by Jean Ure
“That’s got nothing to do with it,” I said, crossly. “I’m just worried for Maya! In case she goes and does something really stupid, like …”
“Like what?”
”I don’t know! But he’s eighteen. What if he …”
“What?”
“If he …”
“Takes advantage? I’m sure he wouldn’t,” said Cate. “Not Jake!”
“But you were the one that said he might fancy her, cos of her being so pretty!”
“I didn’t say he’d actually do anything.”
“Then why does he keep encouraging her?”
“Boys can’t help it,” said Cate. “They like being flirted with. So do girls,” she added. “There isn’t any harm in just flirting.”
“I bet you wouldn’t say that if it was Immy!” Immy is her little sister. “I bet you wouldn’t be so happy if she was flirting with him! Cramming into the front seat and simpering at him and making eyes and—”
“OK!” She flung up a hand, like, enough. “Maybe I would be just a tiny bit bothered.”
I said, “Right! So what would you do about it?”
“I’d … talk to her,” said Cate.
“Talk to her!” I made a scoffing sound. “You really think you can talk to someone when they’re in her state?”
“You could try.”
“I have tried! She won’t listen. She just gets cross and accuses me of saying mean things.”
And of being jealous. Which I so was not.
Cate said, “Well … OK! In that case …”
I waited, expectantly, for words of wisdom.
“What I would do,” said Cate, “I’d talk to my mum. After all, it’s what mums are for. And yours is really nice!”
I said, “I know, but …”
“What’s the problem? Tell your mum! Let her deal with it. Simple!”
It may have seemed simple to Cate, but to me it seemed like a sort of betrayal. How could I go to Mum behind Maya’s back? Telling her that Maya had a crush was one thing. Telling her I was worried something might actually happen was quite another. Mum would feel bound to tell Auntie Megs and that would make Auntie Megs fly into one of her panics and then what would happen? Maya would accuse me of betraying her. She would hate me for ever more! I tried explaining this to Cate. She listened sympathetically. She knew all about Auntie Megs and her panic attacks and Uncle Kev and his weird ideas.
“Still, I really think you ought to do something,” she urged. “I mean, if you’re that worried. Maybe you should go to Jake’s mum?”
I recoiled, in horror. I couldn’t go running to Jake’s mum! “She already knows,” I said. “My mum’s already told her Maya’s got this massive crush.”
“But does she know how far it’s gone? Does she know he’s letting her flirt with him?”
“N-no, but …” He might not even realise that she was flirting with him! He might just feel sorry for her. I wouldn’t want to get him into any sort of trouble.
Cate could obviously see that I was reluctant.
“P’raps what you ought to do,” she said, “is try talking to Maya again. Tell her that she’s making herself look ridiculous and if it doesn’t stop you’ll have to tell someone. Not cos you’re being horrible, but because you’re worried. That’s what I think you ought to do.”
I heaved a sigh. “I suppose.”
“Well, you’ve got to do something,” said Cate.
I knew that I had. I wasn’t very happy at the thought of talking to Maya, but anything was better than talking to Jake’s mum.
“This evening,” urged Cate. “Get it over with!”
I so didn’t want to. I knew what would happen. Maya would get all sulky and defiant. She might even accuse me again of being jealous. Maybe, I thought, I could leave it till the weekend? Not that it would be any better at the weekend, but – well! Anything could happen between then and now. Uncle Kev might suddenly reappear, or at least do something to get in touch. That would cheer her up! It might even take her mind off Jake – who probably wasn’t actually encouraging her. It was probably just my imagination. I do have a very active imagination. Really, the more I came to think about it the more I thought it would probably be better if I didn’t talk to Maya. The last thing I wanted to do was put ideas into her head. Not if it was all totally innocent.
Relief flooded over me. Cate had it wrong! Talking to Maya was not only unnecessary, but would in fact be a big mistake. Well, that is what I told myself, until that stupid, idiotic, irritating Linzi had to go and put her clumping great foot in it. We were waiting at the bus stop at the end of school, me and Maya and a few others, when the creature suddenly arrived and plonked itself down next to us.
“Excuse me,” I said. “Did you know there was a queue?”
“Oh!” She dismissed it, airily. “There’ll be room for everyone.”
Serve her right if there was a riot. You can’t just push in front of people like that! Except if you’re Linzi Baxter you obviously can.
“So.” She gave Maya this searching look. “Not getting a lift from your boyfriend?”
Maya’s face grew instantly pink with pleasure. Boyfriend. It was just playing right into her fantasies.
“He couldn’t today. He has things to do.”
“You actually asked him?” I said.
She tossed her head. “I didn’t have to!”
What did that mean? It niggled at me all the way home.
I couldn’t find out, because of Linzi being there, but it niggled and niggled and kept on niggling even when I got in. Maya would never have had the nerve to speak to Anil the way she spoke to Jake! She would never have dared ask him why he hadn’t been there last time she’d gone into the store, or what he was doing at the weekend, or whether he was going to be there tomorrow. With Anil she had been all shy and giggly and bashful. With Jake she was positively bold.
On the other hand, suppose she hadn’t asked him? Suppose he’d told her without being asked? Like, Hi, kiddo! Sorry I can’t give you a lift this afternoon, I’ve got something to do.
In some ways that would be even worse, cos that would mean it wasn’t just Maya being bold, but Jake actually taking the trouble to go and talk to her. Actually seeking her out. Explaining why he couldn’t give her a lift. Why would he do that? It wasn’t like she needed a lift; he knew that she always came home with me, on the bus. It was all starting to get a little bit worrying.
If Mum had been there when I got back I might almost have done what Cate had urged me to do. I might have confided in her and then at least it would have been a weight off my shoulders. If Mum decided to go rushing off to alert Auntie Megs – well! Too bad. It would serve Maya right for getting all angry and accusing me of things.
But Mum was still at work and only Dad was there, and I never feel I can confide in Dad the way I can with Mum. Dad really does tend to get a bit impatient with poor Auntie Megs and he isn’t always very sympathetic towards Maya. So I couldn’t talk to Dad.
But I was beginning to have this very intense feeling that Cate was right: I had to do something.
In the end I snatched up my phone and called Maya. I did it quite suddenly, without any warning, taking myself by surprise so I wouldn’t have time to think myself out of it. Maya picked up immediately, which was just as well since otherwise I most probably would have got cold feet and switched off.
Maya shrieked, “Mattie! I’m so glad it’s you! Do you understand this maths homework Miss Cowell gave us? Cos I don’t! What is three minus two and five over nine? What’s it supposed to mean?”
For a moment I couldn’t imagine what on earth she was talking about. And then it came to me: “You mean three minus two-and-five-ninths?”
“I don’t know!” She sounded aggrieved. “I can’t make any sense of it!”
“It’s what we were doing just the other day.”
“I didn’t understand it then,” said Maya.
“So why didn’t you say?”
/>
She ignored that. “There’s loads of it! What am I going to do?”
I sighed. “D’you want me to come over?”
“Oh, Mattie, would you? Please?”
I told Dad that I was going round to Maya’s to help her with her homework and went rushing off before he could start grumbling about it being “high time she learnt to do it for herself”. Like I said, Dad is not always sympathetic. Auntie Megs, on the other hand, when I explained why I had come, was ever so grateful. She said, “Oh, Mattie, that is so kind of you! Poor Maya does struggle! I just don’t know what she’d do without you.”
Rather gruffly, cos it was a bit embarrassing, I said, “That’s OK. I don’t mind. I quite like maths.”
“I’m afraid Maya takes after me,” said Auntie Megs. “She just doesn’t have a mathematical turn of mind.”
According to Dad, she didn’t make any effort. But that is just Dad.
I found Maya in her bedroom, sitting cross-legged on the bed with Poppy sprawled across her lap.
“So where’s your homework?” I said.
She pulled a face. “Under the bed. It fell down there and I couldn’t disturb Poppy, and anyway you said you were going to come round, so …”
“I’m not going to do it for you,” I said. “I’m going to explain it to you and then you can get on and do it yourself.”
“Yes.” She sat upright, trying her best to look studious. Not easy when you have a dog lying all over you, waving its paws in the air.
Sternly I said, “You can’t work with Poppy on top of you. I’ll have Poppy; you pick up your maths book.”
By the time we’d been through all the questions I was feeling quite worn out. It is an uphill struggle, trying to get Maya to grasp any sort of mathematical concept.
“I hope you understand a bit better now,” I said.
She assured me that she did. “You make it all so clear. You’re ever so much better than Miss Cowell.”
I said, “Huh!”
“So, anyway,” said Maya, “what was it you were ringing about?”
“Oh! Yes. Well.” I pulled at Poppy’s ears. “I just – well! I just wanted …”
“What, what?”
But it was too late; the moment had gone. I’d had too much time to think about it.
Brightly I said, “You know next week? It’s half term? Did I tell you, we’re going up to Sheffield to see my cousins?”
“Yes, you said,” said Maya.
“Did I? Oh! I wasn’t sure.”
“You said it made you feel guilty cos of me not having any.”
“You’ve got me!”
“Apart from you. You said it made you feel bad.” She was right: I did sometimes feel bad about it. It seemed hard on Maya, my dad coming from a large family and me having not only a gran and grandad but lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. Maya didn’t have anyone, other than me and Mum. Uncle Kev had been brought up in foster homes and had never even known his mum and dad.
“It’s a pity you can’t come with us,” I said.
“That would mean leaving Mum,” said Maya.
“So maybe you could both come!”
She shook her head. “Your dad wouldn’t like that.”
Unfortunately it was true: he wouldn’t. It made me feel even more guilty. Maya isn’t stupid; she knows that Dad gets impatient with Auntie Megs.
“It’s all right,” she said, “I couldn’t come anyway. I’ve arranged to see Tansy and Bella. We’re all stuck here so I expect we’ll maybe have a sleepover.”
“Oh, well, good,” I said. “That’s good!”
There was a bit of a pause. Maya pulled Poppy back on to her lap.
“So is that all you were ringing for?”
“Yes! Well – n-no. Not exactly.” Idly, trying to distract myself, I picked up Maya’s phone, which was lying on the bed, and started flicking through the photos she had on it. Auntie Megs, Uncle Kev; Poppy, me; Tansy, Bella and, omigod! She had a photo of Jake. She had two photos of Jake.
“Where did you get these?” I said.
She leaned across to peer at the phone. “It’s Jake.”
“I can see it’s Jake! When did you take them?”
“I dunno. Can’t remember.”
“Honestly,” I said.
She looked at me, innocently. “Honestly what?”
“Honestly, how could you?”
“There’s no law against taking photos!”
“Did he know you were taking them?”
“Yes – no! Maybe. I don’t know. What’s your problem?”
I took a deep breath. “You know what my problem is.”
“Oh!” cried Maya. “Not that again!”
I said, “Yes. That again. You can’t carry on like this! You’re making yourself look ridiculous; it’s just not right! He can’t ever be your boyfriend. You know that, don’t you? Really and truly, deep down … you know it’s not possible!”
Her eyes slid away from me.
“Maya,” I said, “he’s eighteen.”
I braced myself for the outburst – you’re so mean, you’re so horrible, you’re just jealous! – but it never came. She stared across at me, her eyes very big and blue and filled with tragic tears. I found myself thinking how pretty she was, and wishing, just for a moment, that I could be pretty, too. It doesn’t usually bother me, or at any rate I refuse to let it; but suddenly I saw all too clearly why Jake was so tolerant and how it was she got away with things.
“Maya,” I said, “I’m not having a go at you! Really I’m not. It’s just …”
“I can’t help it!” Her voice rose in a despairing wail. “I love him! And he loves me!”
I stared at her, helplessly. Did she really believe that? I didn’t know what to say. I was a bit shaken, to tell the truth. I’d expected her to be defiant; I hadn’t expected her to go all tragic on me.
She tightened her arms around Poppy. “You don’t know what it’s like! You’ve never been in love. It hurts! It hurts so much! It’s no good looking at me like that, cos there’s nothing I can do about it. You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with; it’s something that just happens. You wouldn’t know,” she said. She choked as a fresh spurt of tears went streaming down her cheeks. “You’re always so sensible!” She made it sound like it was some kind of character flaw.
I said, “Well, if I am it’s just the way I’m made.”
Very fiercely Maya said, “Yes, and this is the way I’m made! I have feelings.”
“I have feelings,” I said. “I have feelings for you! I don’t want anything bad to happen.”
“Like what?”
“Well … like you getting hurt. I’m not being mean,” I said, “honestly! I’m just telling it like it is.”
“You don’t know how it is.” She buried her face in Poppy’s fur. “You don’t understand!”
“I’m trying to,” I said.
I could tell she didn’t think I was trying hard enough.
“Anyway.” I slid off the bed. “That’s what I came to say. I’m going to go, now.”
She didn’t make any attempt to stop me. She didn’t even come downstairs to see me off. It was Auntie Megs who thanked me for coming.
“All done?” she said. “Did you manage to get through to her?”
“I hope so,” I said.
“Well, I’m sure you did your best! Your poor mum used to spend hours with me, trying to explain things. Not a bit of use!” Auntie Megs laughed, happily. “I’m a complete moron when it comes to figures. But honestly, Mattie, it was so good of you to drop by.”
“That’s all right,” I said.
I just wished I could feel more confident – even just a little bit confident – that Maya would take some notice of what I’d said, but it seems when people are in love they simply lose all the common sense they ever had. Not that Maya had ever had that much in the first place. Unlike me, who obviously had far too much and probably wouldn’t ever manage to fall in love. A
bleak prospect!
Next day at school Cate was eager to know what had happened.
“Did you do anything?”
I told her that I had talked to Maya again.
“Did she get mad at you?”
I said, “No, she started crying and said they were in love and it hurt and she couldn’t do anything about it.”
Cate looked alarmed. “She really thinks he’s in love with her?”
“That’s what she said.”
“Do you think he is?”
I hesitated. Surely he couldn’t be? But what did I know? I wasn’t an expert on the way boys’ minds work.
Cate’s brow wrinkled. “So what happens now? Are you going to talk to your mum?”
I said, “No, cos it’s half term next week. They won’t be seeing each other.” Not in school, at any rate. Surely not even Maya would be bold enough to call round?
“I’ll wait till we come back,” I said. “If she’s still in a state I’ll … I’ll do something then!” Have a word with Mum. That’s what I would do. But not before half term, cos I didn’t want to spoil our trip to Sheffield. “Truly,” I promised, “I will!”
I still thought it was sad that Maya couldn’t come with us. If it hadn’t been for Uncle Kev she could have done, cos if he’d been home she wouldn’t have minded leaving her mum. And Dad surely couldn’t object to just Maya?
But it wasn’t to be, and by the time we arrived in Sheffield, with Auntie Suzie throwing open the door to welcome us, I’d almost forgotten about her. I might as well admit it, I hardly thought of her at all the whole time we were there. It’s always such fun at Auntie Suzie’s! There is Uncle Ted, who is very big and jolly, and Shona, who is the same age as me, and Rob, who is two years older. There was also Owen, who is Rob’s best friend. A whole bunch of us! We spent almost the whole time going on day trips to places like the Wildlife Park and the Butterfly House and Alton Towers. It was probably a bit selfish of me, but nothing could have been further from my mind than what Maya might be up to.
There was only one occasion when I really stopped and thought about her. That was when we were riding one of the roller coasters at Alton Towers and Owen reached out and gripped my hand, really hard. I said, “I’m not frightened!” and he grinned and said, “No, but I am.” Of course I didn’t believe him, especially when we got off and he still stayed by my side, paying special attention to me, all the time we were there – and then got into Dad’s car on the way home so he could sit next to me. I noticed Mum and Auntie Suzie exchanging these glances and giving these little amused smiles. It was a bit embarrassing, but I didn’t mind. It was the very first time I had ever felt that a boy … well … fancied me! I couldn’t help being relieved that Maya hadn’t been able to come with us, cos who would ever fancy someone like me, with my bristle brush hair and face like a doughnut (in other words, round), when they could have Maya, who is so tiny and fragile and pretty?