by Lucy Daniels
Susan quailed. Had she said that? She could barely think straight. She ducked back into her bedroom. ‘It’s really nothing to do with you,’ she retorted, as quietly as she could, ‘but Douglas is less of a stranger to Jack than you are. You’ve only met him twice. Your own son. I’ll decide who’s suitable to be around him.’
‘He’s my son too, whether you like it or not.’ Michael’s voice dropped to a dangerous-sounding hiss. ‘And I will see him, even if I have to take you to court. In the meantime, I’m going to ask you politely to send that man away.’
Susan felt rage boiling up. Polite? How dared he call his demands polite? Michael rarely yelled when angry. His fury was icy cold.
‘I have no intention of asking Douglas to leave,’ she spat. ‘And no judge is going to take my son off me. All I want is to be left alone.’
She ended the call filled with rage, but within a few moments she felt nausea rising. Could he take her to court over this? Surely no judge would side with a man who had only seen his son twice and wasn’t on the birth certificate. But Michael had some powerful friends.
Her hands were trembling as the mobile clattered down on the bedside table. She glanced down at her paint-spattered clothes. She should get herself cleaned up, she thought miserably. Why had she ever let Michael back in? A few minutes ago, she had felt uncomplicatedly happy. Now everything was upside down.
She turned to go to the bathroom, then stopped. Douglas’s worried face was peering round the open bedroom door. How much had he overheard?
‘Was that … Michael?’ he asked. His eyes were sympathetic and worried at the same time.
Susan nodded her head.
‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,’ Douglas said. ‘I heard my name and I thought you were calling for me and well – it was hard not to overhear.’
‘It’s fine,’ Susan said, with a bitter laugh. ‘Better that you know about the drama sooner rather than later. Full disclosure in case you want to run for the hills.’
‘Did he threaten you?’ Douglas looked concerned.
Susan shrugged. ‘He was trying to pressure me into letting him see Jack, but then he heard you in the background and lost it. Started talking about taking me to court. I guess he felt jealous or something, of another man with his son.’
As soon as she’d said it, Susan wished she could call the words back. There was shock on Douglas’s face. ‘I’d better go then,’ he said. ‘You can’t take that risk.’
Susan could feel tears welling up as she gazed at him, standing there looking helpless. She didn’t want Douglas to go, but what if Michael meant what he said?
Douglas crossed the room in an instant and took both her hands as the painful tears began to roll down her face. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘It’s a lot for you to take in, but it’s better that I go for now. You go clean yourself up. Jack and I will tidy the bedroom. Try not to worry. You just have to stand firm.’ He squeezed her fingers, rubbing her hand with his thumb. ‘Focus on sorting things out for Jack before – well, before anything else …’ he said. He gave her knuckles a final squeeze, then let go of her hand and walked out of the room. A moment later, she heard him talking to Jack as they began the clean-up operation.
By the time she came out of the shower, Douglas had gone. The house seemed silent and empty. Jack was downstairs, watching TV.
‘I like Douglas, Mummy,’ he said. ‘When will he be coming back?’
Susan took a deep breath. She was not going to cry again. Not in front of Jack. ‘I’m really not sure,’ she said. ‘But hopefully soon.’ She could still hope, couldn’t she? Somewhere on the far side of this, there must be sanity? It was just hard to see it right now.
Jack seemed quite satisfied with her response. ‘Good,’ he said. He turned back to the TV. Susan stood for a long minute, just watching him. She loved him so much. The very idea of him being taken away from her was unbearable. Douglas was right. It wouldn’t do to wind Michael up. She wandered through to the kitchen and looked out of the window to the spot where Douglas’s car had been. She wanted to wail at how unfair life was. She’d finally found a wonderful, kind, funny, handsome man, after all this time, and now Michael decided to rear his ugly head.
I just can’t win.
Chapter Twenty-Four
‘Night night, robin redbreast. Night night, Marmalade.’ Jack edged backwards and climbed down from the window seat where he had been kneeling to gaze into the cold, wet darkness beyond.
Susan held out her hand to him. ‘Come on now. Into bed,’ she said, grasping his hand and giving his small fingers a squeeze.
He obediently clambered into bed and lay down. ‘Night night, Mummy,’ he said, smiling up at her.
Susan pulled the covers up to his chin. ‘Nighty night,’ she said. She bent forward to drop a kiss on his forehead. He looked so sweet.
‘When will Daddy come round again?’ he asked. ‘Will he be here for Christmas?’ His eyes were filled with innocent curiosity.
Susan felt as if something was shifting in her belly. She hated having to be less than truthful with him, but how could she tell him Daddy wouldn’t be coming back ever? She wanted to explain, but what could she say that he would understand? It would have to wait until he was older. ‘I’m not sure when he’s coming again,’ she told him, and then before he had time to react, ‘I love you very much. Sleep well, sweetie.’
She felt torn as she walked downstairs. She didn’t want Michael to see Jack again in case he hurt him. Yet she and Michael had never discussed the situation properly. Both their recent conversations had descended into anger. Should she contact him, if Jack was missing him? But wouldn’t that be madness, considering what he’d threatened last time they had spoken?
Downstairs in the kitchen, she put the oven on. Mandy was coming round for mince pies. Even if she couldn’t help, it would be a distraction from the thoughts that kept circling Susan’s head. Michael ruining her budding relationship with Douglas had made her feel angry. For her part, she’d be happy if she never saw him again. But then, it had been Douglas’s decision to step away. Several times over the last twenty-four hours, she’d been tempted to ring him and say to hell with Michael and ask him if they could carry on regardless. But she’d always paused, fearful that the answer would be ‘no’, that Douglas’s backing off was more to do with his not wanting the drama, than out of consideration for her situation. She kept replaying his final words in her head. What had he meant by them? That he didn’t want to see her at all for now? Or he just wouldn’t see Jack? She was glad when the doorbell rang.
‘Hello!’ Mandy grinned at Susan as she stood on the doorstep. Her blonde hair glistened with droplets from the fog that was hanging in the air. She held out a bottle. ‘I’ve brought some mulling wine,’ she said. ‘I thought it’d go well with mince pies.’
Susan reached out and took the bottle. ‘Thanks,’ she said. She led Mandy through to the kitchen. The aroma of warm mince pies filled the air. On the table, Susan had lit one of the scented Christmas candles she’d bought in York.
Mandy breathed in deeply, lifting her head and closing her eyes as if in ecstasy. ‘It smells like a Christmas bakery in a fir forest,’ she said.
‘That’s spot on! It’s called “North Pole Kitchen”.’ Susan laughed, pulling out a pan from the cupboard. She emptied the contents of the bottle Mandy had given her, then dug in her store cupboard for a cinnamon stick and some cloves. She dropped them into the saucepan, then took an orange from the fruit bowl and added a few slices.
Mandy had pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. Susan sat down opposite while she waited for the wine to heat through.
‘So how are things?’ Mandy placed her elbows on the table and leaned forward. ‘How did everything go after your cattle-herding date?’
Susan’s eyes dropped. She hadn’t seen Mandy since the horse-riding session. When she looked up again, there was concern in Mandy’s face.
‘It was okay, wasn’t it?’ she asked.
‘I thought your date went well. You’re not angry with me for setting you up?’
Susan managed a smile. ‘I’m not at all angry with you,’ she said. ‘The ride went really well. In fact, if my mother hadn’t phoned at just the wrong moment, I think we might have kissed.’
Mandy tilted her head. Her eyes were steady on Susan’s face. ‘I sense a “but”,’ she said. ‘What went wrong?’
Susan sighed. ‘He came round yesterday,’ she admitted. ‘Michael phoned while he was here and Douglas overheard the call.’
Mandy shook her head. The crease on her forehead had deepened. ‘And?’ she said. ‘What does that have to do with Michael?’
Susan gazed across the table feeling gloomy. ‘Well, you know when Michael was trying to pressure me into some ridiculous family situation with him? He was refusing to accept when I said no, and he implied that it was because of Douglas.’ She replayed the incident in her mind. She hadn’t been able to recall what she’d said yesterday, but now it was as clear as day. ‘Douglas was barely speaking to me at the time, because I’d lied to him about what we were doing the day Michael met Jack.’ She felt a welling of misery inside her as she recounted the whole mess. ‘So I didn’t think I was ever going to see him again, so I told Michael I wasn’t seeing anyone and I didn’t need or want a man. That worked to shut him up, but now of course he thinks I lied as well. He said Douglas had to go. I said it was none of his business and the next thing, he was telling me he wanted Jack back and would take me to court.’
Mandy was staring at her now. ‘He said he’d take you to court?’ she repeated.
Susan nodded, her shoulders slumped.
‘And now you’re worried that if you see Douglas again, Michael will try to take Jack away?’ Mandy asked.
Susan felt sick. How had everything become so complicated? ‘Yes,’ she admitted. ‘And Douglas overheard and said he should go. It wasn’t worth the risk, he said.’ She swallowed. It had taken her far too long to realise what a good person Douglas was. Now she might have lost him forever.
Mandy shook her head again. ‘But that’s all wrong,’ she objected. ‘Michael might be Jack’s dad, but it’s nothing to do with him if you see someone else.’
Susan lifted her eyes to the ceiling. There was no answer to that. The situation was all wrong, but she couldn’t see a way out of it.
‘You have to try to talk to Michael again,’ Mandy urged. She reached a hand across the table, grabbing Susan’s hand. ‘It’s not as if you can avoid Douglas forever. I haven’t sent out the invitations yet, but I’m having a Hope Meadows Christmas party and you’re both invited. And what if he comes to school to paint again? You can’t live your life like that – not for Michael’s sake!’
Susan didn’t know what to say. Mandy was right, but how could she even begin to discuss this with Michael? Every time they talked, it felt like she was further and further into the mire.
There was a sizzling sound from the cooker. Susan turned her head. The mulled wine was boiling over. Mandy jumped up and removed the pan from the heat, then reached for a cloth. ‘Don’t panic,’ she said with a grin. She wiped up the spilt wine, threw the cloth back on the side of the sink, then stretched out to grab the ladle that Susan had left on the side. ‘And in the meantime,’ she turned to Susan, waving it in the air, ‘you should tell Douglas you don’t want him to stay away. You can’t give in to that kind of blackmail. Michael’s not even on the birth certificate, is he?’
Susan took a deep breath to voice her fear. ‘I actually wonder if Douglas staying away is more something that he wants to do, rather than to help me. Who wants to be involved with this much drama?’
Mandy waved a hand. ‘Nonsense. I’ve seen the way Douglas looks at you. He likes you too much to just walk away. Besides, he’s a hero cowboy! Do you think some mean-spirited lawyer is going to scare him off? You need to talk to him to know for sure, but I’d be willing to bet he’s just waiting for his chance to be by your side again.’
For the first time since Douglas had left, Susan felt her heart lift a little. Mandy’s no nonsense way of looking at the world always made things sound so simple. ‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘I don’t have to do what Michael tells me. I’ll ring Douglas later.’
‘Great!’ Mandy clapped her hands.
Susan pushed her chair out and stood up. ‘But right now, we’ve got even more important things to think about! Would you like some ice cream with your mince pie?’
A few minutes later, they were ensconced on either side of the living-room fire. In the corner beside the door, the Christmas tree lights sent their warm light into the room. Susan dug her spoon into her mince pie. ‘I do love mince pies,’ she said. She put a sliver of the pastry in her mouth. The warm mincemeat was wonderful with the cool ice cream ‘So tell me about your Hope Meadows party,’ she said.
Mandy looked pleased. ‘Well, after the great wine-tasting debacle,’ she said, ‘I thought maybe I needed to go back to basics. Welford’s always supported Animal Ark and now Hope Meadows too. I wanted to thank everyone who’s helped out or donated or adopted.’ She grinned. ‘I’m hoping that people will come feeling Christmassy and generous.’
Susan found herself smiling back. Mandy’s enthusiasm for life was cheering. ‘Well, I’ll definitely be there,’ she said. ‘And if you like, I can donate some mince pies.’
Mandy looked down at her empty bowl. ‘If they taste as good as these,’ she said, ‘I’m sure everyone’ll throw money at us.’
‘So how are things at Animal Ark?’ Susan asked. ‘How’s Toby settling in?’
Mandy laughed. ‘Very well indeed,’ she said. ‘He’s very popular. Especially with certain clients.’ She waggled her eyebrows up and down.
Her expression was so funny that Susan felt like laughing too. ‘Who exactly?’ she asked, though she thought she could perhaps guess. ‘Has someone taken a “Fancy” to him?’
Mandy raised her glass in a salute. ‘Exactly so,’ she said. ‘Mrs Ponsonby does indeed keep bringing Fancy in to see Toby. It’s amazing how many times that poor Pekinese needs to have her ears checked because she shook her head or has an awful cough because she choked on her evening biscuit.’
‘Poor Fancy.’ Susan could picture the fluffy little dog in Mrs Ponsonby’s arms.
‘Luckily she’s very patient,’ Mandy said. She leaned forward and put her empty bowl on the coffee table. ‘I miss her actually. Mrs P used to bring her in to me before Toby won her heart.’
‘Pity,’ Susan commented, but then she grinned, holding up her glass. ‘… but it must be good for business,’ she added. She took a sip of the mulled wine. Despite having been overheated, it still tasted delicious. She was feeling much more cheerful. It was great that Mandy had come round.
‘Must be,’ Mandy agreed. She was grinning so hard it looked almost painful. ‘Mrs P’s not the only one either. All her friends also keep turning up with their little handbag dogs. Toby can’t understand how all these dogs have so many strange symptoms, but nothing that ever shows up when he’s looking at them.’
‘Ah, the many mysteries of unrequited love,’ Susan said. She glanced at Mandy, who caught her eye and they both burst into laughter.
An hour later, as Susan mounted the stairs to her bedroom, she remembered she hadn’t contacted Douglas. Should she call him? she wondered. Mandy was right in one way. She shouldn’t be giving in to Michael. It really wasn’t any of his business who she saw. She paused on the landing, then pushed open the door to Jack’s bedroom and wandered over to stand beside the bed. Jack was fast asleep and dreaming. He stirred a little, reached out a hand for Lamby and snuggled deeper under the covers. Outside the window she could hear the rain. Mandy must be home by now, thank goodness. What was it Douglas had said about Jack? She pictured him standing in the doorway. ‘You can’t take that risk.’ A wave of weariness washed over Susan.
Her eyes dropped again to Jack’s sweet little face. Douglas was right, she thought. There was no
way she could risk this. Before she could see anyone, she was going to have to speak to Michael. The only problem was that she had no idea how. She reached out a hand and smoothed a lock of hair from Jack’s forehead. There was nothing she could do tonight anyway. She made her way through into her own bedroom. It had felt like a sanctuary before. She had always been firm with Jack about sleeping in his own bed. Yet now her own double bed seemed very cold and empty. She lay awake a long time.
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘Did he go in okay?’ Miranda called from the living room as Susan opened the front door of Moon Cottage and stepped inside.
‘He was fine.’ Susan had just dropped Jack off at the Dhanjals’ house for Kiran’s birthday. It was the first time Susan had left him alone at a party. Miranda had agreed to come over and keep her company. ‘I think I was more worried about it than he was.’
‘I brought your panettone,’ Miranda said, appearing in the doorway. She had been to York that morning and had picked up a few things from James’s café. She’d called Susan while she was there. James had recommended the sweet Italian bread that his boyfriend Raj had imported from Italy. ‘He sent a Christmas bombe recipe too. In case you have leftovers. And he said thank you for the Christmas card.’
Susan took the paper from Miranda and read through the instructions. It seemed very complicated. She was nearly sure she wouldn’t need it. Both she and Jack loved panettone. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘Oh it’s no problem,’ Miranda replied. She smiled. ‘I must say, James was looking well,’ she said. ‘And he seems very upbeat. He’s coming over to Welford for the Hope Meadows party. Raj and he are bringing food.’
Susan hung her coat up. ‘I must buy some more mince,’ she said. She walked through into the kitchen and made a note on the pad she left by the fridge. ‘I promised Mandy I’d take some mince pies to her Christmas party,’ she explained. She put down the pen and picked up the kettle. ‘Tea?’ she asked.