by RR Haywood
I was coming to you, nothing would have kept me away from you…
Lani stands still, the rifle held at waist height while she listens to the engines getting closer. The boats will beach. The team will get out and they will come home through those doors. Marcy and Howie coming home to the place they fucked in.
She cocks her head, still smiling as the first engine cuts out followed by the next. The rifle is brought up, pushed back into her shoulder and the index finger of her right hand touches the trigger. Aimed, steady and waiting.
Mo Mo rolls and blinks through the blurred vision to see Lani aimed and waiting. The noise of the boats ends but to shout a warning will mean Lani killing people here. His eyes flick to the assault rifle in the shadows over by the wall. To move in that direction will put him into her peripheral vision. The armoury. It’s the only chance. Crawl slowly and get close enough to grab a weapon from the armoury. On his belly and he starts shifting, willing Howie to stop and wait before bursting happily through the inner gate.
Maddox blinks. Snapped awake from the gunshot fired at Jagger. His body weak and pained from the multiple electric shocks delivered by the tazer. Lani stands just feet away. Her rifle raised and aimed at the inner gate. He heard the boats coming and knows something is wrong. Lani kicking the gun into the ranks of children, screaming for them to take it up. Jagger shot down. Mo Mo beaten down.
Movement to the side. He turns his head slowly to see one of the kneeling crew chiefs extending a leg to shove the assault rifle towards Maddox who gives a subtle nod in reply.
Mo Mo shuffles on his stomach, inch by inch as he imagines the terrible sight of Lani turning to fix that aim on his back. His head spins with waves of nausea that urge him to gag and puke.
Maddox stares at the rifle being nudged bit by tiny bit towards him.
Lani stands true and steady as a rock. Waiting.
Voices drift on the clear night air. The deep rumble of Clarence. The tones of Cookey. Female voices talking. Marcy.
I was coming to you, nothing would have kept me away from you…
The head injury threatens to pull Mo Mo back under but he bites down as the searing pain rolls round the back of his skull. Got to reach the armoury. Got to get there.
Maddox starts leaning, tiny increments of motion as his left hand starts moving out towards the barrel of the rifle. Eyes flicking between Lani and the weapon.
The sound of the outer gate being closed, the voices closer now.
Mo Mo has to stop and draw breath but the pause is for a second only and ever closer he snakes towards the doorway and the cache of weapons within.
Mo Mo fingers the tip of the barrel, leaning harder as the pain in his damaged muscles radiates around his body. Finger that flex to grip to draw the weapon closer. The crew chief dares another motion to punt the gun that bit closer. Maddox grips as his fingers clamp round the barrel and his eyes go wide.
The inner gate opens. The voices clear and distinct.
Lani tenses, the finger on the trigger exerting pressure as she readies to fire. She knows Dave will fire back and his aim never misses but two shots is all she wants. One for Howie and one for Marcy.
Mo Mo hears the inner gate and knows his movements have been too slow. His head snaps to the gate opening and the doorway of the armoury still feet away.
He sucks in a ragged breath and screams with everything he has left.
‘AMBUSH,’ the word bellows with a voice that breaks midway through the warning, and with a heave he lunges for the doorway.
Maddox snaps onto his back with the weapon being pulled fluidly across his body, left hand on the barrel and his right hand already moving towards the trigger as Lani twitches at the warning given by Mo Mo, she fires into the shadows of the armoury doorway. Maddox roars with the pain of moving but pulls the trigger to fire into the space where Lani was as her quick reactions have her dropping to the ground.
Mo Mo bursts out with a rifle up and ready. Lani fires, one shot, two shots. As one the gathered children burst to their feet with the chance of escape. Mo Mo paces out with his assault rifle held up and aimed, tracking the chaos of movement with a desperation to see Lani.
Another shot and a child is sent bowling off to the side. Maddox screaming for them to run. Lani screaming for Howie.
Movement from the gate as Howie and his team burst through, guns up and aimed. Chaos meets their eyes of a fort exploding with movement and motion. Children running in all directions. Maddox stalking through them with his gun raised. Mo Mo across the way heading towards Maddox. Lani, glimpsed through the streaming ranks of children running.
Shots fired. Maddox, Mo Mo, Lani. All of them firing.
‘HOLD,’ Howie gives the order. The account of Lani given by Lilly as they made their way in the boats. That Maddox was down but Mo Mo and Jagger were on Lani’s side.
‘AMBUSH…’ Mo Mo’s voice carries through the chaos, ‘LANI…SHOOT LANI…’
The team spread instantly into a line. Weapons up and aimed. No faltering steps and as one they pace into the confusing fray. Meredith bounding ahead but for once even she has no idea who to attack.
‘LANI?’ Howie shouts.
‘EVERYONE GET DOWN,’ Maddox’s voice booms the order out, ‘DOWN NOW…DOWN DOWN DOWN…’
Children drop where they are, ingrained to instantly obey the voice of their leader. Screaming and wailing but suddenly there are three within the centre.
‘Hold,’ I shout the order at the sight of the chaos in front. Children screaming as they run in all directions, tripping, falling and slamming into each other. Gunshots clear and distinct coming from Maddox, Mo Mo and Lani but no discernible notion of who is shooting at who.
‘EVERYONE GET DOWN.’
The recognisable boom of Maddox’s voice and he screams the order which penetrates the minds of the panic stricken youths. They drop quickly to lie flat with arms covering heads leaving three figures standing.
Lani aiming at me. Maddox aiming at Lani and Mo Mo moving with frantic twitches as he tries to aim at them both.
Across the ground and I see all I need to see. Lani’s face is tortured with pain. A grimace that morphs her features into a terrible beauty captured by the soft ambient light and the barrel of her weapon held directly towards me.
‘Dave…no…’ I know he’ll have Lani in his sights at the perceived threat to me, ‘Lani…Mo Mo…Maddox…’
‘Mo Mo…not me,’ Maddox grunts the words out as though in pain.
‘Drop it,’ Mo Mo sounds weak but settles his aim on his former leader.
‘Maddox,’ I shout, ‘put it down…all three of you…put them down…’
‘NOT ME!’
‘Are you going to her?’ Lani asks lightly.
‘Lani…’
‘Mo Mo…not me…’
‘Please,’ Mo Mo shouts, ‘Mads, put it down,’ his young voice cracks with emotion, ‘please, Mads…’
‘Not me, bro,’ Maddox sways then visibly tenses with the effort of staying upright.
‘Hello Marcy,’ Lani grins, ‘he was coming to you…’
‘Lani,’ Marcy says cautiously.
‘DON’T SPEAK TO ME YOU FILTHY CHEATING...’
‘Easy,’ I call out, ‘eyes on me…Lani, look at me…’
‘That’s all I’ve ever done,’ she says dreamily.
‘Mo Mo,’ Maddox sounds weaker as his voice loses power.
‘Mads, please…’ Mo Mo pleads, ‘put it down, Mads.’
‘Can’t, Mo Mo,’ Maddox shakes his head against the side of the rifle held aimed at Lani.
‘Did you go to her?’
‘Lani…’
‘She was waiting for you…’
‘Lani, please…just listen…’
She pauses, holding position and the tension soars sky high and I know the final few seconds are being played out. Maddox intent on Lani. Mo Mo begging him to stop and Lani staring at me with a look that will stay with me to my dying days.
&n
bsp; We lock eyes. Hers dark and defiant. Mine dark and brooding. The power in her. The power in me. The sparks that erupt across that distance between us and in those eyes I see the pain of the world and all the hurt a man ever caused a woman. I see the destruction we have played out and the desperation to be something, to do more, to take more, to have more, to never stop hoping and never stop taking. She flinches, a snarl that curls the top of her lip up and I see that anger and raise it with my own hand dealt by the devil himself. I stand straight, waiting, knowing, cursing and praying that this won’t happen but it’s pre-ordained and written in the fucking scriptures. We’re fucked. All of us. We’re dying a slow painful death of life being drawn out in hours and days instead of months and years and yet there was hope that life could go on. Hope that was given by the coming of the sun each day and the refusal to lie down and die.
But this. This sickens me. This appals me. That so much life is being taken wasted killed dying death destruction suffering. So much is being taken from our grasp and yet it comes back to this. Back to the emotions of one and the inability to ask a fucking question and seek a fucking answer but instead to allow the base state of being to take over.
New death surrounds me with the metallic tang of blood hanging in the air. Darius shot dead. Jagger shot dead. Children shot dead. Maddox holding an assault rifle pointed at Lani. Mo Mo aimed at Maddox. More guns. More killing to be done. More death to be given out.
‘THIS,’ the word blows from my mouth like the thunder in the sky that made this fort an island, ‘IS…NOT…OUR…WAY.’
The shame of them shows. The shame of the waste of live given for nothing. For a snatched conversation overheard in the frantic desperation of trying to survive. For what she heard I am sorry but for what she has done cannot be forgiven. Deeds that cannot be taken back but she knows this. She knows the step across the line is taken and she cannot ever go back to where she was.
The sanctity of her mind hangs in the balance with a righteous battle displayed for all to see as her eyes narrow, widen, her mouth morphs into a cruel line of pursed lips yet she smiles sweetly. Too much. We’ve seen too much. We’ve done too much. Evil done by our hands in the name of good. The bodies of those we have killed and ripped apart. To know every inch of a human body inside and out and the thousand ways to kill, to inflict injury and to stop others from hurting you.
Too much. The mind breaks and shatters. It plays tricks and warps the perceptions of those around you.
But not Lani. The distance is closing and I see something else now. In her eyes I see the bloom of the crimson blush spreading through the whites that comes and goes with every blink of her eyes. I step closer and she steps back.
‘Everyone leave,’ I give the order quietly but in a tone that leaves no doubt as to the brevity of my intention.
In the light of the fort I see her eyes changing. Red to white. White to red. Her body and mind fight the infection pulling to drag her back down and she knows it. She defies it yet wants it. She senses the power to be gained and the utter control to be given over.
‘Go….go now…’ I turn my head slowly to stare at Maddox. He stares back as strong and defiant as ever. Then on the spot he sags before turning away. The children at our feet silently rise. Onto their feet to move away from me as I step closer to Lani. No voices. No speaking. No orders given but the whispered words uttered from me that clears this space faster than Dave ever could with his drill sergeant voice.
As they stream away from us, as the space around us empties so the bodies of those killed lay stark in the places they fell.
‘I see you,’ I step closer.
‘See you too,’ she says with a smile of pure joy that morphs into anger into pain into hurt into malice.
Closer I step and back she goes. The assault rifle never lowering. Mine gripped one handed at my side.
Lani turns to watch the only one I cannot order come closer. Meredith off to the side. Meredith holding position with eyes locked on Lani. Meredith with head held low and tail steady. Meredith with lips pulling up to show the big white teeth and our one infallible test shows true.
Lani twitches and my rifle is up and aimed. She pauses midway towards pointing her weapon at the dog. Eyes rotated to look at me. She smiles and blinks then turns to look at the dog. She steps back. We go forward. Meredith and I one pace to keep that distance the same. Lani back one. A game being played. A chase. A taunting but not one done by the woman but the thing inside her.
‘We both see you,’ I call out softly.
Her eyes flick side to side with a feral, hunted look. She steps away, pacing out the strides in the way taught to us by Dave so we don’t trip or stumble. Wide strides that sweep the foot just above the ground.
Without words we walk and she leads us round until I’m facing the front and I can see what she saw behind me. Guns. Lots of guns being held and aimed by the steady hands of the team, by Mo Mo and Maddox, by the crew chiefs and by everyone who can hold a weapon. United and together they form a line against the foe we all oppose for the foe is within our midst now and Maddox is proved right.
‘Big gang,’ she says with a quick look at them, ‘mines bigger though.’
I step after her. After the infection. Unafraid. Relentless. She moves back and we move forward.
‘Let me go.’
I shake my head.
‘Let me go and I will build an army that will wipe you off the face of the planet.’
‘Good bargaining skills there, fucktard.’
‘Alex!’
‘Sorry, Paula.’
Towards the armoury she moves with those strides that check the ground the way we were taught by Dave. Leading Meredith and I with her. Nothing to be said. Nothing to be gained from speaking but she stops at the halfway point and moving slowly she lowers the assault rifle until it hangs from one finger hooked through the trigger guard and with a clatter it falls to the ground.
Unarmed and yet she steps back again with a challenge given. My own rifle is lowered until it too hangs from one hand. I don’t drop it but lower it down in one smooth motion before standing upright.
Back she goes. Back towards the armoury and with a final glance at the team she steps through.
‘Mr Howie,’ Dave calls a warning, clearly worried that I’ll head inside and out of his view but I’m not afraid now, a calm settles within me and with a nod at them all to stay still I walk into the near perfect dark of the old armoury.
‘Don’t go in,’ Mo Mo shouts.
A silhouette of Lani moving within, a metallic noise then a click and a battery powered lantern that lights the massive pile of guns and the big box of grenades resting at her feet.
‘Cock it,’ I mutter, ‘nicely done.’
The lantern is bright enough to see her eyes clearly, red, bloodshot and so very terrible not only in appearance but for what they mean.
‘Is it you, Lani?’ I peer closer and ask the most stupid question I have possibly ever asked.
‘I don’t know.’
‘How do you feel?’
‘Feel?’ She pauses with a nonchalant shrug, ‘I feel fine.’
‘Okay,’ that seems to cover it.
‘I feel awful.’
‘Okay,’ maybe not then.
‘I feel…’ she stares hard at me, ‘everything.’
‘That’s a lot…whoa! What the fuck are you doing?’
‘They’re small,’ she hefts the grenade in her hand, ‘but so deadly.’
‘Bit like Dave then,’ I reply nervously, ‘put it down.’
‘No.’
‘Okay, Lani don’t…what the fuck…’
Her finger hooks into the metal hoop but doesn't move, ‘it’s like a wedding ring,’ she rolls the hoop down to the base of her finger, ‘but nothing like a wedding ring.’ Her eyes dart up to fix on mine.
‘You fought it off before,’ I blurt the words out while wondering how long they take to go off and if one grenade detonating will set the rest off. W
hich is possibly the second most stupid question I have ever asked.
‘What?’
‘The infection…you made it go before…’
‘Who says I’m infected?’
‘Eh? Er…your er…your eyes, Lani…and you know…shooting people and…’
‘I was rescuing you.’
‘Right, rescuing me…’
‘All of you, the team. I was rescuing the team. I only killed those that opposed me, Darius and…’
‘How did Jagger die?’
‘He was shot.’
‘Who by?’
‘By me.’
‘Why?’
‘Felt like it.’
‘You fucking what? You felt like it?’
‘Yep, the same way you felt like fucking Marcy that night. The same way you felt like lying to me and the same way you felt like going back to her.’
‘I did not have sex with Marcy.’
‘You did. I heard you on the radio.’
‘No. You heard half a conversation…and forgive me being blunt, Lani, you know, what with you holding a bomb and all but…we all know the reasons for going after Marcy.’
‘To, going to…not after…you were going to Marcy.’
‘Lani, this isn’t you.’
‘It’s me,’ she nods dumbly, ‘all me. Come here.’
‘No! No way, you’ve got a grenade in your hands.’
‘Brave Howie,’ she mocks, ‘super Howie, the leader of the living army…’
‘I’m immune not fucking bomb proof.’
‘I won’t blow us up, come here,’ she motions me forward.
‘What for?’
‘Howie, come here.’
‘What for, Lani?’ I take a tentative step forward trying to calculate my chances of getting to the grenade in her hand.
She beckons me closer with a wry smile twitching at her lips.
‘Why, Lani? Put the grenade down so we can talk.’
‘No more talking,’ she sighs, ‘just come here.’
‘Ah, you’re gonna blow me up.’
‘God’s sake, Howie. I am not blowing you up.’
‘But you’ve got a grenade and…’
‘Just come here and bloody kiss me!’
‘Eh? Oh…oh right…you want a kiss.’