by Sierra Cross
“Miss Hill.” Hicks tone was all passive-aggressive patience. “We requested the attendance of your full coven. Where oh where is Miss Thomas?” She pretended to search the room for Liv.
“Yes, well, our coven sister, Liv, has been…” Taken by a demon. The words wouldn’t leave my mouth.
“She’s been detained out of state,” Matt said stoically. “She won’t be attending.”
“Mmm, ‘detained,’” Assemblywoman Rogers said, making air quotes. “Is that what you kids are calling ‘kidnapped’ these days?”
Wait…so they already know about Liv and were only asking to test us?
Bonaventura must have called them.
This would not go well.
“As witches who practice in the Spelldrift community,” Hicks began, “you act under the authority of this Witches Assembly.”
“We understand that—”
“Do you?” Rogers interrupted me, ripping off her designer glasses for effect. “You blatantly disregarded a direct order to comply with an inspection. And now you have insufficient numbers to complete a circle?” She shook her head in disgust.
Wound, meet salt. Thanks for reminding me that every minute that passed with Liv in Tenebris’s grasp made it more likely I’d never see her again. Even if Bonaventura found them, I had no reason to think he’d try all that hard to save her and the other witches. It wasn’t just his “feral side” speech today—though that was damn scary. His need to take down the Caedis was so great, he’d be blinded to the innocents in his path. At least a salt-the-earth approach would free Callie’s soul. Given what I knew of vampire brutality, the thought was cold comfort at best.
“The Coven of Fire was established a hundred and thirty years ago.” Rogers was on a roll now. “And in just a couple of months, you burned that proud legacy to the ground.” Righteous indignation dripped from her every word. “We have no choice but to declare you a failed coven.”
“What does that even mean, declare us—”
“It means you’re a non-entity in the Spelldrift, dear,” Hicks chimed in with her fake patience. “You can keep playing your little magic tricks for fun, but in case you need it spelled out, the wards at Caster’s Park are no longer in your purview.”
What? My mind was chunking on those last words and kept spitting them back out. What? We’d now been told to stand down from the wards?
“Do you know the expense this will cost the magicborn community?” With a dramatic sigh, Rogers turned to Hicks. “We’re going to have to re-up the contract with out-of-market witches. Legal fees to negotiate the contract…”
“We’ll have to see if the same unit that bridged the fail-safes of the wards is even available.” As she spoke Hicks fluffed up her blond hair with slim, diamond-clad fingers. “If not, that will be an even greater expense.”
The two of them went on, their pretty, made-up faces looking worried, but I couldn’t listen. Their biggest problem involved spending a few extra bucks—bucks they most definitely had. My problem was losing all the people I loved, one by one.
The calling in my belly burned. But right now, instead of spurring me forward. it felt like it was burning me alive.
At the base of the stairs outside the Council Suprema building, my lungs refused to take in air. I stopped and bent over, hands on my knees, trying not to hyperventilate.
“That could have gone better,” Asher snarked.
Matt let out a laugh-grunt.
I knew it was just the guys’ way of coping, but it didn’t help me to act like everything I was born to do wasn’t just ripped away from me. I blinked back tears. I needed a break from everything magical. I needed a win. Anything to make my brain stop telling me what a fuckup I was.
“I’m going to try to catch a shift at Sanctum tonight,” I told them. “I’ll be late. Don’t wait up.”
The smell of beer-soaked floors and crush of sweaty bodies was a balm to my savaged soul. The thump of the bass was so loud in my ears I couldn’t think, but that was okay. I filled orders by reading lips. High ball glasses left my fingertips to glide along the gleaming mahogany of the bar, hitting their target every time. The icy shaker left my hand and flew through the air, taking all my thoughts with it. Leaving my brain mercifully blank.
“Hey.” Brett slid up next to me. “Boss says it’s time for a break.”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Yeah, that’s what you said the last three times I asked.” Brett shook his head. “Sorry, this time Emma said I can’t take no for an answer.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I shoved the shaker into Brett’s hands. He gave me an I’m sorry shrug. It wasn’t his fault, but I seemed to be taking it out on him anyway.
I shouldered my way through the crowd and was about to hit the silver bar on the door to the alley when Emma called to me. “Alix, my office.”
My stomach dropped, and I had a flashback to Randy hauling me into his office to chew me out eons ago. It was so loud I could make like I didn’t hear her…but she’d come after me. Come on, this was Emma, I reminded myself. She wasn’t just a boss, she was almost a friend. Just because I felt toxic right now didn’t mean other people saw me that way.
The office looked completely different since I’d last been summoned in here at Randy’s command. Emma had painted the walls a dark peacock blue, but it wasn’t only the paint that had been changed. The thrum of the bass was the only sound from the bar that seeped in. She’d had the office sound-proofed. Gone were the sickly fluorescent bulbs, replaced by strips of light encased in a modern version of crown molding. Floor lamps illuminated the desk and seating area. It was sleek yet not sterile.
“What’s up?” I plopped down in the chair opposite her desk.
Emma raised an eyebrow. “Alix, we’ve known each other for too long to lie to each other,” she said gently, no challenge in her voice. “You’re working like you’re possessed. Something is definitely wrong. Tell me.” It was a subtle order. “Maybe I can help.”
A laugh escaped me before I could stop it. “Sorry. I know you mean well, but…”
“But this is magicborn stuff? So what. Talk. I’ve told you about my whack Fidei family. Just because it’s not a life I wanted for me or my daughter doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two,” she insisted. “Maybe it’ll do some good.”
Even as the voices in my head were arguing against opening my mouth, the words just poured out anyway. I told her everything. I mean everything. Bonaventura’s wrath, the Caedis broadcasting in my head, the fact that Liv was kidnapped and Callie was lost, and even the thwarted attempts at sex with Matt. All my fault. “Oh, and I broke the coven. A hundred and thirty years of operation and I screwed that up.” She listened patiently. No shock registered on her face. And to my surprise, it actually did help to just spill the whole mess, say it out loud.
“Alix, give yourself a break,” she said, and I wanted to slap her. That was her advice? Couldn’t she see I was screwing up right and left? Why wasn’t someone else called to be the leader of this coven?
“Oh, I forgot to mention, I caused the death of one of your people.”
Emma stared at me. “What? Who.”
“A Fidei scientist, Masumi Shimizu. Only fatality in the destruction of an entire block. How’s that for lucky? Everyone gets out but the one person I put in danger.”
“You’ve got some shit on your plate, I’ll give you that,” she said after a long moment of digesting. “But that last one? Has all the hallmarks of a classic Fidei out.”
“A what?”
“It’s a well-kept secret, but my brother swears if a Fidei wants to get off the grid fast, they fake their own death. At higher clearances, they actually get training on how to do this. We’re talking elaborate schemes here, not just vanishing without leaving a note.” She shrugged like it was no big deal.
“An entire building was reduced to cinders.” My brain couldn’t wrap around what she was saying. Masumi could still be alive? The info on t
he Mals might still be out there? “How could she even make that happen?”
“The more you want to be gone, the bigger your death,” she said matter-of-factly. Was she just trying to make me feel better? She was so calm it was maddening, eyes full of compassion. I couldn’t stand myself right now. Her being nice to me wasn’t helping.
“Good talk but I should get back out there.” I stood, trying to act like I felt all light and fluffy. “That crowd’ll eat Brett alive if I don’t rescue him.”
“Alix,” she grabbed my arm and fixed me with a look that said, listen. “Your story isn’t over yet. Don’t judge yourself halfway through.”
Chapter Eight
I passed through the wards and up the front steps to Asher’s classic Seattle bungalow, feeling relieved to be out of the frigid rain. A swipe of my magic and the heavy oak door silently swung open.
The living room was dark and quiet, street light filtering through the wooden slats of the blinds. I left my boots at the door and walked barefoot on the hundred-year-old oriental rugs. The guest room was upstairs and to the back.
Asher was one of the few people I knew who owned an actual house with guest rooms. I could never figure out his money deal. His cash flow seemed prone to wild fluctuations. I’d seen him snap up first-class airfare online at a moment’s notice, yet there’d also been times he’d sheepishly asked Liv, Matt, and me to pool our more meager funds when he couldn’t cover some outlay. On the other hand, he owned this house and the bookstore outright. And in this tech-boom city, that was saying something—especially for someone under thirty-five. Someday I’d have to ask him how he did it.
I pulled the fat wad of tip money out of my back pocket and set it on the dresser. Tonight I felt the rhythm of the bar in my blood. Every drink I made was like movement in a symphony. That used to be enough, used to make me feel something. Now I was just empty.
“Hey,” Matt called from the bed, his voice groggy and full of sleep. He lifted the covers for me.
I stepped out of my jeans and crawled in next to him. He spooned around my back. Normally that felt like heaven. Tonight I didn’t feel like I deserved heaven, but the warmth of his touch still cut through my numbness a tiny bit. Maybe more than a bit.
“Was it crowded?” he mumbled, lips against my neck. I felt myself heating up even more, leaning back into his hard chest.
Outside, lightning struck. Inside, tingles ran down the length of my body, fire ignited in my belly. I didn’t answer. It wasn’t his words I wanted. I flipped him over hard and slammed myself on top of him, straddling his hips. He was instantly awake, craning his neck up to find my lips. The hunger inside me ignited, promising to shut down all thoughts in my head. My lips longed to press up to his. But if I kissed him, would I be tuning into Radio Tenebris? I pushed Matt back into the mattress and threw my head, arching my back. Every molecule in my body alive with need. My hips were aching to rock forward, but I couldn’t move.
“Alexandra.” Matt’s voice was husky. “We don’t have to do this now.” I felt the rough skin of his palm gently running up my arm.
That was it. I couldn’t take anyone else being nice to me. I didn’t deserve it. Even from Matt. I grabbed his wrists and yanked them over his head, pinning them to the pillow. Raking my teeth along his neck. He groaned. But still, I couldn’t make my body move, couldn’t let myself get lost in the sensations that were running through me. Fear closed around me with icy fingers.
“Alexandra,” he said more firmly. “Talk to me.”
“You’re right,” I said, hoping he couldn’t see my tears in the dark. “I guess I can’t do this now.” I was fighting against all the feelings raging in my body. Anger so thick I couldn’t get my mouth to form any other words. I wanted to kill Tenebris for doing this to me—well, for a million reasons. I grabbed the throw blanket from the foot of the bed and headed for the living room couch. He had the good sense not to follow me.
My eyes snapped open, and sunlight blinded me. Asher was nudging at my foot. Right—my caffeine-deprived brain caught up with reality. Kissing Matt. Fear of Tenebris, leading to no sex. Self-exile to couch.
“Your boyfriend headed out for his morning boot camp exercises,” Asher said. “Driving the Spelldrift’s womenfolk mad with desire, no doubt.”
“No doubt,” I echoed hoarsely, thinking I knew exactly what that felt like. I looked down and saw I was just in my T-shirt and panties. The full length of my legs were exposed, having kicked my way out from under the blanket.
Whatever. I didn’t care…and I knew Asher didn’t either. That’s how comfortable we’d gotten around each other.
“I made breakfast,” he said. “By which I mean, I put bread in the toaster and pushed a button.”
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” Saying I was too depressed to eat sounded dramatic, but it wasn’t far off.
“Suit yourself.” Asher shrugged. “Training starts in ten.”
“Training?” I moaned. “You can’t be serious. We have nothing left to train for. Liv’s gone, and we’re a failed coven, remember?”
He ignored me and walked out of the room. “There’s butter and jam on the table if you want it,” he called from the kitchen. “I’ll meet you in my lab.” There was that teacher voice. “Don’t keep me waiting.”
The door shut hard, not a slam but close. Arg! I just wanted to pull the covers over my head, curl up in a ball, and lay in bed all day. But I didn’t even have a bed to call my own.
A mug of tea sat steaming on the counter, presumably also for me. Since I desperately needed caffeine, I slugged it down but refused to eat any of the toast as a protest.
“Damn it, Alix.” Asher brushed the sparks from his sleeve and onto the hardwood floor of the lab. “Concentrate.”
With all we’d had on our plates, Asher had been forced to delegate the job of restoring his lab to his staff. It helped, of course, that he had money…and a contractor who was a master spellcaster. The repairs were nowhere near complete, but the place had been transformed from a burned-out husk to wide open possibility. All traces of smoke damage were gone. The walls were painted a prim eggshell. Couches and chairs and rugs replaced—they’d even found an exact replica of my forest green leather loveseat. The entire space was lacking knickknacks. The only personal effect was the fire-blistered photo of Marley, in a new dime store frame, alone on the otherwise barren shelves. His magical inventory had been decimated, but that would be a task he’d have to take on himself—if ever he got the free time.
“Blame your stupid tea if I can’t concentrate,” I snapped at him. “I start the day with coffees, plural.”
“Then stop moaning and nip out to Strong Brew for god’s sake. Chug a gallon of espresso. Whatever it takes.”
“Because.” It was a fair critique, but it missed the real issue. “Because, well, what’s the point anymore?”
“Really?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, really.”
“Pity party much?” he said with venom. At this moment I could fry him and not feel the least bit guilty. But before I had a chance to react he held up his hands in surrender. He exhaled and pulled out a stool and sat. The silence stretched out.
“I feel so…helpless.” Not even accurate. I didn’t so much feel helpless as know with grim certainty that I was helpless. I was so flooded with emotion I felt numb. “It’s like this big chasm in the Earth opened up,” I said, trying to explain, “and I just have to watch as it swallows my world.”
“Well, do something about it. The Alix I know believes in taking action.”
“We’ve been ordered to stand down.”
Asher looked at me like I was an idiot. “When has that stopped you before?”
“Maybe I’m finally convinced that I wreck everything I touch.”
“Are you that blind?” Asher leaned forward on the stool. “Without you, Matt would be dead at the guardians’ hands. Liv was living a half-life as a daredevil just trying to feel alive. The wards were failing under
the care of those supposed ‘experts.’” He made air quotes as he said that last word. “And the Witches Assembly was too self-absorbed to equate more demons on the street with their incompetent oversight.” He paused to take a breath. “If you hadn’t shown up, Tenebris would have solidified his leadership at Millennium Dynamics. He’d be halfway to taking over the world unchallenged.” He shook his head. “Can you really not see the good we’ve done?”
My mouth was hanging open. I probably looked like a dweeb. But he was painting everything with such a different brush than my inner voices had, I was dumbfounded.
“Apparently, you can’t.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “And when I say ‘we,’ I mean ‘we.’ All of us. The Coven of Fire. You didn’t do anything alone.”
“But I’m the leader,” I whispered. “If we’ve failed, it’s all my fault.”
“This isn’t a queendom, Alix. I didn’t do anything I didn’t agree with. Well…” He curled his lip. “Apart from spending too much time with an uptight guardian.”
I laughed despite myself. “Face it, Matt’s become your bestie.”
“Shut up, witch.” Asher pretended to look aghast at the accusation.
Joking around felt good. Till I remembered how much everything sucked.
“We have no idea where Tenebris is,” I said. “We’re dead in the water.” Could I let myself believe Asher’s view of things? “Even if you’re right and I’m not a total fuckup, what can we do now?”
“Prepare,” Asher said. “Stop cowering in fear. Be the Coven of Fire, with or without permission. Turn everything they’ve thrown at us right back at them.”
“Ha, you mean instead of Tenebris invading my thoughts, maybe I could invade his?”