He had enough of the debt-collecting, which was too much like hard work, whereas dealing was easy money. He loved the power he had over his regulars; some were so hooked on drugs that they could barely see past their own noses, they would give him pretty much anything he asked for. Not that they had much he wanted, but he felt so in control, these weak pitiful messes begging him to give them a couple of ounces on tick, the vulnerable young girls wanting to pay him in kind, which depended on his mood and the state of the girl he often indulged in. He was on top of his game, so okay, he wouldn’t have his prime spot at the club anymore, but it was a bit of an inconvenience and not the end of the world. He would have to lay low for a bit, let things cool off, but his little empire would soon be back up and running, of that he was sure.
Jay looked up at his bedside table and could see that his mum had been in; he could see his wash bag from home and a few other bits that only a mother would think of. He could only use one arm as he reached over to get his drink off the side, his mouth felt swollen, and he felt so thirsty. Trying to undo the bottle with one hand was proving to be a bit of a mission, as the lid was on so tightly. Jay couldn’t even put much strength into trying to open it, as his ribs and stomach hurt so much. After a few minutes, he gave up, letting the bottle of water fall onto the floor.
“Jay darling....” Sonia beamed, as she came back into the cubicle with a plastic cup full of hot tea in her hand. “How are you feeling, my boy?” she asked quietly, picking up the bottle of water.
“I’m fine, Sonia,” he replied, as he snatched the now open bottle of water from her hands, even though he was in agony, there was no way he would let his digs to his mother slide. He knew that calling her by her Christian name always hurt her. But then she had hurt him, and in return he owed her a lifetime of hurt. What sort of a mother walks out on their baby, and never bothers to look back? Jay had often wondered as a child how his mother could have just upped and left him like that. It had bothered him for years as a boy, but as Jay grew into a man he realised that he didn’t actually care anymore. She was filled with guilt and that he could tell her to jump and she would ask how high, pretty much every time. She would go out of her way for him, cooking, cleaning, fetching, and why not? After all these years of being abandoned by her, she bloody well owed him, he figured.
Jay swigged his water; it was lovely and cold, although his body hurt when he swallowed and when he tried to sit up.
“The doctor said you have a couple of broken ribs, you’ve been lucky really Jay, it could have been much worse,” Sonia said.
“Yeah, I’m well lucky me, beaten up by some baseball-bat-wielding thugs, in the middle of the night, on my own front door step, lucky old me!”
“So,” strained Sonia, deciding to ignore his sarcastic tone, “do you remember much about what happened, Jay? Did you manage to see who they were?”
“It was dark, I didn’t see anything. Let’s just drop it, Sonia; I was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You know what some of the little shits are like in our neighbourhood; half of them do this sort of thing just for kicks.”
Sonia had a feeling that her son knew who had beaten him. She knew that half of the scumbag kids that hung around their neighbourhood were scared shitless of him. He had made a name for himself. This wasn’t kids, she was certain. She had no choice but to drop it, though; getting information out of Jay was like getting blood from a stone, there was no chance. Sonia could tell that Jay was in one of his foul moods so she decided to keep the fact that Kate had turned up at theirs with her suitcase in tow, to herself. Sonia hadn’t had the heart to say no to the girl when she had opened the door to find her there in tears, with her bags in tow, and she hadn’t known what to do for the best. She wasn’t sure that she had done the right thing by saying that she could stay for a bit, she had a feeling that Jay would not be happy about it at all. Most people wouldn’t want to see their pregnant girlfriend out on the street, but then Jay wasn’t most people. Sonia knew that the hospital wouldn’t let Jay go home for at least another couple of days, so she figured that she’d bide her time, who knows, once Kate calmed down a bit she may just go back home. Sonia had a feeling that that wasn’t going to be the case at all, however. The poor girl had been so upset, convinced that her brother had done this to Jay.
“Any news?” Jay sighed in a bored exaggerated tone interrupting Sonia’s thoughts.
“No news, love. Your Kate’s a nice girl, though, isn’t she? She was here all day yesterday, seems to really care about you, Jay, you want to look after her.”
“Yeah, no offence, but the last person in the world I’d take relationship advice from is you, Sonia.”
Sensing Jay’s mood turning, Sonia chose to ignore his narky tone and smiled at him.
“Shall I fetch you a cuppa love?”
“Actually Sonia, you could do me a favour, I need you to go back home and get me my two mobiles from the cabinet in my room, I need to sort some stuff out.”
Glad to finally be of some use to her son, Sonia agreed, she also wanted to make sure that Kate was okay, and to warn her that it might not be a good idea to tell Jay that she had moved in, at least not yet. The boy seemed to have other things on his mind.
Sonia hurried off, leaving Jay to mull over what he was going to do once he was out of hospital. When he did get back out there he would be on his own, there would be no more backup for him, so he needed to get things organised.
14
Tanya had a major hump again. She felt as if she had the permanent hump. Billy had been out every bloody night now for the best part of this week, and she was fed up.
Scraping yet another of his dinners into the waste disposal unit, she looked at the clock above the oven; it was ten o’clock. She wasn’t the best cook in the world but she had made a real effort with dinner tonight, making chilli con carne, which was Billy’s favourite. She had mentioned to him earlier that she was going to cook for him tonight, and still he couldn’t be bothered to come home to eat with her. No guesses as to where he would be tonight, she sighed. Looking around her gleaming kitchen, Tanya felt depressed.
It had been a month now since Kate had moved in with Jay and his mum, and for the entire time Billy had been like a bear with a sore bleeding head, he was moody, on edge and had been down The Dog every night not coming home until the early hours.
Tanya scrubbed the already gleaming kitchen sides, taking her anger out on her pristine Italian marble worktops, forgetting in her anger that they had cost a fortune, just like the rest of her designer kitchen. Throwing the sponge into the sink, Tanya sighed to herself loudly. The night that Billy had the row with Kate had been unbearable. Apparently he had gone home to find that Kate had packed her bags and left. Fuming, Billy had called her mobile at least twenty times, although it kept going to voicemail. Pleading with her to answer her phone, she had finally done so and told him that she knew it was him who had beaten Jay up, and as far as she was concerned she had to make a choice for her unborn baby: Billy or Jay. She had chosen Jay. After informing Billy that he was no longer anything to her or her child and that she never wanted to hear from him again, she had hung up on him.
Billy couldn’t believe the way Kate was acting. He hadn’t laid a finger on that piece of shite. Billy was sure that Jay loved this. The smug bastard was probably laughing his mug off.
Even Tanya had to admit, only to herself of course, she wouldn’t dream of voicing her doubts to Billy, that she had her suspicions that Billy was behind Jay’s beating, especially after the way he reacted to the news of Kate being pregnant, but she knew that if Billy had done it, despite Kate’s reaction to the whole situation, Billy would have confessed to them both by now if it had been him. He was the type to stand by his actions, and Tanya knew he was genuinely upset by his sister’s reaction to him, because he really was telling her the truth, he really hadn’t dished out the beating to Jay. When he had found out that his sister had then gone and moved into Jay’s mum’s
place he felt sick to his stomach, imagining that she would be round there attending to that scumbag’s every whim. He realised now that he had played it all wrong, now his sister had chosen that piece of filth over him. Hoping that in time Kate would calm down and reconsider, Billy had left her alone. He had no other choice, he didn’t want to lose her forever so he thought he would bide his time, although inside he was stewing. It had been a whole month now and there had been no word from Kate at all. His sister was all he really had, he had always been so protective of her, and growing up as the only man in the house he had kind of taken on the whole provider/protector role too. He wasn’t very good at being on his own, like most men, there was too much shit going round inside his head, being on your own meant that you had to think about stuff, and who could be bothered with all of that? So he had stayed most of the month at the flat with Tanya. He was getting in the way though, and she often had an irritated tone to her voice when she spoke to him. He just wanted to lounge around, chill out a bit, smoke a few joints, but Tanya was clean and tidy and organised, and she knew it was driving him nuts. He sometimes said she had OCD. He wanted her to be more chilled, loosen up a little. After this month living together, the cracks were definitely starting to show.
Tanya had been made up when he had turned up with a bag of his stuff in tow, she thought that maybe now Kate had pissed off and become someone else’s problem that she would have Billy to herself. She had planned quiet little dinners in, thought she could light a few candles, put on a nice bit of music, she couldn’t wait to spend every minute with her fella. But Billy was driving her crazy with his grumpiness and short-temper. When he was at home he mainly sat around making the place look untidy, constantly banging on about Kate, almost as if he were obsessed. He was her brother, but the way he had been acting you would have thought that he was her poor jilted lover. And he was getting worse. Tanya sighed; she knew that Kate meant a lot to Billy, but this was unhealthy.
Calling him and giving him agro wasn’t Tanya’s style, she would bide her time, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to take much more of this from him, but was well aware that this was actually his place at the end of the day, and she loved this flat, it was her very own little oasis. If things carried on the way they were going and Tanya lost it, Billy would just end it with her, and she’d lose it all. She had no intentions of going back to nothing. She had a status now, when she went out with the girls, which wasn’t very often these days, she had got into the habit of being home in case Billy wanted to come by. She was treated like royalty when sge was out though. They knew she was Billy’s girlfriend, and as everyone wanted to keep him happy, they knew they should keep her happy too. Tanya was sure that her beauty also played a part in the attention she got; she couldn’t help but notice the looks she got from other men when she was out. It was a shame Billy didn’t appreciate what he had.
Tanya was glad when Billy did finally bugger off out to The Dog in the afternoons, she was enjoying the peace and quiet. Reaching for her glass of wine, Tanya gulped it down, loving the coolness and the feeling of familiar numbness taking over. She had felt more and more like a kid lately, having to sneak a drink whenever Billy wasn’t looking. She was careful when Billy was home, he didn’t mind her having a drink, and in fact he had commented a couple of times that she was more chilled when she’d had one. What Billy didn’t know was that she could quite happily do a whole bottle in an evening just to herself and sometimes if she was having a shit day she did have the odd glass, even if it was still morning, though that had only happened a few times. Well, maybe more than a few, but she wasn’t addicted or anything like that, she wasn’t an alky. Alcoholics sat on benches drinking Special Brew, they were low down in the food chain. She was in control. No, she didn’t have a problem; she just enjoyed a few drinks every now and again. After another long swig of wine, her mood started to lift. She loved the calm that swept over her. At least when Billy wasn’t here, she could have as much as she liked without feeling guilty or having to justify it to him. Pouring another glass, she smiled to herself as she remembered a saying her nan used to say to her all through her childhood: “Be careful what you wish for; because one day, Tanya, you might get it”. She finally understood the meaning, taking the rest of the bottle into bedroom Tanya prepared herself for yet another fun-filled night of watching telly in bed, alone.
15
Kate smoothed her crisp white shirt down over her tiny bump, smiling as she felt the flutter of movement. She had had a good pregnancy so far, her skin was glowing, her energy was high; she was quite enjoying it. She was over four months gone, and she loved that she now had the tiny start of a little baby bump. No one else had mentioned it but Kate could clearly notice it, especially as her trousers were becoming so tight she was worried that if she sat down, she might split them. She needed some new clothes.
Mentally adding trousers to the long list of everything else she was going to need to buy, she looked into the mirror again, giving herself the once over, and began to worry that perhaps she was a little over-dressed. She looked as if she was going for a job in a law firm or something, very formal and well turned out, maybe she was overdoing it a little. The job advertisement had been for a cleaner, it was part-time hours and cash-in-hand, and most importantly it was local. Kate knew that in her present condition she would be lucky if she could get the job. A lot of employers wouldn’t employ a pregnant woman if they could help it, especially someone halfway through their pregnancy; it wasn’t worth all the hassle. So she figured that for her interview this morning she needed to make an extra good impression.
Kate had been at Jay’s house now for a month, and to say that it hadn’t been going that well would be an understatement. He claimed that he didn’t know who had attacked him that night. Kate had even started to think that maybe she had been wrong, maybe her brother hadn’t been behind it after all, that perhaps she had over-reacted.
Kate missed Billy so much, and sometimes really needed him around. But on speaking to Jay one night after a very rare early night together, he had all but implied that it had been Billy who had attacked him. He wouldn’t discuss it with her, and he didn’t actually say the words, but he had implied it clearly enough to her. Maybe that was half of Jay’s problem with her at the moment, she thought, he had been really funny with her when he had first come home from hospital, he had gone nuts at Sonia for letting Kate move in without consulting him, and Kate had felt very unwelcome. Then he had spent the next few days constantly telling her not to go through his stuff, and that she wasn’t to be poking around, he was acting very odd.
At first Kate had put it down to her being a little over-sensitive, with her hormones and everything, but it had just gone from bad to worse. Then she had thought that maybe some of it was resentment for what her brother had done to him, that they were just experiencing what most couples did from time to time, a rough patch. It was all new to both of them, this baby stuff; Kate was more than aware of just how scary it all was. Perhaps Jay was scared of becoming a dad, settling down, and supporting them all. Kate just wanted to see him smile at her like he used to, and to want her like he used to. Jay seemed not to be that bothered at all by her, and he didn’t seem to be interested in the baby either, but after long talks with Sonia, Kate felt a bit more reassured about that one.
Sonia and Kate had become good friends over the past few weeks and often spent the mornings gossiping over mugs of tea and buttered toast. Sonia was obviously excited about being a grandmother; she was forever coming up with cute baby names, hoping to inspire Kate, and making suggestions about places they could take the baby once it was born. She was a tonic and Kate would have felt lost without her. When Kate had been close to tears one morning because of Jay’s total lack of interest in the baby‘s first kick, Sonia reassured her that while women feel an instant connection with the life that was growing inside them, men sometimes didn’t have any feelings towards the baby until it was actually there. That was when the baby became
‘real’ to them. It made sense in Kate’s mind, and she hoped that when they did have the baby, Jay would be a good dad.
There were times when loneliness washed over Kate. She hadn’t heard from Emma now for five weeks, the last two times she had been round there Emma had been acting really oddly, and now Kate knew for sure that she was taking something, she decided to keep away, she didn’t want anything happening to her baby and hopefully Emma would realise that if she wanted to see her then she could, but only if she wasn’t off her head on drugs.
The biggest hole had come from cutting Billy out of her life, and now Jay was becoming even more distant, Sonia seemed like Kate’s only friend, and as nice as that was, Kate needed more. She didn’t want to burden Jay even more than she already had, so she had decided that she needed to make her own money. Kate was bored of sitting around all the time, she was pregnant not ill, so when she saw this little part-time job advertised, she decided that she would apply for it, earn some cash to buy her baby some nice things, and get out of the house for a bit too.
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