by Nobilis Reed
“Yes, I would.” I wanted to see what the separation of the Service had done to their relationship. To see what separation might do to Valka and me.
Shirley got up and went to the little dressing-table by the door, fished around in her little duffel of belongings, and produced a personal holo. It clicked on, producing an animated face glowing in the air over her hand, and a soft tenor voice. He sang in a language I didn’t understand.
I stood up to get a better look. He was older too, with a few wrinkles around his eyes. I could see something very human, very loving in those blue eyes. He knew he was singing for Shirley.
“Does it make you sad that he’s so far away?”
“I’m never lonely,” she said. “I love him, and I miss him, but I’ve had Masters close by.”
“Do you love Masters?”
“You can’t have sex as many times as we have and not develop feelings, Challers. He’s been my friend and my confidante, as well as my partner, for a long time now. Yes, yes, I love him too, but in a different way than Robert.” She turned off the holo and put it back in its place.
“I’m going to replace Masters, aren’t I.”
“You’ll take his position, if you do well here at the academy, but you won’t replace him. I’ll always have feelings for Masters, just as I’ll have feelings for you, and as I hope you’ll have feelings for me.”
I shook my head. This was all going so fast I could hardly absorb it all. I was confused and angry. It seemed like I would never have the kind of life with Valka that I wanted to have. I ran my fingers through my hair. Why couldn’t we just be together? I felt the walls closing around me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Shirley took my hand between hers. I yanked it away.
“Challers,” she said quietly, “talk to me. You’ve asked a lot of questions, and I’ve given you honest answers. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I want to see Valka.” I sounded petulant and immature and I wanted to kick myself for it.
“Are you sure you want to see her in the state you’re in? You’re likely to upset her.”
She was right. I didn’t want to see Valka in that kind of state. I tried to calm myself down.
“Now tell me what’s on your mind.”
I forced myself to stay calm. “I’ve made a terrible mistake. The whole reason I left Stakroya was to be with Valka, and you’re not going to let us be together.”
“That’s a bit of an overstatement,” she said. “Let me lay things out for you, to the best of my knowledge. You’re going to be in training here for about two hundred days. Through that time, you will have many opportunities to continue to develop your relationship with Valka. After that, you’ll both be going on a training cruise. You’ll be separated for that time. It’ll probably be three or four years long, though there will almost certainly be times when you can see each other during that period. When you both have completed your training cruise, you’ll be eligible to pick your next cruise partner. Depending on how well you perform on your training cruises, you may well be able to pick each other.”
“Three or four years,” I said. It seemed like forever.
“You’ll be able to leave mail for each other on a regular basis, and like I said, there will be times when you can see each other, either here at headquarters or at other rendezvous points around the galaxy. Now, are we done with the panicked flights to conclusion?”
I sighed, ashamed that I had made such a big deal. Three years still seemed like a very long time, but I would find some way to endure it. What other options did I have?
“This training cruise,” I said, tentatively. “Would we be powering the ship, ourselves?”
“Yes. Unless something happens to change the assignment, you and I would be having sex in our own ship, to drive it. Likewise for Masters and Valka. That’s how it works.”
I clenched my teeth and turned my back. The very idea of Masters and Valka fucking was enough to make my blood boil. My stomach heaved. I ground my teeth, and was about to say something hateful when Shirley grabbed my shoulder. She spun me around with a surprising strength.
“Jealousy will not be tolerated, Challers. You do not own Valka. A Scout does not act like this. You are torturing yourself and if she sees you like this, you’ll be making it more difficult on her as well.” She spoke in a measured tone, but it was clear that I had made a very grave error.
“I can’t help my feelings,” I growled. “I love her.”
“Love her, Challers. She’s a lovable woman. But you need to accept that you won’t be the only one in her life. Not as long as she’s a Scout. What you’re feeling right now isn’t love, Challers. It’s jealousy. It’s ugly and it’s evil and it will eat you up if you don’t let it go.”
“How?” I was nearly screaming, nearly crying, with the emotions churning inside me. “How do I just let it go? It’s not that simple!”
“Lie down,” she commanded.
I flopped down in the middle of the bed, legs sprawled.
“No, legs together. Like this.” She lay down next me, relaxed, hands by her sides. “This was going to be part of your physicality training, but you need it now.”
I pulled my legs in. I couldn’t help clenching my fists.
“Emotions are as much a part of the body as they are of the mind. They can become a cycle, where the tension in your body tells your mind to be tense, and the tension in your mind tells your body to be tense. It’s a spiral that can work for you, or against you. Right now, you need to bring it to a halt. Now breathe evenly and focus your attention on your toes. Let the tension just flow out of them, relax them, feel them melt into the floor. Focus on your feet.” She named off body parts, her voice low and calm, gradually working her way up my body.
Guided this way, I could feel the knots in my stomach unclench, the hold of my resentment weakening. I closed my eyes and let it happen. I didn’t want to be angry. I didn’t want to be hurt.
Coming to the end, she was nearly whispering. “How do you feel?”
“Relaxed and jealous.”
“You love Valka,” she said. “Focus on that. Keep that at the center of your attention. Imagine her face in your mind’s eye, and feel all the positive, affectionate emotions you hold for her.” I felt her weight shift on the bed, and her hands on my shoulders and neck. She massaged the muscles gently through my shirt. It was easy to keep Valka’s smiling, beautiful face in front of me, and love suffused my mind and body with warmth.
Shirley’s hands gradually moved down. I could feel the warmth of her body on my face. She stroked my chest, not so much massaging as just running her hands over my body. I opened my eyes. She was kneeling just above my head, leaning over me to stroke my chest. Her breasts hung just inches away. They were magnificent. Fuller than Valka’s, maybe a little droopy, but that didn’t matter. They were marvelous.
“Feeling better?” She moved her hands down to my ribs and abdomen, still stroking lightly over me. My cock twitched. “Mmm, I guess you are.” One hand brushed over my cock. She had touched me. Deliberately.
“Wait,” I said, tensing up again. My head bumped her tits as I tried to reorient myself.
She shushed me and pushed my shoulders back down on the mat. “Just relax. Imagine Valka. Do you remember how beautiful she was, sitting in the middle of the chamber, stroking herself for you?”
“Yes,” I gasped. It hadn’t been just for me, it was to run the ship, but I wasn’t in a position to argue. It was finding it hard to breathe.
Shirley’s hands massaged my cock through the thin material of my shorts. It grew. “Remember that moment. Remember how much she loves you, and how much she wants you to be happy.”
I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. Shirley was playing with me, squeezing my cock, encouraging me to think of Valka. My ability to think ebbed away as my hard cock pushed at the material of my shorts.
Shirley slipped her hand underneath the fabric and her massage turned
into strokes. “Hold that image in your mind,” she said.
I tried, but my mind kept straying to what her hand was doing to me. Part of me, horrified at what was happening, shrank from it, but I couldn’t deny that I wanted this, too. Ever since I had first seen her with Masters, a part of me wondered what it would be like to be in his place.
In a way, I was in his place. I was in the place he had occupied with Shirley.
She flipped the material of my shorts down under my balls, freeing my cock. “You can touch me, if you like,” she said. “And you may have an orgasm when you feel the urge.”
I raised my hands and found them shaking, almost too badly to get a grip on her shirt. I pulled it up, releasing the breasts that hung tantalizingly close above my head. Her nipples, mere inches from my face, begged to be kissed.
“Use only your hands.”
Could she read my mind?
I obeyed. Her breasts were warm and soft and full. I held them, trying to emulate the gentle touch she had used with me. I was dizzy and weak, out of control, a slave to drives and emotions that I didn’t understand. All I could do was squeeze and caress, too distracted by the very thought that this vision was stroking me this way. After only a minute or so, I cried out and arched my back, releasing powerful jets of cum across my chest.
“There now,” said Shirley, adjusting her top and lying down next to me again. “Don’t you feel better?”
I was too stunned to speak. I just lay there, breathing.
“Tell me, Challers. Do you love Valka any less now than you did before I gave you that orgasm?”
“No,” I said. “Not at all.”
“You see? And it will be the same with Valka. Just because she has sex with someone else doesn’t mean she loves you any less.” She helped me to my feet. “Now let’s get you cleaned up. We don’t want to go to the mess hall like this.”
Chapter Five
Dinner was just as generous as lunch had been. Vegetables, beans, eggs, cheese, potatoes, and butter—not a teabulb or vedgepack in sight. At the end of the line, I waved my implanted hand over the sensor and a screen popped up with, “Recommendation: Two squares chocolate.” Shirley explained that while I had a lot of leeway in what foods I ate, the computers would make sure I got everything I needed “for best performance.”
I added two squares of chocolate to my plate from the dispenser. Who was I to argue? The stuff was delicious. If it would help with “performance,” that was fine with me.
The four of us sat together in the mostly empty mess hall. I kissed Valka on the cheek. “I missed you.”
She turned and kissed me on the lips. “I missed you too.” She took my hand in hers. It felt wonderful. I squeezed. It was good to see her smile.
I dug into the food. Even after the huge lunch, I still felt ravenous.
“So, how was your afternoon?” asked Valka.
“Uh.” What was I going to say? “Pretty, uh, good. And yours?”
“Masters and I just sat and talked.”
“About what?”
“Oh, stuff about being a Scout—the things he’s seen, the places he’s gone. Challers, I can’t wait to get out there and do things. What did you do?”
“Shirley and I, ah, talked.” I nodded to Shirley, trying to act nonchalant.
She nodded back. “And then I gave him an orgasm with my hand.”
I sputtered, trying to think of what to say to salvage the situation. I couldn’t believe Shirley had done that to me—just said it, just like that. How could she just blurt it out like it was nothing? We had practically had sex, and she was waving it around under Valka’s nose!
But Valka just giggled. “Ooh, lucky you! I haven’t had one since the ship.”
“I didn’t know you were in any need,” said Masters. “You should have said something.”
“Oh, no, I’m good,” said Valka with a nod.
“Okay, well, just speak up if you get uncomfortable.”
I looked from face to face around the table. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
Shirley reached across the table and took my hand. “It’s all right, Challers. Scouts talk about this kind of thing all the time. It’s our business. You understand? If you panic whenever anyone talks about sex, you’re going to have a very difficult time.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t bother you?” I asked Valka.
“No, why should it? In another year, you’ll be having sex with her—full-on real sex—all the time. It’d be pretty silly for me to get upset about that now.” She squeezed my hand again. “It’s okay. Shirley’s a good person. And besides. It’s not like you love me any less, right?”
“I think I love you even more.” It was a big relief for me that Valka was being so mature about this, but it made me feel even more childish for my earlier outburst. I kissed her again.
After dinner, we set up our curriculum, matching what we already had against the requirements for graduation. The topics were diverse, but all understandable as must-haves for Scouts. There was Astronavigation, Technology, First Aid and Basic Medical Care, History, and a subject called “Physicality.” Shirley explained that it was the general study of how to use one’s body effectively, for a variety of purposes. We would be training in meditation, exercise, sexual stimulation and arousal, orgasm control, and self-defense. This was a significant part of our studies; we’d have Physicality sessions three times a day, once before each meal. Valka and I were able to skip the data-handling course because we had gotten most of it in our education at Stakroya Station. What little we were missing we could pick up on the job.
On the way back to our quarters, Shirley and I encountered a pair of cadets speaking in hushed tones. They stopped when they caught sight of us and quickly went their separate ways.
Shirley chuckled.
“What’s funny?”
She shook her head. “Oh, just the things cadets will get up to. Come on. You’re probably getting pretty tired. There’s a busy day ahead, and you’re going to need to get used to sleeping in the chamber.”
While I cleaned my teeth, Shirley stripped out of her shirt and pants. The sight of her naked body set my heart thudding again, and I had to adjust my cock.
Looking up, she caught me and smiled. I looked away. She stepped over to the door of the fresher, put her finger under my chin, and moved my head to face her.
“You’re allowed to look,” she said. “I like it that you appreciate my body. I’m proud of it.”
“I just didn’t want to need another orgasm, that’s all.”
“Ah, I see.” Her hand drifted slowly down my chest. “Why is that?”
“I’m supposed to be learning control?”
“Just because you have an erection, doesn’t mean you have to have an orgasm, but I understand if you’d rather not get worked up before bed. So I’ll give you the choice.” Her hand reached my crotch and she squeezed my cock through the thin material. “An orgasm before bed, or I just get dressed now.”
“It’s a little late to keep from getting worked up now,” I said, my voice already husky. My cock swelled in her hand.
She chuckled low in her throat. “I thought you’d see it my way.” She pulled my shorts down, turning them inside out on my thighs. My cock bounced out into her hand. Shirley squirted some lotion onto it and spread it around. Her hot breath played over my ear. “Do it for me. Real quick. Just let it go; don’t hold back even the slightest bit. You’re young. So strong. I bet you splatter all over the sink.” Her arm snaked around my back, holding me.
No one had ever talked to me like that. My hips jerked. I put my hands out against the mirror-bright wall in front of me. Her hand made slick, wet sounds against my cock. I watched in the mirror, watching her hand move, watching her smiling into my ear. She saw me watching and looked into my eyes.
“Do it,” she said. “Do it now.”
Spasms ran through me, closing my eyes involuntarily. A sharp breath blew out through my gritted teeth.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes. More.”
My body tensed under her skilled caress, ecstasy thundering in my ears. White and black warred behind my eyelids. My knees trembled, but with her shoulder behind me, supporting me, I didn’t collapse.
As I finally returned to my senses, I felt a warm, wet washcloth running over my skin. She cleaned me meticulously. Her reflection smiled back at me. “You are going to make one incredible Scout, Challers. I can tell.”
I smiled weakly, still breathless. I didn’t know what to say.
She went back out into the bedroom and tossed me a clean uniform. “Get dressed,” she said, “and come to bed. I still need to show you how to operate the controls.”
Still trembling, I changed into the clean uniform.
Using the circular Scout’s bed turned out to be a fairly simple matter. A set of controls at one end controlled firmness and temperature, and with the firmness set low, it could be pushed and spread to make little hills and valleys. I smoothed out a shallow depression—something vaguely shaped like my old sagging mattress.
“Do you move around much in your sleep?” asked Shirley.
She had changed into an outfit much like mine, except white instead of black. It left little to the imagination, but I managed not to let it get to me much.
“I don’t know. I suppose I don’t, because I would have fallen out of bed if I did. It wasn’t very big.”
“All right. Then we’ll deal with that if it comes up.” Shirley just made herself a soft pillow-like lump and a fairly firm sleeping area.
A white sheet came from a set of low shelves. I ran the fabric through my hands. As alien as everything else in this trip had been, the sheet felt familiar.
Shirley caught my thoughtful expression. “What’s on your mind, Challers?”
“Just remembering the way my mom tucked me in. The sheet felt just like this.” I pulled it to my nose. “Doesn’t smell like home, though.”
“In time, the chamber will come to be your home.” She touched a switch by the bed and the room lights went dark. Only a dim outline around the doorways remained illuminated.