by Anna Jeffrey
“If you get started pretty soon, you can get down there, snap a few pictures and get back by early afternoon. Before it gets so hot. Then that’ll be the end of it.”
“Are you kidding? I just hope to hell she gets her act together by noon.”
Chapter 18
After a miserable night, Amanda awoke before daylight. The temperature had been in the nineties all night and with the humidity high, her air conditioner hadn’t cooled her house that well. She had been asleep exactly three hours.
She lay there gathering the will to force herself out of bed. And thinking. Phone sex! Ridiculous! It had left her frustrated and edgy and even needier. She had tossed and turned until midnight, greatly missing having Pic beside her, inside her.
She and Pic had had phone sex before. Mostly, it had been fun, but it had always left her unsatisfied. It was a poor substitute for the real thing. So were sex toys. Last night, finally, desperate to ease the feeling of emptiness, she had called on BOB, the gel vibrator she had bought at a sex toy party long ago.
She had to admit that the way things were going these days with Pic, she would be even more frustrated without her trusty BOB. After Pic learned she had it, he had told her he wished she wouldn’t use it. Their conversation about it scrolled through her mind:
…Are you jealous of BOB?
I just don’t want a damn battery-operated machine standing in for me.
Hah. Then you should show up more often….
In truth, she couldn’t imagine a substitute for him. He was the most sexual being she had ever known and he had ruined her for anyone or anything else.
Pic. And sex. He knew more about the female anatomy than she knew herself and he knew how to titillate and arouse in ways she was sure most men didn’t. He’d had that knowledge even when they were kids. Back then, having no experience herself, she had been too naïve to question his sophistication, but in adulthood, she wondered where such skill had come from. It was more than instinct. He had to have learned it from someone.
She had even teased him, saying he had learned about sex from whorehouses and porno movies. She suspected none of the Lockhart sons had ever been to a brothel, but she knew Pic and Drake and probably Troy, too, had sneaked around and watched porno movies when they were boys. Maybe they still did. What would their meddling mother think if she knew that about them?
She dragged out of bed and plodded to the shower still thinking about Pic and sex. After hearing Gail’s news about him escorting a Kim Kardashian look-alike around the ranch, she had gone from feeling edgy to downright anxious.
As she showered, she thought of Kim Kardashian’s voluptuous body, her thick, luxurious black hair and wished again that she hadn’t had her hair cut.
If he took the photographer to the old homeplace, they would be together for hours, just the two of them, with no distractions. What would they talk about? Would she flirt with him? Would he flirt with her? Would they do more than flirt? That isolated house was a perfect place for just that and as far as she knew, a bed was still there.
And Betty Lockhart was responsible for this whole thing. They had supposedly cleared the air back in May, but the evil witch was still engaged in an all-out war against Amanda’s very acquaintance with Pic. Her apology had meant nothing. Anger at the situation heated Amanda’s blood. Typically, she wasn’t a person who hated people, but that dark and ugly emotion was exactly what she felt for Pic’s mother.
But it was more than all of those things that had her upset and restless. Before they disconnected last night, she had wanted so badly to tell him she loved him. She had been thinking about it for weeks, months, had even thought out several scenarios where she would tell him. But she feared his reaction if she said the words.
After her shower, still harried by atypical insecurities and a simmering anger, she gathered her swim suit and towels and headed for the school pool, with the black SUV behind her. These security people were invading her space. The pool was one of her favorite places. It was where she did her serious thinking. She liked being there alone.
Chris was her security guy du jour again. He followed her right into the pool house. Giving him her back and exhaling a great breath, she made her way to the locker room. As she stuffed her purse into her locker, her cell bleated. Seeing that the caller was Gail, she keyed into the call. “Hi, girlfriend.”
“Hi,” Gail replied. “Can you get away for lunch?”
No small talk? “Sure. After I finish my swim, I’ll be free for the rest of the day.”
“Oh, thank goodness. Want to meet me at the Dairy Queen?”
Gail’s voice sounded weak and tearful. Anxiety? “I can do that. I should be finished by ten-thirty or eleven. Gail, is something wrong?”
“I’ll be waiting. I really need to talk to you.”
A frown tugged at Amanda’s brow as she disconnected. She had seen Gail just yesterday and she had been laughing and joking. Today, she sounded so distressed. Something definitely wasn’t right.
Amanda set the call aside, changed into her suit and swam her usual number of laps, but all the while, Gail and the way she had sounded on the phone nagged at her. When they met for lunch, was she set to reveal a bombshell about Pic and the sexy female photographer, one so dire that it could be delivered only in person?
After her workout, Amanda showered and dressed. Her new short hair-do took only minutes to style. She added a small amount of makeup and drove to the Dairy Queen, with Chris behind her. She couldn’t be so rude as to go inside for an hour or so and leave him sitting outside in the hundred-degree heat. After they parked side by side, she walked over to his car and said, “I’m meeting a friend for lunch. You’re welcome to eat with us.”
“That isn’t necessary, ma’am.”
“Well, you can’t just sit out here in the heat. Even if you don’t won’t to eat with us, come inside where it’s cool. Please. I’ll feel guilty if you don’t.”
He smiled, but gave no effort to get out of his car. “I’ll be fine right here, ma’am.”
She gave a huff of exasperation and left him sitting.
Inside, Gail was already waiting. “It’s almost too early for lunch,” she said on a weak laugh, as Amanda slid into the booth seat across from her.
“That’s okay. I didn’t eat breakfast. What’s wrong, girlfriend?”
Gail was diligently turning a ring on her ring finger. “Well…I wasn’t going to tell you this,” she said grimly, looking into Amanda’s eyes. “I mean, I wasn’t going to tell anyone. But I just have to talk to someone.” Gail turned her head and looked away. “You know when I went out with Mike Norton on Saturday night?”
A nerve began to twitch in Amanda’s stomach. “Uh-uh.”
Gail turned back, leaned forward, her forearms on the table. Her brow tented and a glister of tears passed through her expressive eyes. “Oh, Amanda, I lied to you yesterday. You know when we were talking about Saturday night?...I slept with him, Amanda.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Amanda looked at her, blinking and waiting for that news to sink in. Finally, feeling as if a burden had been lifted from her shoulders, she said, “Really.”
Gail nodded. “I did. I just”— she shook her head and flipped a hand in the air—“slept with him.” She dabbed at the corner of her eye with her pinkie finger, then her eyes lowered. “We weren’t having that much fun at the Bloody Bucket. You and Pic didn’t show up and no one else we knew was there, so we left early. And when he took me home, I, uh…invited him to, well....He spent the night at my apartment.”
Inwardly, Amanda was so overjoyed that this wasn’t going to be a story about Pic and the photographer, she had a hard time giving the issue the seriousness a friend would expect. Her next thought was of Drinkwell’s gossip mill, of which she and Pic were a constant topic. No doubt Gail was haunted by fear of its viciousness and even how it might affect her job.
Amanda’s defenses sprang up on Gail’s behalf. “So? What’s wrong with
that? It isn’t like you’re a teenager. You like him and he obviously likes you. You’ve been going out together for months.”
Gail nodded, still not looking up. “I’m lonely, Amanda,” she said ruefully. “It’s been so long since I was with someone. I just wanted someone’s arms around me.”
“Gail, you don’t have to explain a thing to me or anyone else,” Amanda said fiercely. “Stop beating yourself up. Who’s harmed? It’s no one’s concern.”
Gail nodded again and drew a deep sniff.
“Should we order?” Amanda asked. “Are you hungry?”
Gail gave a wan smile. “A little. I haven’t eaten since before I went to the dentist yesterday. I’ve been so worried about—”
“I’ll order for both of us,” Amanda said. “What do you want?”
“A burger, I guess.”
Amanda went to the order counter and ordered hamburgers, fries and iced teas. When she reclaimed her seat, Gail was tearing a napkin into strips.
“So why are you so upset?” Amanda asked her. “Did something go wrong?”
Gail shook her head. “I don’t think so. He seemed to be pleased and—”
Before Gail could say more, the counter clerk called their order number. Gail reached for her purse, but Amanda already was out of the booth. “I’ve got it,” she said.
She paid and carried their lunch back to the table on a tray, unloaded it, then got rid of the tray and reclaimed her seat. They began to unwrap their burgers.
“He, uh…he told me he loves me,” Gail said softly.
Surprised, Amanda sat back against the booth back. “Oh, my gosh, Gail. And here we thought he was just a good-time guy. Do you believe him? I mean, was he just telling you that to—”
“Get into my bed? I don’t think so. He didn’t say it until after…until afterward. He said he’s been in love with me for a long time, even before we first went out on a date. Do you think that’s possible?”
“Why, I don’t know. I suppose it is.”
Gail paused, nibbling on a French fry. “He asked me to marry him, Amanda.”
Stunned, Amanda stared at her friend, trying to picture shy and awkward Mike Norton confessing love and devotion and then proposing marriage. “You’re kidding.”
Gail ducked Amanda’s eyes and shook her head. She picked up her burger and bit into it.
As Amanda gathered herself from the shock of Gail’s news, a balloon of envy swelled within her chest. Unexpected and powerful. Her dark thoughts from earlier began to steadily flash inside her head. Gail had known Mike Norton no more than six months. Amanda had known Pic Lockhart her entire life, had been sleeping with him in Chapter Two of their relationship for more than two years. He hadn’t once said he loved her and he hadn’t proposed. “What did you tell him?”
Gail hesitated, then said, “I didn’t say no.”
Amanda gave her friend a hard look. Both of them had criticized Mike at different times for a host of shortcomings. “You didn’t?”
“I didn’t say yes, either,” she added quickly.
“Then what did you say?”
She shrugged. “I said I’d think about it. What do you think I should do, Amanda?”
Amanda forced herself to re-direct her thoughts away from her own situation to Gail’s. “Do what you want to do, Gail. If he makes you over-the-moon happy, then go for it. But if it isn’t like that, would you be…settling?”
Gail’s shoulders lifted and fell in a great sigh. Her expression and body language appeared more like bad news than telling a friend about a proposal of marriage. “I do like him,” she said. “We always have fun together. We laugh a lot and we have a lot to talk about. He reads a lot, so he…He’s very considerate, Amanda, and kind of romantic sometimes. Believe it or not, he’s a gentleman. I’ve always thought that, ever since the first time I went out with him.”
Amanda could say the same things about Pic. She nibbled on a French fry, watching Gail’s anguish. “I sense a “but” coming,” she said.
Gail shook her ahead again, obviously confused and uncertain. “I’m…I’m just thinking, he might be the only chance I ever get. I know my limitations.”
“Don’t say that about yourself.”
“Why not? I’m thirty-four years old and except for him, no guy has ever said he loves me. And for sure, no one has ever asked me to marry him.” She bit into her hamburger again and chewed thoughtfully. “In my whole life, I’ve only slept with one other guy. And that was a long time ago” She lowered her eyes and dabbed at her mouth with her napkin. “And it didn’t turn out that well.”
Besides being a pretty woman, Gail was smart and supportive, though she was a short on self-confidence. Amanda suspected she hadn’t had great success with men because she had grown up in a dusty West Texas town even smaller than Drinkwell, under the watchful eyes of strict, fanatically religious parents. Then, after dedicating herself to pleasing her parents by getting good grades at Texas Tech, she had moved to Drinkwell, a churchy town only a little larger than where she had grown up. She hadn’t had much chance at a social life.
Amanda wanted to focus on what her good friend was telling her and be a friend, but she had to struggle to get past her own woes. “I don’t know what to say, Gail.”
“I’m pretty speechless myself. He’s never been married, you know. He says he wants to have a family. And I want that, too. I don’t want to be an aunt my whole life. I like my sister and brother’s kids, but I want some of my own.”
“I know what you mean,” Amanda said blankly, though she wasn’t an aunt herself and had no brothers and sisters.
“He said if I say yes, he’ll go back to school,” Gail went on, now a geyser of information. “He went to Tarleton for two years, you know. Studied engineering. He said he wants to become a man I’ll be proud to be with.”
“Why wouldn’t he go back to school anyway, whether you say yes or not.”
“I know, right? It’s like he’s staking his future on what I decide. That doesn’t make sense. I just don’t know what to do. If I keep dating him, I guess I’ll have to give him an answer. And I’ll have to keep sleeping with him.”
“Would that be a bad thing?”
“I guess not. I, uh, I’m not very experienced, but it was okay…I mean, it was better than the other guy.”
Amanda suddenly felt old and slutty. She had started having sex with Pic at seventeen. Besides Pic and her husband, she’d had other brief encounters. But that wasn’t a conversation to have with Gail. She put down her hamburger and looked into her friend’s troubled eyes. “There’s the security end of it to consider, Gail. Cowhands at the Double-Barrel don’t make a lot. Do you think he’ll really go back to school? Why didn’t he finish in the first place?”
Gail shrugged. “He said that after his dad died, his mom couldn’t handle their farm. He was the only boy in the family, so he quit college and moved back to help her. She eventually passed on, too. He and his and sisters sold the farm, but he just never got around to going back to school. He’s a good guy, Amanda. He doesn’t drink much and he doesn’t do drugs. He’s never even smoked pot.”
Amanda nodded, so preoccupied with her own relationship with Pic, she noticed for the first time that she had eaten half her burger and hadn’t tasted it.
“It gave me such a thrill when he said he loved me,” Gail said. “I had no idea I would be so affected if some guy told me that. Are you thrilled when Pic tells you he loves you?”
Amanda’s stomach knotted and she took a quick drink of her Coke. “God, Gail, I’m the wrong person to talk to about love and romance. Pic hasn’t told me he loves me since I was sixteen. And trying to remember it, I’m not sure if he did back then.”
“Really?...But he must love you. He doesn’t see anyone else, does he? And you spend days at a time together. And he’s given you wonderful gifts.”
Now Amanda was close to bawling. She fought back an urge to fidget. Or race out of the room, dive into the pool and s
wim a hundred laps, swim until she was so exhausted she sank to the bottom of the pool and never came up. She shook her head. “Don’t read anything into any of that,” she said.
They finished their burgers with talk about the coming school year and other topics. Amanda sped away from the Dairy Queen, her thoughts roiling. Gail Carson was going to marry Mike Norton. She hadn’t said so, but it was going to happen. Mike might or might not go back to school, might or might not work as a cowhand for the Double-Barrel Ranch for the rest of his life, but whatever he did, Gail was going to be deliriously happy, probably give birth to two or three kids and live a frugal, but satisfying life from now on. Envy oozed through Amanda.
Springing into her head, clanging like a bell, was that tired old cliché: Why take the cow when he can get the milk for free?
…But he must love you. He doesn’t see anyone else, does he? And you spend days at a time together. And he’s given you wonderful gifts….
By the time Amanda reached home, she was in a state of agitation. Chris, who had followed her home, approached her. “Ma’am, I’d like to caution you about speeding.”
Oh, dear God. Now they were telling her how to drive? Never in her wildest imagination had she pictured herself with a security detail monitoring her every move. “What?” she snapped.
“Speeding on city streets is dangerous. Being stopped by local police as you travel from Point A to Point B can be a trick to instigate an incident.”
Stunned to silence, Amanda stared at him. As always, his eyes were covered by mirrored sunglasses, making it impossible to read his face. She blinked and shook her head, then dropped her chin and rubbed her forehead with her fingers. “Look, Chris, I appreciate what you’re doing, but this is Drinkwell, Texas, forgodsake. No one is going to grab me and hold me for ransom.”
“We don’t know that, ma’am,” he said solemnly.