His eyes widen. ‘What?’ he gasps.
I stare at his reaction. My God! He has been terrified about the results. Probably even more than me. My mouth opens to tell him it is just a little joke, but the penny drops for him and he snatches the paper out of my hand and reads it. He looks up, his eyes totally blank.
I start walking backwards. ‘It was just a joke. I just wanted to see your expression. Come on. It’s funny,’ I say cajolingly.
He lunges forward, grabs me by my thighs and, hauling me up, throws me over his shoulder like I am a sack of something unprecious.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ I say, but by now I am laughing so much. I’m clear. I’m clear.
He takes me to the bedroom and throws me on the bed.
‘Hey,’ I protest.
He reaches forward and unbuttons my jeans and pulls the zip down. Then he grabs the material at the heels and yanks so hard my jeans come off in one swift movement.
‘I don’t know what you’re so angry about. It was just a joke,’ I giggle.
He throws my jeans behind him and hooks his fingers into the tops of my panties. They come off real easy.
‘Come on, Shane,’ I coax.
Silently he pulls my T-shirt over my head and, while I am slightly raised off the bed, unhooks my bra and flings that away too.
‘Awww … baby, don’t be so evil,’ I whisper.
With a totally granite face he undresses, his cock stiff enough to be a coat stand, and crawls on the bed. The violet specks in his eyes are glowing as he grazes his thumb across my lower lip. Delicious.
‘Now why would I be evil? This is a fucking celebration. We’re both in the clear, my darling.’
‘Exactly,’ I whisper.
He curls his hands around my ribs. His lips brush my ear. ‘Flip over, Princess.’
Something about his voice makes me look again at him, but he smiles innocently. I get on my stomach and he presses his long body against mine and slides his cock in. My body arches with pleasure.
It is the first time. It is our first time.
His arm comes around my body and I thrust my breast eagerly into it. He rams into me hard. Really hard. It’s what he’s wanted to do for a long time. Come inside my body. And he’s going for it.
It is raw, uncivilized, brutal and beautiful.
And when, finally, he gets to spurt his seed deep inside me, it is with a kind of sigh. A sound of deep satisfaction. As if something long desired had been achieved. For some seconds he remains inside me, throbbing. Then he withdraws and I feel his fingers enter me. Not to arouse me, but to smear his seed all around my sex even between my ass cheeks. He takes great pleasure in it. He even bites my ass. Then he turns me around.
‘Your turn,’ he says.
And I smile, because my turn means the world is about to turn upside down. And upside down it goes. He massages my wet flesh. I moan. He sucks my clit. It doesn’t take long before I jerk violently and climax. Does he stop? No. Of course not. His fingers milk me. Again and again. Until I shriek and spasm uncontrollably.
Does he stop then?
Noooooo …
Emotion wells up inside me, a humbling, breaking typhoon. I’m free. I’m actually disease free. I don’t have to worry about infecting him ever again. Tears slide down my cheeks. He licks them. The way a dog would. I like dogs. They are loyal creatures.
‘You’re mine,’ he says and kisses, licks, sucks and strokes every inch of me. Every crevice has its day. We do everything. He tastes my skin as if tasting it for the first time. He holds my thighs and drinks from my pussy. And then he comes inside me. Again. We go at it for hours.
It is afternoon when I cry. ‘No more, Shane. No more. I can’t take anymore.’
‘Yes, you can,’ he says.
And he is right. I can.
Trembling and breathless I climax again. I flop on my back, exhausted and limp. Shane lies beside me, our fingers entwined. For a while neither of us speak. I look up at the ceiling. ‘What if I get pregnant, Shane?’
‘Don’t worry. We’ll just get an abortion,’ he says.
My head whips around. ‘What?’
He turns his head to face me. ‘What’s wrong?’
For a moment I can’t believe what I am hearing and then I start punching his arm. ‘You bastard,’ I accuse, laughing.
He grabs both my hands and pulls me on top of him. We are both sweaty and our bodies slip.
He doesn’t laugh. ‘Do you know how sad and destroyed I was when you shook your head earlier? I felt as if you had stabbed me in the heart with a knife.’
Immediately I am contrite. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It was no joking matter. I think I was so relieved I kind of lost of my senses. I thought it would be funny. I see now how wrong I was. Will you forgive me?’
‘There’s nothing to forgive. Remember what the most famous person in your land of birth said, Love does not measure. It just gives.’
‘Mother Theresa,’ I whisper.
‘I love you, Snow. You’ll never know how happy I am that your tests came back negative.’
My head swings around. ‘What?’
‘Yeah, I’m in love with you. Can you fucking believe that?’
I stare at him. ‘It’s not another retaliation joke, is it?’
‘No, it’s not a joke. But I was kinda hoping you might return the sentiment. A bit.’
I start laughing with joy. ‘I love you, Shane Eden. I love you so much, I thought I’d die when we parted. I used to dream about you telling me you loved me, but I never believed that it would happen,’ I reply.
‘You know what you make me feel like? You make me want to dance in the kitchen with you. And go out with you to used bookshops and rescue the oldest, saddest books in them. Or go to the market and buy up all the lobsters in it and set them free in the ocean.’
My eyes start filling with tears of happiness.
‘Do you know that poem by Pablo Neruda, If You Forget Me?’
I shake my head.
‘It reads, if little by little you stop loving me, I shall stop loving you little by little.’ He traces my cheekbone with his finger. ‘Not for me. Nothing you do or say can ever make me forget you and nothing can extinguish my love for you. My love is a guest of eternity. I’m never ever letting go.’
Dizzy with happiness, I get on one elbow and, resting my head on my palm, I circle his nipple with a finger. ‘So when did you realize that you loved me then?’
‘I always felt really possessive of you. From the first moment I saw that slime ball touch your thigh in my club, I felt something, a burning anger, deep inside as if he was stepping into my territory. I think it made me a bit schizophrenic. Sometimes I worried about hurting you and sometimes I was rougher than I should have been. And when I dropped you off after the holiday I was like a bear with a sore head. I drove straight to my mum’s house and I was in such a fowl mood my mother actually chased me out of her house.’
I giggle.
‘You can laugh, but you don’t know how I burned with jealousy. Fuck, even thinking about it now makes me feel uneasy. I didn’t sleep that night. Short of going up to him and bashing his head in I did everything in my power to make sure he would be kept up so late he wouldn’t get it into his place to take and early flight and turn up at your place that night. But I couldn’t sleep. I realized that I didn’t feel good when you were out of my sight. I wanted to protect you. In my head you were already mine, you just didn’t know it yet.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah,’ he says with his trademark mischievous grin.
‘But when did you realize you loved me?’ I probe.
‘I think it was when I saw you surrounded by those idiots outside the club. Oh, my God. I have never felt such a mad rage in my entire life. I knew I could have killed them. And then when I looked into your face. I was so frightened that somehow I was too late, they had hurt you. You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t move. Jesus, I’ve got goose bumps now just thinking
about it.’
He touches my face. ‘You just looked so broken and I didn’t know what to do. That was when I knew I loved you, and I would have done anything for you. Anything to wipe that look from your face.’
I frown thinking of that night. ‘I don’t know what happened to me that day. I just froze. I couldn’t move a single muscle.’
‘Fuck don’t tell me that, Snow. I won’t be able to let you go anywhere without me. It terrifies me to think that you are that defenseless.’
‘I’m not defenseless. I think I was already in a state because of the shock Nikki gave me, and then them … Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Nothing happened.’
‘Yeah, and nothing fucking will. I’m getting you a bodyguard.’
I jump up in horror. ‘What? No way. I’ll feel silly.’
‘Hmmm …’ he says absently, and I can hear all the wheels in his head turning away.
‘I’m serious, Shane. I’m not having a man following me around as if I’m some celebrity. It’s just ridiculous.’
‘Then you won’t fucking go anywhere without me then,’ he says flatly.
‘Oh, darling. I’m not going to let them ruin my life any more. I’m not afraid. Not anymore. Every day, ever since you came into my life, I have become stronger and stronger. My greatest regret is that I never went to the police and at least attempted to punish them. It’s not revenge although that would be sweet. It’s just that I know all of them will do it again to other young girls like me. They enjoyed it too much not to. My memories are all jumbled. Who knows, my evidence could have saved someone from what I suffered?’
Forty-one
SNOW
The day of our wedding dawns bright and cold. It is such a mad rush, the process of getting ready, but finally I am. Nobody allows me to see the mirror until my ensemble is complete, down to my satin covered shoes and my bridal bouquet.
‘Oh, Snow,’ Layla says in an awed voice. ‘You look like a fairy tale princess.’
I look at myself in the mirror and my mouth drops open in astonishment. I do look like a fairy tale princess!
The dress is everything I ever dreamed of. It has an illusion sweetheart neckline, a ball gown silhouette, and lace sleeves that are longer than my fingers, giving it the impression of a medieval costume. There are delicate lace details on the edges of the sleeves and a stunning appliqué on the bodice. On my head a glittering tiara made of stars sits.
I have to blink to stop myself from crying with happiness. I can’t believe I am getting married to Shane. It’s like a dream. It’s just too perfect.
‘No, no, no,’ cries Lily. ‘Don’t you dare cry and ruin all the make-up artist’s work.’
That makes me laugh.
There is a knock on the door. Layla runs to open it and my father comes into the bedroom. His eyes are filled with pride. At that moment I am suddenly painfully aware that my father, who is twenty-five years older than my mother, won’t be on this earth much longer. He kisses me gently on the cheek.
‘I haven’t been a good father to you, but I’m so proud of you,’ he says gruffly. There is regret etched on his face.
‘No, Papa. You’ve been wonderful. I wouldn’t exchange you for all the world.’ And it’s true, no matter how distant we have remained through the years, I have loved him. I truly, truly love him. As I look into his shining eyes I suddenly remember being a small girl sitting in his lap and him whispering in my ear. ‘You’re my princess,’ and then my mother coming into the room, and my father putting me away as obstructively as possible.
As the image recedes, there is a commotion at the door and my mother comes in. Automatically my father takes a step back, almost guiltily. And I see what I have never seen before. The unconscious pattern of our relationships. All of us afraid to show affection to anyone but my mother.
My mother takes a deep breath. ‘You look wonderful, Snow,’ she says.
And I smile at her. As if she really means it. As if she really loves me. I know she thinks the dress is too big and not elegant enough, but I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I love her, anyway. I just have to remember what Shane said, ‘Love does not measure. It only gives.’
‘You look beautiful too, Mum.’ And she does, in a cream suit with her trademark pearl necklace around her throat.
‘Thank you, my dear,’ she says politely.
‘Well, I guess we better get going,’ my father chips in.
I turn to him, beaming. ‘Yes, we should.’
In the car, with the fragrance of my bridal bouquet enveloping us, my father turns to me. ‘She does love you in her own way, you know?’ he says.
‘I know, Papa. I know,’ I say and squeeze his hand.
‘You have a heart of gold, Snow. A heart of gold,’ he mutters. ‘To everyone else you may look like a grown woman, but to me you will always be in pigtails and asking me what God eats, or why mice are not stripped like tigers?’
We arrive at the castle and an assortment of people are waiting outside; the planner, photographer, and some other organizers. Little Liliana is one of the flower girls. Dressed in a black and white printed dress with a flower crown and carrying a miniature green wreath, she looks utterly adorable. She grins and waves at me. And Tommy, the ring bearer, is all dressed like a mini man, and trying very hard to look up someone’s skirt.
As we walk to the entrance, we pass lovely moss-covered animal topiaries. Pigs, bears and rabbits. We enter the impressive doorway and walk down a dark stone corridor.
My father turns to me. ‘Are you ready?’
I nod silently, speechless. They open the great doors and the little girls go ahead, strewing rose petals.
Everyone turns to look at me, but I walk down the aisle in a daze, my eyes searching for Shane. I see his dark head almost straight away. He has turned and is looking at me. Through my veil our eyes meet. And my breath is snatched away.
He is so incredibly handsome.
My feet stumble and I cling automatically to my father’s arm. He glances at me anxiously, and Shane makes a slight movement as if he is about to leave his position and come to me, but I recover, and we carry on down the aisle under Shane’s watchful gaze.
My father lifts my veil and kisses me on my forehead. Shane breaks tradition and hugs my father as if they are old friends. My father nods, overcome with emotion and turns again to me. He hugs me tightly and then pulls away. As he is turning away, I call him as if I am a little girl again, ‘Daddy?’
He twists around, tears in his eyes, and I hug him again. ‘I love you,’ I whisper in his ear.
And he says, ‘I hope you know I’ve always loved you the best.’
And I whisper back, ‘Yes, I know that.’
Then I am given to Shane. He holds out his hand and grins irrepressibly at me, as if he too can’t believe his luck.
The words of the service sound like they are coming from the bottom of the sea. I repeat them carefully. It is truly like a dream. I just cannot believe that I am marrying Shane. As if in slow motion, I am holding out my hand and Shane’s strong fingers are slipping the ring onto my finger. I look up at him.
‘You may kiss the bride,’ the priest says.
Shane bends his mouth and, as his lips touch mine, all the hundreds of guests fire their cap guns at the same time. The reverberating sound startles me. I gasp and a laughing Shane gathers me in his arms and takes my mouth in a long, deep kiss.
‘God, I love you, Snow,’ he says, looking into my eyes.
The organ music reaches a crescendo triumphantly.
‘Let’s go,’ Layla says to me after we have posed for photos in the castle and on the lawns, ‘Time to change.’
‘Change? Into what?’
‘It’s a surprise,’ she says with wink.
We go into one of the smaller rooms next to the great hall where the reception will be held, and there is a deep red and gold traditional Indian bridal costume hanging on a hanger. I turn around and look at Layla. ‘I’m wearing an Indian costume
?’
She laughs gaily. ‘We all are. It was Shane’s idea.’
I laugh in disbelief. ‘Really?’
‘Yes,’ she says excitedly.
‘OK,’ I say, getting into the groove of an Indian wedding. I think of Chitra sitting out there in the crowd. She’ll be so tickled.
Layla and Lily quickly help me out of my wedding gown and into the Indian costume. The hairdresser gets to work next, taking down the tiara, and putting gold pins in my hair, and stringing a forehead decoration into the mix.
Red and gold bangles are slid up my arms. An Indian make-up artist from Hounslow uses eyeliner to enhance my eyes, making them appear dramatic. Gold antique jewelry is loaded onto my body: necklaces, forearm decorations, rings, chains. I am surprised by my reflection. I have never seen myself look so flushed and excited before. I am so happy I want to weep with joy.
Layla appears beside me. She looks gorgeous in a lovely blue lehenga. She smiles. ‘You look absolutely lovely. I wish I had done an Indian version for my wedding too.’
I just laugh.
‘One last hug,’ Layla says and we do a quick A line hug, since her pregnancy is showing even more now.
We leave the little changing room, and outside I am surprised to see that the others have changed into Indian costumes too. They look beautiful in their bright lehengas, saris, and salwar keemezes.
Feeling suddenly shy, I follow Layla through the crowded hall. People keep stopping us to congratulate and compliment me. Just outside the room where the reception will be held, Shane is waiting for me in a Sherwani. He looks so dashing it takes my breath away. Jake and Dom are also wearing Kurtas, and they stand beside Shane and smile at me. I smile back and feel so touched that they have all made such an effort to embrace me into their family. Shane comes up to me. He takes my hand and exhales slowly.
‘I always had a fantasy of bedding an Indian princess,’ he tells me with a grin.
I glance at the main table and see my mother. She looks stiff and uncomfortable. My father catches my eye and waves. I release my fingers from Shane’s. He looks down at me.
‘I’ll only be a minute,’ I say.
Beautiful Beast (Gypsy Heroes) Page 21