Billy nodded, and she took his glass and went off to the bar to fetch him another. Norma was a gem, despite having a face like a pit-bull chewing a wasp and the dirtiest loudest laugh you’d ever heard. She ran the place on her own, which was unheard of in these parts; landladies normally had a landlord in tow, but not this one, and she did alright. Norma had dealt with all kinds in her time, but no-one in this pub intimidated her, she was thick-skinned and could hold her own and had earned respect for that.
“Here you go, darling; I put a large one in there for you.” She placed the glass on the table.
Norma had a lot of time for Billy. He and his mates used this place like an office. They had had plenty of lock-ins over the years until all hours of the mornings, and once the alcohol was flowing, their tongues loosened. She’d heard all sorts, but she was good at keeping her mouth shut, and it did her well.
Billy and the others always made sure she was looked after; there was never any trouble if they were in, or not unless it was among them. Often Norma would find a wad of notes under the till for herself, on nights when it did kick off. They looked after her, and in return she looked after them. That’s how it was in these parts; it was who you knew, not what you knew, that got you by. Norma had never had kids, which was something she had sorely come to regret over the years.
“Thanks, Norma; you want to join me?” Billy asked.
The place was quiet, and she could do with putting her feet up, last night had been a late one. Norma was feeling old; she didn’t have as much energy as she used to. Fifty was the new forty, or so all the magazines would have you believe, but lately she was having trouble convincing herself of that.
“Go on then, love,” she smiled, plonking her bum on the seat next to him. “I could do with a fag break.”
She could see that he was troubled, and her heart went out to him. She knew about his temper, she had witnessed it directed towards others on many occasions, but she could see more than that in him, which most others couldn’t. He had a vulnerability that he tried to hide.
“You want to talk about it, Billy?” she asked, blowing smoke out, aware that she could be overstepping the mark by prying into his business. But, for once, Billy did want to talk; he just couldn’t find the right words.
“It’s my Kate,” he said, looking up from his glass, “she’s pregnant.”
“Oh, right.” Norma knew Kate well; lovely girl she was. She knew that Kate was seeing that one from the nightclub, what’s his name, Jason, no, Jay. She had heard his name thrown around this pub a lot over the last few years. Norma had never mentioned that she knew about Kate seeing anyone to Billy though, as she knew Billy would not be happy about it. He was protective of his sister and as this Jay seemed to be his enemy.
“Well, is she happy about it?” Norma asked.
“Yeah, stupid cow is over the moon, says she’s in love too.” He took another sip of his drink. “Thing is, Norma, she doesn’t know the half of it. She can’t have this baby, she just can’t.”
“Look, love, I know you are just looking out for her, but she is going to have to make her own decisions. You can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do,” Norma advised, taking another long pull from her cigarette. “You may not be happy about it, but this is not your mess to sort out.”
Billy was quiet for a long time. Then, and he didn’t know what came over him, but maybe it was because Norma was like his mum, so easy to talk to, or maybe it was the years of bottling up all his torment, he found himself telling her the whole story.
It had all started with Den Shaw, Jay’s dad. Den was one of life’s freeloaders, a nasty scumbag. He would literally take from the poor in order to give – to himself. He called himself a “financer”, but he was actually just a thieving bastard who specialised in lending to those that couldn’t get credit from anyone else, desperate people on the dole mainly. He would offer them a loan at a good rate: too good to be true. Because it was such a good rate he would persuade them to borrow an extra bit more. Then a few months down the line, he paid them a little visit, letting them know about the new interest rates due to “inflation”.
He wouldn’t elaborate any more than that, but by his snide tone and the look of the two apes he brought with him as heavies, people knew they had no choice but to pay whatever he asked.
Billy’s mum had had dealings with Den. As a child, Billy used to see the way Den would walk into their house and intimidate her. Knowing she had no husband to back her up, he had taken advantage of the fact that she was on her own, thinking she was an easy target: things were tight back then and there were days when there was little if any food in the cupboards.
When Billy was twelve, he had been lying in bed one night when he heard a knock at the door. He had heard voices, then people arguing heatedly. He had heard his mum pleading, begging for a bit more time, asking Den for a few more days.
After a few minutes, it had gone quiet, and Billy had got out of bed, curious now at what had been said. He tiptoed down stairs. He could hear his mum crying quietly in the kitchen and wondered when Den had gone, as he hadn’t heard the front door when he left. He wanted to make sure that his mum was okay. As he went towards the kitchen door he heard a funny noise, and his intuition told him something was wrong.
Billy had peered through the crack in the door to see Den pinning his mum’s hands down on the table. Den’s jeans were around his ankles and he was laughing quietly whilst thrusting on top of her. Den pulled Billy’s mum top up, exposing her breasts, and bit them, sinking his teeth in hard. She was struggling for him to get off her but she was helpless. She was crying quietly in pain, begging him to stop, pleading with him that her kids were upstairs. He ignored her cries as he bent down over her and put his mouth over hers, forcing his tongue inside, thrusting harder and harder. Then it all stopped, and shuddering, he lay still on top of her.
Billy, who had never seen his poor mum look so scared, stood paralysed with fear at what he had just witnessed.
“Now then, Helen, if you don’t have the cash for me next week,” Den sneered, as he pulled his jeans up, “this little arrangement would suit me just fine. Okay?” he said.
Then he looked over to where Billy was still standing and winked at him. Billy felt as if he was going to be sick, he put his hand over his mouth and tiptoed as quickly as he could upstairs. Stupidly, he thought that perhaps if his mum didn’t know what he had just seen, and then somehow it wouldn’t have been real.
Billy had lain in his bed and a few minutes later the front door had closed so he guessed Den had left. He heard his mum crying herself to sleep: that night, and for the next few nights. He had never spoken about what had happened to his mum, but it played in his head for years like a movie, tormenting him. No matter what they had had to go without in his childhood, from that day on his mother always had the money for Den.
As he grew up, he got angrier and angrier about what had happened. If only I had burst through the door and stopped him, got a knife out the kitchen draw and threatened him, or better still stuck it in him, he had thought, but Billy knew he was kidding himself, a boy back then would have been no match for Den.
Norma placed her hand on top of Billy’s as he spoke; she had never heard him say so much, it was like a floodgate had opened. Norma’s heart went out to him. All his angry thoughts seemed to pour out of him. How he had been so scared and shocked that he hadn’t helped her; how his mum had looked so frightened. When he stopped talking, tears streamed down his cheeks. He wiped them away and gulped down the last of his drink.
“Den is Jay’s father,” he finished, “this baby is going to have that rapist’s blood in its veins, and I’ll put money on it that Jay is no better than his old man was.”
Norma knew there was nothing that she could say that would help to take away the hurt that Billy was feeling. She had listened, and she had a feeling that that was all Billy had wanted her to do. He was going to deal with this regardless; there was no point in tryi
ng to make him see reason.
There was someone waiting to be served. Norma knew what a private man Billy was, he would want time on his own now to gather his thoughts after being so honest with her.
Norma got up and bent over towards Billy and kissed him on the cheek. “You know where I am Billy, if you ever need an ear. I am always here for you, darling.”
Stubbing her cigarette out, she walked off to serve her customer.
Billy was embarrassed that he had been so open with Norma, but at the same time it felt as if a bit of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders; he had finally said what had happened out loud. Norma wouldn’t tell a soul, he knew that. He hadn’t told her everything though; it wouldn’t have been fair to burden her.
Billy may have just been a boy back then, but the bad news for Den was, little boys grew into men. Den had been found in a skip just over two years ago, someone had cut his dick off. He’d been slowly tortured too; his body had been a real mess by all accounts.
Billy had been questioned about the murder, but as far as the police could tell he had no motive and a strong alibi, thanks to some of Billy’s very loyal mates. Den had lots of enemies and the case was left unsolved. Another piece of shit disposed of, not even worth the police manpower.
One of Den’s sons, Jay, had taken over Den’s little empire shortly after his death. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, it seemed to Billy, who had put the word out that from then on, any shit that went down with Jay, he wanted to know about. Billy had collected a lot of information over the last two years, and he wouldn’t be standing by to let that piece of scum anywhere near his sister.
How he hadn’t heard about his sister having a relationship with Jay was beyond him. He was seriously fucked off. Picking up his jacket as he stood up, he decided he was going to find Jay. Kate had no idea what she had got involved with, so it was up to Billy to sort it out for her. He knew he would have to play this one carefully or that little fucker would ruin Kate’s life for good.
7
Kate couldn’t believe it when she saw her phone flash up with Jay’s name, every time it had rung she had jumped on it and each time it hadn’t been him. She had been checking it all day thinking maybe it had rung and she hadn’t heard it, or maybe it was broken. She had been driving herself nuts, and now finally he was ringing her.
“Jay, where the hell have you been, I’ve been worried sick, and I’ve been calling you all day!” She looked at the clock, frowning now: it was almost four pm.
“I’m so sorry, babe, I had a real shit one last night, some fight kicked off at the club and it got really out of hand.”
“Oh my God; are you okay, babe, you’re not hurt are you?”
Jay smiled; he knew that he already had her onside again. God! This was just too easy.
“Yeah, babe, I’m good, nothing I can’t handle. It was just a long one you know, so I went back to my mum’s and slept for England. I think I must have switched my phone off and then just zonked out.”
Kate felt guilty, she had started to worry that maybe he was elsewhere, she knew what that club was like, she saw the way the girls all looked at him, and some of them threw themselves at him. He was a man, as much as she knew that she could trust him, sometimes when it’s all around you…. No, she pushed the thought from her mind. Jay wasn’t like most men, he was better.
“What’s happened, I’ve got like a thousand missed calls from you, are you okay?” Jay asked.
“Billy knows about us, Jay, he knows about us and the baby.”
Jay already knew, from earlier at Emma’s. He grinned, thinking about the day he had just had; that girl was one dirty bitch, and she had all but worn him out. He had only meant to stay for a bit but they had been at it for most of that night and the best part of the day. He had never been with a girl who was hungrier for it than him, she had shown him positions in bed that he didn’t even think were possible, and that was saying something, as Jay had been around the block more than a few times! He seemed to have met his match in the bedroom department, who’d have thought?
Deciding to play dumb, he used an exaggerated shocked voice. “Shit, you’re joking! What did he say?”
“He went mental, Jay, absolutely mental; he said he was going to break your legs. Said I had to stop seeing you, I just don’t understand what his problem is, Jay? I mean, if he really got to know you like I do, he would know what a nice guy you are.”
While Kate started to cry softly, Jay was smiling. He could imagine that Billy was doing his nut; he only wished he had seen his face when he had been told: it must have been like a giant kick in the balls.
“What are we going to do, Jay, I can’t stop seeing you, you and this baby are my life.”
Jay knew that Kate would do whatever she could for him; she was that kind of girl. Not desperate to please like a lot of the others, but she was definitely loved up; he knew that she would pretty much do anything to keep him happy. He decided that he would try and make this situation work to his advantage.
“Hey babe, stop crying. It’s going to be okay, Kate, I’m going to lay low for a couple of days, but I’m going to sort something out so we can be together, okay?”
Kate stopped crying. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“We’re having a baby, Kate, and it’s none of your brother’s business. The sooner he realises that the better. Give me a bit of time, babe; I’m going to see what I can do, but I think it’s time me and you started making plans, proper plans for us, and our baby.”
When Kate finally put down the phone from Jay she felt over the moon with happiness. He had talked about making a commitment to her, said he was going to sort things. Oh my God, she thought, maybe he was he going to ask her to marry him. Kate hoped so, maybe then Billy would leave it all be. She skipped around the tiny kitchen, trying to contain her excitement, saying aloud: “My name is Mrs Shaw, Mrs Kate Shaw.” Laughing, she felt calmness wash over her; maybe things were going to be okay.
Kate hoped they would be married before the baby arrived, give the little one a stable family – and so that she wouldn’t look huge as she walked down the aisle. It was the way she had always imagined it as a girl. She knew lots of girls that had had babies on their own, and she couldn’t imagine going through all this without Jay by her side. She felt dizzy with excitement, as she pictured in her head her big day. Her dress would be beautiful. Kate could see herself now dressed in a beautiful white dress, all chiffon and lace, Jay on her arm in a lovely suit looking as handsome as ever. She was almost bursting with excitement. If Jay said that he would make it right, she knew that he would. God only knew what Billy would say, but Jay was right, it was none of his damn business. He is my brother, not my blinking dad, she thought; her loyalties were with Jay and the baby now.
Kate decided to have a hot bath; last night had been a long one and had taken its toll on her. Kate was feeling knackered. Climbing up the stairs she saw her haggard-looking reflection in the mirror, she had bags under her eyes bigger than suitcases and her hair looked a greasy mess. A nice, hot bubble bath and a whole lot of beauty sleep were definitely called for. Mrs Jay Shaw would need to look her absolute best.
8
Billy was riled; if that prat behind him bumped into him one more time he was going to lamp him one. Saturday night, as always, was heaving at Goldie’s. It was gone midnight and Billy had never seen the place so busy. There was a group of men behind him, and one of the idiots had obviously had more than he could handle to drink and was constantly brushing up against Billy and knocking his arm as he stood waiting for his drink.
Billy swung round as the man trod on his foot for the umpteenth time. “Do you want a fucking smack, mate?” Billy snarled. He could do with a bit of venting, and this little prick was a good place to start. Billy glared at the drunken man who seemed completely oblivious to his fiery mood.
The man shrugged and turned his back on Billy, infuriating him even more.
“I was fucking talk
ing to you,” Billy yelled, as he grabbed the man’s arm and swung him back around to face him.
Paul, who had been watching the scene, walked briskly over to the bar, interrupting the men. “Hey, why don’t you go and take a seat, Billy, I’ll bring you and the lads some drinks over, yeah?”
The two guys standing with the drunken man seemed to grasp the heavy mood and could see that Billy was more than up for inflicting a bit of damage. Apologising for their friend’s drunken behaviour, they skulked off with their staggering mate in tow.
Billy, seeing the stern look on Paul’s face, decided that the man wasn’t worth kicking up over, he liked Paul and he wasn’t going to cause trouble for him over some drunken twat. He went to the table where his friends were sitting. They were upstairs in the private members club, which was just as well he thought, looking at the TV screen in front of him displaying the dance floor. Downstairs was looking manic, there were so many people dancing, he was surprised any of them could actually move.
“Here you go fellas.” Paul put a tray of shots in front of Billy and his mates and then pulled out a chair and joined them. Billy handed the shots to his mates, Jonny, Lee, and Ryan, who were sitting around his table. The four were thick as thieves, and had been friends since as far back as Billy could remember.
These were Billy’s main men, there was nothing that they wouldn’t do for each other, and he trusted them with his life. The Ellis brothers, Johnny and Lee, were a feisty pair. They were very clued up on business and had helped bring in a lot of money over the years. Ryan was the muscle, a big bastard and vicious with it. He had to be reined in a lot of the time as he easily lost it, but when he helped to inflict ‘persuasion’ he did the job as quickly and brutally as possible. If you heard that Ryan Clarke was looking for you, your best bet would be to fuck off on the next plane available, as there would be no time for reasoning with the man, Ryan was evil. If someone needed sorting, he didn’t bat an eyelid: torturing was like a hobby.
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