“The kicker of it is,” Al finished sadly, “it’s my fault.”
“Your fault?” James shook his head against leftover muzziness. “How could it be your fault?”
“They made a mistake on your meds. That was something I should have overseen, only I wasn’t here to do it right.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you first came in here, things were pretty hectic. I was still in Boston, so I faxed them all your records. They got everything from Boston except one page. In the emergency situation they were in, no one noticed one page was missing. It would have told the attending physician here that there was one particular medication that you shouldn’t have had.”
“Oh, boy,” James whispered. “Don’t tell me. I got it anyway.”
“You got it, all right,” Al said miserably. “And so did Melody. You took out a real bad reaction on her.”
“Bad reaction? I can’t use that as an excuse.” James clenched his hands in frustration. “We have to make it right, Al. Help me make it right.”
“How do you expect to do that?”
“Get a hold of her. Track her down. You have an advantage — you can get out of here, go to the school, see if she’s there. I’m sure if she’s not, they’ll know where she is. Try to get her to come back here one more time. I have to talk to her. To explain. I’ll try calling her, but I doubt she’s going to—”
His voice broke, and Al shook his head.
“You know, Goodwin, she might shut us down cold. You may have blown it with this woman way beyond what you can save. So don’t blame me if she—”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.” James cut him off. “But try. Get out there and try.”
Once he was alone, James closed his eyes, the sight of her face as she’d left him — the pain in her eyes — coming back to him in stark detail. The longer he thought about it, the worse it hurt. I have to make it right. Please. There has to be a way to make this right…
He lost track of time before the phone beside him gave a chirp. But as he’d feared, Al had no good news for him — the good doctor had gone after Melody, only to find the rehearsal hall dark and not a soul around to question.
“I even tried calling her house, but she wasn’t home.” Al sounded weary. “Sorry, bud. I think we’ve hit a dead end.”
“It’s okay, Doc,” James lied, swallowing back emotion. “You gave it a shot. Go back to your hotel and call it a night.”
“Time you did the same thing. Doctor’s orders.”
Yeah, like I’m going to sleep now? James replaced the receiver, his heart aching. Sorry, Doc, but this is my mess. I’ve got to clean it up myself. I just hope it’s not too late.
First things first. He needed to know where everyone stood here, and he knew the best person to tell him that. On a deep breath, he dialed the dean’s home telephone number.
****
“Hattie?” Melody poked her head around the doorway of her aunt’s bedroom. “I’m home.”
Hattie normally went to bed early, and she was already in bed now, or at least tucked under the covers. But she hadn’t been able to read the book lying open on her lap, either; Melody knew, because her aunt was no further along than the page she’d marked that morning.
“Well?” Hattie countered without preamble. “What’s the verdict?”
Melody winced. “Bad choice of words.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yep, I do.” Sighing, Melody sat on the edge of her aunt’s bed. “It’s a no-decision at the moment.”
“You’re kidding.” Hattie’s eyebrows rose. “What are they waiting for?”
“Mr. Wilson advised me to wait. He’s going over my contract tonight.”
“Your contract? I thought James’s was the only one that counted.”
“No, actually…” Melody told her aunt everything. By the time she got to the part where she’d been ready to quit, Hattie’s blue eyes snapped in indignation.
“Men!” she muttered. “What a mess they make when they get in over their depth. But…never mind that. What are you going to do?”
“That’s why Mr. Wilson’s going over my contract. To see what I can do.” Melody clasped her aunt’s hands. “Worst case, this could put you in financial trouble, Hattie. I won’t do that to you—”
“That’s not what’s important here,” her aunt cut in. “I trust John. He’ll see that we’re protected.”
“That’s what he said. But he can’t protect James.”
Hattie let go of Melody’s hands. “After what he did to you, maybe that’s not a bad thing.”
“Come on, Hattie,” she chided. “He thought I was party to the whole scheme. In his shoes, I would have been just as snotty. Don’t forget, I held a grudge against him for four years. I’ve got no place to talk.”
Hattie was unconvinced. “Seems to me he wins either way. What’s the problem?”
“Let’s say for the sake of argument that I quit. That I don’t play.” Melody drew a deep breath. “The good news is James and I would be vindicated. The bad news is besides suing me, the dean has promised me they’ll go after James. They’ll claim his reneging on this agreement proves he’s unstable. Unbalanced. That he can’t be counted on to conduct himself professionally.”
“So?” Hattie shrugged. “His lawyer will take them apart.”
“But not before James has to go through a fight he doesn’t deserve. And besides, even if he wins, that rap will hang over him the rest of his life.” Melody’s eyes filled. “Maybe you don’t see any reason for me to feel this way, but if there’s a way to spare him that pain, I want to.”
“You ought to let him fight his own battles. What can you do?”
Melody hesitated. “I could leave things the way they are.”
“Meaning?”
“I can do what the dean told me to. I can ignore James’s ‘temper tantrum,’ as he called it, pretend it never happened, and go ahead and play tomorrow night.”
“And compromise your own integrity?” Hattie snapped. “You can’t do that!”
“It depends on how you look at it.” Melody squared her shoulders. “Hattie, James isn’t well. He’s not up to a fight, not this kind. The dean’s going to try to put his mental health at issue. To throw his sanity in question. I wouldn’t wish that nightmare on my worst enemy.”
“How do you know James isn’t just that?”
Melody shook her head, too choked up to answer.
“You still love him,” Hattie said quietly. “Don’t you?”
This time, Melody nodded. “I know it doesn’t make sense to you, after the way he treated me. But he had good reason to go off the deep end. The way the school has dealt with both of us — he was being cruel to be kind. He made me see things as they are. He was desperate, and he took desperate measures. I understand that now.”
“And so you’ll sacrifice yourself for him?”
“It’s no sacrifice,” Melody countered. “It’s what I’m supposed to do at this point. Play my recital.”
“But at what cost?” her aunt persisted.
Melody forced an ironic smile. “Come on, Hattie, it isn’t going to cost me a thing.”
Hattie snorted. “Except your own honor. Not to mention your future with James, if you still wanted one.”
“Doesn’t matter if I do or not. James and I have no future anyway.” Melody lowered her head, her eyes brimming.
Hattie drew a sharp breath. “Then why—?”
“Because whether or not he and I have any relationship beyond this…he was used as badly as I was.” Melody sniffed. “He’s already in pain. Call me a fool, but I don’t want to cause him any more.”
Her aunt reached out and hugged her.
“You know what I think?” she said briskly. “I think there’s no way you should be trying to make this decision tonight. Let John advise you in the morning. That’s soon enough. Whatever happens, we’ll hang together.”
Melody felt two tears run do
wn her face. “What’s that expression?” she said wryly. “Something like ‘We must hang together, or we shall all hang separately’?”
Hattie chuckled. “Nice to know you still remember something from high school American history. But, yes, let it be. You need a good night’s sleep, and you won’t get it worrying. Like John says, that’s his job. Let him do it.”
For the first time since she’d left James’s hospital room, Melody sensed a thaw of hope begin to touch the cold ache of misery inside her. Pulling backward, she gave her aunt a tentative smile. “Hattie, do you think it’s possible…that James and I…that something good can still come out of this?”
“Miracles happen. You’ve already seen that.” Hattie looked away. “Now, get out of here so I can at least try to get my beauty sleep!”
Smiling, Melody kissed her aunt goodnight and left the room. No way would she ever be sleepy, she thought. Not with all that was on her mind tonight. But to her surprise, the moment she was tucked in warm and snug, Melody felt her eyes grow heavy, and soon she was oblivious to the outside world.
****
“Let me get this straight,” James rasped. “She has two choices. She can play, and risk having me take her to court…or she can quit, and have you take her there. Is that it?”
Dean Thomas sounded strained over the phone line. “Well, James, take into account, the conversation was emotionally charged—”
“Just answer my question. Do I have the whole picture now?”
There was a long pause. Then, James heard the dean sigh.
“You have almost all of it.”
“There’s more?”
The dean sighed again. “We would only take drastic action if we had to, of course. But we did have a major premiere to mount, and we had to have recourse to recoup our investment.”
“What investment?” James snapped. “Grandpa’s paying the bills.”
“There’s more to a university’s investment in something like this than money alone.” The dean chuckled ruefully. “That aside, James, she has excellent legal counsel. I know John Wilson’s work. We had to have an ace up our sleeve, something to give them to let them know we meant business.”
“Cut to the chase, Don,” James said wearily. “What did you do to her?”
The dean cleared his throat. “Under advice of counsel, we told her there was a possibility her study with you would be discredited.”
James’s mouth went dry. “Discredited…how?”
“I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this.”
“A little late to worry about that, isn’t it?” James snapped. “But, I’ll tell you what. You can tell me now, or I promise, you won’t like the way my lawyer gets answers.”
The dean paused for a moment, then went on reluctantly.
“Your…emotional stability would be called into question. To be blunt, James, Eric Matthews told her he’s ready to go for your throat. He’s ready to pull out your suicide attempt, the car accident—”
“So he’s going to put forth that I have a death wish?” James cut in. “And from that he’ll do what? Discredit Melody’s achievements because she did them under the guidance of a man who wasn’t competent to do the job from the get-go?”
The silence on the other end of the line told James he’d hit the mark.
“Please understand, James,” the dean went on hastily. “We have a contract to fulfill, and so does she. We’re merely enforcing it.”
“Don’t attempt to sugarcoat this, Dean Thomas. Blackmail is blackmail.” James was seething. “What were you thinking? She’s been at your school for five years. You know her integrity is top-notch. How could you do this to her? You put her between two impossible choices!”
“Come on, James, this really isn’t that bad. Compromises happen all the time in this business. She has no concrete experience with that, but you do. At least this compromise was entered into with the best of intentions.”
“Yeah, right. Well, you know what I think of your good intentions.” James shifted positions in bed. “I got the benefit of those firsthand, didn’t I?”
“You got a job out of the deal,” the dean countered. “Would you have had this kind of opportunity anywhere else, under any other circumstances?”
“I don’t know,” James replied. “But trust me, Don, I should have been given the chance to find out for myself. I thought I was here on my own merits.” He had to swallow hard to keep anger and shame from choking him. “Scrambling for a living would have been better.”
“Well, if Melody is allowed to quit, you’ll both get your wish.” James cringed at the coldness of the dean’s voice. “I have to uphold the agreement we made with your grandfather. That’s my only choice here. You obviously have a great deal of influence over Melody. Why don’t you use that for her benefit, instead of thinking only about your own ego?”
“Oh, that’s rich. I’ll be working for her good, of course. The million or so smackers you cleared for your trouble don’t have anything to do with it.” James twisted the phone cord around his hand, agitation making him wish he was strong enough to pace the room. “Let me tell you something about her own good, Dean Thomas. With the pressure you put her under, you’ll be lucky if she doesn’t collapse before tomorrow and be unable to perform at all!”
“Nonsense, James. She’s a pro. She’ll—”
“She’s a pro. You’re right. And you’re using that for your own ends.” James picked up the carafe of water at his elbow and drained it, then rang for the nurse. “As for me, this is where I stand, and make no mistake about it. When I first talked to Melody about this, I wanted her to quit out of respect for herself as much as for me. But if she goes ahead with the premiere, I will know why. So I want you to make it absolutely clear to her, however you have to do it, that I’m no longer in the lawsuit game over this. In fact, whatever she does, I will stand behind it. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I do.” The dean sounded immensely relieved. “And I will convey that to her, James. I commend your unselfishness in this—”
“Not so fast,” James interrupted. “What you did to both of us is reprehensible. In fact, include my grandfather in that, too, because you should have turned him down flat the minute he came up with this ridiculous sellout. He didn’t have to buy my love. He has it anyway.” James nodded to the nurse as she came, refilled his water, and left. “But let me make another thing absolutely clear. I mean what I said when I said whatever she does, I will stand behind her. That includes quitting.”
“What?”
“Let me spell it out for you.” James sipped more water, then went on. “If Melody does decide she can’t stomach this nonsense and quits, and you pursue legal action against her, you’ll be fighting me, too. I will put my entire legal team at Melody’s disposal. Meaning that whatever it costs, you will not bring her down.”
“James, stop talking crazy. You don’t want to do that. You’ll be destroying your own reputation.”
“What do you think my reputation will be worth when people find out I only got this job because of my grandfather’s philanthropy?” He laughed shortly. “Your Mr. Matthews forgot one thing here, Don. I have nothing left to lose. So take some of your own advice, sir, and use your influence on that legal lackey of yours. Make him see what a mistake it’ll be to tangle with me. Because I promise you, it’ll hurt. Big time.” He drew a deep, tired breath. “That’s all I have to say for tonight. You think about that, and do the right thing. For once.”
He didn’t wait for the dean to reply. He didn’t even say goodbye, only dropped the receiver into the cradle, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. He had little strength left for tonight, but he knew he still had one more call to make.
Melody had been telling the truth, and now she was the one who stood to lose everything. He’d put her in an untenable spot, and he was the only one who could change that. He’d challenged the dean to do the right thing — and now it was his turn to do the same, to swall
ow his pride and surrender everything, once and for all, for the sake of the woman he loved.
What was all his prestige and reputation worth, after all? The status of his name, his ego, his career…what was all that without Melody?
He’d finally had to admit it at his core, where he’d fought it for so long. But facing death made a man understand what was important, and he knew better now. Any damage this mess did to his career could be repaired, given time. But nothing could repair the emptiness he’d have in a life without her.
It was long past time to confess he’d tried — and failed — to avoid falling in love with her. Not because he wasn’t worthy of a woman’s love anymore; that was a rationalization he’d told himself, thinking it sounded humble. But he knew better than that now, too. That hadn’t been humility talking — just sheer gutless fear. He’d lied to himself about it the same way he’d bought the lie about being worthless, clear to the point of a bullet.
I really do have nothing left to lose, because I’ll have nothing without her. I love her, and I don’t care what comes of it. I’m going to tell her so.
He wished he could be with her face to face, that he could hold onto her while he spoke his truth. He would, as soon as he was physically able. For now, a phone call would have to do.
“Hello?” The moment he heard Hattie’s voice, James relaxed. Merely hearing her speak was a comfort unique unto itself.
“Hello, Hattie,” he said quietly. “It’s James.”
“James?” Her tone chilled. “Whatever are you doing calling at this hour?”
Truth to tell, he hadn’t looked at the clock to see what time it was. Now, noticing it was past ten, he felt himself color with shame. “Oh, Hattie, I’m sorry. I apologize if I woke you.”
“No, no, you didn’t.”
“Then…if I might speak to Melody, please.”
Hattie cleared her throat. “She’s not available.”
James’s heart bottomed out. The meeting that evening had been long, but the dean had been home for several minutes when James got a hold of him. He knew without being told that Melody was no night owl, especially the evening before a performance. She had to be there.
From the Ashes Page 17