This became more obvious as they drove home. She knew now why he had borrowed his father’s car. He drove to a secluded spot down a narrow lane. Hs stopped the car and drew her close to him.
‘Cissie …’ he whispered. ‘What must I do to show you how much I care for you? You must know that I want you. I want us to be close … real close, but you always push me away. I won’t force you, it wouldn’t be right and I would never do that, but why don’t you feel the same way as I do? We’ve been going together for ages, and I thought that by now …’
‘But it wouldn’t be right, Walter,’ she interrupted him. ‘I don’t care what other girls do. I’ve always believed that it’s something you don’t do, not until … And just think what my mam and dad would say, and yours an’ all. They’d go mad! My mam’s always going on about girls who are no better than they ought to be.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with them,’ said Walter. ‘Cissie … I do love you, you know.’
She was somewhat taken aback. It was the first time he had said the word ‘love’. Did that mean that he was really committed to her … or was he just trying to have his way with her? She had carried on seeing him because she had nothing else to do. No other boyfriends had come on the scene until Jack. She did not know how to answer Walter. It would not be right to say that she loved him, too, because she didn’t. In fact she was waiting for the right moment to tell him that she did not want to go on seeing him, that she had met someone else.
But just supposing Jack didn’t …? She had felt sure she would have heard from him by now. There would probably be a letter tomorrow. But supposing there wasn’t? And what if …? There was a vague idea forming at the back of her mind …
‘Cissie, what’s the matter?’ said Walter, shaking her a little. ‘You’re miles away, and I’m telling you that I love you. And it’s not because I want you to do something you’re not sure about.’
‘No, I know that, Walter,’ she replied. She responded to his kisses and more intimate embraces for a while, then she put a stop to it. ‘No, Walter, I can’t. Not now. Anyway, it’s getting late, an’ you know what my mam’s like if I’m not back by eleven. She’ll be pacing the floor.’
‘I thought she didn’t mind if you were with me? Your mam seems to like me. I can’t think why.’
‘Because she’s pally with yer mam and dad, and she wants to keep on the right side of them.’ She likes you because you toady up to her, she thought. ‘But I’ve told you she’d have a fit if she knew what you wanted me to do.’
‘I doubt it,’ said Walter. ‘They’ve been young once, haven’t they? Though it’s hard to imagine it sometimes.’
‘Come on, Walter, we’d better get going,’ she said, pulling her jumper down and straightening her skirt. ‘You don’t want to get in her bad books, do you?’
‘OK then …’ Reluctantly he started the car. ‘But you’ll see me again on Saturday, won’t you? That’s the night we usually go out.’
‘Alright then …’
Walter felt like laughing out loud. He had an idea that, finally, her resolve was weakening.
The next day was Thursday and there was still no word from Jack, nor again on the Friday. On Saturday morning Cissie walked into town and found a phone box. It was time she tried to get in touch with him. He had told her to ring in the early evening when he would be home from work, but maybe, like herself he would not be working on Saturday. Or there might be someone she could leave a message with – his mother, maybe?
She took out the paper that Jack had given her, put her pennies in and dialed the number. The phone at the other end did not ring; there was a continuous buzzing noise indicating that the number was wrong. She must have dialed a wrong digit, so she tried again. Once again, though, she got the sound that meant that the number was unobtainable, and her money was returned. Cissie felt a chill run right through her, but she could not face up to what her mind was trying to tell her.
She found a newsagent’s and bought a local paper, then she went into the town market and bought a cup of tea and a scone. Sitting down at a table she opened the paper, perusing the list of adverts for odd job men. Jack’s name was Broadbent, at least that was what he had told her, although she was starting to wonder if even that was true. She did not know his father’s first name, but it was worth a try. There were adverts galore for plumbers, electricians, joiners, decorators and, unfortunately, several Broadbents. Jack had said that his dad did a bit of everything, a sort of Jack of all trades. Perhaps he was called Jack as well? There was a J Broadbent, a Mike and a Peter.
But what would be the point of it all? How could she ring up and ask these men if they had a son called Jack? A son who clearly did not want to be traced. Unwilling though she was to face up to it Cissie was realizing that Jack had no intention of seeing her again. She had been, to him, just a holiday flirtation.
She buttered her scone which was surprisingly moist and full of fruit. She had had only a small piece of toast for breakfast; with so much on her mind she had not felt like eating. She decided now that there was no point in shedding tears about Jack, she had to face facts. She had ‘gone the whole way’ with a fellow she hardly knew, and it was possible that she might be pregnant. But, as she had told Val, she might not know for ages, and by then it would be too late. It was only three weeks since she had what her mother called her ‘monthlies’ and it was unlikely that she would have another one soon.
Cissie knew that it was time for her to go along with what Walter wanted. Then, if the worst happened she could say that it was Walter’s baby. No one would have any reason to think otherwise except for Val, and she knew that her best friend would never split on her. Her mother would be shocked and ashamed and, more than likely, so would Walter’s mother. Of course she might not be pregnant. She might be worrying unnecessarily, but she could not afford to take the risk. She didn’t like deceiving Walter but she had no choice. At least he would be a willing scapegoat.
When he called for her that evening he was not in his father’s car as she had thought he might be. He explained that his parents had gone to a whist drive at his dad’s bowling club a little way our of town, and that they needed the car.
‘So there will be no one at home,’ he said. He raised his eyebrows, looking at her meaningfully.
Cissie nodded, but did not respond immediately to his suggestive smile. It would not do to appear too eager after she had been spurning his advances for so long.
‘I thought we could go and have a drink somewhere,’ he went on, ‘and then we will have the house to ourselves. Mum and Dad won’t be back for ages. It’s always after eleven when they’ve been to a whist drive.’
‘Alright then,’ she said, still a shade reluctantly, ‘but you know how I feel about … things.’
‘And I’ve told you how I feel about you,’ he said, putting his arm around her and drawing her close.
There was a pub a little way out of town which did not get as crowded on a Saturday night as those in the town centre. It was near to the estate of semi-detached houses where Walter’s family lived.
‘What are you having then?’ he asked as they sat down in comfortable chairs in the lounge bar. ‘Whisky and ginger, like you had the other night?’
‘I think I’ll have brandy with ginger,’ she replied. She was not feeling chilly as she had done the last time they were together, but rather shaky and churned up inside. Maybe the brandy would help to settle her stomach. The first drink and the second did just that and also calmed her mind, inducing a sense of detachment from her problems. The chatted in a casual way, and Cissie knew that Walter did not want to stay there too long.
His home was a few minutes’ walk away in one of the newer suburbs of the town, in a tree-lined avenue facing a small area of parkland. He took her coat and hung it on the hallstand, then they sat together on the settee in the living room. There was a small fire still burning in the grate with a fireguard round it for safety. Cissie responded to his eager kisses
, but demurred a little when he suggested they would be more comfortable upstairs.
‘Do you really think we should …?’
‘Why not? I got the impression that you were changing your mind, that you wanted this just as much as I do?’
‘I’m not sure, Walter. Supposing your parents come back?’
‘I’ve told you, they won’t, not for ages. And … afterwards, we can watch the television. They won’t mind you being here. I told them we might come back here. You know that they like you, Cissie.’
She let him believe that she was still a little unsure as he led her upstairs and into his bedroom. It was, of course, the first time she had been into Walter’s room, she had been upstairs only to use the bathroom. She scarcely noticed her surroundings. Her thoughts were a confused jumble – part anxiety, part relief that this would solve her problem, and, to her surprise, part desire brought about by Walter’s embraces. He undressed and encouraged her to do the same. She did so, feeling embarrassed, then he removed the last of her underwear.
He made love to her in a gentle and considerate way, unlike his more usual curt and bossy manner. She wondered, fleetingly, if he would know that it was not the first time for her, and she had the presence of mind to behave as though it was. She knew, as she had known with Jack, that it was not the first time for Walter. He had had other girlfriends before herself, so maybe she should not be surprised.
He held her close afterwards and kissed her tenderly. ‘There,’ he said. ‘You didn’t mind too much, did you? I do love you, Cissie.’
She felt that he spoke the truth, but she could not say in honesty that she felt the same way about him. She was grateful, though, that he had got her out of a dreadful predicament, but that was something he must never know.
They dressed quickly and went downstairs, Obviously Walter, also, was a teeny bit anxious lest his parents should return, despite what he had said. He made a pot of tea, then switched on the television set. They settled down to watch – or to make a pretence of watching – the variety show, as though that was what they had been doing all evening.
‘You’re very quiet,’ said Walter. ‘You’re not having second thoughts, are you?’
‘No …’ Cissie answered a little unsurely. ‘But … supposing something has happened? You know … What if I’m having a baby?’
Walter laughed, but rather nervously. ‘You can’t be, not the first time. It can’t happen … not the first time.’ So he had obviously been none the wiser about her former experience. But he was sounding a shade doubtful.
‘I think it could happen,’ she replied. ‘It’s not very likely, but it might. I know a girl that it happened to.’
‘Well … we’d get married then,’ he said, without any hesitation.
‘But what would our parents say?’
‘I’ve told you before, it’s nothing to do with them. I love you, Cissie. And it’s what I’ve always wanted; well, for quite some time. But I had to know that you felt the same. Cissie … will you marry me?’
She stared at him for a moment, surprised and bewildered. She had not been expecting that. On the other hand, was it really all that much of a surprise? And what else could she say but … ‘Yes, I’ll marry you, Walter,’ she said quietly. She couldn’t very well say, Let’s wait and see. She knew that he really did love her, and maybe she would come to love him, in time …
‘Oh … you don’t know how happy you’ve made me,’ he said, hugging her tightly. ‘My parents will be pleased as well. Shall we tell them when they get back?’
‘Yes, if you like,’ said Cissie. It was all happening very quickly, far too quickly for her liking. One moment of holiday madness, and now she had said she would marry the man she had decided, only a few days ago, to send packing.
‘You don’t sound very sure about it,’ said Walter. ‘We must tell them. I know they’ll be thrilled to bits.’
‘Yes … happen they will. But we mustn’t do that again, Walter, what we’ve done tonight. Not until …’
‘Until after we’re married?’
‘Yes, that’s what I mean.’
‘Alright, if you insist. But that’s going to be very hard, Cissie, now that I know you feel the same way as I do.’
She was totally confused. She had only done ‘that’ with Walter so that she could blame him if the worst happened. But if it didn’t happen and she was not pregnant after all, then she would be forced to go along with a marriage that she did not want. What a complete mess it all was!
‘I think it would be better, though,’ she said quietly, ‘if we don’t.’
‘OK then, we’ll see …’ He nodded. ‘Now, we must get you an engagement ring, and we’ll put it in the paper so that everybody will know. Have you got any time off next week?’
‘Yes … Wednesday afternoon.’
‘That’s my half day as well. So we’ll go into town and get you a really nice ring. What sort would you like?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.’ Nor had she. She was only nineteen. Lots of girls got married young, but she had believed it would be ages before it happened to her. On the other hand, she would not be sorry to get away from home.
‘You must have a diamond ring. P’raps with a ruby or sapphire, but you’ve got to have a diamond.’
‘Let’s just wait and see what they’ve got. And diamonds are expensive, aren’t they?’
‘That doesn’t matter. I’ve got a bob or two saved up, just in case you said yes. And now you have.’
He kissed her again, but she was pleased, then, to hear the front door open as Walter’s parents returned. They were delighted when he told them the news. Archie Clarkson insisted on opening a bottle of sherry to have a toast to the happy couple.
‘And now you’d better take your bride-to-be home,’ said Walter’s mother. ‘We’re real pleased, love,’ she said, kissing Cissie’s cheek. ‘And we know your parents will be an’ all.’
TWELVE
‘I’ve got some news for you,’ Cissie said to Val when they met outside the mill gates on Monday. They hadn’t seen one another for several days as their shifts had not coincided.
‘What?’ asked Val. ‘Have you heard from Jack?’
‘No … It’s nowt like that. It’s me and Walter. We’re getting engaged.’
‘But … why?’ Her friend stared at her in astonishment. ‘After all you’ve said about him.’
‘I know, but I’ve no choice, have I? I’ve got to do it.’
She explained to Val what had happened; how Jack had failed to get in touch, and she had realized that he wasn’t going to do so. And Walter was there, so ready and willing …
‘So you’ve tricked him?’ said Val, a mite disapprovingly.
‘Well, I suppose I have. Oh, don’t look at me like that, Val. What else could I do? It would be a disaster if I found out I was having a baby.’
‘But you might not be.’
‘I know, but I couldn’t risk it. Anyway, we’re going to choose a ring on Wednesday. Walter’s not so bad, you know, and he really does love me.’
‘But do you love him?’
Cissie shrugged. ‘I think I might …’
‘I expect your parents were pleased, weren’t they?’
‘Oh yes, Mam was over the moon, you might know. She thinks Walter’s the bee’s knees. I reckon she thinks he’s too good for me really. She said to me, “Well, you’ve seen sense at last, girl. Let’s hope you make him a good wife, like he deserves.” Dad was OK though. Walter did things proper, like. He asked Dad if it was alright if we got married, even though he’d already asked me an’ I’d said yes. An’ Dad said he hoped we’d be very happy … But that’s enough about me. What about you and Sam? Did you have a good time on Wednesday?’
‘Yes, thanks,’ said Val. ‘And on Saturday as well. I’ve seen him twice.’ She could not help smiling happily at the memory of it all. ‘We had a lovely drive out into the countryside, to a little village called Heptonstall, jus
t beyond Hebden Bridge.’
‘Well, fancy that! Walter and me, we had a drink there an’ all, at Hebden Bridge.’
‘The countryside’s lovely round here,’ said Val. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever really appreciated it before. Heptonstall’s right up at the top of the moor. There are some old weaver’s cottages and a ruined church … So picturesque,’ she added dreamily.
Cissie sniffed. ‘Depends on who you’re with, doesn’t it? Have you met his parents yet?’
‘No … not yet. But he’s said he’ll take me to meet them soon. He’s met my parents, though, and he was really friendly and chatty with them. Mum was quite charmed.’
‘Well, she would be, wouldn’t she? He’d know how to get round her.’
‘She kept calling him Mr Samuel, but he said he was just Sam. Dad wasn’t quite so much in awe of him, though. He’s met Sam in the warehouse and he finds him easy to get along with.’
‘So he’ll be invited round for Sunday tea soon, will he?’
Val smiled. ‘Maybe … in a little while.’ To be invited for tea on a Sunday was a sign that the couple were serious about one another. She changed the subject. ‘So … when are you and Walter getting married then?’
‘Oh, we haven’t got that far yet. Give us a chance! Anyroad, it depends, doesn’t it?’
‘Yes, I see what you mean … I really do hope you’ll be happy, though, Cissie. Walter’s got a good steady job, and I know he thinks a lot about you. He’s been very patient, hasn’t he, waiting for you to make up your mind?’
‘Yes, I suppose he has … Anyroad, it’ll be nice to have a diamond ring …’
Val wondered, too, when she might meet Sam’s parents. She already knew his father, of course, from their occasional meetings at work, but his mother had nothing to do with the mill and no one seemed to know much about her. Sam had hardly mentioned her, but from the little that he had said she had formed the impression that his mother and his brother were two of a kind, regarding themselves as somewhat superior to the ordinary workforce. His father, on the other hand, liked to get to know and befriend his employees.
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