by Sydney Addae
“Barticus stopped funding their temple. Since he owned the land and building he had it torn down. Same for the Liege office buildings and warehouses,” Asia said.
“Good for him.”
“He’s really upset.”
“Silas told me. I’m happy they’ve decided to come here to be with family.”
“And to have Matt examine Mam. Barticus wants another opinion and he trusts Matt.”
Jasmine hadn’t known that. “Great idea. If anyone can help, Matt can.”
“Thank you for everything.”
“Don’t thank me for being your friend,” Jasmine said.
“I’m not. What you do goes beyond friendship. My parents, Hawke and Damian have all commented on how large your heart is. We, the Nation, are blessed beyond the stars that we have you.”
Jasmine couldn’t speak around the lump of gratitude in her throat.
“Is that offer for food still open?” Shyla asked Asia.
Everyone laughed and agreed.
“Babies need food,” Vanessa said rubbing her stomach.
Rose stood and waved Asia down. “I’ll take care of it.”
Asia nodded her thanks, turned and spoke. “My parents should be at their home tonight. Mam’s coming to rest and be with family.”
Chapter 8
Asia paced as she waited for the vehicle bringing her parents to the Compound. Hawke watched for a few minutes before crossing over to her. “Try to relax. Don’t stress yourself. Come. Sit and talk to me.”
Taking the seat on the sofa with him, Asia sighed. “You’re right. But I’m nervous and worried about mam. When we talked, she didn’t say much.” She took his hand and squeezed. “All of this… family stuff, is still new to me. I don’t know what to do or say.”
“Don’t say or do anything, just be there for her. That’s all you can do.” Hawke wrapped his arms around her, while sending waves of love, assurance and comfort through their link.
“Asia? The car has arrived with your parents,” Jasmine said.
Asia closed her eyes tight, and then released a breath. “Thank you, Mistress. We are on our way.”
Hawke interlaced his fingers with Asia’s as they left their wing. His warmth wrapped around her, calming both her and her wolf. She appreciated his strength and steadiness. Perfect for her and their den. Her desire to give him more pups burned inside. Mistress suggested she talk to him. Once she knew mam and sire were recovering from their loss, she would discuss it.
“Thank you for being you and getting me through this.”
“This is the only place I can be. Beside you, with you, going through any and everything. You’re my sun. My heart. My world.” He kissed the back of her hand as they turned the corner to the Security Station where her parents were cleared to enter the living areas.
Barticus stood in the hall next to Amynta, his fingers beneath her chin, as they stared into each other’s eyes.
Asia’s heart broke as her sire pulled Amynta into his arms, holding her close as tears rolled down his cheek. Amynta stood in his embrace unresponsive. Asia could only imagine the pain they suffered.
“Go to them,” Hawke said. “She needs you.”
Swallowing hard, Asia moved forward praying she said the right thing. “Mam,” she whispered. The bleakness in Amynta’s gaze struck Asia like a physical blow. It took a few seconds for Amynta to recognize her. Barticus held one arm around Amynta and offered Asia a soft smile.
“Asia, love,” he said, his tone low, tortured.
“Asia?” Amynta whispered. “My baby.” She extended her arm to Asia who moved quickly and was engulfed in a three-way embrace.
“Asia, my pups, I lost my pups. All of them. Why? Why did I lose my pups?” Amynta asked through their link.
“We will speak to the Goddess. She will comfort us.” She paused. “Daddy is hurting. Please don’t lock him out. He wants to help and needs your help to get through this.”
Seconds later Amynta nodded, leaned back and looked at Barticus. “It’s been a rough year. I finally found our daughter, moved my pack, returned to our den and we created a new litter.” Her chest heaved as she closed her eyes. Intense pain radiated from her, buffeting Asia. “I ruined it by losing them,” Amynta whispered.
“No! You are wrong you didn’t ruin anything. This was not your fault. You are right - this has been a rough year. Things happened beyond our control but we will survive this loss...together. I need you to fully open our link so we can comfort each other.” He held her chin in his hand. “I will not lose you again. Not for this. Not for any reason.”
Amynta and Barticus locked gazes. Asia hoped mam would give in and not run off as before.
“Promise me,” Barticus whispered in Amynta’s ear. “Give me your word you won’t leave me again.”
“I’m grieving, not leaving you. Don’t be so dramatic, Barticus. Especially in front of Asia. What will she think of her sire?”
Asia’s heart leapt with hope in her chest. The pain from her parents lessened. It would take time but she believed they’d be alright.
“Our daughter knows I am madly in love with her mam and she does not think I’m dramatic.” He wrapped his arm around Asia’s shoulder pulling her close and placed a kiss on her forehead. Amynta moved so she stood between them, wrapping her arms around them both, holding tight as they turned to greet La Patron and Jasmine.
“Welcome Alpha Barticus and Amynta. The Wolf Nation is honored by your presence and our Compound is open to you both. We wished for better circumstances but you are welcome a thousand times,” Silas said moving toward them. He gripped forearms with Barticus and nodded.
“How is she doing? Is there anything Silas and I can do to help make things easier?” Jasmine asked Asia.
“Thank you for suggesting they come here while Mam recovers. She’s hurting badly. I think being around us will help her heal,” Asia said.
“Amynta, Barticus, please come in. I have light refreshments if you’d care for something. But if you prefer to rest and be alone with Asia, we understand that as well. Whatever you want, just let us know,” Jasmine said walking toward the entrance to the main living area.
“Mam, do you want to go to our suites, lay down, talk or are you hungry?” Asia asked.
“I’d like to spend time with you and Sarita for a bit. But I won’t be staying here. I’ll be staying at our home near town. I need space and I need you. Here I cannot have both.” Taking Asia’s hand, Amynta walked her to the side of the hall, and stopped. “Seeing you has helped remind me I’m capable of bringing forth life. That’s a good thing. A really good thing. You are happy?”
Asia didn’t know what to say. She looked across the room at Jasmine who talked to Hawke and Barticus. “I’m happy but this isn’t about me.”
“It’s about you because I cannot talk about what happened to me right now. I shut Barticus out because I don’t want to hear or think about our loss. Right or wrong, I can’t. Do you understand? I came here to get away from everything, so humor me. How are Damian and Gem?”
“They left earlier today. Gem wants to have their...” she stopped.
“Go on. I’m not going to fall apart because my grandson has pups. I want them to be healthy and strong,” Amynta said taking a seat.
Asia sat next to her. “Gem wants to have their pups at the hospital she manages.”
“Smart girl. Always liked her. Last month my brother visited.” Amynta talked about her brother’s treatment with his therapist, the white wolf clan and a coat she bought for Sarita.
“Mistress, Mam plans to stay at their house. She needs space and she needs me. She does not want to think about the loss. What do I do?”
“Don’t worry. Spend as much time with your mother as she will allow. Silas, says Barticus has arranged for Matt to examine her tomorrow morning. After she gets back and rests for a bit, you and Sarita can visit. Family is what she needs right now to heal.”
“Thank you for all the lessons on f
amily these past few years. I’ve had to use everything I’ve learned in the past few days.”
Jasmine chuckled. “You’re family that’s why. Your parents love you and need to spend this time with you.”
“I want Mam to feel better so my sire will feel better,” Asia said.
“Spending time with you, Hawke and Sarita, with her family, will help,” Jasmine said.
Chapter 9
The next day Silas and Barticus walked outside in the snow. “Let’s take a run through the woods. It has been a few days since I stretched my legs,” Silas spoke into the companionable silence. “Now? In the snow?” Barticus asked releasing the top button of his jacket.
“Yes, a good run will help you forget everything for a short while and relax.” Silas called the twins, Cameron, Angus, Ethan and Jacques to join them.
“I need to forget, if only for a short while,” Barticus said stripping. The others arrived, stripped and morphed into their beasts. Silas howled and took off. Yips and howls followed as they ran deep into the forest, paws digging into the snow-covered earth, leaping over fallen trees while catching various scents of the woods.
Silas stopped atop a fallen log, shifted to his hybrid, threw back his head and howled. A chorus of howls answered him.
“Damn, that felt good,” Silas said as they shifted to human. The others agreed as they stretched, blew into their closed hands or rubbed their arms. “Over the past year there have been a lot of changes in our pack. As a result the Nation is stronger, more diverse and it’s growing. I’m excited to see what this new year brings.”
“Please, no more surprises,” Jacques groaned, good-naturedly. “Let’s digest the past three years first.”
Smiling, Silas nodded. Learning of half-breeds, the Liege, and their devious plans were enough surprises to last the rest of his life time. “Agreed, no more surprises. Well, other than the increased size of the dens.” He waved toward Cameron, Angus, Tyrese and Ethan, while keeping Barticus in his side-view.
“A most welcomed surprise,” Barticus said, smiling at the men, masking his pain.
Pleased, Silas strode toward his friend, placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed. He sensed the crushing weight of pain and despair weighing Barticus down despite his pleasant smile. “Walk with me.”
Barticus nodded.
Silas turned. “We will meet you back at the Compound later. Rone, have Rose set up a conference with the Alphas for later this week. Barticus and I will follow shortly.”
The others shifted and ran in the direction of the Compound. Once the others were out of hearing range, Barticus exhaled, stepped to the side and looked toward the copse of snow draped trees. “Silas, how do I help Amynta when I’m crushed by the loss of my pups? Goddess knows I want to be strong for her...,” he looked down at his hands and balled his fist. “... but I’m devastated.” Barticus’ voice broke.
The pain in Barticus’ voice, reminded Silas of his own pain when Jasmine was dropped from the cliff and their pups were in distress. Depressed, Jasmine shunned his touch. Guilt ate at him when he thought birthing his pups set off her depression. It was a difficult time. Also, Tyrone nearly lost control when Rose birthed their pups who were in distress and nearly died. He understood some of Barticus’ pain and despair.
“I wanted the chance I never had with Asia. I wanted another litter so I could watch Amynta swell with my pups, experience everything - her mood swings, strange foods, even the pups moving in her belly.” Turning, he met Silas’ gaze with misery etched across his face. “Amynta wanted more pups. She was ready. I was ready.” He shook his head, clamped his jaw tight and un-balled his fist.
Silas decided Barticus needed a sounding board more than advice and remained silent.
“And then it was snatched away from us in an instant.” Barticus snapped his fingers. “Is this punishment from the Goddess for me not serving her from the beginning? Is this Nicromja’s final act of revenge for my rejecting him and pledging myself to the Goddess?” Barticus’ voice trailed off. He threw back his head and howled. Anguish, pain and disillusionment filled the sound.
A cacophony of howls echoed behind Barticus’ mournful cry after which silence reigned. It seemed Barticus had run out of words. Unsure which topic to tackle first, Silas watched his friend for a few seconds, prayed to the Goddess for wisdom and took a step forward.
“Barticus, the Goddess would not punish you for your service to Nicromja. Not when she had given him the privilege to rule male wolves. I cannot speak about Nicromja for I knew nothing of him until recently. While I have no doubt he is vengeful, he has been forbidden from interfering with us by the Shershrine. I highly doubt he’s at work here.” Confidence ran through Silas on these two points. The rest he was less certain of, but he’d speak from his heart. “To say I have experienced exactly what you’ve experienced would be untrue. I’ve come close, perilously close but not exactly.” Barticus dragged his gaze upward and met Silas’ eyes. “However, that does not mean I don’t understand the sense of loss you’re experiencing.”
“Elyria?” Barticus asked.
Silas hadn’t thought of his eldest child but if Barticus deemed the burying of Elyria as similar, he’d allow it to stand. “Pain, disappointment, disillusionment is a part of the grand scheme of life. But it’s counterbalanced with happiness, joy and wonderment.” He paused when Barticus didn’t respond. “Like when you saw Asia for the first time. Held your child in your arms. There’s nothing like it.”
Barticus’ demeanor brightened. “Yes, she is my joy. So very strong, brave, and smart. To survive all that she did... sadness over her disappearance balanced with sublime happiness over her return.” He looked at Silas. “But there is nothing to balance this loss.”
“Not yet,” Silas said in a sympathetic, yet strong tone. “The miscarriage was a strange occurrence, not part of some grand scheme. It doesn’t have to end there. Your desire to have another litter is still just as strong, right?”
Barticus nodded. “Yes. I still want more pups.”
“Chances are good then that you’ll have them,” Silas said clamping his friend on the shoulder.
Barticus exhaled. “Matt has already examined Amynta, and he ran extensive tests. Then asked questions about our sires and mams, how we grew up, what happened during our mating and our subsequent separation. He thinks it’s an anomaly. Miscarriages do not happen often in our world and the few times it has happened, no reason was ever found. This was not the answer we had hoped for, but it did offer a measure of comfort to us.”
Grateful for the good news, Silas smiled. “Have faith in the Goddess. She will heal Amynta and you completely. When the time is right, you will be blessed with another litter. Focus on your mate, provide whatever she needs.” Silas paused as a thought occurred. “Hearing you express how the loss of your pups affects you might actually help her.”
Neither spoke for a few moments. When Barticus exhaled, Silas sensed his friend was lighter, no longer emitting waves of despair. And while the pain hadn’t dissipated, it no longer lingered in the air.
“Thank you,” Barticus said in a low voice. “There’s power in the saying, getting the words out, examining them and rearranging actions. I needed to do that. Thank you for listening and offering valid advice.”
Silas nodded, shifted and ran back toward the Compound with Barticus beside him.
Chapter 10
Asia sat in the sitting room of the suite she and Hawke shared in the Compound.
“Hawke, can you come to our rooms please? I’d like to speak with you.”
Hawke received her message as he finished work in the laboratory. “I’m on my way.”
When he arrived, Asia stood by the window looking outside. He walked into the room and stopped. Tension rolled off her in waves. She wasn’t sure how to start the conversation and shuttered their link until she could tell him in her own way. She turned from the window and looked at him. “Hawke I…I…” His calm demeanor and constant suppor
t shamed her. She looked away.
He took her in his arms.
Still she refused to look up at him. He placed his finger underneath her chin and raised her face towards his. “What’s wrong? Talk to me. Is it your mam? Has she said something? I know you’re concerned about your parents. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.” He frowned. “Our link is blocked. Talk to me, Asia.”
Asia released a stream of air and looked up into his eyes. Tears formed as she spoke. “You told me once you wanted to have a litter with me.”
His shoulders relaxed a fraction even though he continued holding her gaze. “Is that what this is about? Everybody being pregnant? Don’t worry, I don’t want more pups.”
Frowning Asia stepped back from him. “What? What do you mean?”
“I mean I don’t want more pups.” Smiling, he touched the tip of her nose.
“But you said…” She tried to remember their exact conversation.
“That was before I found out as a pup I had been given to the Liege by my Sire. Before I learned as a pup you were stolen from your parents. Before I learned they bred me like a stud and stole my pups without telling me about them,” Hawke said in a firm voice leaving no doubt he had thought about this long and hard. “No. I don’t want more pups, so be at ease. Damian and Gem will deliver soon and we have Sarita, that’s enough for me.”
“But, all this time.” Unable to think beyond the contradictions flowing through her, she stared up at him, baffled.
Hawke cupped her cheek in his large palm. “You never wanted to birth pups. Why is this an issue now?”
Asia gathered her thoughts, straightened her spine and met his confused gaze. “I changed my mind. I want to have your pups.”
Hawke eyebrows shot up. “What?!!” He tested their link again, she continued to hold firm against him.
Now that the subject lay in the open, she needed to make him understand. “I don’t know how to explain this craving on the inside to create life with you. Earlier, when we met, the idea made me sick. Now it’s all I’ve thought about for the past few months. I’m so ready to feel them growing inside me and have your pups. As Mistress says, our own babies.” She bit her lip hoping for the right words for him to reconsider.