Losing Her (Lost and Found Book 1)

by K. S. Marshall

  making sure Alina was alright. I wasn’t the only person not sleeping at night over not hearing from her.

  It wasn’t just me who needed answers.

  The familiar scent of her apartment rushed me as I stepped through the door and into her kitchen. I paused to breathe it in, but stopped myself from reminiscing. Bending to pick up the the silver shard, the jagged edges revealed it to be broken off from something. It was too small to be from the refrigerator or the oven. Holding it up to the dishwasher, there was nothing missing from there either.

  It wasn’t until I walked by the toaster and noticed the broken handle that I was able to compare the piece in my hand and make the connection. I squinted, trying to make sense of it all.

  Why was the toaster broken? Had she thrown it or dropped it for some reason? Alina had mentioned that she was clumsy and frequently broke things around her house. But why would she have picked it up in the first place?

  I sighed, setting the piece on the counter and leaving the kitchen. Her place was still meticulous as always, the little touches of her personality still intact. My hands brushed against the fabric of the couch and remembered how we’d made love there. The memory only clouded when I remembered how devastated she looked, sitting there, when she realized I had cameras and microphones installed.

  Being in her place was harder than I thought it would be. Living without her was one thing. At least I could focus on work. But here, in this space that I’d only known while being with her, it was like trying to breathe underwater. My chest was tight and I felt like everything was moving in slow motion. I was certain I’d never truly loved Lindsey or anyone else before Alina. Losing the others had never felt this way. In the past, it was always easy for me to let go and move on. Losing them hadn’t felt like I was losing at all.

  But this. I felt the grieving pain of this loss every second of every day. Nothing could heal this wound, but her. And I felt selfish even thinking about it. She deserved better from me. I felt sick thinking of the many times I could have told her. No, the times I should have told her.

  Rosa said she was so heartbroken, she couldn’t even get out of bed, and I wouldn’t forgive myself for what my lies did to her. But I was determined to fix it somehow.

  I was leaving the front room and heading toward the stairs when something in my peripheral caught my attention. I turned my head and saw it staring right back at me. A green light. No bigger than the head of a safety pin. Not many things that tiny emitted a light like that.

  Recognition dawned on me as I approached it.

  It was a camera. One of the ones I’d installed in the built in cut out shelves separating her living room from her kitchen. At the time, I thought getting a vantage point between both rooms was ingenious, especially when I found the ceramic bear displayed on it. I was able to fit the double sided camera and get a near 180 degree shot of both the kitchen, arch way, and living room.

  Because it was so small, I’d forgotten it in my haste to remove all of the equipment from her house. I picked it up, disconnecting it from the bear and stuffed the device in my pocket. I’d look at it later, after I was done searching her house for information.

  Upstairs, the state of her room made me pause. Her bed was made. Although I hadn’t known her long, I did know she rarely made her bed. I’d always seen it as a proverbial screw you to her strict upbringing. Finding it neat and tidy was out of character for Alina. It wasn’t until I saw her closet and realized nearly all of her clothes were gone that I started thinking something was truly off.

  This place was her sanctuary, but several parts of it seemed untouched. As if she hadn’t been here for days. I checked her bathroom

  and found most of her toiletries missing as well. It didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that she had gone somewhere.

  Fear gripped my chest as I raced down the stairs and out of her house and back to my truck. I didn’t even bother getting in, only opening the passenger side door where I kept a bag with my work belongings. I was pulling out my computer and turning it on when Rosa came out of her house.

  “Derrick, you’re here. Did you just get into town?” she asked, tying a colorful silk kimono-style wrap around her slender body.

  I glanced over my shoulder, “Yeah, not too long ago. I was just inside.”

  Her brows scrunched together, “Alina is in there?”

  I shook my head, “No, but I went in anyway.”

  Her eyes widened, but she shrugged and took a step closer to see what I was doing. The computer buzzed, letting me know it was ready. I clicked on a few programs, pulling up every camera and microphone feed I’d had. The last time I was here, I pulled out all of my equipment, so most of the feeds showed that they were disconnected over a month ago with no new recordings.

  One, however, blinked rapidly, notifying me of a new recording, despite being disconnected just over twenty minutes ago.

  “What’s going on?” Rosa asked, standing right next to me.

  “I went in because something looked off and found a piece of her toaster broken off. Everything else looks fine, except all of her clothes are missing from upstairs.”

  She sucked in a breath, “Do you think she left?”

  I paused and looked over at her, “I’m afraid of that.”

  A moment passed between us. Rosa’s expression crestfallen at the possibility that Alina would have left her behind without saying anything.

  “But I found something,” I started, but paused to gather my thoughts, “Look, I’m sure Alina told you everything so you know I had cameras in her place. I never misused them or anything. I was just—“

  She cut me off, understanding in her expression, “You were just doing your job.”

  I nodded, “Yes. The last time I was here, she demanded that I take them down and I thought I removed every single one of them.

  However, I just realized I had forgotten one of them.”

  Her eyes twinkled, “So you might be able to figure out what’s going on?”

  “That is my job, right?” I asked, hopeful. I didn’t know Rosa very well, but I knew she was Alina’s only real friend. Because of that, I wanted her approval. I wanted her to be on board with this, not just for the legality reasons. I’d fucked up royally with Alina and I didn’t want to hurt or violate her trust in me anymore. I didn’t just want Rosa’s approval, I needed it.

  “Aye, it is.” She slapped my arm playfully, “Figure out what’s going on with our Alinita then!”

  I clicked the blinking notification and cued the recording to start from the beginning. The screen illuminated when some unfamiliar woman walked through the frame.

  “Who—“

  “That’s my chef. She wasn’t eating so I sent my staff over to cook and clean for her,” Rosa interjected.

  I nodded, remembering the conversation we’d had over the phone a few hours earlier. “How long did they come over??”

  “Uh, two weeks I think.”

  I scrolled down the recording list. I didn’t want to keep watching feed of her staff coming and going. I needed real concrete answers.

  Scrolling down past two weeks worth of recordings, I clicked on another. I saw Alina walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bowl of berries from the refrigerator. Minutes later, she collapsed over the countertop, looking like she was crying. Rosa and I watched in silence as she picked up her phone and then minutes later, she walked out of the room. The dual camera caught her opening the door and then me coming in a few silent moments later.

  The camera didn’t have a microphone feature, but I didn’t need to hear what was being said to know what this was. This was the last time I saw her. I felt a proverbial punch in the gut watching this exchange. The look on my face was pitiful and Alina looked completely broken once I started removing equipment.

  Mercifully, Rosa stayed silent. She seemed to know without me having to say anything that this was our “goodbye”. After both of us had left the frame, it shut off after tw
o minutes.

  “It’s motion activated,” I said, hoarsely.

  “Mhmm.”

  I clicked the third to last recording. It was made ten days prior to today. Alina lit up the screen, walking into her kitchen holding bags and a bundle of flowers. She was radiant. Literally glowing and I longed to reach through the screen and touch her. She was so unassumingly beautiful in moments like this that it took my breath away. She went about setting the flowers in a vase and then what looked like making some food for herself, after disappearing from the feed for a moment.

  “She probably went upstairs for something,” I said aloud, mostly for myself, but Rosa hummed in agreement.

  Then my entire body went rigid. Rosa’s hand grasped at my bicep. Her nails dug into my skin, but I didn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything but pure terror and fury as an all black-clad figure chased her around the kitchen. I watched, horrified, as Alina ran and fought to get

  away from the intruder. Throwing the toaster— which explained the silver piece I’d found— and finally, kicking and twisting with all of her might when the man picked her up and carried her into the living room.

  Tears brimmed my eyes and Rosa made a terrified squeaking sound as we watched Alina fly through the air and collide with the couch. I turned, not wanting to watch another second of the video recording and punched the side of my truck, leaving a sizable dent in the body. I roared, letting out every emotion that had been pent up inside of me for weeks. Rosa turned to me, eyes wide and tears streaming down her face.

  This was why no one had heard from her. Now it all made sense.

  Alina had been kidnapped.

  TWENTY SEVEN | Alina

  “Who is Faye?”

  The color drained from his face and I watched as his expression turned murderous. I was poking the lion during dinner, despite every cell of my brain telling me to leave it alone. But I had to know why he’d called me by someone else’s name.

  “What did you just say to me?”

  I gulped, clutching my fork and lowering my hand into my lap. It gave me a false sense of security. I could use it if he attacked me, but it would be useless fighting against him now. His message had finally sunk in— I was only leaving him if he killed me.

  “You called me Faye earlier.”

  “No I did not Alina,” he said, adding emphasis to my name.

  I nodded, “Yes, you did.”

  He set his fork down and his jaw ticked, “I never called you by any other name, Alina. Now stop saying that. I never want to hear it come out of your mouth again, do you understand me?”

  I stared at him, seeing clearly through his facade. He had called me Faye. I heard it clear as day, and he knew I had. Something about that name had him spooked.

  He resumed eating, the scraping of his fork on his plate the only sound in the room. After awhile he sighed heavily and growled, “Eat, Alina.”

  I lifted my fork and continued eating, but I couldn’t let it go.

  Something about this Faye person had to be why I was his prisoner.

  “Why can’t I say her name?” I asked, gingerly.

  He stopped chewing for three long seconds before his jaw resumed moving. His eyes were trained down on his plate, but I could see a vein in his neck throbbing. I waited for him to swallow his bite and then answer, but he only cut off another piece of his steak and popped it in his mouth, ignoring me. I took a deep breath and tried again.

  “Jason…” I started.

  But he was on me before I could get the rest of the words out.

  He slammed his fork and knife down and pushed back from the table, crossing over to me in two seconds flat. Gripping me by the arm, he pulled me to stand. His eyes were flaming.

  “What did I just tell you?”

  “I…uh…I was just…” I stammered. Before I could get those words out, he shoved me backward. I whimpered as my back collided against the wall. Jason’s blazing eyes searing into me, he grabbed my throat and squeezed, “I am sick and tired of you having no appreciation for the things I do for you.”

  I tried not to struggle against him, but every instinct in my body was saying otherwise. My feet were sliding all over the floor as I

  struggled to gain footing in my heels. But the more I stumbled, the stronger his hold was on my neck. His brows furrowed angrily as he watched me struggle. White spots formed in my line of vision from the lack of oxygen and I swear he smirked when I started choking on my spit.

  He was going to kill me. Just like he promised he would. I felt tears seep out of the corner of my eyes and thought about how death might actually be nice. Maybe leaving this world, where I was forever a prisoner, and entering the next would be exactly what I was searching for this entire time. Ultimate freedom.

  Jason’s face blurred and faded as the darkness crept in around me, and in its place was Derrick’s. His perfectly smooth face, looking at me with a smile in his eyes the way he used to do. My eyes rolled back and closed and I whispered his name, welcoming the other side. Where Jason couldn’t hurt me. Where I could be loved freely by Derrick, even if we couldn’t be together anymore. I was finally ready to escape this hell and be free.

  Just as I was about to let the darkness take me, Jason’s hands left my throat and then he was dragging me back to the table. With one giant swipe, he cleared the table and forcefully folded me over it. Stars danced behind my eyes as my cheek slammed against the wood.

  “You will stop saying his name! He can’t save you here.”

  Leaning over me, he whispered harshly in my ear, “I’m going to make you forget he ever existed.”

  My entire body stilled as his hands skimmed over me and down the back of my leg. The warmth that usually enveloped my body was replaced with bone-chilling coldness as he lifted the hem of the sequined dress and exposed my panties. With a grunt, he tore them apart and the fabric fell to my ankles. His hand smoothed over my backside, a low groan rumbling from his chest.

  “This belongs to me.”

  At his words, the tremors started. Fear and dread shook me as I realized what was happening. I knew what he meant. I knew what he was about to do, but I couldn’t command my body to fight back. Tears spilled over my cheeks when I heard his belt buckle come undone and his pants hit the floor.

  “Please…I don’t want this,” I sobbed.

  He grabbed the back of my neck, “Shut up. I told you,” he dragged his other hand lazily down my body again, “all of this is mine.

  From now until forever.”

  “No…please….stop,” I whimpered again, my face pressed into the table.

  “I know how to shut you up,” he mumbled. He pried my legs apart and dropped to his knees. His ragged breaths on my inner thighs made my stomach curl and the food I’d just devoured threatened to resurface at any moment.

  “Is this what you want? Is this what my pretty little whore begs for from everyone but me? Is this how you like it, Alina?” I was bent over and exposed. His lips found my skin and he licked the back of my thigh.

  I shuddered involuntarily when he breathed over my core. Everything about him felt wrong. The domineering way he kissed. The trail of saliva left in his wake. His rough hands against my skin. It was wrong. It wasn’t Derrick.

  I gasped when his mouth touched my sex and cried out when he rubbed his nose against my clit. I didn’t want any of this, but my body wasn’t responding the same way. I flooded with arousal, goosebumps prickling my skin as he licked and sucked my most sensitive spots. I cried thick, hot tears feeling at odds with myself. My brain knew this was wrong, but when he shoved a finger inside of me, my legs opened up wider for him.

  He moaned, standing up and licking his lips, “I guess this is how you beg for it.”

  “Please,” I cried, clenching my eyes tightly.

  A loud smack reverberated around the room as his hand collided with my face, “You’re still a slut, even if I do love the taste of your pussy.”

  I clutched my face, shielding myself from mo
re of his attacks.

  “If you fight me, I won’t just hurt you. I’ll kill him. ”

  My body went slack. Not Derrick. I didn’t want Jason going after him. Not because of me. If keeping him safe meant I had to suffer, then I would. I wasn’t able to do a lot of things right, but if Jason was giving me the power to protect the man I still loved, then I’d do whatever it took.

  His erection bobbed against the swell of my ass. I swallowed the instinct to flinch and gag at the feel of him. He rubbed his rough hands on the back of my thighs, scratching them with each pass. This would be worse than dying. But I thought about Derrick. I thought about the life he’d be able to live as long as I suffered for him. Jason was right.