by TL Gehr
He does it again, and at the same time he pushes his fingers deep into me and he hits my prostate. I cry out as my meager control slips further. “Get your dick in my ass.”
“Okay.” His lips move up to cover mine again. His fingers withdraw, but I don’t have a chance to feel their loss because I immediately feel his cock pressing into the place where they were. The broad head slips in, and then he thrusts. I’m at once exquisitely full, stretched to capacity. It feels so invasive, so illicit. I breathe deeply, trying to stay relaxed for him. He thrusts again and groans as I take more of him. This part always stings. I grab onto Philip’s arms for support, but the way the pleasure tangles with the pain now isn’t unpleasant, it’s intoxicating. I want more. He pushes into me, spreading my muscles as wide as they’ll go and then further. I am his, I am at his mercy, I belong to him. Philip is inside me. The man I love is inside me.
He’s completely still, waiting for my body to accommodate him. He rests his forehead against mine. “You okay?”
He never fails to ask that. I nod. “You’re very big.”
“I’m sorry, if it’s too much I can…”
“No! No, it’s good. It’s so good.”
Philip smiles and he kisses me. It feels like my heart is stretched as much as my ass, filled with affection for this man. There’s a thrum beneath skin, a dizzying beat like an enchantment. I feel light, untethered to anything but his cock. I crane my neck to reach his jaw, to kiss it, to kiss his throat. He rocks against me, moaning softly as he inches deeper and deeper within me. It’s agonizing how slow and gentle he is. I whisper his name, half encouraging, half pleading.
He kisses my face. “Tell me what you want.” His teeth graze my lower lip. “Tell me.”
To be dominated by him, claimed by him. To be his and only his.
“Harder.”
Philip groans and tucks his arms under my knees. Then he thrusts again. A cry of pleasure rips from my lips.
“Too hard?” he asks.
“No, more. More, please.”
He holds onto the headboard and straightens his back so my legs are over his shoulders and I’m folded nearly in two. And then he starts to fuck me. My mind spins away, to a place of fire and sweat where all that exists is Philip’s cock and the nerve endings it hits as it pounds me, sending fingers of ecstasy through me over and over again.
Philip makes blessed noises in my ear. His sounds heighten in intensity until our voices are joined together into a symphony of pleasure. He reaches between us and tugs on my hardening cock. “I love this, I love how you feel.”
I have to bite my tongue to stop from saying I love you. The dual pleasure of his cock and his hand prove too much for me. Colors flash before my eyes and my balls tighten, then I’m spurting right up my chest as my nerves vibrate with pleasure. Fuck. I was hoping to last longer this time, but apparently where Philip is concerned I have the constitution of a sixteen-year-old.
Philip moans. Then, with one final thrust and a strangled cry, he collapses against my chest. His weight on me feels incredible. He’s pressing me into the mattress, so I’m enfolded in warmth and in the scent of his skin. Who needs air? I want to be covered by this sweating, panting Philip forever. I wrap my arms around him, grounding him as he comes down from his climax, but the touch seems to bring him back to himself and he rolls off me.
“Pretty sure that was the best sex I’ve ever had,” I say, now my lungs can work again.
His look of delight is something I want to freeze in time. If I could have a Groundhog Day experience, this would be the day I’d choose, even with all the crap this morning. To end every day with that smile would make it all worthwhile.
I roll to face him. “You’re definitely the hottest guy I’ve ever been with.” I reach out to stroke his chest and I trail my fingers down to his stomach deliberately.
Philip takes my hand and kisses it. “Thank you.”
“It’s the truth.”
Philip’s eyes are half-closed and sleepy. “Not just that. Thank you for this.”
He’s still holding my hand when I drift off into the deepest most satisfying sleep I can remember.
I’m warm and safe, floating in a cocoon on sleepiness. Weak light flickers against my eyelids. There’s a man’s arm draped around my middle.
Philip. Philip stayed over. It’s morning and he’s still here.
He nuzzles against my shoulder, then kisses the pulse point below my ear. “Can I use your shower?” His voice is thick with sleep.
I hum the affirmative. His arm slips away. I’m still hovering in the unreality of half-sleep and I want to stay there, stay in this comfortable protected space for as long as possible. I drift off again.
Then Philip is gently kissing my lips. He’s leaning over me, smelling like soap. His hair drips onto my forehead. “I stole some of your deo. I’m going to smell like you all day.”
I gaze up into his blue eyes, giddy with happiness. I feel drunk.
“Come on. I’ll buy you breakfast on the way.”
“On the way?” My sleepy brain takes a moment to catch up. On the way to… work. I sit up so fast I nearly crack my skull against Philip’s. “What time is it?”
He cups my cheek. “It’s okay, it’s still early.” He kisses me as if to prove he’s in no hurry.
I stumble into the shower, rubbing sleep from my eyes. When I come out, I find Philip sitting on the bed looking at my tags. I keep them on the nightstand in clear view; white, orange, green and red, all stamped with the words: “Clean and Serene,” I say out loud.
Philip sets them down. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
I shrug and scrub at my hair with my towel. “I think we’re meant to show them off. They’re supposed to be like a beacon of hope to other addicts or something.”
“What do they mean?”
I sit down beside him and reach across to point at each one in turn. “White is the color of surrender. That’s the one they give to new members. It’s something to do with admitting you need help.”
“The first step is admitting you have a problem,” Philip recites.
“Yeah, exactly. Orange is thirty days. The color of caution because that’s when you’re most likely to relapse. Green is sixty days… I actually don’t know what the color means. Maybe it means having money again because you’re not spending it all on smack? Um, red is ninety days. I’m not sure what that means either. I actually don’t even know if I’m supposed to have it because I read that you’re meant to get a sponsor before you get it, but I bought it for myself on eBay.”
“Red, the color of danger because you’re out of rehab?”
“Maybe.” How’d he know I was out of rehab then? “You Google that too? How long rehab takes?”
Philip nods, his expression sheepish. “I didn’t want to ask about all this stuff. It felt invasive.”
He’s always so worried about upsetting me. “You’ve been in my ass. You don’t have to worry about invasive.”
I’m scared for a second that I’m being too crude, but he drops his head and laughs. “Okay, point made.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to know?”
“Yeah.” He lifts his gaze to mine. “Everything.” His eyes explore my face. “I want to know everything about you. But…” He holds up his left hand, showing me his watch. “I said I’d buy you breakfast and we’re going to hit the morning rush.”
I steal a kiss. “I’m going to buy you breakfast to say thank you for that amazing fuck.”
“It was amazing for me too,” he says, defensively.
“And then I’m going to give you back that phone. As soon as I find it. But first, clothes.” I stand and he tries to grab my arm, but I slip away.
I don’t make it as far as the closet before Philip has me pressed against the wall. The towel that was around my waist falls off and I’m completely naked while he’s completely clothed. I’m instantly hard. I didn’t even know I had this kink. He dips his face low.
“What if I ask you really nicely?”
“To go to work naked?” I tease.
“To accept the phone.” He kisses me. “Do I need to get down on my knees and beg?”
He slides his own knee between my legs so that it rubs against my hard cock.
I gasp at the friction. “Aren’t we going to be late?”
“Please,” he says against my ear. He kisses my jaw. “Please.”
“Are you asking me to keep the phone or to fuck you?”
He gives me a wicked grin. “How about I offer to fuck you if you keep the phone?”
The vulgarity is extra dirty coming from his well-bred mouth and it sends a thrill through me. “That sounds like prostitution.”
“Not that I’m the expert, but aren’t prostitutes usually the ones getting paid?”
“Why is it so important to you?” I ask. Then clarify, “the phone, not prostitution.”
Philip kisses me again. “Because I want you to be safe.” And again. “Happy.” And again. “And New York is big and full of numbers.”
I laugh against his lips, picturing big spooky numbers rising up out of the pavement and running after me. He’s not wrong though. I can’t even remember my address. Twice now I’ve nearly ended up on West 35th instead of 53rd when trying to navigate home. I think of Dad and that cane. When the doctor told him it would help, he didn’t let his pride get in the way. He got the damn cane and carried on as if it had always been a part of his identity.
“Okay.”
“You’ll take it?”
“Yeah. I’ll give it a try. But I’m buying breakfast.”
28
Philip
Waking up next to someone is what I missed most when things imploded with Chase. I’m a snuggler and it used to annoy the hell out of him, so last night I waited until Brian was asleep before I cleaned up and curled up against him. He made a little satisfied noise and pressed back against my chest, which I took as encouragement to wrap an arm around his middle. Big spoon, little spoon. And that’s how I woke this morning, with Brian’s warm body in my arms.
I’ve been smiling ever since.
29
Brian
After the morning rush, The Spindle quietens down, so I sit behind the bar studying my infographics while trying not to look up every time Philip’s office door opens or I hear him talking to the waitresses. At one stage, he comes out of the stock room with a clipboard and my cock twitches. Well, that’s an image to revisit later.
The hours drag by. Lunch comes and goes. I serve a few beers and sodas. Maxine pops out to run some errands since it’s so quiet, so I return to my infographics. I was joking last night. I know how to make a Caffè Mocha now, and a long island iced tea and a bunch of other popular orders. I take Philip’s little stapled training manual everywhere with me. I read it here, at home, on the tube. If I’d worked this hard at school, maybe I actually would have passed something.
My new phone chimes.
I have a moment of confusion when I try to figure out whose phone went off before I realize and pull the sleek silver device from my pocket. I haven’t transferred my number yet, so even though there’s no ID, I know only one person can be texting me.
“Can I see you in my office?”
I try to hide my smile, because I catch Mom looking at me from where she’s cleaning tables. No doubt she’s wondering where I got the fancy phone given that I said I didn’t have much money. That’s a problem for another time. I tuck it in my pocket and go knock on Philip’s door.
He answers with a blank expression. “Brian. How can I help you?”
Oooh we’re going full roleplay, are we? My spine tingles. “I… uh… was wondering if I could speak to you about something?” I bite my lip and his eyes move right to it.
“Of course.”
“It’s kind of private. Can we talk alone?”
Philip steps aside, gesturing for me to enter. Once I’m inside, he closes the door behind me. And locks it. His one cheek dimples as he suppresses a grin. “What can I do for you?”
“There’s something I’d like to raise with you.”
“Oh?”
“It’s a… growing concern.”
Philip moves slowly towards me. “I hope you aren’t finding the job too hard?”
“The position is fine. It’s my boss that’s the challenge.”
He lifts his eyebrows. He’s losing the battle with his smile.
I stick my hands in my pockets and lean against his desk. “He keeps making eyes at me. It’s indecent. So distracting. Here I am, trying to study the menu like a good employee…”
“You missed the chance to say it’s fucking distracting.”
“Well it’s not fucking distracting yet. It’s getting there.” I stare pointedly at his crotch. My heart is beating double time.
“God,” Philip says, and then he’s on me. His lips, his tongue, his weight pressing me into the desk. I clutch at his shirt, startled and aroused as hell as his hands move down to my belt. I was kind of expecting (and hoping for) a make out session, but I don’t think that’s what Philip has in mind. So far I prefer his idea. He unzips me and his hand slips into my boxers while he teases kisses down my neck.
“See?” I pant, “this is exactly what I was talking abou—urrgh.” He jerks me with a firm, confident stroke as his kisses move down to my collarbone. I lose all sense of where we are and the game we’re playing as my mind fills with the pleasure of his touch.
Then he drops my cock and lifts me—lifts me—onto the desk. “Any other complaints?”
He’s between my legs, his breath is hot against my lips.
“Yes, in fact,” I manage through the fog of desire.
He hooks his fingers into my jeans and pulls them down, along with my underwear. He kneels to free my legs, then tosses the pants across the room and stares up at me. “Do elaborate?”
I’m struggling to think beyond the fact that I am now fully exposed to him, on his work desk, with the other staff just outside. I can feel some of his paperwork beneath my butt and the air is cool against my balls and the precum on my cock. His eyes are pools of desire.
“Well…” I swallow. I somehow manage to keep my voice steady. “We had this agreement that if I accepted his expensive gift, he’d fuck me. So far said fucking has failed to manifest.”
Philp’s smile shows all his teeth. “Hmm, we’ll have to do something about that.”
I consider mentioning the clipboard. I’m still not sure exactly what about it was so appealing, but I’m prepared to investigate. He has other plans. He throws my legs over his shoulders and tilts me back. I catch myself with my elbows just as his warm tongue makes contact with my hole. I stifle a moan. He laughs softly as he pulls back to kiss the inside of my thighs.
His stubble rasps against the sensitive skin. “Only one problem.”
I whimper. “Tell me you still have condoms?” We only used one last night, but he might have left the others in my room.
He hums, the vibration of it goes right to my core. “Condoms, yes. Lube, no.”
Fuck. He ducks his head again and returns to my hole. He drags his tongue around it, wetting it with saliva while he moves his fist up and down on my cock. It feels amazing, but it only makes me want him inside me more. Why does porn never deal with the logistics of wild office sex?
“They might be pre-lubricated?” I suggest, trying not to moan as he makes a figure eight with his tongue. I writhe against him as he draws more patterns. His wet slippery tongue is driving me nuts. I hate when he has to pull away to speak.
“They are.” His breath tingles against the saliva on my hole. “But probably not enough to be useful to us.”
“Don’t care.”
He looks up at me. Concerned Philip. The heat in my veins is screaming for him to stop worrying and lower his head again, but he says, “I’m not going to hurt you, Brian.”
“Make me come. Once you’re in it will be fine.”
Hi
s eyes grow larger. It’s dawning on him that this won’t be my first rough ride. Is he horrified? Disgusted? He dives down again and I have to cover my mouth with my fist to keep quiet as he flicks and sucks. Maybe he’s not put off. Maybe he’s turned on. He leaves off jerking me to push my legs wider apart and press his tongue deeper into me. I reach between my legs, but he batts me away. He darts in, swirls and kisses hungrily. I’m spiraling further into lust, aching for his touch on my cock, desperate for release. My head rolls back as I stifle another moan.
An unwelcome thought flies into my head. “Wait.”
Philip looks up at me again.
I’m scanning the corners of the room, but don’t see what I’m looking for. “Cameras. Don’t you have security cameras in here?” Oh God, imagine some security guy getting an eyeful of this on his monitor?
“No. Only out front. Should I?”
“The safe…”
He follows my gaze and presses his lips together. “You’re probably right.” Then he looks back at me. “But for now I’ll enjoy the privacy.”
His fist closes around my straining erection. He pumps slowly as he works a finger into the hole he’s lubricated with his saliva. I lean back on my elbows and close my eyes, basking in the feel of him. So it takes me by surprise when his warm mouth closes over my cock.
“Aah!” Shit, he’s making it increasingly difficult for me to be quiet. He’s so good at sucking cock. His head bobs up and down, covering me in slick warmth, as he slides a second finger into me. “Stop, wait, I’m close.”
He gives me another hard suck then pulls away. He stands and kisses me passionately before giving me an evil grin and flipping me over. My forearms hit the desk as my feet hit the floor. Oh, they definitely heard that outside. His paperwork swims before my eyes.
Complementarity of Structure and Function
1. Chemical
2. Cellular
3. Tissues…
This isn’t restaurant work. These are anatomy notes. Dully, I realize that that is why he spends so much time in his office, because this is where he studies. More clearly, I realize he’s going to fuck me on top of his homework.