Leaving the library, she followed her nose into the kitchen. Jeffrey was stirring a tomato sauce that smelled very Italian.
“Are we having spaghetti, Jeff?” She peeked over his shoulder as she asked.
“Oh yes, we are,” he confirmed. “Someone was hinting earlier that she had a craving for spaghetti and meatballs.”
Erica smiled. “I did hint. Can I help with anything?”
“Well, everything is almost ready.” He hesitated and finally said reluctantly, “You can grate some parmesan cheese.” He noticed how she shortened his name. He liked it. He also liked how she offered to help – not that he expected it, but it was nice. He felt compelled to ask, “How did your lunch go? It sounded like you had fun.” He was uncomfortable with conversation. He was more comfortable in the outdoors. Gardening was a good tradeoff for being in the forest.
“It was good to see Sally, but the blind date aspect was quite a surprise. You shadowing me felt weird, but comforting at the same time. How was your lunch?”
“Costly. It took a bribe to get a table where I could see you and your friends.”
Erica frowned. “Oh! Sorry about that.”
Jeffery interjected quickly, “Not to worry, I have a very healthy budget to look after you.”
“Who was your companion?” said Erica.
“An associate,” Jeffery answered with a forced smile.
“Is she a shifter?” Erica queried.
“Yes.”
“And?” prompted Erica.
“Supper is ready. Would you like to eat in the kitchen, or dining room?” Jeffery refused to be drawn into any more conversation.
Erica sighed. Getting Jeffery to talk was like pulling teeth. It was almost like talking to another stone statue. She decided she was hungry enough to forgo any pleasant conversation. She sensed she would be dining alone, if she pressed him any harder. She set the plates at the kitchen island in silence. It was a damned good thing he was a superb cook. She wondered if all shifters were the strong silent type.
Appetite sated, Erica left Jeffery to deal with the dishes. She would normally have offered to help. It was hard not to be miffed at his aloofness, but she remembered the movie The Bodyguard. A bodyguard did not like distractions, at least Kevin Costner’s character fought hard to keep aloof and alert. She mused a bit more, then thought well how is Jeff to know he is not my type, no worries, Jeffie! I have no type nowadays. You are safe from me. Then she laughed at herself, for her vanity. What made her think for a moment that a bear shifter would be interested in her, other than perhaps as a meal. She decided a movie and bath before bed sounded appealing. She would search the DVD library in the media room. Perhaps she reasoned, The Bodyguard would be the perfect movie for her mood, a sexy endearing hero, but no real happy ending, more like how her life was going. It sounded perfect. She found it in the media library, watched it, and naturally cried at the end. She planned on it. She had the tissue box ready.
Erica liberally poured a jasmine scented bubble bath into the jetted bathtub. She disrobed and sank into the swirling water and thought it was a shame to have such a big tub for only one person. She thought about Tomas and how he would have fit so nicely at the end of the tub facing her. Mentally shaking herself she started trying to clear her mind. She focused on the massage effects of the jets. It soothed her. She tried another setting for the jets. Now the jets tingled. It was tempting to let the jets do more than soothe. She gave in to temptation.
Refreshed, relaxed, sated by food, the only thing she craved was a cigarette. Tomorrow would be soon enough to cut back on the cigarettes, she thought. She almost promised herself to cut back … but she was not ready. She had quit cold turkey before and would do so again. It drove her friends crazy that she could stop and start at will. Tomas did not like smoking and she gave it up in a minute for him, but he was gone and she could smoke like a chimney if needed.
Erica opened the garden doors and sat on the bench on her balcony. She lit her cigarette and did the ritual, inhale, exhale, relax. It occurred to her she could do the same with yoga. Inhale, exhale, relax. She looked up at the gargoyle.
“What? You don’t like to see a woman smoking?” she said, deciding It must have been her imagination that made her think his grim facial expression seemed grimmer as she lit up. It must have been guilt playing tricks on her. “I know it increases my chances of dying, but right now it seems smoking is safer than living my life like it was. My husband was murdered you know. Did you know that, Garg? And it is pitiful that I am talking to a stone face. Trying to talk to anyone in this house is like trying to pull hen’s teeth. I miss sharing my day with Tomas. Tomas was my husband, my lover, my friend. It has been four months since he was taken from me. I miss his touch, his smell, and the annoying way he stirred his coffee in the morning. He rattled the cup every morning.” She ground out her cigarette before finishing it. She had so much to get off her chest and Garg, as she named him, was a captive audience.
“I’m angry, Garg. He kept secrets. Oh sure … they were to protect me. But it changes nothing. He let me believe in a false reality. Perhaps if he had shared just the nature of his business, I could have insisted he be more careful. We were supposed to be partners. We were supposed to be equals. I didn’t get the chance to have babies with him. I’m so angry. I’m so lost and I want some control over my life. Tomas was a good man. He was older than me by ten years. He was not perfect. That is part of why I loved him. He didn’t expect perfection from me. He loved me despite my faults. He made me feel sexy even though my boobs are too small, and I have a big butt.”
Erica sighed deeply. “It is pitiful that I am talking to a stone face, only a mother could love, but my best friend Sally can know nothing about what I am facing. She is safer in the dark.” As she said the words it was like a Eureka moment. She knew exactly the struggle Tomas must have had balancing her safety, with the need for honesty. Forgiveness afforded a new measure of peace. Letting go of her anger, Erica searched the face of the gargoyle. Was it her imagination again that he looked sympathetic? She shivered. She needed to lighten the conversation.
“You know, Garg, you have beautiful muscle definition. You are just imperfect enough. Maybe you wouldn’t notice my body faults. Totally acting out of character, she opened her robe, revealing a naked body and a gorgeous set of bare breasts. “My breasts could be bigger, but Tomas said anything more than a handful is a waste.” The cool air made her nipples harden. She closed her robe. It was time to retreat to the privacy of her bed before she did anything crazier. She felt like a bit of an exhibitionist exposing herself to a stone statue with a grimace that made her think he needed a good lay to fix the expression on his face. What was it about that hideous face that had her talking like a babbling idiot and doing something so totally out of character like exposing herself? Whatever it was it made her feel better. She chuckled thinking perhaps she did need therapy.
…
Dante watched the woman light up her cigarette. He had smoked occasionally. It seemed forever ago. He remembered the pleasure it gave him. He cared not if she smoked but understood the appeal. It piqued his interest that she had the cheek to address him directly again. Garg? Could she have not at least done her homework and found out his real name? He listened patiently as she spilled her emotions beneath his cold gaze. He appreciated that she seemed to honestly mourn the loss of her husband. He thought about the anger he had when his only love had moved on so quickly, after he sacrificed himself for her sake. It seemed as if his gift of his human life had been trivial, of no consequence. His opinion of love was that it was not to be trusted. Love made fools of men. Apparently it also made fools of women.
He sympathized with the woman on the balcony. When she went from thoughtful insight to surprising him by opening her robe to expose her, not so small after all breasts, he remembered the pleasure those womanly appendages could give a man willing to pay tender homage to those delightfully sensitive mounds. He wondered why she thought
her bosom was not sufficient. Her husband must have had decently large hands. When her nipples hardened in the cold night air a flicker of desire was ignited. It had been so long since he felt the needs of a mortal man.
When she retreated to her bedroom he was actually disappointed. As he watched her retreat he thought her derriere was nothing short of perfection. It was pleasantly rounded, and firm looking. Obviously, her husband had not worshipped her body as a skilled lover should have if she doubted her beauty. As a man, he would have taken much pleasure in assuring the woman her body was perfection. Did she not know how beautiful she was? He thought it was far better to be unaware than to be vain. Her lack of vanity was endearing. He liked the woman.
18
ERICA
When Erica woke, she went to the library to check her email. There was a reply from Brad. He was arranging to have an associate that did nothing but research and study vampires meet with her in the near future. It still seemed surreal to talk of vampires, shifters. She remembered a time when Tomas had laughed when she asked him if he believed in ghosts. She rubbed her eyes wondering why that was so funny considering what she knew now and he knew then?
Perhaps Tomas had been hiding more than she realized. No she could not go there. No ghosts. No, no, no! It was bad enough to have to learn about, and believe in vampires. She decided she needed a coffee, a jolt of caffeine to stimulate her brain. She padded barefoot to the kitchen and poured herself a coffee from an insulated carafe Jeffery had left out for her. She inhaled the aroma of the fresh brew, and decided to treat herself to cream and sugar in her morning stimulant. She knew Jeffery would be out in the garden this time of morning fiddling with whatever he fiddled with out there. Gardening was not her in her skill set. Being a city girl the closest she got to gardening was purchasing fresh vegetables from the farmer’s market. However, she did appreciate the neat weed-free rows of vegetables Jeffery tended, and she did love the taste of the fresh vegetables. Jeffery was more at home outside and it seemed he preferred the company of vegetables.
…
Erica had been feeling very satisfied with herself. For two days, she had gone to the solarium before bedtime, instead of the balcony. For two days, she had not smoked a cigarette. Had, was the significant word. Her satisfaction with her abstinence from nicotine was short lived. Frank, the blind date, had called and asked her out for dinner. It was very tempting to have a diversion, tempting to do a normal activity away from the mansion. After the recent attack at the night club, it seemed prudent to stay under the protection of the house of De Bello. She delayed giving him an immediate answer. She stalled by asking if she could get back to him, after she checked her schedule.
Erica was torn. She was finding her current situation very stressful. Attempting to move on from the past was easier said than done. She tried to imagine what advice Tomas would have given her. She was drawn back to the balcony, drawn to gaze upon the face that did not look so fierce as she once thought. She lit up the cigarette and gazed up at Garg.
“Garg, I need your advice. I need your undivided attention, please. The guy’s name is Frank. He is handsome, friendly ... says all the right things. But my feelings are mixed. I still feel married. Tomas is gone, but he is not. He is in my heart forever. Nothing will change that. When is it right to not feel married? When is it right to let the past go and move into the present? I am a bit of a wild goose when it comes to beliefs about mates for life. I thought Tomas was my soul mate. But I think I was wrong. I did not know Tomas at all. I knew a shadow of what he was. How could he know of this other world with vampires, shifters and not share this me? Was I not his wife? What happened to equality in our partnership? He treated me like a child.” Erica felt angry as she verbalized what was in her heart.
The anger was building. “My confidence in my ability to choose who to share my heart with is shaken. I thought I had been careful with my heart.” Erica began to pace the balcony. “Apparently I was a fool. I shall guard my heart very carefully from now on.” She looked at Garg and stopped pacing. A tear trickled from the corner of the one eye she did not wipe fast enough. “I loved him, Garg, make no mistake, but he was not the one. He was not my soul mate. I shared everything with him and he shared only a part of himself with me. So I will allow myself to search for my soul mate once more.” Erica slipped off her wedding rings. “I shall be very cautious, Garg. I am not in a hurry. But to prove to myself I am ready to move forward I shall accept the dinner invitation from Frank.” Erica realized her cigarette had gone out and she had barely touched it to her lips. She looked suspiciously at Garg, wondering what it was about that face that had her spilling her thoughts out loud. It was as if the face had some special power over her.
Minutes later she settled into her bed pondering how to have a safe date with Frank, safe as in no other world interruptions and drama. She smiled. The date would take place here. She would invite Frank to dinner. She would set the pace and boundaries. Satisfied, she drifted into sleep, mentally and emotionally fatigued. There was no tossing and turning. She had moved her wedding rings to her right hand. She could not deny the love she had shared with Tomas, but no longer would she be bound to his memory.
Erica did not have any expectations with regards to Frank. He was charming. She had to start somewhere, and she needed to get the first date as a single woman over with. It was a symbolic date. Who knows? she thought, perhaps it could lead to a friendship. One could always use more friends. She had felt no tingles or sexual interest, but maybe that was just because she had been so wrapped up in mourning Tomas. Perhaps that would change now that she had put the rings on her right hand. She had given her heart permission to search once more, to be aware of other men in a whole new light. If Frank did not want to start with friendship first, he could move on.
From now on Erica was determined to have her head guard her heart. She had plenty of time roaming around the mansion to think about her past and her present. She did not need a man to satisfy her needs as a woman. She could please herself when needed, when sexual tension was aroused. She had smiled thinking back to the list Sally had teased about. It was time to make a list. Honesty was the first thing on the list. If a suitor was honest, he could have a face as ugly as Garg, and still have a chance for a second look. She made a mental note to have someone clean his face off. Some inconsiderate bird left a white streak hanging off one eyebrow. It made him look less menacing with bird poop, but even a statue carved in stone needed to maintain some dignity.
…
Upon Waking, Erica wondered how to plan her day. She needed purpose. For so many years, she had prepared for work, put in her time crunching numbers, and helping clients look after their assets. She decided it was time for something different. She looked about her bedroom. She could get used to such luxury very quickly. Working for money was not really needed according to Brad, but work was needed according to Erica. Erica yawned and brushed the long blonde tresses away from her face. One could not be idle. She exited her bed with a lighter heart.
Opening the drapes to look at the beautifully groomed landscape that was hers, she felt pride of ownership. It would have been a dream come true, had she a soul mate to share it with. She sighed and shook off the pang of regret. There was plenty of time ahead to find a soul mate. She was in no hurry. She was young enough that her biological clock was not seeming to tick faster and faster. She told herself twenty-nine was still young. Women were having babies into their forties. Many put off childbearing, until after their careers were established. She remembered telling herself the year before that twenty-eight was still young. Tomas had told her he wanted her all to himself for just awhile longer. She had hidden her disappointment and told herself there was plenty of time.
It was time for coffee. She grabbed a silky robe to cover her revealing night attire and padded barefoot down to the kitchen. It was early and she felt like making her own coffee. Having Jeffrey around for protection was needed, but really, in all honesty, she did not fee
l comfortable having a butler yet. Perhaps it would become natural sometime, but it seemed too extravagant and foreign right now. She decided she would do what she could for herself. She felt a little more empowered. A new start, a new day, she smiled. Taking control of her life was high on her agenda. She looked down at her rings on the right hand. She looked at the pale line on her left hand ring finger. It was time to move forward. The sad was not so sad this morning. Apparently the old saying that time heals was true.
Fully dressed, with the conversation with Jeffery behind her, regarding the cooking chores, Erica felt relieved. Telling Jeffrey that as much as she loved his cooking, she preferred to cook for herself had been good. It did not take much of a compromise to settle on a new routine. Erica would take care of her own meals for breakfast and lunch, and Jeffery would make the evening meal. Erica smiled. Volunteer work appealed to her. She was eager to talk to Brad about her new plan to find some non-profit charity to give time to. But first, she sent Frank a text, setting up a date for the next night.
19
SERENA AND JESS
The text caught Serena off-guard. She had wanted more time. She’d known she would have to deal with the subject, but had been avoiding it, trying to figure a way to solve her dilemma.
Human targets successfully eliminated, progress to second stage?
Serena sighed and ran her hands through her hair. This was not the first of these texts she had answered. Many of the hunter teams were reporting that they had eliminated their human targets and were ready to proceed. She had given the go ahead, but this text was different. This text was from Lucas and he was the vampire in charge of the hunter squad that she wished to avoid hearing from, because his next targets were Cain and Jaden Butler. Serena had tried to convince Vladimir that the brothers, being descendants from one of the strongest bloodlines known, should be preserved and saved. However, Vladimir insisted that the Butler family represented exactly the kind of vampires that must be killed. Vampires who treated humans as equals were an enemy to be destroyed.
The Shadows Awaken (Guardians of the Night Book 1) Page 9