He watched her hesitate and let her think it through, leaving his arms open for her, but wondering if she would reject him. Then he laughed when she blushed, asking him if he had any mints or gum. He pulled a container of peppermint Tic Tacs from the glove compartment and shook out a few. He held one up to her mouth, popping it in when she opened it. Then he tossed one into his own.
She allowed him to carry her down the small hill to the blanket, wrapping her uninjured arm around his neck and enjoying the play of his muscles beneath his shirt. The heat of his body, now that the day was cooling, was a wonderful thing to share. His musky, spicy scent was delicious, she wanted to bury her face in his neck and inhale his thoroughly male aroma. It felt so good to be in someone’s arms again. But, instinctively, she knew that she wouldn’t have welcomed anyone’s other than Zachary’s.
He said not a single word to her but the silence was a comfortable one, peaceful. He laid her down on the blanket then he laid down next to her and gathered her loosely in his arms, tucking her into his left side so she could lay on her right, her head on his shoulder. She threw her left leg over his to raise it up and ease the pain of the stitches, and nestled into him more completely, resting her braced hand on his chest.
They each knew they had a lot to talk about, but neither of them wanted to destroy the peace of the place and moment. They rested there for over an hour, enjoying the sounds of the coming evening and each other’s company. Once in a while he’d lean down and press a light and undemanding kiss to her head. He’d taken out the elastic to release what was left of her braid, and ran his hand through her long silky hair, gently combing it over and over with his fingers.
They watched as the sky turned to a beautiful violet streaked with golden-red beams as the last of the sun’s glorious rays began to set, then he asked if her stomach was settled enough to complete the trip home. It was. He carried her back to the truck then jogged back down to pick up the blanket.
“Let’s get you home,” he stated as he started the truck, but she heard a deeper connotation to the word home ringing in his voice and could tell he wished he was taking her to his own. He pulled her against him, unwilling to let her go now that he seemed to have broken through her defenses.
It was pitch black when they pulled up to her little carriage house at nine-thirty. When it got dark in the mountains, you’d better believe it was a true dark. There weren’t street lights or distant city lights to artificially illuminate the night. The light from the moon wouldn’t reach them until it had risen high enough over the surrounding mountains to shine directly down on them, and that would be a couple more hours yet.
Amanda imagined that most women would be bothered by the complete dark, but it didn’t bother her in the slightest. She’d spent so much time camping during her childhood that she was comfortable with it, comforted by it. It was like a blanket that closed out the rest of the world and brought peace and quiet, if you didn’t mind night sounds that was.
Tonight though, Amanda was concerned about all the clean-up she had waiting for her, not to mention the work she’d missed.
As Zack set her down in the living room she headed straight for her work station to check her emails and phone messages, trying to ignore the twinge of the stitches she felt with every step she took. The dull ache she felt coming from her wrist was far easier for her tune out, but of course she didn’t walk on her hands so that was probably why, huh? she thought wryly.
She felt a set of hands encircle her waist and she turned with a question in her eyes. “Zack? I’ve got to see what happened while I was away today and determine who I need to talk to first thing tomorrow. I’m so sorry! I blew your, and my, entire day because I’m completely uncoordinated!”
Her disgruntled voice caused Zack’s lips to twitch before he was able to wipe the quick grin from his face. His little grump needed to be in bed, not working her tail off.
Zack moved her away from the work station, firmly telling her, “Not tonight. It’s late. You’re hurting. Not to mention, you haven’t eaten in over twenty-four hours.”
He pulled her over to the kitchen table and sat her in a chair. “Do we need to have another talk about you taking care of yourself?” he asked, giving her a stern look.
“Control freak,” she shot back, but she smiled just slightly as she said it and let him have his way. He wasn’t going to let her have hers, so why bother? What point was she trying to make? The world wouldn’t end if she didn’t check messages that couldn’t be returned until the morning anyway.
She raised her brows and pleasantly asked him, “So, what’s for dinner?”
If he wanted control then he could damned well cook for her, too. She ducked her chin to hide her smile when he looked slightly taken aback by her question. Had she finally found something the incomparable Doctor Grayson and architect extraordinaire, couldn’t do?
“Sit down and rest for a while, Zack. You’ve been taking care of me all day. I can whip up something in just a few minutes, and then I promise I’ll be good. Deal?”
Zack gave in because he knew he was, in fact, an awful cook. Other than soup, he was pretty much hopeless in the kitchen. Amanda would probably wind up back at the emergency room with food poisoning if he were to make her anything.
“I’ll scrub the upholstery on the couch then,” he said ruefully, observing that he really had left it in a disastrous state. Digging under the sink cabinets looking for cleaning supplies, he ignored her jibe of “told you so” as he got to work. Glumly, he thought, she was right. He’d probably have to replace it.
Amanda made them breakfast for dinner. Even with just one hand she could crack and scramble eggs, it wasn’t too much of a problem. Within ten minutes she had a huge cheese omelet, some rye toast and jam, and microwave sausage ready and on the table. She’d given Zack a hefty portion of the omelet. He was a big man and, quite honestly, while she needed to eat something, she didn’t want a whole lot of anything. She was still feeling just a touch queasy.
She opened her mouth to call Zack to come to dinner and, aghast, found she began by uttering David’s name instead. What the hell was wrong with her?
Her throat constricted as she remembered all the times she’d called her husband’s name when it was time to eat. Unbidden, tears sprang to her eyes and she rapidly blinked them away. She could have ruined the small steps she and Zack had taken earlier today, if she’d been foolish enough to have accidently done it. She’d have to be very careful not to hurt Zack that way. He was just as wonderful as David had been and she wouldn’t want him to feel less so, just because of an old habit, which was realistically what it all boiled down to. She didn’t know if Zack would understand that.
“Mandy? What’s wrong?”
She knew Zack felt her upset, so she tried to shake it off. Now that she understood his particular gift, she’d have to work at not sending signals. Emo girl that she was, it was going to take a lot of work. But, she also felt if she learned to control them then maybe she’d be able to move past some of the ones she needed to rid her life of. His type of skill would make her be proactive in that respect.
No, he hadn’t explained anything to her throughout the day, but she’d read it from him very clearly once she’d allowed herself to. Everything she’d been experiencing with him now made sense, and at least she knew she wasn’t bipolar. To hell with antidepressants, get involved with an empath and you’ll learn to control your feelings in a hurry, unless you want them controlled for you. To be honest she was still a bit pissed about that, too, though she knew he’d had the best of intentions and only wanted to help her.
She didn’t like feeling managed.
They’d have to have a chat about that.
A long, very firm, boundary-setting, chat.
“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all. Dinner’s up,” she told him, trying to smile, hoping he hadn’t caught her faux pas.
“Have a seat. What would you like to drink?” she asked him, moving to the refrigerator.
“Milk okay?” then she began rambling in her nervousness “I could make tea too, if you’d prefer?”
She still didn’t know what he liked. She was going to have to learn about him, what he liked, hated. Did he have any food allergies? Maybe she should have asked if eggs were all right before she made them.
“Milk’s fine. Just sit down. I’ll get it.”
As she sank into her chair she pushed her plate away, folded her arms and laid her forehead on them. She felt so damned weary. Of herself. Her situation. Her emotions. Her life, period. She heaved a heartfelt sigh that seemed to come all the way from her toes.
Zack came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders, and leaned down to murmur in her ear. “I know it’s only a habit, Mandy.”
She looked up, shocked. Oh no! He’d heard her then. Her stomach churned harder, and fresh tears welled up in her eyes. She had to find a way to explain.
“Zack…I, uh…I didn’t mean to—”
He didn’t let her finish. Instead, he leaned down and lightly brushed her lips with his.
“Honey, he was your husband for several years, and while I know it’s been over a year and half since he’s passed, I also know you haven’t been with anyone else. Of course his name is naturally going to rise to your lips from time to time.” His gaze was serious and his face understanding.
She minutely searched his expression for any hint of hurt or anger and didn’t find it anywhere. Unbelievable!
“I’m still very sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said softly, feeling a like a lowlife.
“Nonsense,” he declared. “Now, eat your dinner before I have to force-feed you. You know I’ll do it too.” He waggled a finger at her and placed her plate back in front of her. Picking up her fork he cut a piece of the omelet and handed it to her. “Now get started.”
After that rather false start, they’d eaten companionably, chatting about Diane and Eric and the goings-on at the office, and then Zack had taken care of the dishes. With a look of chagrin, he’d told her he could at least handle that much. She’d had to laugh at him – he was too cute for his own good, and it had been nice to find he had at least one weakness of his own.
Goodness, but she was worn out and looking forward to going to bed. A huge jaw-cracking yawn overtook her and, belatedly, she covered her mouth. How very ladylike of me, she thought sardonically, a sure way to win a man.
Then she lectured herself. Slow down, Amanda, you’ve had a long day, you’re not up to par, and you’re not thinking clearly. You may know where Zack is coming from but you have no clue how he’ll feel about what you can do. Another voice, a darker one, whispered, Are you sure you can deal with someone who knows your every mood and might be tempted to sway them to his advantage? Can you trust him not to? Are the rosy pictures of the future you’ve seen complete? Are you missing anything? Then she told her other voice to shut the hell up, that it was her fear talking.
She’d take it slow and see what happened or, “see” what happened. Here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush… She was definitely getting loopy with exhaustion. That’s twice today with the circular thoughts and she was getting dizzy. Time to stop the frigging merry-go-round.
Two feet appeared in front of her, along with an outstretched palm containing a pill. A glass of water was set down before her.
“No. I explained. I’m not taking that stuff,” she told him firmly, not lifting her gaze from his feet, which she noticed required new socks. He had a hole at the top of his little toe on his right foot. “We’ve already discussed this.”
“Mandy, you talked. I listened. There was no discussion, which, by the way, we’ll have tomorrow, not tonight.” He stooped down and lifted her chin, grasping it between his thumb and pointer finger, so she’d look at him.
“This is the painkiller. Now that you’ve eaten, I want you to take it. I know you’re hurting, and Tylenol is not going to cut it tonight, babe.”
Well, he had her there. Her leg literally felt like it was on fire, and the dull ache in her wrist had been replaced with a strong painful throbbing sensation. She’d take the pain pill, tonight. She tossed the pill in her mouth and washed it down without further argument. But, if he thought they were having a discussion tomorrow about the other two prescriptions he was out of his ever-loving mind.
“Come on, its way past time for you to hit the sack.”
He held out his hand to her, again waiting to see if she’d take it. He’d been quietly staying in the background all evening and, since dinner, he’d felt her withdrawing from him. Somehow she knew. She’d known all night. But it had taken her until now to really debate the wisdom of what she wanted to do. She wanted to be with him, but she was angry with him for what he’d done, though his interference had been relatively minor. She didn’t know if she could trust him. She could, he hoped, though it would be very difficult for him to stand by many times and do nothing.
He wondered if, for the first time in his life, he’d have the control to let someone he loved go it alone, so to speak.
Loved?
He’d surprised himself. Yes, he was in love with her. Would he have risked himself, his heart, like this otherwise? What didn’t he know about her? Since she didn’t fully trust him yet, when would she clue him in? He had the feeling that this relationship was going to cost him, cost them both. It would cost them brutal honesty, and total exposure. It would cost them trust. Would they be willing to pay the price?
“Mandy?” His hand, still outstretched, waited for hers to meet him halfway. Which way would she jump? He watched her close her eyes, unsure of the reason: a brief prayer, indecision, or was she seeking David’s permission?
He’d originally meant that last thought as sarcasm but, all the same, it sent a chill skittering down his spine and made his hair stand on end. Was that her talent, or one of them?
Oh man! He didn’t know if he was up to sharing her with her dead husband. How do you compete with a ghost for fuck’s sake? Don’t get ahead of yourself, Zack, you don’t know what she can do, have patience. Then his alpha male self said, to hell with it, if Mandy didn’t tell him this weekend, he was calling on Lombardi and beating it out of him if he had to.
Just as he was about to give up and back off further she reached a decision and hesitantly placed her tiny hand in his. Everything washing off of her screamed scared.
“Stay with me?” Her whispered request was tinged with embarrassment.
She thought he’d refuse her? Was she insane? What was she afraid of? He could wonder about that forever, or simply ask her and really send her off the deep end. Not tonight, Zack, she’s been through enough. And, he was too damn tired to deal with any more drama either.
He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a tender kiss to her knuckles. “For as long as you want,” he replied. “Let’s go to sleep, it’s been a helluva long day.” He carefully clarified himself just in case she worried he’d want more. Though he was certain she was in no shape for a romantic tryst beneath the covers, he wanted her to know he wouldn’t push the boundaries.
As they readied themselves for bed, Amanda’s doubt once more began to take hold. She knew they wouldn’t be getting caught up in anything hot and heavy, not tonight anyway. All she would be able to do was sleep. The uncertainty she felt about him was still there, just under the surface, and it made her edgy. She could tell he felt it, too. She could also tell he wanted to do something about it. After the feeling went on for several minutes she finally came to the realization that he wasn’t going to interfere, and just as suddenly as the doubt had come upon her, it vanished. He knew that she knew, and he was choosing to control his impulse to help her through it. Good man! She smiled, relieved.
As she climbed into bed wearing a thin cotton sleep shirt, she blushed, realizing he was wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, and turned crimson when she realized how strained the material was by his thick erection. Her nipples hardened in unconscious response and she embarrassedly
crossed her arms over her chest to hide herself.
Zack, noticing her dismay with his aroused state, and her own, chuckled roughly, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. As much as I’d like to do more, we’ll just sleep tonight, I promise. I can’t help but get harder than hell when I’m around you. It has a mind of its own. Try to ignore it, babe. Just come here and cuddle with me.”
She hesitated, but when Zack pulled her close to him she forgot her misgivings and she snuggled into his side, sighing in relief. For long minutes he rubbed his hand gently up and down her back, the massage alone encouraging her to relax into the sleep that was desperately trying to drag her under.
But before she gave in entirely, she could have sworn she heard Zack’s and David’s voices overlap, very low.
“Sleep well, my Mandy. There’ll be no nightmares tonight. I’ve got you. I’m here,” was Zack’s rumbled promise.
Just as she heard David’s voice whisper, “Sleep well, Mandy, my love.” And another tender, but sad, reminder from him. “It’s time to let go.”
Chapter 7:
Truth and Dare
July 1
Amanda opened her eyes to a bright sunny morning, or maybe early afternoon? She rolled over on her bad arm and leg, wincing from the pain that rippled through her. Holy moly! It was almost eleven!
Groggily, she hauled herself upright and limped into the bathroom. She’d slept for twelve hours solid, and really had to pee. She was also wondering how the hell she hadn’t been woken up by her alarm or, at the very least, by the crew. She felt discombobulated. She was always up with the sun, a morning person by nature. Of course, for more than a year she’d barely slept at all, so oversleeping hadn’t been a problem. Go figure!
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 18