by Lucy Daniels
Susan felt a rush of emotion. Tears formed in her eyes and she gripped her hands into fists. Damn Michael. If it hadn’t been for him, Jack and she would still have been perfectly happy in their own little world. She blinked away the tears and breathed in and out slowly. If Jack noticed something was wrong, it would only upset him more.
‘Are you okay?’ Mandy took a quick glance round the peaceful kitten pen, then moved over to stand beside Susan.
‘Yesterday was a bit rough,’ Susan admitted in a low voice. Her eyes were on Jack, but he was still chatting away to Frostflake.
‘With Michael?’ Mandy guessed.
Susan nodded. She opened her mouth, then closed it again.
‘If you need to talk,’ Mandy said, ‘you can come over later. I’m having tea with Mum and Dad today, I’m sure they’d love you to come for a chat. It’s Jack’s day with your mum, isn’t it?’
Susan nodded again. It wasn’t easy to speak. ‘I’d like that, thank you,’ she managed finally.
Mandy reached out a hand and patted her on the shoulder. ‘It’ll all be fine,’ she said. ‘Now, I’d better go back in and help these young kitten wranglers.’ She sent Susan a sympathetic grin, then turned and climbed back into the pen.
It was dark by the time Susan walked up to the back door of the cottage attached to Animal Ark where Mandy had grown up. Susan had been to the house often enough that it felt familiar and friendly. She knocked on the door and it opened.
‘Come in,’ Mandy said. ‘The kettle’s on.’
Susan stepped into the warm kitchen. After the chilly night air, it felt very cosy with its scrubbed pine table and black stove.
Emily was sitting at the table knitting something that looked almost like a baby jacket. She smiled when Susan said hello and held it up. ‘Hi, Susan, I’m knitting jumpers for penguins that have been caught up in oil-spills,’ she said. ‘What do you think?’ She waved the warm-looking mini-sweater, which was a cheery bright-red colour. ‘I have to rest far too much these days. I had to find something useful to do with the time.’
Susan couldn’t help but smile. How typical of Emily. Though she could no longer work as a vet, she was still using her skills to help animals.
‘It’s lovely,’ she said. ‘I’m sure any penguin would be happy to wear it.’
She suddenly felt very much at home as she moved over to the table and sat down. The Hopes had always been so kind to her.
She greeted Adam, who was standing beside the kettle, waiting for it to boil. ‘How do you like your tea?’ he asked Susan. Still white no sugar?’
‘Yes please,’ Susan said. Adam turned away to organise the mugs. Once the tea was ready, he brought Susan and Mandy’s mugs over and set them down. ‘It’s great actually all being able to sit down together and know we’re not going to be called out,’ he said. Still standing at the end of the table, he raised his mug in the direction of the wooden door, beyond which the surgery lay. ‘Cheers, Toby!’ he said.
Mandy was looking at her. ‘Is it okay if we all sit together?’ she asked. ‘If you need to talk privately, we can go in the other room.’
Adam looked from Susan to Mandy, eyebrows raised. Mandy obviously hadn’t said anything to her parents about the reason for Susan’s visit. ‘You don’t need to move anywhere,’ he said. ‘If you need to chat on your own, Emily and I can go through and leave you to it.’
Emily looked up from her knitting and smiled. She put a hand on the table, as if to push herself upright.
‘Don’t go.’ Susan lifted a hand and held it up. ‘Actually I’d be happy to have your perspective as well.’
Emily sank back into her seat and Adam pulled out a chair, but then paused, opened a cupboard and pulled out a cake tin. ‘I think this calls for cake,’ he said.
‘Gran’s Christmas cake. She always makes a trial one and this year she gave it to us,’ Mandy explained. Susan’s mouth started to water. Mandy’s grandmother’s baking was famous in Welford.
Adam carved off four large slices of fruitcake and set them out on the table. He added a few lumps of Wensleydale cheese to the plate, then sat down. ‘Help yourself,’ he urged Susan and pushed the plate towards her.
‘So what happened?’ Mandy, having taken a sip of her tea, leaned forward and put her elbows on the table. ‘I thought it was going well with Michael?’
Susan sighed. ‘I thought so too,’ she said. She glanced at Emily and Adam. ‘Has Mandy told you who Michael is?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows as she looked at them.
‘Only that he’s Jack’s dad,’ Emily told her. She sent Susan an encouraging smile. ‘It must be difficult, when someone appears like that, out of the blue.’
‘It certainly is,’ Susan agreed. She looked down at the cake on the plate in front of her. She hadn’t eaten anything since lunchtime. She took a mouthful of cake and a sliver of cheese and chewed. Dorothy Hope’s cakes really were just as good as everyone said they were. It was rich and delicious.
‘I did think it was going fine,’ she said. ‘The first time Michael and I met, we got on like a house on fire. It was almost like old times. Then he met Jack. It wasn’t great at first. Michael’s not used to children,’ she added. Why was she making excuses for him? ‘But then we came round here and Jack was less nervous and …’ She glanced at Mandy, who nodded.
‘Yesterday he came round again. I had a few things planned this time. Board games and so on. But he suggested we could go to York. He said it in front of Jack. It was difficult to say no.’ She looked up, but all three faces held sympathy. They weren’t judging her. ‘So we went,’ she said. ‘I suggested we could go to the market. I thought Jack would like it. But Michael stopped at a house, then said it was his and we could go in.’ She found herself crumbling bits of the cake onto the plate and stopped. ‘I should have said no, but I didn’t,’ she said. ‘It was the path of least resistance, I guess. And then he showed us a bedroom and said it could be Jack’s. He had all kinds of plans. He wanted us to move in with him.’
Emily looked shocked. Adam was wrinkling his nose. Mandy reached out a hand and placed it on Susan’s arm. ‘That’s not great,’ she said. ‘Like he was trying to push you into it, telling you in front of Jack.’
Susan nodded.
‘He should have checked with you first,’ Emily agreed.
‘So what’s going to happen now?’ Mandy asked.
‘I’m not sure what I should do,’ Susan said. She glanced up at the ceiling, then back down. ‘I wanted to do the right thing. I thought it was better for Jack to have two parents, but now I’m not sure. Not if he’s going to end up hurt.’ She leaned an elbow on the table. It was good to be able to talk this through properly.
Adam had his head on one side, as if considering. ‘We brought Mandy up without any input from her biological parents,’ he said.
It was true, Susan thought. Mandy’s parents had died in a car crash when Mandy was a baby, so there had been no choice.
‘I mean, she turned out to be a disaster,’ Adam added, sending a cheeky sideways grin at Mandy. ‘So maybe view her as the worst-case scenario.’
Mandy mock-glared at him. Narrowing her eyes, she lobbed a piece of cheese across the table at him. Adam just opened his mouth and caught it neatly. His expression was so smug that Susan wanted to laugh.
‘There were two of us, though,’ Emily put in. ‘It must be tough for you on your own,’ she said to Susan.
Susan pulled a wry expression. ‘It was fine until Michael turned up,’ she said. ‘I’m lucky to have Mum nearby.’
Mandy ate the last piece of her cake, then sat back in her chair with a thoughtful look on her face. ‘As far as I see it,’ she said, ‘there aren’t any hard and fast rules. Look at Jimmy and his twins. They have two loving homes and it works. Jack has a loving home with you. It’s all about creating the right atmosphere, isn’t it? So the child knows they’re loved. It doesn’t really matter if there’s one parent or four. It doesn’t matter if they’re relat
ed or not, so long as there’s love and security. You can provide those on your own. You’ve proved that. After that, you have to decide whether to let anyone else in. And only you can decide who’s suitable for you and for Jack.’
Emily was nodding. ‘I think Mandy’s right,’ she said. ‘If you feel it’s better for Jack that he doesn’t meet Michael again, then that’s the right decision. Jack’s young enough to accept it for now. And when he’s older you can explain. You just have to be happy in your heart that you’re doing the right thing for the right reason.’ She smiled again. Her kind eyes were filled with warmth. Mandy was so lucky, Susan thought. Miranda was wonderful, of course she was. But Emily had always seemed so wise. And now Mandy was the same.
‘Thank you so much,’ Susan said. ‘For the tea and the advice and everything.’ She sat back in her chair and took a sip of tea. Then she put a piece of the crumbled cake into her mouth. It really was delicious. Maybe if she asked nicely, Adam would give her another piece.
Half an hour later, Mandy pushed out her chair. ‘I’m going to have to go,’ she said. ‘I’m on surgery this evening.’
Susan stood up and Mandy ushered her over to the back door. Susan expected Mandy to close the door behind her, but Mandy stepped outside and stood on the doorstep. The sky had cleared and stars shone overhead. ‘I didn’t want to ask in front of Mum and Dad,’ Mandy said, ‘but what happened with Douglas?’
The happy feeling in Susan’s chest subsided a little. Even if she had it worked out what was happening with Michael, her relationship with Douglas, such as it had been, was over. ‘I ruined it,’ she said. ‘I had to cancel my next date with him because it was on the only day Michael was free to meet Jack. But I lied and told him Jack had the dentist instead of the truth … And, well, you saw what happened at Hope Meadows. We were supposed to be going riding at Molly’s next Thursday, but now he doesn’t want to talk to me … which is understandable,’ she added.
Mandy looked at her sadly. ‘You liked him, didn’t you?’ she said.
Susan sighed. ‘I did,’ she said. ‘I wasn’t sure at first. But I definitely did.’ They stood there for a moment in the darkness.
‘I really must get on,’ Mandy said. ‘Try not to worry. I’m sure it’ll all turn out in the end.’ She patted Susan on the arm, then turned and stepped back inside.
Chapter Twenty-One
Susan pushed aside the half-finished pile of Christmas cards, sat back in her chair and looked around the living room. Before sitting down with the cards, she had put up some Christmas decorations. She’d wanted to surprise Jack when he came home, but she had got fed up halfway through when she couldn’t get a garland to hang right. The room looked depressingly messy with its unfinished tree and the half-completed wreath lying on the table. It had been pouring with rain for the past three days and it was hard to get into the Christmas spirit.
Behind her, she could hear the rain hurling itself against the window. Now and then a gust of wind backed up in the chimney and a small cloud of smoke billowed from the fireplace. The acrid smell filled the room.
She pulled out her mobile to check the time. It was almost midday. She’d had breakfast early. She might as well take a break for lunch. Her eyes strayed to the messenger icon despite her better intentions. No new messages. She tried to stifle the swell of disappointment that coursed through her. Today was Thursday. If circumstances had been different, she and Douglas would have met this afternoon for riding.
With a sigh, she pushed herself up out of the chair, walked through to the kitchen and opened the fridge. She held her breath as she did so. Every time she’d opened the fridge in the past couple of weeks, a smell like old socks had greeted her; it was coming from Douglas’s Camembert cheese. She had considered throwing it away but hadn’t been able to bring herself to do so. Instead, she had been haunted by the cheese aroma all week.
The scent of another failed dating attempt, she thought to herself, wryly. She took it out and examined the use-by date. It was tomorrow. Her stomach rumbled. Perhaps it would be fine, despite the smell. Douglas had said to bake it. She lifted out the packet and read the instructions, then took out some baguette-style rolls from the freezer. She could put them in the oven together.
While she was waiting for them to heat up, she went through to the living room to carry on writing her Christmas cards. She looked at the picture on the top card as she laid them on the table. Jack had chosen them in the market in York. As ever, his preoccupation with animals had won through and the cards were filled with sledging penguins and snowy reindeer.
She picked up one of the penguin cards and addressed it to Mr Gorski. She would take it round later, she decided. His sister had arrived so he had company, but he was still missing Coffee. He would enjoy a chat with Jack.
Mandy would like one of the reindeer cards, Susan thought. She opened it up and wrote Mandy’s name inside. Should she address it to Jimmy too? she wondered. She frowned. What about the children? It was hard to know whether to send things to one person or the whole blended family. She plumped for adding them all, as well as all the animals.
She glanced out of the window. To her surprise, the rain had stopped. The scudding clouds that had darkened the sky for days were dispersing. She felt suddenly more cheerful. If it did clear up, she decided, she wouldn’t sit here moping all afternoon. She would go out and get some fresh air. I could post the cards if I finish them all.
She selected a penguin card for James, wrote it and then paused, realising she didn’t know his home address. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she dialled Mandy’s number. There was a good chance Mandy wouldn’t be able to answer right now; she might, quite literally, be up to her armpit inside a cow, but she could leave a message if so.
‘Hi, Susan.’ Mandy sounded as if she was smiling. There had been a few times in the past months when she had been under a lot of pressure, but she always seemed to bounce back. Susan was determined to take a leaf out of her book.
‘Hi, Mandy,’ she said. ‘I was just writing my Christmas cards and I realised I don’t have James’s address. Could you send it over when you get a minute?’
‘Oh.’ Mandy sounded surprised. ‘You’re writing Christmas cards? At home?’ she said after a pause.
‘Yes,’ said Susan. ‘It’s my day off so I’m getting some Christmas admin done while Jack’s at nursery.’
‘Oh I see,’ Mandy said. There was a moment’s silence, then Mandy spoke again. ‘I’m really sorry about Douglas.’
‘So am I,’ Susan said, trying to smile. ‘But it didn’t work out and that’s that! Christmas waits for no woman. Me and Jack have always been fine by ourselves. We don’t need a man to be happy.’ She hoped she was managing to sound positive. Fake it ’til you make it …
‘That’s good.’ Mandy sounded as if she meant it. ‘You were meant to be going riding with him today, weren’t you?’ She sounded thoughtful. ‘Can I give you a ring back in a few minutes? I might be able to sort something out. Would you still like to go if I can manage it?’
‘That would be great!’ Susan felt her spirits lifting as she put the mobile down on the table. Outside the window, the sun had broken through. For the first time in three days, sunshine flooded into her kitchen. If the sun stayed out, it would be lovely to go for a ride. The ground would be waterlogged, but there was a good track along the bottom of the valley where it wouldn’t be too windy. Mandy loved horses as much as she did. It would be fun to spend the afternoon together.
The buzzer on the cooker beeped. Susan went and opened the door. To her surprise, the scent of the French bread and the savoury aroma of the cheese smelled marvellous. She lifted them out and decanted them onto a plate. Her mouth watered as she dipped the mini-baguettes into the soft cheese. It was truly a wonderful combination. The crunchy bread and the pungent oozing cheese somehow came together and were utterly delicious. For a moment, she felt sad. Instead of thanking Douglas properly for his gift, she’d half dismissed it as weird. I
wonder how much I’ve missed out on over the years by avoiding weird stuff? she thought. Maybe this would be what she would take from her brief time with Douglas: a more open mind and being more in touch with her sense of fun?
She was so lost in thought that she jumped when the phone buzzed on the table beside her. It was Mandy again. ‘Hi, Susan,’ she said. Her voice was breathless as if she had been rushing around. ‘It’s all sorted. Can you get to the stables for two?’
Susan grinned. Her spirits rose to the ceiling. ‘Yes I can,’ she declared. She put the phone down on the table and put her plate into the dishwasher. There was just time to take Mr Gorski’s card round and see if he needed anything. She paused as she passed the living room. It was still a complete mess and she felt an urge to tidy it before she left. But then she remembered what she had just been thinking about. Life’s too short to worry about mess, she told herself. I can finish it later, and that way, Jack can join in too!
She arrived at Six Oaks stables just before two. The sun was still shining brightly, even though some grey rainclouds hung stubbornly around it. The wind was gusting now and then, but Susan was wearing a warm jacket and thick jodhpurs. The yard was alive with the sounds of horses. Several heads appeared over the stable doors as she walked in. A dappled grey Shire with a broad white blaze whinnied his greeting and Susan went over to stroke his velvety nose. ‘Hello, Bill,’ she said as he snuffled into her ear. His whiskers tickled her cheek and she reached up a hand to stroke his neck. Bill was one of Mandy’s rescues. Molly Future, the owner of Six Oaks, had adopted him. Mandy thought he might be thirty years old or more, but he seemed to be enjoying his retirement.
Leaving Bill, Susan set off across the yard to see whether Coco was ready to go out. Coco was the chunky bay gelding Susan normally rode. He reminded Susan a little of her childhood pony, Prince. As she walked, her eye was caught by two figures coming out of one of the stables to her left. One of them was Molly Future. The other was Douglas.