by Aleka Nakis
Exposed to the chilly dawn, her skin prickled as she stared down the gorge. A regal aura emanated from the mountain, commanding the rugged and grueling landscape that stretched as far as she could see. The strength and authority of the tall monarch flowed into the environment.
Above a certain elevation, she saw the clumps of what she knew to be tiny bluish flowers growing bunched in circles. At the bottom, she saw the white flowers that grew out of rocks swaying in the soft breeze, and she could just imagine the little stream swelling to a river in the spring. It was a marriage of beauty and power displayed for all to see.
Her prayers to find strength and love had been answered, and she now had to find the ability to turn away from them. She walked back into the room and looked at Demo while he slept. Her spirit ached to go back to him. But this was the first baby step, to deny the need to bask in his love, and accustom her heart to the pain of truly loving.
Loving him enough to leave him hurt, but she had to do it. For him.
She mouthed a silent prayer. “Give me the strength to put my needs aside and to do the only thing that will spare him. Please.”
*****
Demo had been right. Tony and Alexandros were sleeping on the balcony. She smiled and quietly let herself out the door and walked to the bakery.
She sat on a stool at the end of the counter talking with the baker’s wife as they enjoyed coffee and koulourakia. The buttery, orange-flavored braided cookies melted on her tongue and justly took their place as her favorite cookie in the world.
Sammy felt welcomed enough to help the woman wrap some loaves of warm bread when all the locals came in at the same time. She had a feeling of belonging, of being a part of something bigger, and finally having achieved what she had craved in her solitary walk through life: a large, extended family. She was part of something. But now she had to leave it behind and continue down the lonely path again.
Returning with a basket of fresh roles, cookies and breakfast pastries, Samantha met Mrs. Maria Lakis. The tall and graceful matriarch smiled and came to the door to greet her.
“Kalimera, kori mou,” Mrs. Lakis said. Instead of taking the basket, she wrapped her arms around Samantha and said in perfect, slightly accented English, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you. But I’m with you now, and I will help you any way you need.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Lakis. You’re very generous.”
“No, kori mou, not generous. We take care of our family, and we live for our children. I cannot imagine the horrible experience of yesterday, but if I were in that situation, I know I would want the comfort of the people who love me.”
Sammy’s knees went weak. This woman was implying she loved her, Samantha Mallone, a person she had just met.
“You look pale, Sammy. Sit down and let me get you something to drink.” Mrs. Lakis took the basket in her right hand and wrapped her left arm around Sammy’s waist. “Come on, kori mou, you must be tired.”
“Thank you. I guess I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Of course, but you will sleep better today, and you can take a nap after you’ve had some breakfast. Each day you will get stronger, and by the time your mama arrives the day after tomorrow, you will not be pale or weak. I will see to that.”
Her heart jumped and her breath stopped. “Mom is coming here?”
“Yes. Demo sent for her yesterday. She would have come sooner, but with her work and the time diffe—”
“No, no. She mustn’t come,” Sammy cried.
If her mother were here too, then everybody she loved would be gathered in this heavenly place. Where would she find the strength to leave? Where would she go?
“She can’t take time from work right now. And... And... She’s afraid of flying and has never been on a plane. She can’t—” Sammy stuttered, unable to complete the sentence.
“A mother does the impossible for her child. She needs to be with you,” Mrs. Lakis insisted. “She will be fine. Don’t worry about her. A mother can walk through fire and not feel the heat if her child needs her. You will only understand when you have your own children.”
Trembling hands dropped into Sammy’s lap. Nervously licking her lips, she attempted to breathe the air that had gone out of the room. It was time to face the truth.
“I don’t plan to have any children.”
“Not now, kori mou. But one day, after you’ve spent time with your husband and have established yourself professionally, you will. Children are the greatest gift a man and a woman can give each other.”
Pain swelled in her chest and a cold chill claimed Samantha’s body. Her throat closed and she wasn’t able to speak. The room grew fuzzy and hot.
Mrs. Lakis’ face blended into the sun, black orbs floated about, and then darkness.
“Wake up Sammy. Open your eyes.”
No, she didn’t want to. The darkness masked the pain. It was safe there.
“Wake up, Samantha!” Demo demanded. Reluctantly her eyes opened, and she saw the relief spread across his face. It hurt to look into his dark loving eyes. They revealed a man who would do anything for her.
Now she had to do the hardest thing in her life for him. She had to leave.
“Mama, nero,” Demo called.
Mrs. Lakis stepped forward, helping Sammy take a sip of water. She gave her son a warning look. “Give the girl some room and stop yelling. She’s been through enough trauma. This is to be expected.”
Sammy attempted to sit up, and the room began to spin. Demo immediately supported her back, and she leaned on him.
“I’m fine now. Thank you,” she insisted, finishing the glass of water. Looking around the room, she saw the whole family had gathered. Tony, Zoë, Athena and her fiancé, even Mr. Lakis.
Family.
The sense of doom returned, and as if sensing it, Demo asked everyone to stand back and give her space.
“Do you want to go up to bed, agape mou?” The stern look of concern across Demo’s face relayed his anxiety.
“Come on, Little Red. One day of fainting is all the family allows,” Tony said, kneeling beside her. “When in Greece, the women of the family make the men’s breakfast. Time for you women to get to work. You can’t get out of it with a simple fainting spell.”
Sammy couldn’t help but laugh. The family joined her.
“Come to think of it, that is what I was doing. Breakfast—not trying to get out of it.” Sammy regained a bit of composure and teased Tony. “Mrs. Lakis, please show Tony the basket of fresh pastries.”
Sammy tried to keep a straight face as she spoke, but burst into a new round of laughter as Tony raised his hands upwards and bowed at her feet.
Family. Yes, this was what it felt like.
Sitting around the sturdy wooden table, they slathered butter and homemade jams on the fresh bread. They peeled the hardboiled eggs from Thea Eleni’s coup and passed the salt hand to hand.
Talk of his brother and sister’s upcoming weddings had Demo giving her a strange and probing look for an answer to his own question. His eyes, those beautiful sparkling eyes, kept repeating on the faces of his family huddling around the table.
One unit. There for each other. Eating, talking, laughing and loving. And they had gathered for her. To support Samantha Mallone, a woman who brought nothing to this close knit unit in return.
She couldn’t continue the family line. No children for the grandparents to spoil. It would end here. Demo, the eldest child, would never complete his life as he had imagined it—if she stayed.
No, she wouldn’t allow it. She’d leave. Today. No matter how much it hurt her.
But how? What would she say? How could she leave?
She already loved them all.
*****
Lazy afternoons were what kept the Greeks up into the wee hours. The family had insisted she take an extra long nap that day. Sammy opened her eyes in the sun kissed room and listened. The house was silent. Empty.
Dressing, she made her way downstair
s and pulled on her sneakers. She walked outside and saw no one.
She could leave right now.
She took the stairs two at a time, and reaching the second story landing she rushed into the bedroom. Sammy threw her passport and wallet into her bag. Scribbled a quick note on a page from her day planner and ripped it out, placing it over the pillow on Demo’s side of the bed.
It might be cold, it might appear heartless, but she did promise to explain one day. She tried to communicate that regardless of how it may look, she was doing this for him. They couldn’t continue. She’d leave the key and car at the resort.
She couldn’t do more. If she was ever going to leave, she had to do it now.
Grabbing her bag, she gave one quick look around, squared her shoulders, and wiped the tears from her eyes.
She opened the door, but couldn’t step through it. One more look, she needed one more. Dropping the key and the open bag together on the bed, she walked across the room to the balcony. The gorge was waiting, supporting her in its massive green glory.
“I’ve found such strength and beauty here. I will miss it with all my being,” she said aloud to no one in particular.
“Why will you miss it?” Demo’s deep voice asked.
Sammy turned and looked into the face of the man her heart ached for. She couldn’t speak. She shrugged away from his touch as he reached for her.
“What is wrong?” he demanded.
Why, oh why, had he returned? Her heart splintered into thousands of jagged pieces that raced through her body and soul, ripping her to shreds.
His expression was irritated and it held no patience. He’d probably had enough of the whiney woman she’d become, and he’d probably thank her for leaving as soon as possible.
“Sammy, who died? You look like you’ve just lost your best friend.” Suddenly, concern filled his deep voice and apprehension colored his dark eyes.
“How would you know?” She turned on him.
All the pain and bitterness she’d kept buried for so long ran like acid through her blood. She could not hide it in any longer.
“How would you know what it feels like to have your life torn apart and not be able to do anything about it? Contrary to what you might think, you can’t fix everything that is wrong in this world with a snap of your fingers.”
“I don’t, agape mou. But, I will never—”
“No! You don’t!” she screamed above his voice. “You didn’t lose your baby because you were too weak to defend it. One swift kick to your gut didn’t kill your child.”
Angry tears spilled down her face. She swatted them away and took a deep breath. She was beyond tears now. They served no purpose at this moment. It was time for her to be strong.
Demo raised his hand and raked his fingers in his hair. Through her rage, she could see his pupils dilate.
“It’s my life, Demo. I don’t care if you love me any more or less for it.” She pounded her chest with her fist, not caring how much it stung. “I am the one who will never give birth to a child. I am the one who will never rock my baby to sleep. I am the one who will die alone, with no legacy to leave behind.”
There, she’d said it. The pain she’d carried with her every day was now out in the open, hanging in the air like a dense, asphyxiating fog.
She waited for the repulsion to appear on his face, for him to tell her he couldn’t be with her now. That he needed a woman who could give him the family he’d always wanted—the family he was destined to have. She waited for him to turn around and walk out of the room. Out of her life forever.
Demo stared at the floor. His shoulders slumped. His head hung between them.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your pity!” she spat. His sympathy was worse than anything she’d expected.
He raised his head and reaching for her he said, “No, not pity. I’m just sorry.”
She shoved his hand away and walked back inside the room, making the bed a physical barrier between them.
“Don’t be. I don’t want you to be.” She pointed to the door and continued. “Just leave. Leave this worthless, half-a-woman to herself. Let me pack my things in peace.”
Demo did not move. The veins running down the side of his crimson neck protruded, but he remained quiet.
Sammy swallowed the lump in her throat and was empowered by the ache in her chest.
“Go!” She pointed at the door. “I’ve accepted it. I can’t give you what you want. Hell, I can never have what counts the most. What I want.”
When he didn’t move to leave, she grabbed her bag and keys off the bed and headed towards the exit. “I was doing fine until this summer agreement. I don’t need or want it. I’ve resigned myself to a life without you. To a loveless life.”
“Don’t say that!” He lunged at her, wrapped his fingers on her upper arms and shook her. “You’re not half a woman. You’re not damaged. Don’t ever say that again.”
“I am. I am.” She sobbed and tried to push him away, but he would not let her go. Her knees buckled and she collapsed into him.
Demo guided her down to the floor and wrapped his arms around her, holding her shaking body tight against his chest.
Her face burrowed in his shirt. She cried harder than she had ever cried before. All of her fears, her regrets, and her shame, from the day her father left until now, all of it came out in a torrent of tears.
Demo buried his face in her hair and rocked her back and forth, murmuring words of comfort. His hot breath caressing her, warding off the icy chill she felt.
When she finally calmed down enough to catch her breath, he cupped her chin, turned her to him, and wiped the remaining tears from her face. “Don’t think that I love you any less for what you’ve said, or that I will let you leave. I love you, and you are perfect to me.”
“But.... Demo,” she sniffled, “I can’t fill your house with little red-haired bundles of joy.”
“You are my red-haired bundle of joy.”
“Demo, you cannot live without a big loving family. You’ve had one your whole life, whereas I’ve learned to be alone.” She nuzzled against him, absorbing the love he gave, taking his strength. Calmer and grounded against this man, she swallowed hard and spoke. “You deserve a family of your own.”
“You are my family.” He pulled her away from his chest, looked into her eyes, and spoke straight to her heart. “I won’t lose you for anything in the world.”
She stared at his lips as the words sank into her soul. He wanted her. He loved her unconditionally.
“I’ve been waiting days for my answer,” he said, running his hand over her hair. “Sammy, will you marry me?”
She couldn’t believe it. There was no pity in his eyes. Only love. He really loved her. He wanted her. Flaws and all.
“Yes,” she breathed in a quiet syllable.
His lips crushed hers, and with a passion neither had experienced before, they made love on the floor beside their bed.
Epilogue
Christmas Day…
“It isn’t proper for the groom to see the bride the night before the wedding,” Sammy said, holding her foot against the door. “No. Go to your parents’ house, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I’m not letting you out of my sight for a moment, a minute, an hour, let alone a whole night.” Demo’s laughter seeped through the wooden barrier. “What if you change your mind and hightail it out of here?”
She smiled. No chance in a million that she was walking away from this man. She glanced at the lacy, white concoction hanging in the corner of the bedroom. A wedding dress fit for a queen. And Demo was her king.
Dropping her forehead against the door, she held her breath and clutched the paper bag in her fist. She wanted so badly to rush out of the room and share her suspicions with him. But she couldn’t. It was a bit premature. She hadn’t even told him about the possibility because she didn’t want to disappoint him if the test was negative.
“Have
I told you how much I love you?” She leaned her forehead on the door and sighed.
“No,” he said. “I can’t remember you saying anything of the sort today. Come out here and show me.”
“Fine. Stay there. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
Tearing open the pharmacy bag, she skipped into the en-suite bath, took the test, and placed the stick in an ornate gift box. She covered it without reading the results. They would check together.
She washed her hands, scrubbed her face, and put on her pre-wedding pajamas— a playful joke from her soon to be sisters-in-law. Hiding the test behind her back, she walked to the bedroom door and slowly opened it.
Demo looked up from the table littered with legal text books, and chuckled as she entered. “Um, I wasn’t expecting the Easter bunny, but I’m not complaining.”
“Your sister said that the footie-pajamas would ensure you’d leave me alone tonight.” She ran her hand over the blue terrycloth, and modeled the neck to toe outfit splattered with cute kittens and puppies, while maneuvering the package to stay out of sight.
“You still look sexy.” Laughing, he stood and gathered her into his arms. “You’d even look good in a potato sack.”
Wrapping her hands around his neck, she kissed him, managing to hold the gift box out of his view. Her heart pounded and her stomach danced. This was too much anticipation for one night.
“I have something for you,” he said, producing a small gold package.
“You gave me so many presents today. I don’t need anything more but you.”
“You’ve got me and there’s a no return policy on that, but I wanted to give you one more thing.” Guiding her to sit beside the tree, he placed the gift in her lap. “Actually, this one is for both of us. So it isn’t fair to count it as one of yours.”
She gently dropped her box behind her back and unwrapped his new present. Removing the ribbon and lifting the lid, she revealed a shiny gold key.
Smiling, she placed the key over her heart. “You are so special, Demo. I didn’t know you were so sentimental. I love it. The key to your heart?”