Where did my new optimistic attitude come from? It was so much better than the emotional, sulking, negative girl I had been all year or maybe all my life. I tried not to get too ahead of myself when it came to Jackson, either. He was back on campus busy with the team.
His final season as the quarterback of the Florida State Seminoles—and Jack and I would be there to see it.
Kayla agreed to meet me later that afternoon. I had so much fun hanging out with her and I was happy to have her as a friend. But even though she was more responsible than me, I wasn't sure if she would be the right person.
"Hey, Carrington." She skipped in and pulled me into a hug. "You look so pretty."
"Hi, Kayla. You, too. How are you? How's Jamie?"
"I am great, and Jamie is amazing. Thank you for asking."
"Is he back in New York?" I asked.
"Yeah, but he's coming down to see my new place before classes start next week."
"Oh. Good."
"How do you like the townhouse?"
"It's nice."
"I know, right? Uncle Griffin was going to put you right next door to me, but I told him to give you your space."
"What? The Griffin's own the complex?"
"Well, yeah. I'm sorry. I thought you knew."
"No. I thought his assistant found the condo. She gave me a couple of options."
"Griffin's own a lot of property around here. I'm so happy you picked that one."
That paranoid feeling crept up. I rubbed my chest and stared down at the table.
"What's wrong?"
"I feel like I'm being consumed by Griffins. It's freaking me out."
Kayla stared to the side. She had tears in her eyes and tried to speak, but couldn't. I waited.
"I understand how the name Griffin might garner some animosity in your mind and rightfully so, but I really need you to understand it's my name, too." She sniffled and wiped her nose on a napkin.
I felt bad. She was right. I impugned a whole family based on the actions of two people, and I had no right. I didn't know anything about the Griffin's beside what Josh told me. He only spoke about his immediate family.
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, I'm being sensitive. Don't worry about it." She waved her hand.
"No, I am sorry. I'm not as sweet and considerate as I used to be, and I sometimes speak before I think. I'm feeling a little out of my element with all of this. I mean, don't get me wrong. I want to be here. I want to finish school, but didn't realize how hard it was going to be, emotionally, coming back here."
"Oh my God, I am so stupid. I didn't realize." She placed her hand over mine. "Does it bother you to be reminded about what happened?"
"No. I mean I've talked about what happened over and over again in therapy, to my family, my friends. I'm not having flashbacks or anything. It's more of being upset at what I missed out on and what I almost lost because of what happened. I'm afraid of losing it again."
"Well, I can start by helping you have a little time to be a normal student."
"You really want to look after Jack."
"Yeah. Wait. You have to interview me, like I am someone off the street."
"Okay, Miss Griffin, please tell me about your experience with children."
"I'm an early education major starting at FSU in the fall. I love kids. I've volunteered to work with kids with special needs. I have three younger siblings who I helped raise."
"Why did you pick early education as your major?"
"Well, I love the idea of working with kids at an age where their brains are more accepting of education. They absorb everything you teach them, and that is why the curriculum for children that age is so critical for the rest of their lives. Everybody knows that, but schools systems today don't do enough to invest in kids at that age."
I smiled at her thoughtful answer. She was serious about her chosen major. She seemed too smart to flunk out of school because of a guy.
"What happen at NYU?"
"Um, what do you mean?"
"Well, in Orlando Jamie said you got kicked out for academic reasons. That's why you transferred to FSU."
"Well, that's not exactly true."
"No. Why does he think that?"
"Yeah, about that. You're going to think I'm just awful, but I wanted to come back home. I loved New York, but I didn't belong there and Jamie was my whole life and it kind of freaked me out. I have a four-point-oh average, but I decided to come home."
"Are you ever going to tell Jamie?"
"No. I love Jamie, but it's not like we’re going to get married or anything. We're kids and I am way too young to get so serious about someone. It was easier this way."
I laughed because I felt the same way. I wanted to date and have fun and to not get consumed by a guy, and that was exactly what I did. Josh was my whole life two years ago. We spent so much time together because he made me feel special, but that feeling made me overlook his less desirable traits.
Well, my mind was clear, now.
Kayla and I had a lot more in common than I thought.
"When do you want to start?"
#
Jackson Latre Mitchell
I rolled over and smiled at myself. My last first day of school ever. I surveyed my room and everything I had collected over the four and a half years at FSU. My championship jersey hung framed on my wall, photos and memorabilia were on my desk and nightstand.
I checked my phone and had a text from Carrington:
Carrington: Last first day of school ever! Congrats and enjoy! Miss you!
Jackson: Thanks and miss you, too! Call you tonight.
It was so like her, always in my head. I was so happy we were back to normal.
I joined Tiffany in the shower. Ever since we got back from New Orleans, things between us had been great, too.
Carrington crossed my mind daily, but I wanted to make it work with Tiffany. She was perfect for me. I had not told her I loved her, but she told me all the time and showed no signs of caring whether I said it back or not. When she said it, she meant it, and it felt good to have someone love me.
We had a quick breakfast and I drove us to campus.
"You excited? It's your last semester in college."
"Yep." I took her hand. I couldn't hide the grin on my face. It felt good. I had two classes and a paper to write this semester and the rest of my time would be spent on football. No other distractions.
We sat in line and waited to get into the parking garage.
"You have time to meet me for lunch?" I asked.
"Yeah, I have a class until noon; I'll meet you in the Student Union after."
We made it in the parking garage, parked the car, and headed toward class hand in hand.
Tiffany had three classes back to back this morning, but I had an hour to kill before mine.
The football team had been back on campus for almost a month getting ready for the season, but it was such a different energy than when the rest of the students arrived. I walked across campus and waved at a few of my fraternity brothers hanging out on the quad.
I'd distanced myself from the fraternity last year. Everyone seemed to walk around on eggshells because of what happened with Carrington and Josh. They knew I blamed myself and didn't know how to deal when I was around.
I didn't want to ruin their college experience so I moved out.
Seeing them brought back memories, bad and good, but living in that house would have force me to deal with missing my best friend every day, and I wasn't ready for that.
It wasn't until December of last year, in a hotel in Los Angeles, that it hit me. We didn't make it to the national championship game, but we did make it to the Rose Bowl. It was a close game, but a dropped pass on fourth down in the waning seconds of the fourth quarter ended the game and we lost 21-28.
I’d gotten out of the shower, ready to hang out with my teammates and commiserate together over the loss. I had picked up my phone and flipped through text messages from family and friends, inc
luding Carrington.
Carrington: Jack and I are so sorry about the game, but you are still the best quarterback in the world. We love you so much. Call me when you get a chance.
I dropped the phone, collapsed on the bed with a towel wrapped around my waist. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't move. My phone rang a few times and my teammates knocked on my door, but I couldn't answer them. I crawled under the covers and lay there and sobbed. It was pathetic, and I didn't realize until later what had set me off. When I picked up my phone, I searched for a text from the one person who could never text me again.
I was looking for a text from my best friend.
After class, I headed to the Student Union to meet Tiffany. The new crop of freshman had ascended on campus, and I couldn't walk two feet without a group of girls giggling and pointing. It was weird—this whole celebrity thing. I wasn't thinking about ducking out on the college experience because everyone knew me. But if this was a microcosm of what I was in for at the next level, I needed to get used to it. Maybe I needed a bodyguard.
Tiffany stared at a group inside the door as I walked toward her.
"Do you know them?" she asked and pointed to the freshman blond patrol. Five girls, all the same height and weight, wore tank tops and short shorts and had legs for days capped off with colorful flip flops.
I turned back to Tiffany, her hands balled into a fist as she glared at them.
I placed my hands on either side of her face and planted a kiss on her to let everyone know I wasn't on the market and that Tiffany was my girl. When I let go, Tiffany's hand were relaxed, and she had that glazed-over look on her face. I liked that look.
She sighed, and we sat down.
"I don't get it. You guys are football players."
"Thanks, Tiff. Glad you're not impressed."
"I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying. They better leave you alone."
"Ignore it. It's going to be like this during the season. Especially if we are winning."
"You realize it's a game. Right? I mean, I know it's your dream, and it's going to be your profession, but for them, it's just a game."
"Um, yeah. Of course." I stood up. "I'm going to grab some food. You want anything?"
She grabbed a yogurt out of her backpack and shook her head. She looked in the direction I was heading, I guessed to make sure the path was clear. I kissed her on top of her head and headed to the sandwich station.
I knew what she was getting at, but it pissed me off. Florida State football wasn't just a game. How could she spend a year on this campus and not get caught up in it? Even Jack knew what it meant to be a Florida State Seminole.
I took one look back, and she was in her own world, eating yogurt and reading something on her phone. I smirked and ran my fingers through my cropped hair. Before I turned back around, something outside caught my eye.
My heart seized up, and I grabbed on to the closest chair in front of me. Was I seeing things? Were all these hot freshman girls around campus causing me to lose my mind?
I caught a glimpse of her profile before she rounded the corner and disappeared. The girl with the light golden brown skin and shoulder length dark hair looked an awful lot like my Carrington.
#
Carrington Olivia Butler
Well, so much for my well thought out plan to surprise Jackson. I was the one surprised. When I saw him walk across the quad, my heart stopped. He stepped with confidence, so sure of himself.
God, he looked good.
Better than the last time we were together. I wanted to have a seat and watch him. I gained strength from his presence.
He spoke to people as he passed, and nodded and smiled to the many who stood around admiring him. I was one of them. I quickened my steps to grab him before he disappeared in the Student Union, but I stopped in my tracks at the door when I saw who had caught his attention. The six foot blond hot chick stared down the girls at the door, fuming and tapping her foot. She said something as he approached; he grabbed her face and laid a kiss on her that made no mistake who she was and what she was to him. That was a mark my territory and don't mess with what I got kind of kiss.
All I could do was sit and watch. The blond chick softened after the kiss and seemed pleased with the result when she noticed no one was ogling her boyfriend, my Jackson. Her Jackson.
It sounded so weird. I had thought of him as my Jackson for so long. I bit my lip to avoid crying out. I watched them for a few minutes more. Maybe they were good friends. He was a good kisser; maybe he got that way by practicing with his friends. She couldn't be that important to him. Otherwise, he would have mentioned her to me. I knew I was fooling myself. The way he kissed her, the way he touched her face. They were together, and she was the source of his happiness. They chatted for a few minutes and then he got up. Scared he would see me, I turned and walked back toward my place.
Our class times on Monday were close together, so Kayla met me with Jack. They headed toward me about halfway between campus and my house.
"Hey, Carrington. Look, Jack. There's Mommy."
Jack reached for me, and my tears flowed.
"Oh, wow. Hey, Carrington, what's wrong?"
I kneeled down next to Jack and kissed him on his cheek and each of his little hands. I owed him an apology for dragging him back here and using his money and his grandfather's guilt to do it.
I should have stayed in Texas with my family and with people who loved him.
Coming back to FSU might have been the biggest mistake of my life.
I stood back up and gave Kayla a hug. "I'm fine. A little overwhelmed. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be sorry. Are you sure you’re okay?"
"I'm fine. You're going to be late for your first class, go. We can talk later."
"Okay, but so you know, it's okay to be freaked out. This is big for you. Take it one day at a time."
"Thanks." I forced a smile and nodded. She backed away from Jack and me. "Really. I'll be okay. I'll talk to you tonight."
She waved and headed toward campus.
I tossed my books in the bottom of Jack's stroller and pushed him back toward the house. My anxiety increased as I approached the condo. I didn't want to go in there. I had an issue with closed spaces sometimes and walking into that house made my heart race. I headed toward the open area near the edge of campus. I found a nice tree and spread a blanket out on the grass. It was warm, but the breeze made it nice to sit outside. I welcomed the open area, no walls closing in on me. No doors locking me in.
I pulled Jack out of his stroller, hugged him, and sat him down on my lap. He soon wanted to explore. My head dropped into my hands. I attempted to talk myself out of throwing all of our stuff in my car and heading back to Texas this afternoon.
We could be back in Texas in twelve hours and no one would know. Jack would never know his mom moved him a thousand miles away from the only home he knew because of a fantasy she couldn't let go of.
When I got myself under control, my phone beeped. It took me fifteen minutes to look at the message. I knew it was Jackson. Of course, it would be him. God loved to pile it on me.
Last year when I found out I was pregnant, it happened on the same day I found my boyfriend, who was a recovering alcoholic, started drinking.
Let the pile on begin.
Jackson: Hey {picture of corn}, How’s the first day of class?
Carrington: Fine. U?
Jackson: Good. It's so crazy. I was in the Student Union grabbing lunch, and I thought I saw you. It was so weird. I must have had you on my mind. You okay?
Carrington: You did see me on campus. I'm here at FSU. Surprise!
Two minutes later, my phone rang.
I accepted the call but didn't say hello. Neither did Jackson. I knew he was on the other end of the line. I could hear noise in the background.
Another awkward minute had passed before he said, "Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, it's not funny."
"No, I'm really here.
"
"How did this happen?"
"I—"
"When did you get here?"
"Well—"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Jackson."
"What?"
"Will you let me finish a sentence?"
"I can't believe this. Where are you? Are you still on campus?"
"I'm on the east side of campus, across from the high school."
"Stay there. I'm on my way."
He hung up the phone. I couldn't tell if he was pissed or happy. I didn't know if I was pissed or happy. I had worked up in my head how this was supposed to go, but it never crossed my mind that Jackson Latre Mitchell would have a girlfriend.
I stood up and plastered a smile across my face as he approached. I braced myself for the onslaught, whatever was about to happen. I had no clue. His face held a neutral express and that freaked me out.
He stopped in front of me, and I held my breath. I swayed back trying to slow down my heart and hoped my lungs would kick back in on their own. Jackson reached out and placed his hands on my shoulders. I exhaled and he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.
I attempted to raise my arms and hug him back, but they were pinned to my side. I coughed and took a step backward. He loosened his grip but stepped with me. We rocked back and forth holding each other.
"I can't believe you’re here."
"Me, either." My words muffled by his shirt.
He let go but grabbed my hand. We stared down at Jack lying on his stomach. How could he sleep through a moment like this? I laughed out loud and covered my mouth so I wouldn't wake him.
"I should probably get him inside."
"Where do you live?" I pointed to my townhouse four houses away. "You want to come in."
"Yeah."
I picked up Jack and put him in his stroller. Jackson picked up the blanket and shook it out.
He fell in step next me as we walked to my house.
A lump developed in the back of my throat, and I blinked back tears when Jackson didn't reach for my hand.
Chapter Seven
Jackson Latre Mitchell
My mind raced as I scrolled through my mental capacities trying to figure out what I missed. How was it that the girl of my dreams—the one I have loved since the day I met her, the girl who I spent all summer getting over—was in a condo in Tallahassee, Florida?
Hope for Him (Hope Series Book #2) Page 5