawned on me. “Because the CIA thinks I’m the mole.”
“For a while Ed believed that, but I never thought you were involved in and neither did Roc. We knew where your loyalties lay. Ed wanted proof. After all, Justin is your brother.”
“So Ed wanted to know if I was giving Agency secrets away to my brother.”
“Yes. I was sent to find out without a doubt, because Ed couldn’t trust Roc’s judgment in the matter.” When I looked into Doren’s eyes, I could see he never once doubted my loyalties.
“You still haven’t told me how you and Roc know each other.”
“I was hoping you’d forgotten about that,” he said and caught my determination. “Okay, okay, here it is. Roc and I went through training at the academy together. Ed was the person who recruited us both. We were handpicked for the special anti-terrorist task force. At the time, we were just beginning to understand the importance of keeping track of these guys’ movements.”