by Soraya Lane
He forced his feet in the other direction. If only she knew what he was thinking about her right then, there was no way she’d want to be alone with him. Not for a second. Lucky for both of them he was good at keeping his word, at doing the right thing when he had to. Or at least he always had been in the past.
Bella thought she’d been a bundle of nerves the night before, but compared to the way she was feeling right now, it’d been nothing. At least with Corey she’d felt okay about getting all dolled up, whereas with Noah she didn’t know how to feel. Whether it was okay to look like she was going on a date versus not wanting to look like she was making a big deal out of it. She had to co-parent with this guy until the boys were eighteen, for God’s sake, and they’d almost kissed in the kitchen!
The fact that she was so conflicted over him made her even more tense. He was so annoying and difficult, and then other times . . . she sighed. He could be positively charming when he wanted to be. And besides, she had to give him a chance. If they couldn’t become real friends, then what chance did they have of making their situation work?
“Seriously, Lila. Did you have to do this to me?” she muttered, standing in front of the closet with her hands on her hips. Then she glanced at her sister’s clothes, pushed to the side to make room for her own, and a fresh wave of tears hit her when she was least expecting it. “Just come back,” she whispered. “Just come back and tell me it was all a mistake, that you didn’t meant to leave me.”
She stepped closer, reached for a hot-pink blouse that her sister had loved, and leaned in to inhale the flowery scent of Lila’s perfume, faint but still there. Bella breathed deep and shut her eyes tight, fighting the pain. “Not tonight,” she said. “I am not doing this tonight.”
The doorbell sounded out, and she jumped back, pushing the memories away along with her pain. She reached for a pair of jeans, faded and skinny, pulled them on, and then considered the tops she had hanging, eventually taking down a scoop-neck T-shirt embellished with tiny jewels over the front. Casual, but cute. She slipped into a pair of flats at the same time that Noah called out the sitter had arrived. Bella quickly spritzed her hair with perfume, checked her lip gloss, and pushed some gold hoops through her ears. Satisfied with how she looked, she grabbed her purse and ran down the stairs, almost crashing into Will as he came careering up.
“Whoa,” she said, holding out a hand to steady him. “Slow down, Tiger.”
“Wow, you look real pretty,” he said, smiling up at her as she bent to give him a quick hug.
“You sure you’re alright without us for a couple of hours?”
“He’s sure.”
Noah’s deep voice made her look up, the commanding way he spoke telling her exactly how powerful he’d been in work mode when lives were at stake. He was wearing dark jeans, boots that looked well loved and a charcoal-gray T-shirt that fitted him like a glove, just tight enough to show off his biceps, make it hard for her not to stare at his shoulders, at the muscles she knew were hiding beneath the fabric. Noah might have annoyed the hell out of her for years, but he was damn fine to look at, and she’d be lying if she didn’t admit it, at least to herself.
“You look beautiful,” he said, eyes not leaving hers for even a beat.
Will had gone silent, but he was still standing there, looking between them, watching the exchange. She touched his shoulder. “What were you looking for?” she asked, ignoring Noah and the heat flaming inside of her.
“My Lego car. I wanted to show Lauren.”
“Go grab it. I’m just going to say bye to Cooper before we go.”
Will ran past her, and she turned to watch him go, delaying the moment she had to look back at Noah, because right now he scared the hell out of her. Will seemed so big beside Cooper sometimes, but on his own, running away, it struck her how small he still was. How vulnerable.
“Should I not have said that?” Noah asked, hands thrust into his pockets when she finally faced him.
Bella blushed, which only served to infuriate her. “I’m not good with compliments.”
He laughed. “Then just say ‘Thank you,’ and forget it. Friends say that kind of stuff, right?”
If only it were that simple. “Ready to go?”
“Yep, ready whenever you are.”
Bella moved quickly past him, introduced herself to the sitter, and chatted a few minutes before finally saying good-bye to the boys. She recognized Lauren from the service, and both Will and Cooper were climbing all over her, so any worries she’d had faded almost immediately.
“Want to drive?” Noah asked when she finally stopped ignoring him. He was holding up the keys.
“No, you go for it,” she said, following him out and almost running smack bang into him when he went to the same side of the car as she did, opening her door.
She must have sighed without realizing, because his gaze was uncertain when she finally looked up at him.
“Was that not okay either?” he asked.
“No,” she said, “it’s perfect. Thank you.”
“I don’t want to offend you,” Noah said, showing a rare hint of vulnerability. “I learned all the manners I know from Gray’s dad, but I’m well aware that half the women in the world might want to slam me in the head with a phone book for opening doors for them.”
Bella couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Yeah, sad but true. I never really get why men behaving well could be interpreted so wrong. I mean, you clearly know I’m strong enough to open a door on my own, right? It’s not like you’re assaulting my rights as a feminist.”
He held up his hands, backing off. “Damn, you should have told me you were a feminist.”
“What, with a sticker on my forehead or something?” Bella jumped in and held out her hand so he couldn’t close the door for her, teasing him. “I just believe that women can do anything, that we’re a million times more capable than men. No offense.”
“None taken,” he said when he got into the driver’s seat beside her. “You’re probably right, anyway.”
“But it doesn’t mean I don’t like doors being opened for me and seeing seats given to pregnant women on public transport.”
His grin was infectious, the strain between them long gone, as if it had never existed in the first place. “Well, I’m glad we got all that straightened out. And for the record, a woman doesn’t have to be pregnant to get my seat. Just sayin’.”
“It’s stupid, but I was really stressing about this whole . . .”—she hesitated—“un-date. For want of a better word, anyway. It seems weird going out on a predetermined outing.”
“More than your hot outing last night?” he teased, glancing at her as they pulled out.
“Yeah, way worse than last night,” she admitted. “I don’t know, this just seems . . . .” This time she didn’t finish her sentence because she actually didn’t know what she was trying to say. She was tongue-tied in her own mind without even trying to express herself to Noah.
“Me too,” he said, thrumming his fingers across the steering wheel. “I don’t usually date, so this being all set in stone—like what you said, I get it. We should have just planned an impromptu coffee or something because this is downright weird. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s kinda true.”
She gave him what she hoped was a fierce stare. “So how does it usually work? If you were going on a real date, I mean, not just an outing with a friend? You’d just catch some gorgeous woman’s eye in a bar and a few hours later she’d be in your bed?” Heat rose in her cheeks; she wished it didn’t annoy her so much to think of him being such a manwhore. She was trying to keep the conversation light, and in the end she’d done the exact opposite.
“Something like that. Except it’s probably closer to an hour, not a few.”
His tone was so sure, his face straight, until she thumped him hard on the arm, and he howled more with laughter than pain.
“Noah! That’s disgusting.”
He winced and rubbed his arm. “And
so not true. I’m only teasing you.” He cradled his arm like he was injured. “I used to talk a lot of smack with Gray, but he didn’t hit me as often as you do. I think he was way better at being a friend.”
“You’re lying,” Bella accused.
“Yeah, he actually didn’t hit me at all. It was more like me jumping in and trying to hit someone else and him making quick work of parting us.”
She rolled her eyes. “I was talking about the women.”
“I was only partly lying about that. I do meet women in bars and hook up sometimes—I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. And you know what? That never makes me nervous, but for some stupid reason I felt weird about coming out tonight. It feels a little contrived.”
Something in Bella died and fluttered back to life again. It might have been a line, but she couldn’t help the small groan that passed through her lips. “You’re telling me you had to work up the nerve to come, right?” she asked, biting her lip to stop from laughing. “On our stupid friendship date, if there’s even such a thing.”
“Oh yeah. Gray was the smooth talker—super confident and never gave a damn about being turned down. Me, I’m a bundle of nerves even being alone with a beautiful woman like you.”
“Stop bullshitting me!” She had to admit that he was kind of funny. He’d made her stop being nervous and laugh, and it had been a long while since she’d just let herself do that.
“I’m kidding about tonight—of course I am. I’m just trying to have fun.” His smile was kind. She guessed he’d been the class clown, always making someone laugh, to make friends and be the center of attention. “But Gray was so confident with everything, from work to girls. He’d been brought up to believe that he was awesome, and I mean that in a good way. His parents were always there for him, telling him to go get whatever he set his mind to. He was confident, and nothing fazed him.”
“And you never had that,” she thought, realizing too late that she’d actually said it out loud.
“Yeah, something like that. So I kind of just watched him, took it all in, slowly started to realize that I wasn’t butt ugly and stupid.”
She burst out laughing. “It took you all that time to realize you weren’t butt ugly? You honestly didn’t notice all the girls drooling when you walked by?”
Noah grimaced. “Now who’s laying on the compliments?”
“So tell me honestly,” she asked, tucking one leg under her and wriggling to face Noah so she could watch his expression. “Were you surprised, when he met Lila, that he settled down?” She liked that they’d branched into neutral territory, that they were able to talk about Gray and Lila, and she was able to find out more about her sister’s husband, about his past.
“Gray? No way,” he said. “I mean, yeah, it was crazy to see him fall head over heels for one woman, but he was different with Lila. He didn’t give a damn about anything but her once they met, and they were so cool together. She never seemed to want to hold him back. Loved that he was so serious about his work, never wanted him to stop hanging out with his friends.”
Noah smiled, eyes on the road, but she could see the softness in his expression. “Even so, she ended up tagging along on every guys’ night we had. We all loved her, the way she’d crawl into Gray’s lap one minute, curled up on him and driving him wild, and then the next she’d be doing shots and shooting pool with the rest of us and driving him even more crazy.”
Bella smiled, thinking about her sister for the first time without being overcome with emotion. “She was pretty cool like that. The complete opposite of me.”
The car slowed and Bella glanced out, realizing that they were already at the beach, and Noah was pulling into a space. He didn’t say anything until he cut the engine, turning to her after he’d pulled the keys from the ignition.
“I reckon you’re a whole lot more like Lila than you realize,” Noah said, voice low, eyes locked on hers.
Bella shook her head. “You’re wrong,” she murmured, not trusting her voice, gulping as his eyes moved, knowing he was studying her face.
“Or maybe I’m right, and you just don’t want to admit it.”
Bella breathed out, gasped once he got out of the car. What the hell was wrong with her? This wasn’t a real date. This was just Noah and her hanging out and grabbing some dinner away from the kids. So why was her heart hammering like crazy, her hands shaking at the thought of being alone with him? This was Noah, the guy who’d always driven her mad, annoyed the hell out of her. The guy she’d growled about every time she’d had to be around him.
Noah, she repeated in her mind. The one guy her sister had always vowed was perfect for her, laughing every single time Bella had ranted and raved about what a jerk he was. Noah. The guy who was strictly off limits, no matter what. The guy she was supposed to be just hanging out with, like the friends they were, like the co-parents they were.
He came around to her side, and she quickly pushed her door open, needing the fresh air, the scent of the ocean hitting her immediately.
“You want me to go grab some dinner while you find a nice spot to sit?’
Bella nodded, smiling over at him. It was like he’d just read her mind, knew she needed a little space. “Sounds good. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
He hesitated, pushing the keys into his pocket. “You okay?”
“Fine. Just hungry.”
It was a lie. Her stomach was churning for an entirely different reason, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.
“Okay, I’ll catch up with you in a few.”
Bella watched him go, studied his frame as he slowly disappeared. He was so male, so masculine and strong. The things that had once annoyed her about him were starting to fade, making way for feelings she wished she could stamp out and never think about again. But Noah was a link to her past that she didn’t want to extinguish, a reminder of what had been. And he was also the one person capable of protecting her, of helping her to hold everything together when their very existence felt so fragile. Only she had to balance that with not letting anything more develop between them. They couldn’t hurt the boys, and if they ended up romantically involved . . . it could end in an epic disaster.
Noah managed to navigate his way back to Bella, juggling three plates of food. He was going to make another trip back for drinks, rather than embarrass himself by dropping the lot. As a teen he’d done a stint as a waiter, and although the tips had been not bad, his waiting skills had never improved, especially when it came to carrying one too many plates.
“Over here!”
He spotted Bella straightaway, her hands in the air as she waved to him. Something about her had snuck up on him without his even realizing it, and for a guy who’d made a career of never being caught unaware, it surprised him. It scared him, even. Her T-shirt rode a smidge too high with her arms raised, and he caught a glimpse of her stomach, flat and toned. He bet she worked out, went to the gym as part of what he was sure would be a meticulously planned weekly schedule. Until the boys had come along and demanded every part of her, including part of herself she probably hadn’t even known she could give. And the only reason he knew that was because it was exactly the way he was feeling, like he’d been emotionally wrung out at the same time that he had to pretend like he was holding together just fine. When he wasn’t. Not even close to it. And he also had the added issue of feeling crappy about not realizing when he needed to back her up instead of trying to show the boys how much fun he was.
His phone rang then, vibrating in his back pocket.
“Need to get that?” Bella asked when he neared.
She took two of the plates from him, and he pulled it out, checking the caller ID. He had to answer.
“Hey, Mom,” he said, grinning as he said it. What had started as a joke between Gray and him had quickly transformed into a habit, sticking for life.
“Is this a good time?”
He mouthed “Sorry” to Bella and set down the plate he was holding, beside her o
n the sand, walking a few steps in the other direction as he talked. “It’s fine. I’m just out grabbing some dinner. With Bella.”
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. We miss the boys so much.” And Gray. He grimaced, knowing that the name was hanging there, unsaid. “We’re thinking of driving up next week, if that’s okay.”
“Any time you want to see them, just jump in the car and start driving,” he said honestly. “I miss you, too.”
“Is Bella doing okay this week?”
He nodded, smiling over in her direction. “Bella’s doing good, considering. She’s a whole lot stronger than I ever gave her credit for.”
“Well, we miss you. Promise you’ll still be there when we arrive?”
“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere. Not for a while anyway.” The truth was, Noah wasn’t sure he’d ever be going anywhere again—not like he used to. So much had happened, so much had changed. He was feeling conflicted over his career right now, but he pushed the thoughts away.
“See you soon,” he said.
“All our love to Bella and the boys,” she said. “And to you.”
When he finally ended the call, he turned to see Bella watching him, her expression curious.
“Gray’s mom?” she asked.
“Yeah. She’s hurting pretty bad, wants to drive up next week.”
“Fine by me.” She touched the spot beside her, held up the plate of food he’d put down. “Dinner looks great.”
“I got a bit of everything in the end—thought we could share,” he said. “Mexican’s my favorite. It was way too hard to choose just one thing.”
Her smile was warm, touched her entire face. “I couldn’t help but overhear that you called her ‘mom.’”
“She’s the only mom I’ve ever known,” Noah admitted, looking out at the ocean, his gaze fixed in the distance, taking in the bright blue waves. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings, had never been comfortable talking about the past.
“They took you in, right?” Bella asked softly.