by Barbara Goss
Miles nudged Michael. “Can I get you a jacket for that cold shoulder?”
“I suppose I deserve it,” Michael said.
Miles looked puzzled. “How do you know Dora?”
“She worked in a saloon in Salina. We were…um…close, but I wasn’t ready to settle down and I sort of cheated on her,” Michael said. “I really was fond of her, but I was too young and having too much fun to be tied down.”
Anna suddenly disliked Michael. How could he do that to her friend, Dora? He was no better than the suitors her mother had entertained.
“If you’re finished here, Violet, we’ll take Michael home for dinner. Would you and Billy care to join us, Anna?” Miles asked.
“No, thank you,” she said. “Billy’s been locked in his office for hours now. He’s writing his sermon, and I think he has a counseling appointment at the church in an hour.”
“I’m ready,” Violet said, scooping up her books. “I’ll leave two of the books for you to practice with,” she said in a whisper.
Anna appreciated that she didn’t let on in front of Michael that she couldn’t read, and she mouthed a silent thank you to Violet.
“See you tomorrow,” Violet said, and the three of them left.
Anna was practicing her reading when Dora came back in, picked up the towels, and shoved them into the drawer. “Is he gone?” she said.
“Yes, Dora, he just left,” Anna said. “I take it you don’t care for Michael.”
Dora slid into Violet’s vacated chair. “He’s pond scum.”
“What did he do to you?” Anna said. “If he hurt you, then I don’t like him either.”
Dora patted her hand. “Thank you, Anna.” She sighed. “It was a long time ago. He was my first…you know. I had no family and no means, so when I was hired at the saloon in Salina, I was happy. I did nothing but flirt with the men and make sure they all had a good time. I was shy back then, and not as bold as I am now. You harden up pretty quickly in that line of work. Back then, I never left with any of the men—until Michael.” Dora got a faraway look on her face. “I loved him.”
“You did?” Anna asked.
“Yes, with all my heart. We were close as any couple could be—for about a month. Then I saw him leaving the Bull’s Head Saloon with another saloon girl. He never came to me and said we were finished, or anything. I had to see it with my own eyes, and it hurt. He never came into the saloon where I worked again. I gave that man my virginity, and he treated it like it wasn’t the most important gift a woman can give to a man.
“After that, I met another loser who went by the name of Mr. E., and fell for him, but I think now that I was just trying to get over Michael. I followed Mr. E. to Abilene, and then he tossed me over for every saloon woman in town. He was even bigger pond scum.
“Next, I so craved the closeness from a relationship that I bounced from scum to scum, and then I met an angel named Rose, and she changed my life. I will never, ever, give myself to a man again without first having a wedding ring on my finger for two reasons: one, it’s against the Bible; and two, I won’t ever trust a man enough to let him take what he wants and then leave me again. I want marriage, or nothing.”
Her story made Anna feel more antagonistic toward Michael, but she also could relate to Dora’s experiences in life.
“Dora, I never had touching or affection in my life, either. Lately, when anyone touches me—I like it. It’s like I want more of it. I like being with Billy when we’re in public because he touches me, and pays attention to me for the benefit of whoever might see us, of course, but I love it, so I know exactly how you feel.”
“But you already have the ring on your finger,” Dora said. “You could lie with Billy at any time and be blessed by God, and he’d never leave you. You two are committed.”
“It will never happen, Dora. Remember Billy’s rules for our marriage?”
“Is he still abiding by those dumb rules?” Dora asked.
Anna nodded. “I’m not sure I’m ready for anything more, at least, not yet, anyway. I just crave the feeling of being touched. I’m still afraid of…you know. After what I saw with my mother, intimacy frightens me.”
“Well, remember this, Anna: your mother never had a fine man like Billy for a husband. If she had, she’d still be happy and alive,” Dora said. “Marital intimacy is something beautiful—look how happy Violet is, and Rose, and Ivy, and Julia. I've never seen so many devoted couples before. I can't help but think it's due to the Godliness in them.”
“Maybe so…” Anna stopped her thoughts. “I had better remind Billy of his appointment.” She scooped up her books and headed for his office.
Billy sat thumping his pencil on the paper he was supposed to be writing, feeling angry. Why did the church job have to hinge on him being married?
Now he couldn’t concentrate on his work. He had to show affection for Anna in public, and it was starting to get to him, to distract him. At the very least, he wished he could have found a less attractive woman to marry. She was a Jezebel if he ever saw one. Whenever he had to put his arm around her, why did she have to move closer and cuddle up to him? Didn’t she realize the distraction it caused, both for him and his work?
He’d prayed and prayed, and when he finally found himself concentrating and writing his sermon, the noises in the kitchen annoyed him. He knew Violet was teaching Anna, but his brother tended to be so loud whenever he stopped by. Their voices, as well as his thoughts about Anna, were all so distracting.
He threw down his pencil and began praying. He’d gotten up a good stream of words to God about his problem when someone knocked on his door. He threw his hands in the air—it was no use!
“Who is it?” he said a bit crossly.
“Anna.” She opened the door and peeked inside. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I wanted to remind you of your appointment at six.”
“Oh, no!” he exclaimed. “What time is it?”
“Half past five.”
“Thank you, Anna,” he said, and he rushed out of the room, and out of the house.”
Michael Green slipped into the bed in the room Miles had given him. He still couldn’t believe his eyes when he’d seen Dora. His heart did a sort of flip-flop, even though he hadn’t thought about her in two years.
He didn’t blame her for the cold attitude she'd shown him. He knew she’d given him something special, and that she’d loved him, but that he hadn’t been ready. He had no clue at the time he was initially intimate with her, that he was her first time. That revelation had scared him. He knew she’d think it to be a requisite for marriage, but he was having too much fun with all the saloon women he could find at the time. Yet, he hadn't been tempted to stay with any of them since Dora.
He pictured her face when she’d recognized him, still as beautiful and spunky as ever! Was he ready now for a relationship? He thought he might be. All evening long, watching Miles and Violet, only served to make him wish he had her beside him. All of those saloon women he’d thought were so much fun were nothing more than empty memories—all but one.
How, he wondered, do you go about winning back the heart of someone you've thrown away?
In the morning when he awoke, his first thought was of Dora. He dressed, and went out to find Miles or Violet. He found them both in the dining room, drinking coffee, and he sat down with them.
“Good morning,” Michael greeted.
“Good morning,” Violet and Miles said in unison.
“How did you sleep?” Miles asked.
Michael yawned. “Like a bear.”
“I’m on my way to the bank. You want to stop by the livery after breakfast? Quinn is expecting you. He’ll show you around and what you’d have to do if you took the job with him. If you decide you’d rather work at Jonas’s ranch, I’ll take you there, later.”
“This is only temporary employment, you understand. I have money saved, and I’d like to open a business of my own, but I don’t have a clue as to what type of
business I want,” Michael said.
The Croft’s maid came in with platters of eggs, ham and toast.
“Miles, you should eat something before you go,” Violet said.
“I will.” He grabbed a piece of toast from the stack and left.
Michael and Violet helped themselves to the food. “So, what’s going on with you and Dora?” Violet asked.
“I loved her and then left her. I’m not proud of it. I really cared for her, but I wasn’t ready at the time. Now? Well, it’s too late.” Michael sipped his coffee. “Did you see the look she gave me?”
“I know first hand that it’s never too late, Michael. Something similar happened to Miles and me. I threw away the best thing that had ever happened to me because I thought I hadn’t tasted enough of life. The life I tasted after I broke off with Miles left a horrid taste in my mouth.”
“Same with me. How did you win him back?” he asked.
Violet dipped her toast into the yolk of her egg. “It wasn’t easy. I had to prove my love first.” She popped the toast into her mouth. “I love breakfast, don’t you? It’s my favorite meal of the day.”
“Yes, I do. And this one's delicious. Your maid did a great job.”
“No, the cook did, the maid just brought it in.”
“You have that much staff here?”
“Just one maid and one cook. I’m a horrible cook.”
“So,” Michael said, “you said you had to prove your love. I’ll have to think of a way to prove my love to Dora. By the look on her face yesterday, that isn’t going to be easy.”
“You’ll find a way. Love always prevails,” Violet said.
“How did you prove your love—If you are able to say, that is?”
Violet confided in Michael how she'd won Miles back.
“Wow, bold move. I’m not sure that would work for me.”
Violet smiled. “You’ll think of something.”
Anna answered a knock on the kitchen door and was surprised to see Michael Green standing there. She gave him a cool greeting, and invited him in.
“Are you here to see my husband?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “I’d like to speak to Dora, if I may.”
“She’s upstairs. Have a seat.” She pointed to a kitchen chair. “I’ll get her.”
Anna found Dora in Billy’s bedroom, making the bed. “You know,” Dora said, with a big sigh, “if you two would sleep in the same bed it would save me a lot of work.” She winked at Anna.
“No chance, Dora,” she said. “Billy would find that an even bigger distraction.”
Dora laughed. “A distraction most men crave.”
“Speaking of men—you have a male caller downstairs.”
“I do?” Dora smiled.
“Michael Green.”
Dora’s smile faded. “Tell him I refuse to see him—I’m busy.”
“Should I say you’re busy or that you refuse to see him?” Anna asked.
“Both,” Dora snapped. “And I won’t go downstairs until he leaves, so let me know when he’s gone.”
Anna nodded. She went back downstairs and into the kitchen. Michael looked up expectantly. Seeing Anna was alone, he sighed and rubbed his face.
“She won’t see me, right?”
“No, and I hardly blame her after she told me why,” Anna said boldly.
“You’re a loyal friend, Mrs. Croft. I respect that in a person.”
Anna softened a bit toward him. “Would you like a cup of coffee? It’s still warm.”
“I’d love one, but only if you’ll join me,” he said.
She poured them each a cup, set it in from of them, and sat down. “May I ask what your intentions are toward Dora?”
“I’m not sure I have any intentions, now.”
“Why did you come to see her?”
“I want her back. I took one look at her yesterday and knew I wanted her back. I still love her. I made a mistake in letting her go,” he said. “But I guess it’s too late.”
“Maybe not. Maybe I can help by talking to her,” Anna said.
“No. I have to figure out a way to let her know I love her, and that she can trust me this time.”
“She told me just the other day that she would never be intimate with anyone again, at least, not until she has a ring on her finger,” Anna told him. “She’s a Christian now, goes to church every Sunday.”
“Hmm,” Michael said. “That gives me an idea.”
He took a drink from his cup, smacked his lips, and said, “Good coffee. Of course— don’t tell me—Dora made it.”
“She does everything around here. She’s priceless.”
Just then Billy came in from the sitting room, and did a double take when he saw Anna with a strange man. He stood behind Anna’s chair, his hands on her shoulders.
“And you are?” he asked, not unkindly.
Michael stood. “I’m Michael Green, a friend of your brother, Miles.”
Billy’s eyes glanced from Michael to Anna a few times, so Anna decided to explain.
“He came to see Dora, but she refuses to see him.”
Billy held his hand out to Michael. “Welcome, Mr. Green.” He gave Anna a look when he called Michael, Mr. Green. Anna thought his look was telling her she shouldn’t be calling him Michael.
“I’d be pleased to see you in church on Sunday. I have a very special message this week,” he said.
“I’ll be there,” he said, still shaking Billy’s hand.
“Can I walk you to the door?” Billy said.
This time Anna swung around to look at Billy. He was actually suggesting that Michael leave. How dare he?
“Thank you,” Michael said, and he walked to the door, leaving half a cup of coffee behind. He stopped in the doorway to give Anna a wave. Neither he nor Anna missed Billy’s frown.
Anna had the feeling that Billy was going to scold her, so she quickly left the room, and went upstairs to talk with Dora.
Dora was sitting on Anna’s bed. “Is the scum gone?”
“Yes, thanks to Billy’s almost throwing him out,” Anna said.
“What?”
“For some reason, Billy didn’t like the idea of me having coffee with Michael.”
“Jealous was he?” Dora winked.
“No. I’m sure it was more a possessive thing,” Anna said.
“So why were you having coffee with the scum?”
“He isn’t scum, Dora, and you know it,” Anna said. “I was prepared to dislike him, but I sort of like him. He’s truthful and seems sincere to me.”
“Why did he come here?” Dora asked.
Anna thought better than to tell Dora he still loved her. First of all, she wouldn’t believe it, and secondly, it was up to Michael to think of a way to win her back.
“He wanted to speak with you. He seemed sincere, and was extremely disappointed when you wouldn’t see him. I think he may have been hurt that you were so cool to him yesterday,” Anna said. She sighed. “I guess I'd better go downstairs and face Billy’s scolding. I just thought that if I came up here first it would give him some time to cool down.”
Dora laughed. “You and I have men problems. I can’t believe you and Billy, and now me and Michael. Is he staying in town, or just visiting?”
“I hear he’s staying.”
“Good grief,” Dora said.
When Anna came downstairs, Billy was pacing the sitting room floor. “May I have a word with you?” he asked.
“Of course,” Anna said.
“In my office,” he said, leading the way.
She sat across from his desk, and he sat behind it. “Why were you entertaining a man alone?”
“I was being friendly, and with you and Dora both in the house, I didn’t consider myself alone.”
“It isn’t proper for a young woman to be alone in a room with a man, especially one you hardly know. It just isn’t done.”
“I wanted to find out what he wanted from Dora. If he was up to no
good, I’d have thrown him out, but he seemed sincere. I think he truly loves her.”
“Really? Well, it still isn’t proper.”
“Wait a minute,” Anna said. “This wasn’t part of our deal.”
“What wasn’t part of the deal? Billy asked.
“That you could tell me who I can and can’t talk to.” She stood. “I am playing the part of your wife, but since it’s only a pretense, and a sham of a marriage, I don’t think you have that right.”
Anna turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Billy held his head in his hands. What had gotten into him? Why had he been so upset to see Anna talking to that strange man? Come to think of it, he vaguely remembered him from Hays—Miles had left Hays with his friend, Michael Green, who had inherited a ranch in the Abilene area. He honestly didn’t remember him until that very moment.
He told himself the reason he was so upset was because she was supposed to be the minister’s wife, and how did he know he could trust her to play the part when he wasn’t with her? Heaven help him if the man ever bumped into her and she let fly her anger. Of course that was why he was so upset.
He firmly believed he was correct in telling her that it wasn’t proper, but what was she to do? Throw him out when Dora refused to see him?
He sighed. He supposed he’d have to apologize. Anna sure was a spitfire when upset.
He wondered if Michael Green was a Christian. He had a very special sermon planned for Sunday about committing oneself to God, why one should do it, and how one should go about it. He would also touch on the topic of baptism.
Chapter 8
Billy began his sermon with the story of Nicodemus from John 3:5, which led to the subject of being born again. Billy explained that, at birth, we are born of the flesh, and when we say the sinner’s prayer, we are born of the spirit.
He went on to explain, using examples from everyday life about how being born of the spirit changes Christians. He backed up each story with quotations from appropriate scripture. He then began to wind up his message.