Zoe’s hair was now tied in a bun at the back of her head. No strands of hair escaped, it was like a vortex sucking all her hair into one central point on her head. It gave her a slightly harsher look, not as feminine as the ponytail or the braids, but John liked it all the same.
Her cut-off jeans had been replaced by a new black pair that she had bought while they were shopping earlier in the day and she now wore a black t-shirt. It hugged her body and served as a reminder to John of what was under the material. Across the front of the t-shirt was a multi-coloured strip divided into four squares. The first square held a picture of a red dog, the second of a white cat, the third of a blue mouse and the fourth of a yellow piece of cheese. Underneath the design were the words Natural Selection.
John thought it looked cute on her.
Everything looks good on Zoe.
Her breasts bulged under the t-shirt and John’s eyes were drawn there even though he could see nothing more than mounds of fabric. Along the neck and arms of the t-shirt were dozens of little metal rivets, punched into the fabric to border the whole design. The rivets shone in the light.
“If you want to get there before midnight,” Zoe said, smiling. “You’re going to have to stop looking at me.”
John brought his eyes up from her breasts to rest on her smirking face.
“Ah, yeah, sorry,” he mumbled. “I got distracted.”
“That’s okay,” she giggled. “I like it when you’re distracted. But you did say we should get going soon so we can be there by midnight.”
“You’re right,” he said as he walked forward and picked up the suitcase. “I’ll go and put this in the car.”
“In the Jeep,” she warned him. “I want you to put it all in the Jeep. We’re going in the Jeep, comprehendo?”
John nodded. “If you say so.”
Knowing he had no other choice, he turned and carried the suitcase down the hall.
Within a few more minutes, all Zoe’s parcels were in the back of the Jeep along with a canvas bag filled with some of his clothes and a change of shoes. He didn’t know how long they would be at Hepburn Lakes, but he wanted to be prepared one way or the other.
He’d driven his car into the garage and made sure the garage door was locked.
Then they were ready to go.
John stood outside by the hood of the car, rubbing his shoulders from the cold night and mentally running through the facts that Zoe had told him.
Fox better enjoy what time he has left, John thought to himself. Because he’s fast running out of it. I have to try to fix this guy for all of us.
Zoe appeared at the front door and looked over to him.
“Everything’s in the Jeep?” she asked.
John stood to attention and did a quick military salute, “All personal items inventoried and stored, ma’am!”
Zoe giggled. “Okay, I’ll only be a minute.” She disappeared from the doorway and then just as quickly reappeared. “Hungry?”
John put his hands on his hips, “Yeah, I guess so. Why?”
“Well, unless you want to starve to death on our drive to Hepburn Lakes, I suggest I make a few sandwiches to eat on the way. I mean, we never got to have dinner, did we?”
John nodded, “Yeah, I forgot about that.”
“I’ll only be a minute,” she called.
“Okay. Turn off the lights when you come,” he called back. “I’ll just check the street to make sure no one’s watching us.”
John couldn’t shake the feeling that someone, somewhere, was watching their every move. Ricky was ahead of them every step of the way.
Well, that’s about to change, he thought.
By the time he had checked out the street and found nothing suspicious, Zoe was standing next to him with a bag of sandwiches in one hand and a sweater in the other.
“Can you see anyone?” she asked.
John shook his head. “Nope, I must be getting paranoid.”
“Probably,” Zoe replied. “You don’t have much food in the house.”
“Sorry.”
“I just hope you don’t mind cheese sandwiches.”
He smiled, “At the moment, I’d eat anything.”
She handed him a sweater.
“What’s this?” he asked as they walked back to the Jeep.
“It’s a sweater,” she replied. “You know, you wear them? Keeps the cold out.”
“I know that.”
“You’ll need it.”
“I don’t think so,” he replied as he threw it into the back of the Jeep to rest across Zoe’s suitcase.
“It’ll get cold up there.”
“I don’t think I need it just yet,” he replied. “But you should have one.”
“Nah,” she shook her head. “I’m made of stronger stuff.”
“Really?” he smiled.
“Really,” she smiled back.
“Are we ready?”
Zoe nodded her head and sighed deeply.
“Yeah,” she said. “We better get going.”
John walked up the front path to check the front door was locked and, satisfied it was, turned and headed back to the Jeep. Zoe was already in the driver’s seat and fiddling with the wires to get the engine to kick over.
“We could take my car,” John tried once more as he climbed into the passenger’s seat. “I even have keys that start the engine.”
She looked over at him and pulled a face, “Very funny, mister comedian.”
And then the engine roared into life.
“See?” Zoe smiled. “You’ve got to learn to have faith in me, to trust me. One day your life may be in my hands.”
“I doubt it,” John replied.
“You never know.”
“Still,” he crossed his arms and smirked. “They’d be nice hands to put my life in!”
They had both laughed then as Zoe backed the Jeep out into the street.
Now, John turned his head from the road in front of them and watched as Zoe once again fiddled with the radio.
“I think you’re fighting a losing battle,” he said.
Zoe nodded and stabbed at the Off button. The radio went dead.
John looked at his watch; it was almost 10 o’clock. They would be at the church before midnight.
He stared down at the half-eaten sandwiches.
“You want another one?” he asked.
“No thanks,” Zoe replied. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”
John nodded. He knew how she felt. The closer they drove to Hepburn Lakes, the more unsure and nervous he became.
He had no idea what kind of situation they were driving into.
It must have been even worse for Zoe.
He listened to the sound of the Jeep’s engine and the low whistle of the night air as it collided against the soft-top.
There was silence between them for a few minutes longer.
John reached into the back of the Jeep, dropped what remained of the sandwiches onto the back seat and grabbed his sweater. He pulled it into his lap and began to climb into it.
“I told you,” Zoe said.
John looked at her. She had a smirk on her face.
“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. “I know.”
“Should have put it on before we left.”
“Well, I didn’t know I was going to freeze in here.”
“It’s not cold, it’s bracing,” she replied.
“Ahuh.”
“And I’ve got the heater on,” she pointed to it.
“I know, but it’s fighting a losing battle too.”
“You look good in that sweater,” she said as she took her eyes off the road long enough to look him over.
“Why, thank you,” he replied, with mock surprise.
“But I guess you look good in anything.”
He smiled and focussed back on the road ahead.
“Or nothing,” she whispered.
“Zoe, don’t –“
“But I know that already, don
’t I?” she continued, her eyes glued to the road in front of them. “When I saw you in the shower this morning, I thought to myself, ‘God, there’s a man I’d like to fuck.’”
“Zoe, please –“
“And fuck hard.”
John didn’t reply.
“I’d really like to fuck you,” Zoe continued.
“We’ve been through this already,” John sighed.
What can I say? he wondered. I’d really like to fuck you too?
“Yeah, I know,” she continued, nodding her head. “You love Helen and you won’t cheat on her la-la-lalala.”
A bend in the road appeared in the headlights and Zoe turned the steering wheel to compensate. The Jeep skidded slightly as it turned to the left. John thought she took the turn too fast, but he wasn’t about to mention it.
“Is Helen a good fuck?” Zoe asked.
“What?” John turned to face her. “How can you ask that?”
“I just want to know, Johnny. I’m just filling in the time. I don’t like it when it’s too quiet, and I just want you to help me get through this.”
“By asking questions like that? Can’t you think of anything else to ask?”
“No, I can’t. I’m interested in you and I want to know you’re happy.”
“I’ve told you I’m happy,” he sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ve told you that countless times in the past twenty-four hours. Shouldn’t we be talking about Fox and what we’re going to do?”
Zoe fell silent for a minute, as if thinking through what he had said.
“I don’t want to think about Ricky,” she mumbled finally. “Because when I do, all I can think about are the ways he’s going to hurt me.”
“He won’t hurt you.”
“Hit me.”
“I won’t let him.”
“Beat me.”
“It won’t get that far!”
“Rape me again.”
John sat back in the passenger’s seat, looking over at her. He could see her forehead crease as she tried to hold back the tears.
“I’m telling you, Zoe,” he whispered to her. “It won’t get that far.”
She looked over at him and tried to smile, “I wish I could believe that, Johnny.”
“It’s true.”
“You have no idea what could happen,” she said.
“I’m willing to risk it.”
“For me?”
“For you.”
Zoe’s chin quivered and she ran her left hand over her hair to make sure the bun was still in place.
“You’re a great man, Johnny Murdock,” she said.
“I’m just doing what I have to do to get us all out of this mess.”
“And you’ll do whatever it takes?” she asked him.
“Yes.”
She smiled.
“I think I love you,” she replied.
“Now, Zoe, I’ve already said –”
“I know, I know,” she turned to give him a quick glance and a smile. “You love Helen. I know. But I love you for what you’re doing for me. For what you’re about to do for me. That’s what I meant.”
“Oh,” John replied. “Okay, well that’s fine.”
They both sat and stared as the road unfolded in front of them.
After a while, Zoe turned to look at him once more. She smiled.
He smiled back.
“It must have been hard on you,” she said. “The problems Helen had, you know.”
Glad for the change of conversation, John nodded.
“Yeah, it was. The doctors said everything would be back to normal within six weeks. That was three years ago. We never got close to ‘normal’ again.”
“You can’t blame her,” Zoe replied. “It’s not her fault.”
“I don’t. I don’t blame her. There’s no one to blame, and that’s what makes it hard. If it was me or her or the doctors or the hospital, then we could at least blame them and say it’s all their fault. But it’s none of them, none of us. It’s no one’s fault and that’s what makes it so hard.”
“It must have been tough on Helen.”
“It was.”
“And really tough on you too,” Zoe reached over and placed a hand on his thigh.
“I know. It was.”
He sat in silence, suddenly not wanting to talk. He concentrated on her hand resting on his thigh. He felt the pressure and her warmth and suddenly he was seeing her back on the sofa last night, naked and exposed just for him.
Just for him.
She’s willing and able. She wants to do it with you. She wants to fuck you, he thought.
“We haven’t had sex in a long, long time,” he said.
He heard himself say it, but he couldn’t believe he had. He wanted to get his mind off the image of Zoe naked on his sofa, so he had tried to start another conversation. What he had said was not what he expected he was going to say.
“I already had that much figured out,” Zoe nodded. “It’s fairly obvious.”
“Sorry,” he said. “I don’t usually talk about things like this.”
“That’s obvious too.”
“I don’t know why I said it.”
“It’s okay, Johnny,” she squeezed his thigh but kept her eyes on the road. “Don’t worry about it. It’s good to get things like this off your chest. You’ll feel better if you talk about it. Believe me, I know. I’m a good listener and I know I can help you.”
“I’ve never told anyone that before.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she repeated. “You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know.”
“How could you know? Did Helen tell you?”
Zoe shook her head. “She never talked to me about anything like that. You know what she can be like.”
“Yeah…”
“But I can figure these things out.”
“I don’t see how.”
“Come on, Johnny. Do you really expect me to believe that you’ve been all lovey-dovey with your wife? Do you? A girl can tell these things, you know.”
John shook his head. “There’s no way you can.”
Zoe giggled, “Johnny, you think you’re covering your tracks so well, but you’re not.”
John’s forehead creased and he turned to look at her once more, “What do you mean?”
“Come on, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work it all out.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You haven’t had sex with your wife for ages, in fact, you haven’t even slept with her for months.”
John’s jaw dropped.
“How? How do you know?” he asked.
“It’s easy,” Zoe said as she glanced his way. “You haven’t slept in that main bed for a long long time. There’s no sign that you have. Helen’s cosmetics and clothes are all over the room. But there’s no sign of anything of yours, except for a skimpy half wardrobe of clothes and a half-empty underwear drawer. Even your smell isn’t on any of the bed covers.”
“Please, you’re kidding, right?” he replied.
“Yet, in the spare bedroom,” she continued. “the bed covers smell of you and I found a drawer full of your stuff – you know, old rings, chains and watches. Add to that the fact that you made no complaints about me taking the main bedroom last night. You went straight to the other bedroom where you’d already been sleeping for months! It doesn’t take much to work it all out. Plus there’s hardly any food in the house. So, it looks like you both eat out a lot – and I’m guessing not with each other.”
John sat in a stunned silence.
“Mark one up to Zoe the intrepid broken relationship spotter!”
John shook his head in disbelief.
How did she know? he thought. Is it all that obvious?
“I’m good at getting to the bottom of things,” she continued. “You can’t hide anything from me, Johnny. At least, not for long. I can eventually work things out.”
She couldn’t possibly have just figu
red it out, he told himself. Am I that obvious?
“Don’t worry yourself silly about it, Johnny,” she continued. “Relationships cool down. It happens all the time. No need to hide it.”
“We’re trying to fix it,” he muttered.
“And that’s good. That’s healthy. But you don’t have to bury it deep down. Talk about it, you might feel better.”
“You worked all that out just from those signs?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“And Helen didn’t say anything?”
“Nothing.”
John shook his head.
“Zoe, once again,” he sighed. “You amaze me.”
“Hey,” she smiled. “I’m a pretty amazing chick.”
“You can say that again!”
“I’m a pretty amazing chick,” she giggled.
“Very funny,” he replied.
They took another turn in the road, slower this time, and sat in silence for quite a few miles.
“Even though it’s no one’s fault,” she said after a while. “You deserve better.”
“There’s nothing we can do about it,” John replied.
“But don’t you see, Johnny?” Zoe continued. “One thing I’ve learnt about life in the last few days is that you can change things. It may hurt to begin with and you may be scared to follow through, but in the end it’s better for everyone.”
“I don’t see how it can be.”
“I didn’t want to fight with Ricky or drive through the night to escape him, it scared me half to death, but I did it and I feel better for it. Even if we now have to face him and I’m forced to go back with him, at least I know that I tried to stand up to him and maybe, just maybe, in the future I can escape from him for good.”
“You won’t be going back with him,” John repeated. “I’ve told you that already.”
Zoe nodded and took her eyes from the road long enough to smile at him.
“That’s not my point, Johnny. What I’m saying is if you’re unhappy, no matter what the reason, you should take steps to fix it.”
“I’m not unhappy.”
“Come on, you can’t fool me. Sleeping in separate beds? No sex? And you’re happy?”
“I told you, we’re working on it.”
“You also told me it’s been three years. How much longer are you going to work on it?”
John sat in silence. He stared through the windshield at the road ahead.
“I’m sorry, Johnny,” Zoe continued. “But I think you know I’m right. I’m only telling you what you’ve been telling me about my relationship with Ricky. If it’s not working and it’s hurting you, it’s time to get out.”
Love Lies Dying Page 15