“I’ll…uh, think about it. How much would you want? I’d have to see if I could gather the funds together, and of course I’d need to see the current financials and run a cost-benefit analysis of the company again,” she stated placidly with a carefully blank face. She had to make herself refrain from patting him on the head. He had just been so darned cute!
“Um…I’d need to work up some numbers. And sure…run whatever…analysis you feel you need to,” he responded, still perplexed by what he was reading from her. Somehow he felt he’d lost what he’d unconsciously thought of as the upper hand, but had no clue what the hell had happened.
“Okay, we’ll talk more about it later,” she told him. Absently she patted his hand. “We really do need to get going. Just let me get something first.” She missed his astonished look as she dropped the subject without further ado, and as if he’d asked her to take a casual walk in the park.
Standing up, she mentally groaned and cursed under her breath at the continuing pain in her leg, but since she’d given him such a hard time this morning she didn’t feel she had a right to ask him to do anything about it. So she gritted her teeth and forced herself to step forward. She’d take some Tylenol and deal. She’d certainly suffered through worse pain than this before. She heard Zack rise from the floor and slide the business plans back onto her shelf while she headed toward her bathroom in search of acetaminophen.
“Mandy?”
She glanced back over her shoulder toward the bedroom. “Hmm?” she answered, returning her gaze to her pretty much empty medicine cabinet. Finally, she located a bottle only to find it empty. She tossed it into the trash can, gripped the sink countertop and slowly exhaled a long deep breath trying to gain a grip on the pain. She was so distracted by her leg she’d momentarily forgotten Zack was with her until he spoke and she nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Would you please just let me help you?” he asked from the doorway. “What is so bad about asking for help?” He had his arms folded defensively across his chest as if he expected an attack on his character.
“Zack, it has nothing to do with not wanting your help. It’s that after I ask for it you can’t seem to stop yourself from offering it, unsolicited.”
He scowled at her.
“Look, on Friday, on the mountain top, you agreed not to influence me. That lasted, what? An hour, maybe? At the outside?” His frown deepened and he opened his mouth to defend himself but she cut him off. “Then, Saturday morning I allowed you to use it to restitch my leg and then yesterday afternoon when I went all wonky I asked you to help straighten me out. This morning, you didn’t even think about it, you just did it. So it seems that if I encourage it, then it becomes automatic and I don’t want that to happen.”
She firmed her lips and then added in further honesty, “I don’t want to become dependent on you to fix things for me. I’ve never been that way in the past and I don’t like that I allowed it to happen, even encouraged it, twice in a single day. It makes me feel…oh I don’t know. Compromised? Weak? Lazy? All three?” She shook her head in confusion. “Does anything I’ve said make sense?” she asked him.
“There is nothing wrong with asking for someone’s help when you need it, and using it if it’s readily available, Amanda.” His voice escalated as he tried to drive his point home. He spread his arms wide. “I’m here! I want to help. I want you to lean on me, when you feel the need. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that. Accepting my help does not compromise you as a strong and independent woman. A strong woman knows when to say when!” Then his frustration changed to anger as she blew him off.
Amanda brushed past him in the doorway, impatiently waving him away. He was not going to listen so there was no point in arguing with him. She was sure she could take something when she got to Diane’s place.
“Amanda Grace!” he nearly shouted as he demanded her complete attention.
She turned to him with upraised brows, a hand on a cocked hip, and an attitude. “What?” He didn’t need to yell at her, and now she was pissed.
He pointed to the rocking chair and with a thunderous look on his face ordered her to “sit down!” with a tone to match. She stood there glaring at him in indignation.
“Excuse me?!” she exclaimed tightly and in disbelief.
Her eyes narrowed and he felt stubbornness well up inside her. He took a deep breath to rein in his own temper and tried to speak more rationally, knowing she wouldn’t respond to his continued haranguing.
“Look, I’m sure you can make it all day on that leg and not say another word about it, just on principle alone. But you need to remember that I can feel everything you feel. So, don’t tell me you’re fine, or that you can wait, or whatever the hell else you have in mind, because I can’t stand to feel what you’re feeling anymore! Bearing that in mind, please sit down and allow me to alleviate your pain for my own good!” There! he thought triumphantly, surely she’d agree to spare him her pain if not herself. He was right.
“You don’t need to raise your voice to me, Zachary, and I don’t appreciate your ordering me around!” she grumbled. Throwing herself into the rocking chair like a petulant child, she pouted. “Fine! Go ahead!” She waved at her leg and turned her gaze out the window, ignoring him, and he almost laughed at the ease of his manipulation. He’d have to remember this. It would save oodles of arguments and time in the future if he’d just tell her he was distracted or hurting because she was. He knew she wouldn’t want him to suffer too.
“Mandy? Why haven’t you ever sought out your biological parents?” he asked after a few minutes. He couldn’t imagine not knowing, or not wanting to know, who his folks were and he couldn’t fathom her reasoning.
From the corner of his eye he saw her shrug. “I don’t think you’ll understand it, Zack, even if I tried to explain it to you. I don’t always understand it either.” He could feel her grow tense beside him. “Honestly? I guess I feel a small amount of abandonment? Does that make sense?”
He nodded, not saying anything, encouraging her to continue.
She shrugged again, this time in impatience and exclaimed, “Oh hell, I don’t know! If I meet them I don’t know that I’d be any happier for having done so, and I don’t want to get involved with a couple of possible screwballs either. It’s a crapshoot, Zack, who they are and how normal they are.”
“Anyway, if Diane wants to search hers out I’m all for helping her. Just don’t assume I’ll want the same thing. I’m not interested,” she stated firmly. Zack heard what she said but also felt the conflict inside her. Part of her did want to know, she was just scared to find out.
“If you want help, Mandy, let me know and I’ll be there for you. But, I promise I won’t push you to pursue it if you don’t want to.” He felt her relief at his words and realized she’d been worried he’d try to manage that, too. Was he really that overbearing, he wondered? Yes he was. In the back of his mind he had already planned to contact Rachel and see if she could help him track them down.
He was brought firmly back down to earth when Amanda looked at him angrily and told him, “Mind your own business, Zack. I mean it. I don’t want you meddling in mine.”
Surprised, he answered, “All right, okay. I got it. I’ll leave well enough alone. I promise.”
Amanda just looked at him in exasperation. “Well, it would be nice if you actually meant what you promised! I can see what you’re going to do, remember?”
“Get out of my head if you don’t like what you see,” he said, irritated. “You promised not to peek, remember?” This time he got to enjoy scolding her for listening in.
“Gladly,” she responded and threw his hand away from her like he was a leper. “But, it’s hard not to see and hear it when you are focusing on it so directly,” she muttered darkly.
They were both relieved when he dropped her off at Diane and Eric’s home. She scrambled out as quick as she could, declining his offer to help her carry everything in. “Just go, Zack. I need some
space, and so do you.” She slammed the door behind her and hurried up the front walk, not looking back.
Zack’s insides tightened and he blew out a harried breath. So, this was what it was like to be on the receiving end, huh? He could understand Amanda’s feelings about his intrusions much more clearly now, and she hadn’t been deliberately trying to do anything.
He’d only been considering calling Rachel. He hadn’t actually planned on it, he justified. In the same instant he realized that if Amanda had seen him doing it then he had planned it. In for a penny, in for a pound, he thought grimly. If she’d seen it, then he’d done it!
He pulled his cell phone from his rear pocket and dialed. “Hi, Rachel? It’s Zack. Got a minute?”
* * * *
Amanda spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon at Diane’s home. As soon as she’d entered the door she’d gotten a huge hug from Diane and she laughed at the other woman’s intensity, hugging her back enthusiastically.
“I’ve missed you!” they both said at the same time, giggling.
Diane stepped back and evaluated Amanda, taking her in from head to toe and smiled approvingly. “You look good, Amanda, so much better! Other than the wrist and, I guess, the leg, you told me about this morning. The mountain air must be working for you,” she joked.
Then slyly, “Or maybe it’s Zack that’s working for you?” As Amanda turned beet red, Diane chortled gleefully. “I knew it!” she exclaimed. “Of course, I didn’t figure it out until after we hung up yesterday, but I’m so glad.” Diane examined her more closely. “You’ve done the deed, haven’t you? I can tell. You’ve got the look of a woman well loved. Bout damn time!” she exhorted in happiness.
Amanda muttered darkly. “Don’t bank on anything, yet. He’s already driving me crazy.”
Di laughed at her again. “Then it must be right,” she replied. “You respond most strongly to those you care most about,” she told her with her own half-assed brand of philosophy.
Amanda shrugged in irritation. “It’s too soon to tell. But I can tell you we’ve screwed up royally already. Can you believe that at my age, and his, we forgot to use protection? If I get pregnant I don’t know what I’ll do.”
She rolled her eyes at her stupidity and groaned as Diane asked her “Would that really be so bad?”
“You tell me!” Amanda retorted, laying a hand on Di’s still flat tummy. “How’re the little…uh, ones doing?” She’d have to be careful not to mention gender, she remembered belatedly.
Diane smiled and said, “So far so good, though I could do without the morning sickness or in my case the day-long sickness. That wonderful stuff just keeps on giving, and I’m only just getting started,” she joked. “Do you want to see which room we’re going to use for the nursery?”
Amanda followed her upstairs as Diane laid out the basic plans she and Eric had discussed. They had plenty of room, with a four bedroom home, for the new additions and any others that might come along. “We just need to decide on colors and patterns.” Diane stopped and looked at Amanda. “I think I’m ready to know, now that I’m over the shock of being pregnant with twins,” she told her.
“Are you sure, Di?” Amanda asked her. “You don’t want to wait a while, or wait until Eric is here?”
Diane focused intently on her and said, “Tell me!” making Amanda smile hugely.
“Okay. You’re sure, right? The thrill of waiting, and the suspense that’s so much fun, will be gone. Are you certain you really want to know?” Diane raised her hands to Amanda’s throat and made a show of pretending to strangle her.
Amanda smiled wistfully and said, “Paint it…pink!” and Diane cried and hugged her hard. “Are you happy or sad?” Mandy joked.
“Oh, I’m so happy!” Di answered her sniffling. “Identical girls. I wonder how we’ll tell them apart?” she asked herself. Then she looked at Amanda in confusion when she told her not to worry about it.
“Why?” Diane asked perplexed.
“Because,” Amanda hesitated before explaining, “they’re fraternal, not identical, twins. Two different eggs Di, not one that divided. “They still look similar, as siblings most times do, but they’re not identical. They’ll even have different color hair.” Amanda could see them at age two in her mind as clear as if she was looking at a photo of them. “One will be a honey blonde, like you. The other will have Eric’s dark brown hair.”
Diane took that in for a minute and then asked the question that is highest on every parent’s list. “Are they healthy, Amanda? Are they happy?”
Mandy hugged her dearest friend and told her with surety that indeed they were. “They’ll be perfect, Diane. They’ll be beautiful and absolutely perfect.”
“Come on.” Amanda grabbed Diane’s arm and pushed her toward the den and computer workstation. “Let’s get to work. Are you sure you want to do this?”
Diane was sure. They talked for a little while about how Di felt about everything and Amanda was relieved to see her mood had improved dramatically since yesterday, although she was still disgruntled at her parents, which was understandable. Amanda gave Diane a list of websites to begin her research and showed her the various forms she’d need to fill out and walked her through the process of getting the court to open the records.
After Amanda ran her through everything Diane eyed her curiously. “If you have no intention of looking for your biological parents, why do you have all of this?” She gestured to the spread of papers laid out around them. Amanda explained that a lot of it had been gathered by her mother, before her death, and that one day toward the end of her disease she’d handed her the binder and urged her to find them. The forms, David had printed off for her one day and placed in an envelope for when she was ready. She just wasn’t ready, didn’t know that she ever would be.
For several hours the women scoured the internet adoption websites and birth records. Of course, since they had no idea where Diane had been born they were having a hard time. Diane turned to Amanda at one point and told her she wondered if they both might have come from the adoption agency.
“Diane, that’s pretty unlikely, don’t you think?”
Diane agreed it probably was but also told her, “Two birds, one stone. I’ll look for you, too, if you want me to? If I’m going to scour birth records, we’re only one day apart. Your birthday is December eighteenth and mine is the nineteenth. It wouldn’t be a problem for me to do both at the same time.”
Amanda shook her head. “Di, I really don’t want to find mine. I just had this discussion, well, argument really, with Zack this morning. I want everyone to stop getting in my business. If I want to find them I’ll do it myself. That is, if Zachary doesn’t do it for me,” she added in disgust, knowing full well he was pursuing it for her.
“Ask your parents for any and all records they have of the adoption. And, sorry to rain on your parade, but there’s a good chance the agency who handled your adoption isn’t even in business anymore. That was almost thirty years ago, you know? But you’ve got to have somewhere to start, right? And, from now on, the only adoption matters I want to discuss with you are your own.” Amanda gave her friend a glare that told her to back off.
Diane sighed and relented, trying to ease the tension between them. “Fine. Different conversation. Tell me then. Just how good is Zack, in bed?” and dodged Amanda’s hand as she reached out to smack her arm.
Amanda turned bright pink again, but gathered herself and looked her best friend directly in the eye. She then honestly, if crassly, responded, “Unfuckingbelievable,” causing Diane to break into hysterical laughter.
Chapter 12:
Rescuing the Knight in Distress
Zack had spent at least a half hour on the phone with Rachel discussing Amanda’s adoption, and doing some catching up. He was frustrated he could not give her more information than he did. Rachel had teased him about what a typical man he was, not taking the time to get to know the woman he was seeing, then telling him that
Amanda would have to contact her if she wanted any resolution.
“Just give her my name and number, Zack. I don’t bite,” Rachel had joked. When Zack had hesitated Rachel had sternly asked, “You’re doing it again, aren’t you? Zack! When are you going to learn that you can’t run everyone? That not everyone wants you to fix their problems for them? Don’t let your penchant for managing people destroy your relationship with Amanda, like you did ours.”
She further questioned. “Does she even want to know? Or is it that you can’t stand not knowing?” When he hemmed and hawed around that question too she’d sighed and told him straight up, “I’m sorry, but I won’t go digging into court records just to satisfy your curiosity. Amanda needs to file the proper paperwork to request the files be opened. It doesn’t sound like she’s willing to do that right now. You’re just going to have to deal with your frustration.”
She dropped any more discussion of adoption matters at that point, firmly telling him that Amanda herself would need to contact her. Zack gave up and asked how things were going at her work, with her family, and with the new love of her life and was surprised to hear she’d just gotten engaged.
“Wow! Congratulations, pretty lady! When’s the big day?” he asked all the right questions and she told him how and where Tim had proposed, and their tentative wedding plans.
“What about you, Zack? Sounds as though you’re getting serious with Amanda. Especially considering the lengths you’re going to, to find her family. Do you think it’s going anywhere permanent?”
As Rachel turned the questions on him, he had to admit to himself he didn’t know. Amanda had only said she’d seen them together in the future, not how far and not in what context.
“It’s still very new but, I’d like it to be,” he rather evasively answered. “I’d really like it to be.”
He quickly wrapped their conversation saying he needed to go, and thanking her for her willingness to work with Amanda. Then he’d pulled every investment record he had and gone over them with a fine tooth comb, trying to figure out what to do with the information Amanda had given him, the same information he was going to have to lay on his family that afternoon. He needed to liquidate every investment he could, ASAP. He wondered how much he’d have to take in penalties for cashing in his stocks, bonds, and CDs, and groaned at the thought. He didn’t know anything about transferring from one investment company to another but was fairly certain he was going to take a hefty hit.
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 34