by Erin Trejo
My stomach falls as I read it over and over. How could she feel like that? A better question is; why didn’t I make her feel better about herself? Did I ever? Deciding to look into the book further I flip to the last page she wrote.
I looked back through my notebook today. I can’t believe the change in me. Ryker gives me so much love that I can barely hold it all. Even when he thinks I don’t notice the little stares and smiles he gives me, I do. His perfect smile melts my heart every time I see it. I never thought I’d find someone like Ryker. So rugged and hardcore, but with a heart of gold. He’s like the best of both worlds. My heart swells with pride every time I look at him. I never knew that love could mean so much to me. Here I am in love with a man that put his life on the line for me and pregnant. I never thought he would be happy that we were having a baby, but he seems to be. He always makes me feel special. I don’t think I would want to be anywhere else. He is my heart and soul. I don’t know that anyone could be a better father or husband than Ryker.
My stomach bottoms out. I can’t believe that she has all these thoughts about me. I know the way I feel about her, but we never really talked about that stuff. I need to make a mental note to talk to her more when I get her back. When I get her back, that’s the thought that kills my heart. They took away something that means the world to me and now I need to get it back.
I lie back on the bed with my cigarette hanging out of my mouth. Everything I thought I lost so long ago with Beth has fallen into my lap. Jersey is everything I could have asked for. I never figured that I’d have it back. I never realized how much I missed it until I found it in Jersey’s beautiful blue eyes.
Yeah, she’s young but she has a better head on her shoulders than so many of the chasers that come through here. Jersey knows what she wants in life. She knows where her heart and head’s at.
Young or not, she’s mine.
Thinking about those eyes are enough to kill my heart. The way they used to burn into me when she was horny. The way she smiles when she thinks I don’t notice. The way her touch soothes my nerves. I miss it, I miss it all. I want her, and I will get her back.
Snuffing out my cigarette, I lay my head back before grabbing Jersey’s pillow. I pull it into my face and inhale deeply before I make a promise to us both.
“I’ll get you out again. I’ll be the best husband and father I can be.” Inhaling her scent once more I close my eyes and prepare myself to do whatever it takes to get her back home and back in my arms.
There is not a single doubt in my mind that I will kill whoever I need to. I will take a life, or give my own, to make sure Jersey and my baby are safe.
Chapter 38
I wake up early as hell. I hate the feeling I have in my stomach. I want to throw up but I haven’t eaten anything since I found Jersey missing. I can’t seem to force myself to eat. I can drink like a motherfucker though. That’s the one thing that numbs my mind or at least for a little while it does.
I get up and head into the bathroom to take a shower but everything in there is Jersey’s. Her extra clothes that hug her little body. Her shampoo that smells like melons. Stepping under the warm water I let it flow over me. I just can’t focus on shit. I quickly climb back out unable to handle all the smells that remind me of her. My mind can’t bear it anymore. I pull my clothes on and head out to the main room. No one is up this early but me. I walk around looking at the place that’s become my home. This is my family; they mean everything to me.
I grab a beer knowing that it’s too early, but who cares? No one understands the feelings I’m having right now. They don’t get what I’m going through. Taking my beer, I head over to the back where the couches are and drop down on one. I drink my beer when I hear someone making noise. Looking up I see Piper as he makes his way out into the main room.
“You’re up a little early, yeah?” Piper startles before he turns to look at me.
“What the hell are you doin’?” He narrows his eyes at me as I chuckle slightly.
“Can’t sleep brother.” Piper nods as he turns and makes his way over to me. Sitting next to me he coughs a few times before he speaks.
“I know how you feel brother. Life can kick your ass and throw you down. I know this all too well. I used to love a woman many years ago. She was a cheatin’ little whore.” I chuckle as he reaches for my beer. I always wondered about Piper, but no one ever spoke about it so I didn’t ask.
“Yeah. She was whorin’ with Sharp back in the day. It was a long time ago but she ripped my fuckin’ heart out brother. I know how you feel about that girl I can see it all over your face. If I have to put myself out there for her to come home, you know I’ll do it. She means the world to you, and I’m just an old man. I know you think drinkin’ and shit is the way to hide the pain, but it’s not. Your mind needs to be on Jersey, and those motherfuckers that took her. I know you can handle this shit brother, but I’m tellin’ you I’ll take the son of a bitches down.” Slapping my hand on Piper’s shoulder, I know he would do just that.
“I know that. I plan on gettin’ my girl back though. I think I needed that little pep talk yeah? I need to focus on what’s at hand and make the best plans to get her out safely. You’re right Piper. I’ll gut each and every one of those motherfuckers. No one fucks with what belongs to me. That woman, and that baby belong to me. I’ll hunt those motherfuckers to the end of this earth to make them pay.” Piper stands up and smiles as he looks back down at me.
“Now you’re talkin’ like a man. I know you’re a man don’t take that wrong, but you just sat here and said what you needed to do. I can’t say that about all the brothers in this club. I know we all want to jump and run after what belongs to us, but you have your head on right brother.” Piper walks away leaving me sitting here alone. My mind wants to wander but I need to hold it in place. I need to be the stronger person and keep my head in the game.
“I’m gonna get you out baby.” I know I look like a crazy man sitting here talking to myself but that doesn’t faze me. I pull out a cigarette and light it up as I lean my head back and close my eyes. Her eyes are all that I see but that’s all that I need.
“Why are you up?” Bella’s voice has me snapping my head up to look over at her.
“Couldn’t sleep. What are you doin’?” Narrowing my eyes at her, I wonder what she’s doing out here already.
“Same. I don’t feel so good either.” I start to chuckle when she walks over and sits down next to me.
“Pregnant?” Glancing over at her she shakes her head with a tear in her eye. What the hell?
“If I tell you something Ryker, do you promise it stays with you? I mean it, not dad or Joey. No-one.” I see Bella’s eyes turn serious and I can honestly say that it scares the shit out of me.
“You can tell me anything Bella.” Bella swallows before she licks her lips, ready to speak.
“I have cancer. I’ve had it for a while. It was in remission, but it’s back. There is nothing else they can do to stop it.” Bella wipes her eyes as bile rises in my throat. No, this can’t be happening. She’s so young and full of life.
“Fuck Bella!” Growling I go to pull her into a hug but she doesn’t let me.
“No Ryker. It’s been a long time coming now. I know what my life is and I know my place in it. I don’t want dad freaking out so I never told him. I still don’t, so this needs to stay with us.” She looks at me as I shake my head. How can I keep that from him?
“Bella, he’s your dad.” She shakes her head as my stomach sinks.
“He has a family Ryker. He deserves to be happy and this isn’t happy. This is a burden. I won’t put that on him Ryker.” Shaking my head, I reach over and grab her pulling her against me.
“How did you get so fuckin’ strong?” Bella giggles into my shirt before I let her pull back.
“Look what I live with.”
Chapter 39
I spent the rest of the day hanging out with Bella. It seemed a little awkward, but I don’
t give a shit. I asked her all about her life growing up and how she felt about her dad and Cher. The main thing I wanted to know was how she felt knowing that she is close to the end of her life. The thing that amazes me about what she said is that she isn’t scared.
She said that she had come to terms with it a long time ago. Her mom took her to the doctor when she was younger and that’s when they found out. I can’t believe that she is at ease about it all. I think if I ever knew my time was coming I would want my family to know, to be prepared. Bella has her own reasons for keeping it from them, and I need to respect that.
“Where’s your head at?” Tank calls over to me as we sit around the table discussing what’s about to go down tonight.
“I’m here. Trust that.” Nodding his head, it hurts me inside to not tell him that he’s losing his little girl. The same little girl that he just got back is slowly slipping out of his grasps again.
“We’re goin’ in full force. We got Griff’s boys ready to ride, and our guys are strapped up. We know they are gonna be watched a little closer with all this other shit goin’ on but we have the numbers. With that bein’ said, we don’t know where Jersey is bein’ held. We go in hard but we go in careful.” Creed looks around the table at everyone before we all agree.
“I want to tell you to pull back brother, but I know it’s what she wanted. If she isn’t there we will keep lookin’.” Creed’s eyes burn into me. I know he isn’t playing about any of this.
“I know Creed. I got this brother.” Creed nods again before he slams the gavel down on the table. We all stand and filter out ready to handle this shit. I want those girls out of there, and now. We have left them to this shit for far too long. They need a safe haven and I need my girl back.
Walking out into the main room I see Tank hugging Bella before we ride. A piece of my heart breaks at the sight before me. Such a waste of a young life. She had such a bad start to life that she deserved more than the hand she was given. Watching the guys as they say goodbye just rips my heart open. I hate that I can’t hug Jersey right now but one day soon. I know I have to be positive if I’m going to keep my wits about me. I need to be level headed going into that house. I already know that Jersey isn’t in there. She’s with the Shifters’ and hell is going to rain down on them when I find out where the hell they have her at.
I head outside and climb on my bike before placing my helmet on my head. Inhaling the night air, I feel a sense of peace within me. This night is going to go off really well, I can feel it. We are going to take down the Dusts’, and keep moving forward.
My heart races as I rev up my bike. Most nights I enjoy this moment. That time right before you set out to kill someone. That used to be my high. That was before Jersey. She became my high. She became the thing that grounded me and held me in place. It’s strange that it has been such a short time.
“Let’s ride.” Creed circles his finger in the air like he has so many other times as we all get ready for this. I want blood. I want them to feel the pain they instilled in those girls. Every fear, every insecurity that they drilled into them, I want them to feel. I watch as the guys all line up. We are ready for this night; I can feel it flowing from everyone. We all file out in formation as we make our way out to the main road. This is going to be one hell of a night. Shivers roll over my body as we get closer to the Dusts’. I know I’m going in as lead once we get there since I’ve been inside before. I like that part though. I never was a follower and tonight is no different.
Getting my head right, we pull up to the meeting point. Joey has the van parked and ready just like we talked about. The plan is for half the guys to move in on the Dusts’ while the other half moves for the girls. I know deep down inside of me, that I have to move these girls for Jersey. Just because I’m moving them doesn’t mean I can’t take an asshole or two out on the way. They deserve a long drawn out torture but this isn’t the time or place for that. I climb off my bike and settle my helmet on the seat before I walk over to the guys.
“We own this shit tonight.”
Chapter 40
I can feel it coming in the air. That death and despair. I know its coming. It’s inevitable. Even with getting these girls out alive, I don’t know where their heads are at. We don’t know the extent of what has been done to them. Jersey was special in the sense that they kept her a little better off than the others thinking she would make a higher sale. Too fucking bad that backfired.
“Ryker, your head in this? I want you on point in that house.” Creed looks over at me and must notice the look on my face. I have been ready for this for a while now. There is nothing besides Jersey that I want more, than to take this operation down.
“My heads straight Pres.” Creed nods with a cynical smile on his face. This is what he loves. I know Creed’s a good guy and one hell of father but this right here is what makes him tick. Knowing he’s making a difference in someone’s life. Hell, most of the guys here are the same way.
“We roll on three. You got your guys, get them out as quickly as possible and back to the van. Send half your guys with Joey to get them in place.” With a quick nod I turn my attention back to the shit house they have the girls in. I’m ready for this. I’m ready for whatever the hell comes out of it too.
“1……2……3.” On three we all move. Stealth like precision. I must say for a bunch of guys with fucked up backgrounds we make a hell of a team.
Me and my guys move through the tree line as we watch for Creed and his boys to move too. We need this to go off at the same time like we planned for it to work. When I see the hand signals from across the dirt path, we move. We file into formation making sure no one is left uncovered. We always have each other’s backs in times like this.
“We hit that back door. First four in go up. Last four take down. Sam and Rod take front entrance. Move in until you meet up with Gary and Black at the back. Secure that shit yeah?” Looking at the guys behind me, I know they’re ready for this. The glint in their eyes is all the reassurance I need from them. Twirling my finger in the air in the silent gesture for us to move, we head in.
The back door was open just like I thought it would be. I can only thank God for that part of the plan. We make our entrance as the others fan out to cover their areas. I can hear the shots being fired from across the lot where the Dusts’ are. In my mind I’m praying all of our guys make it out alive. I hit the top of the stairs and start toward the doors. Thankfully there are no guys up here right now. Pushing through the first door, the girls don’t make a sound. They were expecting whoever rented them for the night to come in. High as fuck and out of their little minds.
“Come on darlin’. We’re gettin’ you outta here.” Pulling one by the arm she looks confused.
“What? No, we just came back. We can’t go again.” Tears fall down her face, and I don’t have the heart to ask where they just came from. I can’t make myself do it.
“No, I mean out for good. We have a safe house for you to go to. I just need you to be quiet and follow what we say, yeah?” Looking down at her she cries harder.
“Ok. I can help you with the others. A few may not go.” Looking into her eyes she doesn’t seem to be as fucked up as the others.
“I don’t swallow the pills; I just act like it.” With a quick nod, I get what she’s doing. I can’t say that I blame her, but to a point, I don’t think I’d want to be in my right mind doing the things they are forced to do.
“Let’s roll.” The girl jumps up and grabs the other one off the bed as I head to the next room. To my surprise they are all filtering out into the hallway following all the rules. I didn’t know what to expect coming in here looking like we do and then telling them we are taking them somewhere else.
“You got this?” Looking at the little girl from the first room I nod into one of the others where Torch is trying to sweet talk the girl out.
“I got her.” With a whistle and nod to Torch he stands as the girl walks in. I watch in amazement as
she talks to her sweetly. I don’t know what she says to her, but the girl smiles and nods her head following her out of the room.
“What’s your name?” She stops and looks up at me. I can see the wheels turning in her mind. She doesn’t know if she should tell me or not.
“Cassidy.”
“Bella’s Cassidy?” The girl looks at me confused as I narrow my eyes at her. I don’t remember seeing her the last time we were in here.
“You know Bella? Is she ok?” I nod my head as I look around a little more.
“She’s with our club. She’s the one that told us about you and Deb.” Another tear slides down her cheek and I know Deb didn’t make it.
“It’s ok. You’re safe.” With a quick nod she moves to help out in another room while I stop at the last door at the end of the hallway.
Chapter 41
I stand with my hands on the door for a minute before I push it open. Every memory of Jersey rushes me at once. I didn’t see it coming but there they are. I can picture her scared little face when I first walked into this room. I can see the broken girl they left to be used, and mistreated.
“I’m gonna find you darlin’ and when I do, I will make them pay.” Saying the words out loud seems to calm something inside of me. I know in my mind that I would do anything in the world for that girl. That includes killing each and every one that has ever hurt her.
“We’re secured!” Torch yells letting me know that the top floor is ready to move to the van. With a quick look around, I step out closing the door to the past. She will never know that struggle again as long as I’m alive.