by ST Bende
“That’s right, you’ve never been to Asgard.” Skadi brushed an invisible fleck off her flimsy top.
“No. You’ll have to tell me about it.”
“It’s just wonderful. It has much more beauty than anything in this realm.”
“Hey.” Inga’s tone lowered at the thinly-veiled dig.
“Oh, Inga. What I’ve seen of Midgard is pleasant enough, but even you can’t honestly believe it compares to Asgard. I’m sure you’ll agree when you’re invited to see it, Kristia.”
“I like it here,” Inga insisted. “And if you don’t, you can just leave.”
“Inga,” I hissed over my shoulder. “Be nice.” If there was one thing I’d learned from watching reality television, it was to never anger a crazy houseguest.
“So is it true, Kristia? Have you really tamed Ull?” Skadi stared at me with doe-eyes, the picture of girlish innocence.
“Well, we’re engaged, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“After all these years…” Skadi sat back. “I’d never have imagined Ull would fall in love with a human, of all creatures. No offense.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Inga huffed.
“I’ve got this,” I whispered over my shoulder before turning to Skadi. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? After everything Ull’s been through.” I kept my tone light. “To think, he’s never met anyone who caught his eye.”
“That’s what they’re telling you? Well, he wasn’t always a saint.” Skadi smirked. “But humans are awfully skittish, as mortal beings go. I can understand why he wouldn’t be honest with you. You might run away.”
“Oh, you must mean those awful years he spent fighting. He told me all about them. Poor Ull.” I forced my face into a sympathetic mask to belie my growing irritation. If Skadi thought she could come in here and undermine our relationship, she didn’t have the sense God gave a goose.
“Indeed.” Skadi leaned forward. “Aren’t you at all nervous to be marrying an assassin? Do you worry that he might hurt you?”
“Ull would never.” I shook my head. “He’s so sweet with me.”
“It doesn’t get old? Knowing he can never fully be himself with you?”
“I don’t know what you mean, Skadi. Ull’s been honest with me since day one. I’ve never met anyone who’s so concerned with making me happy, who wants to take care of me in every possible way.” I blushed, thinking of the ways Ull intended to take care of me in the very near future.
Skadi tensed from head to toe, then adjusted her cleavage to its best advantage. “Isn’t that nice. Well, I’m so happy for the two of you. You’re going to be the first human-born Asgardian. You must be terribly pleased with how things have turned out.”
“I am very happy, thank you.”
“Anything else?” Inga hadn’t moved from her sentinel behind me.
“Why, Inga Andersson, are you kicking me out?” Skadi batted her thick lashes.
“I’m not sure what to make of you today.”
“Fair enough.” Skadi stood and turned for the door. “Tell Ull I stopped by. You’ll have to come over to my place when you’re allowed in Asgard.” She got in her last dig. “If you like these cake pops, you’ll love my kransekake.”
“You can cook now, too?” Inga’s eyes dropped to Skadi’s blouse again. “Who are you?”
“I told you, Inga, I’ve changed. I just want to make Kristia feel welcome, that’s all. I remember what it’s like to be the new girl.”
“Thank you, Skadi. That was very generous of you.” I stood and followed her to the porch. “Ull and I will be sure to stop by together when we’re in your realm.”
“Please do.” Skadi was cut off as Inga closed the door.
“Inga! That wasn’t nice.” But I couldn’t help giggling.
“I don’t care. That woman is horrible.”
“There did seem to be something off about her,” I agreed. “But I wouldn’t worry too much—the sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time.”
“What does that mean?” Inga asked.
“Just that she’ll get what’s coming to her.”
“I sure as Helheim hope so.” Inga grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the couch. “She’s usually not that subtle. You should hear the mouth on the real Skadi. I couldn’t figure out what her game was today. Do you see why she’s on the no-access list?”
“Ull was never into her, was he?” I hated to hammer a dead horse, but the image of the busty Amazon woman in body-hugging pants was burning a hole in my brain.
“Oh my goodness, stop asking that. I told you, he’s never been into anyone. You’re the first girl he’s ever loved.”
“You realize that’s completely unbelievable, right? He’s like, a billion years old.”
“You greatly underestimate Ull’s stubborn streak. He said he wasn’t going to fall for anyone, and Odin’s ravens, he didn’t. Until you.” Inga gave me a pointed look.
“Whatever. What was that bit about remembering what it’s like to be the new girl? What’s her story?” Our visit with Skadi had taken so long our toes were dry. We began applying our first coat to our fingers.
“I wish I knew. We’ve all wondered how she ended up crazy.” Inga carefully painted a deep plum on her little finger. “Her dad died when she was young, and she came to live in Asgard not long after. I’m not all that sure where she came from. It had to be somewhere really awful, the way she acts.”
“That’s sad.” I painted a stripe of white on my thumb. I wanted French tips.
“I think she latched onto the idea of being with Ull, since he’d lost his dad too. And she was always a good fighter. And a good skier. Physically, she is a lot like Ull, but that’s where the similarities end. She’s a complete basket-case, and Ull does everything he can to live the most structured life possible. He could never have considered her.”
“I’m glad.” I moved on to my next finger.
“It was kind of fabulous to see you hold your own.” Inga giggled. “You didn’t let her digs phase you at all.”
“Told you I could take care of myself.”
“Yes, you can.” Inga painted her thumb with a flourish.
“Inga.” I appraised my fingers. The French tips were looking pretty good.
“Yes?”
“You know I have to talk to Ull about this no-access thing, right? I can’t have him controlling every aspect of my life—especially if he’s using you to do it.”
“I know.” Inga looked up. “But could you maybe wait until I’m out of the house to let him know I told you? I don’t want to fight with him this close to the wedding. He might not let me be involved with the planning anymore.”
“Organizing it means that much to you?”
“Oh, yes.” Inga’s smile stretched from ear to ear. “It’s not every day you get to see your best friends get married. We’ve waited for-bloody-ever for Ull to let himself be happy. And getting such a great friend in the process, well, it’s just all kinds of fabulous.”
When she put it like that, it was hard to be upset at her for following Ull’s overbearing orders. But Ull and I definitely needed to have a little chat.
Stewing wasn’t an attractive habit, but it was one I’d probably never break. Maybe it was because I had such a long fuse, but once I got angry, irritation crawled into my head and set up a tent. There was no turning it off—even in my sleep. Knowing my penchant for nocturnal imaginings, and knowing how truly frustrated I was with Ull’s overprotective behavior, I probably should have just pulled an all-nighter.
But I didn’t.
So I shouldn’t have been surprised to watch my subconscious-self storm into Ull’s bachelor weekend campsite. In the dream it was the middle of the night. I wore cargo pants and combat boots, and I’d smeared black paint beneath my eyes. Apparently I was gearing up for a fight on every possible level.
It should have been funny, but it was downright scary. Everything about my face screamed fury, from the
deep V between my eyes, to the divot beneath my cheekbones, to the harsh set of my jaw. The air was cold thanks to a thick fog resting over the lake, but it crackled with the tension radiating off my skin. As I watched myself march toward Ull’s tent, I was surprised by the metallic taste of blood. Only then did I realize I was biting my cheek to keep from shouting.
“Ull Myhr.” I stood outside the tent, hands on hips. “Get out here this instant.”
There was some shuffling inside the tent. Then Ull poked his head out. His hair was disheveled, his stubble bordering on a full beard. His eyes lit up when he saw me, and he stepped out of the tent, zipping it closed behind him.
“Hei hei,” he murmured. He put a hand on the small of my back to draw me in for a kiss.
“Get your hands off me.” I shoved him with uncharacteristic strength.
“What did I do?” Ull tilted his head to the side.
“What did you do?” A family of ducks took flight at my tone. Whatever. “You darned well know what you did. What you’re doing! You told Inga not to let me around Skadi. You’ve got a list, an actual list of people I can’t associate with. You’re trying to control my life!”
“Bloody well right I am.” Ull spoke so matter-of-factly, I took a step back.
“What?”
“Bloody well right I am.” Ull repeated. “You are a mortal, Kristia. You cannot make these kinds of decisions for yourself.”
His condescension was grossly out of character, even in a nightmare.
“Who do you think you are? You don’t get to decide who I hang out with. If I want to meet Skadi, then I’ll meet Skadi. Or whoever else I decide I want to associate with. This is my life, not yours. So back off.”
Amusement danced across Ull’s perfect face. “Not likely.” He pulled a bracelet out of his pocket and attached it to my wrist.
“Jewelry is not going to make this better—ouch! What is this thing? It’s pinching me.”
“It is a tracker.”
“A what?”
“A tracker.” Ull patted my head, like I was a confused child. “Tyr—our God of War—uses them to keep tabs on undesirables.”
“Did you just call me undesirable?” I tried to rip the bracelet off, but it wouldn’t budge. Now my skin burned where it touched me. “What is happening?”
“It is melding to your skin. The pain will wear off in a minute or two.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. Ull just tagged me with a skin-melding bracelet? Because I was undesirable? This nightmare stunk worse than the cow patties on the homestead.
“Why would you do this?”
“Because you refuse to understand that when it comes to your safety, I know better than you. The bracelet will track your movements and send them to my phone. If you attempt to go anywhere I have not approved, or fraternize with anyone I do not trust, I will be notified. And I will transport to wherever you are, and stop you.”
“You put a GPS on my wrist? Who does that?”
“I do.” Ull’s eyes darkened. “This is for your own good, Kristia. You just need to trust me.”
“You need to trust me!” I cried. “When are you going to start trusting me to handle myself in your world? What do I have to do to prove myself to you?”
The message hit me like a bolt of lightning, and I was sucked out of the field through a vortex in the fog. As the forest whipped past me, I saw Ull frozen by his tent, a shell-shocked expression on his face. That was it, really; that was what all of my frustrations boiled down to.
What did I have to do to prove to Ull that I could handle myself in his world? When would he start believing that I could be everything my prophecy promised I would become?
The vortex changed course so I was flying toward my makeshift bed on Inga’s couch. With a jolt I was back to reality, shivering under the thick blankets. My body realized I was awake before my brain did. My hand reached reflexively for my wrist, feeling for the traitorous GPS bracelet. It wasn’t there and it never had been. It hadn’t been real—it was only a nightmare. Ull would never hurt me. Ever.
But it was starting to feel like he might never trust me, either. Forever was an awfully long time to spend with someone if they would never be able to believe in you. It didn’t have to happen today, or even next week. Rome wasn’t built in a day… and I couldn’t realistically expect Ull to let go of a lifetime of fears just because we were about to say, “I do.”
But I had to know he’d let go eventually. Because whether the GPS bracelet was real or a dream-induced metaphor, I couldn’t spend the rest of my existence with someone looking over my shoulder. I had to be free to grow into the goddess everyone expected me to be; the goddess I knew I was meant to become.
I had to be free to be me.
Chapter Eight
“HELLO DARLING.” ULL GREETED me with a warm kiss when he got back the next night. True to form, Inga had dumped Gunnar’s luggage in their room and whisked him out of the house to give us some privacy. I hadn’t mentioned my dream, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know I was going to interrogate Ull about his latest overprotective maneuver the minute he walked through the door. Inga was nobody’s fool; she wanted to avoid a fight.
“Hi.” I kissed Ull back and quickly moved to the couch. “We need to talk.”
“Sounds serious.” Ull was still in a good mood, obviously relaxed from two days of fishing. “You are not having cold feet?”
“No. But I do have a concern. A big one.” A night-terror level, electroshock-GPS-bracelet-imagining big one.
“Are you nervous about exams? We have a whole week left to study, and I am happy to help you prepare. Trust me, Kristia, you will do just fine. You are an exceptional student.”
“This isn’t about school.”
Ull sat next to me on the couch and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Spill.”
“Okay. First of all, would you ever put an electroshock bracelet on me to track my moments?”
“What? Why would I do something absurd? Would I happen to be insane in that scenario?”
“I don’t know. To protect me?” I bit my bottom lip.
“No. Of course I would never do something that cruel. I would never knowingly hurt you. You know this—or at least, I hope you do. You are my world. Kristia, where is this coming from?”
“Don’t ask,” I muttered. Then I lifted my chin to stare him down. “Were you going to tell me about your no-access list? Or any other rules you’ve composed to control my life?”
“Pardon?”
I jumped to my feet and paced in front of the fireplace. “Are you planning to spend the rest of my existence making up arbitrary laws you think will keep me under your thumb, then having our friends enforce them for you? Because that’s not the life I want to sign up for.”
“Kristia—”
“Why would you think it’s okay to control who I spend time with? What I do?” My footsteps fell so hard, the framed photos on the mantel shook.
“You think I want to control you?” Ull furrowed his brow.
“I know you do!” My frustration piqued—I could feel my eyes burning. “And it’s not okay. You set up rules for Inga to enforce, and you didn’t even tell me.”
“Kristia Tostenson, listen to me right now. I left you in Inga’s care. You did not think I would leave your side without making sure you had the best protection possible, did you?”
“Protection?”
“Yes. Protection. You have no idea what will come after you when your identity gets out. So long as you are mortal, there is very little I will not do to keep you safe. Though I would not resort to shock therapy to protect you. Where would you get an idea like that?” Ull shook his head. “I gave Inga a list of people I wanted kept away from you to ensure your safety. What would have happened if Skadi had come around while you were having one of your visions? She is not of sound mind. I do not want her anywhere near you, especially when you are unconscious and unable to defend yourself. I asked Inga to look after
you while I was away. And I would do it again.”
“Well…” I paused. I crossed back to the couch and sat, tucking my knees under my chin. “Fine. I get the list. But I felt really stupid when your crazy ex-lover showed up.”
“Skadi was never my lover,” Ull corrected fiercely. “And what do you mean she showed up? When was she here?”
“Yesterday. I think she came by to scare me off.”
“Did she?”
“Hardly.” I rolled my eyes. “It takes a lot more than a manipulative woman to freak me out.”
“What did she want?”
“She said she just wanted to congratulate us. But she was wearing an awful lot of makeup for a social call.” I waited for Ull to say something, but he’d squeezed his eyes shut.
“Ull? You would never leave me for Skadi, would you? Ull?” I grabbed his face with both hands and stared until he opened his eyes. When he did I could see tears of laughter in their corners.
“I am sorry, my love. I just pictured Skadi in makeup.” His shoulders shook with pent-up amusement. “I have changed my mind. I am very glad I was not here to see that. It must have been terrible.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “She is a seriously strange woman.”
“I know. And listen to me. I cannot keep saying this. There was never anything between Skadi and me. I want nothing more than for her to stay as far away from you and me as possible. Do you understand?” I sat back against the cushions, relieved I didn’t have any real competition from the goddess in the skimpy top.
“What concerns me is why she was here. I do not believe for one minute she wanted to offer congratulations. Skadi is not stable, Kristia. Who knows what she could have done if something had set her off? You should have listened to Inga and left her outside,” Ull growled, his irritation renewed. “How am I supposed to keep you out of harm's way if you defy every safeguard I have set in place for you?”