Diane made a face at her melodrama. “Right, all you have… Sure!” She rolled her eyes at Amanda.
“I meant, to help keep me busy and sane, Di! It’s ready work that keeps me distracted. Also, you’re well aware that most people don’t accept my psychic ability.” She said the last few words with a cynical tone. As she spoke, she was thinking instead her ability was more akin to a hindrance, nuisance, irritant, and problem. Some people told her she was blessed, she thought of it as a curse. It was damned difficult to live a normal life when you were so seriously abnormal.
Also, that so-called gift had not been able to save the dearest person in her life.
Amanda cringed as she remembered the massive Boom! of the accident, the grinding and squealing of tortured metal on metal. What had seemed, at the time, like a slow-motion roll of the vehicle as the eighteen wheeler had struck their Dodge Durango on the driver’s side, killing her husband instantly, had really lasted only mere seconds. She had never been exposed to the force of a detonated bomb, but now felt she must know what it would feel like.
The truck driver, fallen asleep at the wheel, was the one who had taken David from her forever. The accident had left her comatose for nearly two weeks. She had regained consciousness to find that David was dead and that friends and family had buried him while waiting for news of whether she would recover.
While modern medicine had given Amanda a less than twenty percent chance of survival, modern medicine had not counted on Diane, or Dr. Lombardi. The doctors told her that Diane had practically moved into the ICU with her, spending as much time as possible at her side. She had talked to her, encouraged her, and held her hand. The nursing staff had threatened to throw her out and Diane had dared them to try.
The doctors had also informed her that she had been clinically dead for several minutes, not only at the scene, but also during the rush in the ambulance toward the hospital. The paramedics had put up one hell of a battle and managed to restart her heart. Sometimes, no, to be honest, most times, Amanda wished the paramedics hadn’t been so good at their job.
Accurately reading Amanda’s facial expressions Diane reached over to take her hand, in comfort. As she touched Amanda, Diane’s watch settled against her arm. Amanda jumped and pulled away as though scalded, as she was bombarded with lifetimes of memories.
“Jesus, Joseph, and Mary!” she exclaimed, none too reverently.
“Sorry! I’m so sorry!” cried Diane. “I forgot about my grandmother’s watch.”
Yes, Amanda thought wryly, she certainly had! It was hard enough to deal with planned physical contact with someone let alone unplanned, or ill-planned in this case. Also, the closer she felt to someone, emotionally that was, the clearer the impressions she received. She and Di were very close, so Amanda was uploaded with a lot of information in an exceptionally brief period of time. The unfortunate gift of both clairvoyance and psychometry was that she could read not only people, but also their belongings.
Amanda took a deep breath and then exhaled rather unevenly. “No, no, that’s all right. I just wasn’t expecting it. I’m not guarding well tonight, and with the two beers…”
Pictures, like a slide show, had flashed through her brain during the brief contact she’d had with both Diane and the watch, pictures of Diane’s grandmother’s life, and now Diane’s life, more specifically. Family heirlooms held a world of images and remembrances, which was why she was always so careful around them. Once she held them and read them it was easier thereafter to handle contact with them again. She could usually shut off impressions from objects once that initial exposure was over, usually.
Until the accident, Amanda had only seen the past events associated with the objects, or individuals, she touched. Since the accident she now also occasionally glimpsed the future as well, but only for those individuals with whom she had a close emotional tie, well…usually only for those to whom she was emotionally tied. Today had been different in that respect. She was going to have to redefine the word usually, it seemed.
Her clairvoyance was definitely strengthening. And lately, she’d begun to believe that she was actually developing some additional skills, and one of them she wasn’t too happy about and was doing her level best to keep tightly shut away in a drawer at the back of her mind. Could it be possible she was hearing and seeing ghosts? Or perhaps the long months of emotional turmoil were finally taking their toll and she was having a mental breakdown. The telepathy she was developing seemed a natural offshoot of her clairvoyance and that she was taking more in stride. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. The spirit world, however, scared the bejesus out of her.
Tonight she’d seen, hmm…interesting! She, in very fast sequence, mentally reviewed, cataloged, and organized that unplanned trip to the past and the unexpected pictures of Diane’s future and began to grin broadly. Her first real smile that day, though what she’d seen had also brought a familiar ache along with it.
“Di, do you have something to tell me?” she asked in a high, squeaky, and excited voice. As she took in her best friend’s chagrined countenance, she suddenly realized how self-involved she had been all evening. Despite her marathon quizzing of Diane’s day-to-day activities, she’d missed something big.
Diane stuttered and stammered. She cleared her throat and then said guiltily, “Umm…well. I was going to tell you that Eric and I are trying to get pregnant, and that I think I might be, though it’s too early to take the test.”
Diane’s dark green eyes, oddly similar to Amanda’s own, widened as she took in Amanda’s knowing smile. She raised a shaking hand to her shoulder-length, honey-blonde hair, and nervously pulled her fingers through it.
“Well, I guess I don’t need to purchase an early pregnancy test, do I?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” Amanda asked. She was trying to gain control of her overwhelming impulse to throw her arms around Di and congratulate her. After all, there are things people do want to find out on their own, and shouldn’t her husband be the first, or, rather, second one to know?
Diane’s feelings were written on her face as she waffled between the sure knowledge that was depicted on Amanda’s features and her own feelings of uncertainty. Did she really want to know? Had Amanda actually asked her that? Of course, she wanted to know!
“Yes! Please tell me!” she demanded. “I know for a fact that your results are more accurate than an E.P.T.! Also, I can’t wait another week to find out!”
Amanda yelled, “Congratulations, Mommy!” and threw her arms around her friend.
They both rose and, holding hands, danced a little jig, right there in the middle of the kitchen, laughing and carrying on as they had not done since high school. Continued contact with Diane gave her even more information.
“Uh, Di? If I had more to tell you, would you want to know?” Amanda asked gently. “It’s all good, I think,” she added in response to the unspoken question in Diane’s eyes.
Diane hesitated, eyeing her apprehensively. “Okay, fill me in,” she finally said, with a sigh.
Amanda laughed harder now, hugging her arms around her middle to try to contain herself. The laughter had a slightly hysterical edge to it as pain sliced through her, in addition to the happiness she felt for her friend.
“Better buy two cribs,” she gasped as she struggled to spit out the words between the waves of throbbing amusement. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever dealt with the combined emotions of joy and hurt, and couldn’t quite straighten out her thought processes to understand it. But, she was sure her friend was not going to take this additional bit of news as well. She was right.
Diane abruptly stopped dancing around and sat down, hard, as the enormity of what Amanda said sunk in. “Oh gosh! Oh jeez! How the hell am I going to tell Eric we’re having twins?” She began to get shrieky and to look panicked. “Two of everything. I just don’t know.” Diane’s words ran down as she went off into her own horrified thoughts.
“Do you want to kno
w the gender?” Amanda asked, deliberately keeping her voice sunny to counter Di’s appalled tone.
“No! No! Don’t tell me,” Diane firmly stated. “I’ve got enough to think about right now. I’ve got to go call Eric, right away.
“Where’s my cell phone?” She looked around herself in near hysteria trying to locate the object that was in plain view. Amanda quickly whisked the tiny red phone off the table and thrust it into Diane’s anxious hands.
“Go, call him! You can use one of the upstairs bedrooms, if you’d like some privacy to break the news,” she offered.
An hour, rather than a few minutes, later Diane took her leave, heading home to further digest the news on her own. Eric had been thrilled at the prospect of twins, which had thrown Diane off. She had anticipated his upset, and instead, was rewarded with a man proud of his two-for-one. Eric was also sure Amanda was correct in her knowledge, and trusted that she had given them accurate information about said babies.
Amanda wished the rest of the world was as sure of her abilities as Di and Eric were. Well, then again, maybe not. That whole world would be knocking down her door, she’d never have any peace and she had very little now as it was.
Congratulating her friend once more, reminding her to drive safely, and then giving her a hug farewell, Amanda closed the door, locked it, and then wandered over to the bookcase that ran the length and height of the inside wall of the living room.
The sturdy oak shelves were filled with her, and David’s, favorite authors. The shelves housed an eclectic blend of texts by ancient philosophers, architectural experts, and classic and contemporary writers. They were bare of any books regarding psychic talents. Not only would that cause questions from the individuals who visited her home, but she had also found that the so-called “spiritual experts” didn’t have any more hard and fast answers about her abilities than she did. The books on her shelves contained only a fraction of the ones she owned. She had several thousand more on her Kindle. Reading had always been her escape, and with the advent of e-books she discovered that she could easily, and inexpensively, feed her habit and carry them with her everywhere. However, there were times when she liked the feel of holding a paperback in her hands, so she owned many of her favorite titles in duplicate.
She blindly pulled out a book, not caring which one. She just wanted to distract herself. She looked at her hands blankly and found she’d chosen a James Patterson novel. For an hour or so she sat curled up in a wing chair in the living room, rereading the same passages and not retaining any of what she read. While she loved the author, tonight she simply couldn’t focus her attention long enough to involve herself in the storyline.
“Ahhh!” the disgruntled sound came out more as a growl. She tipped her head back against the side of the chair and tightly squeezed her eyes shut. Slamming the book closed, she grasped it tightly in her hands. What she felt like doing was hurling it across the room. She’d hoped to decompress a bit more from her day but was only able to focus on the fact that her friend was pregnant.
Pregnant! Amanda’s mind circled endlessly around that word. She’d lost more than her husband in that accident. She’d lost the child whose conception they’d gone out to celebrate, that same night.
Her memories floated back to that day.
She had taken the pregnancy test that Saturday morning, dutifully peeing on the stick while David was out for his daily run. Her period was already two weeks late, so she figured the results should be reliable. She was fairly certain she was pregnant, but didn’t want to say anything to him until she knew for sure. The pink plus sign on the stick had confirmed her thoughts. She smiled as she remembered her excitement and how she planned to surprise David with the news.
He was going to flip when he found out! Flip in a good way that was. He’d been talking about having kids for a year already. He was ready to be a daddy, he’d told her. He wanted to share their lives with their children. He wanted to watch them grow up and show them the world. He’d asked if their daughters should take dance classes, and wondered what sports their sons might play. She’d teased him, asking how he’d feel if their sons danced and their daughters played ball instead. David simply replied he’d be equally proud of having a little Baryshnikov, as he would a daughter who played for the WNBA.
She’d tried to think of a unique way to tell him, but that all fell by the wayside when he came in the door after his run. The excitement on her face gave her away.
He came into the kitchen, through the back door, kicking off his running shoes and wiping his dripping face with an old towel he’d grabbed from a kitchen drawer.
She’d stood there leaning against the doorframe between the hall and kitchen, her hands unconsciously resting on her flat tummy, wondering what to say and how to say it as she watched him. David took one long look at her and began beaming. She should have known that he’d know.
“Are we?” he’d asked, grinning.
“We are, aren’t we?” The second time he stated it with certainty, though it had been phrased as a question. He’d sounded like a kid at Christmas. He didn’t wait for an answer. He’d reached out, grabbed her in a sweaty bear hug, and swung her around till she was dizzy and breathless.
“David! Let me breathe!” she’d said, laughing. “Put me down” she’d begged smilingly, her feet still nearly a foot off the floor. He’d slowly lowered her to the floor but had not released her completely.
“Oh, sweets, I love you so much!” he’d exclaimed. He’d placed his hand on her belly, looked at her tenderly, and kissed her gently on the lips. “I am the happiest guy in the world,” he’d said, adding, “It should be a crime to be so happy.”
With an anguished moan she cut off her memories. Pushing herself to her feet, she tossed her book on the end table with such unnecessary force that it skidded across the width of it and fell to the floor with a thud. Well, she decided, it could just stay there.
This day had just been too much for her, she couldn’t stand another minute of it. It was time to collapse into her bed and enjoy some peace and quiet. She literally felt like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode from the various pressures. Touring the ground floor, she turned out the lights and checked the locks on the doors. She dragged herself up the stairs to bed, feeling now that two beers had been one too many. She noticed that, at the very least, the alcohol had dulled the pain in her shoulder.
After washing up in the master bath and changing into a pink cotton nightgown, she lay back in bed staring at the wedding photo again.
“Well, David. Di and Eric are having twins. What do you think of that?” she asked the photo. She felt extremely foolish for talking aloud to the picture as, again, the knowledge that she was alone, and would probably always be alone, surged through her.
“Oh, David,” she whispered “I miss you so much.”
Unthinking, she got out of bed, as though compelled, and reached for the picture frame. This time though, instead of pictures of their life together filling her head, as her hand settled on it, this time every hair on her body rose as if she’d been hit with an electrical current. Her heartbeat sped up and she gasped air to breathe. She tried to release the picture frame, but she was unable to make her fingers relax their grip. Her knees buckled and she went down heavily, kneeling on the hardwood floor.
Suddenly, there was a hazy, quavering feel to the air, as if it had thickened to the consistency of a heavy fog, but the air itself was still clear. With her heart thudding uncontrollably in her chest, she looked around for help, which she knew was useless as there was no one else there. She was not alone, however. This time, David was with her and instead of the photo frame it was his warm, strong hand she felt in her own.
She looked up from her position on the floor, and her eyes drank in the welcome sight of her beloved. She felt no fear of him. Indeed, she never would have thought to have been fearful of David, in any form. What she did feel coming off of him, in strong surges, was his love for her. She was wrapped in th
e emotions of acceptance, desire, loyalty, and devotion. She somehow knew that wherever he was now, his feelings for her were what had driven him to appear before her. He looked like he was desperate to get through to her, frantic to pass along his message.
Later, she would think that his appearance was almost holographic in its 3-D detail. The biggest difference lay in the fact that she felt like he was solidly gripping her hand. His hand had been as warm and firm as it had been when he was alive. He actually felt almost hot. His flesh was weirdly tingly too, like a mass of energy. There was nothing ethereal about it, yet everything about him screamed otherworldly. It was a conundrum.
“Mandy, I’ll always love you,” he said tenderly, in the smooth deep baritone she’d longed to hear again. “But, it’s all right to let me go. It’s time.” She could feel his other hand gently caress her hair.
“No!” She actually meant to shout the word, but it came out as a whimper.
“I don’t want to let you go. Please, stay with me!” she begged, wondering if she was beginning to lose her mind after all. Maybe she was crazy. “Or let me come with you,” she requested raggedly. Knowing her request would be denied. After all, she’d already been denied entrance to Heaven once before and sent back to this hell on earth. But, all the same, she was unable to stop herself from pleading.
“Mandy, my love, there are things you must accomplish yet,” he said softly. “There are many who love you, and many more who need your help. Would you deny them?”
“But, David, I can’t do it alone. I don’t have the energy, or determination, without you here to support me. You know how hard it is for me. No one else understands as you do.” Even though he must have been a figment of her imagination Amanda tried to reason with him, make David see she needed him.
“No, sweet girl,” he said tenderly, and with a sort of sad acceptance upon his face. “There is one other who can help you, but you must first open your heart.” David’s voice had become a whispering echo on the last three words and they seemed to reverberate through and around the bedroom.
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 4