by Nobilis Reed
I pulled up a holographic record, and ran it forward to the point where the recorder was about to open a hatch from the landing bay into the station proper. The portal was all sweeping, graceful curves of white and green. There was nothing utilitarian about it, nothing damaged or dirty.
Then the hatch parted revealing a wide, bowl-shaped room. The whole station seemed to be one huge oxygen deck; there were lawns of grass and stands of trees dotted with small buildings of the same elegant architecture. Splashes of color, probably flowers, could be seen here and there. Above, a domed roof soared, all transparent, allowing a yellow star to bathe the interior in warm light.
Most stunning, however, was a group of a dozen or so people standing a short distance downhill. They were tall, willowy people with pale complexions and elongated features. Their faces were elegantly defined and, even though each of them had long, flowing hair, the tips of their pointed ears were visible. They wore knee-length tunics of a satiny material in greens and blues accented with silver. While there was a certain androgyny to their features, it was easy to see that this race did have two genders. The one at the head of the group spoke, but I had the volume turned down.
“Those are odd looking people,” said Grecca. “Beautiful, but odd. What’s the story behind that?”
“I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll find out. Some newgens have a practical body form, like Ovors, but sometimes I think it’s just fashion. It’s one of the more interesting things about this kind of research.”
In the hologram, the Sindens parted, forming lines on either side of a path leading down to the nearest of the white buildings. Drawing closer, we could see that the building was a tall cylinder, its middle pinched in just a bit, and at the top, an array of graceful spires probed upward and outward. Writing of some kind was inscribed on the outer walls in horizontal stripes.
I closed that recording and brought up a galaxy diagram with a few blue highlights.
“The Sindens have only a few stations, way out on the downstream end of the Coreward Reach. They don’t seem to be worried about expansion as much as preservation. According to some of my sources, they have records going back almost to the beginning of the Scattering, but for some reason, the Scouts have never gotten hold of them.”
“Fascinating.”
We paged through more of my sources, some of which consisted of passing references in logs, and external scans of their stations. What made them most fascinating to me was how little there was about them in the data banks.
“Have you seen many newgens, out there?” I glanced in the direction of the mess hall doors, as if they led directly out to the galaxy as a whole.
“Not really. We don’t see too many other people out there. Robert and I have been pulling a lot of patrol duty, and that’s pretty lonely. Well, except for each other. It gets like that sometimes. That’s why you really have to be willing to get close to your partner.”
“You’re close to Robert?”
“Yes. Even though it starts off kind of contrived and artificial, you have to keep in mind that the medical section runs pheromone compatibility scans on recruits to make sure there’ll be some chemistry between new partners. That gives something of a physical basis for the relationship. Beyond that, though, it’s work.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Things not going well with you and Shirley?”
“You saw us on the wrestling mat. We’re okay together.”
“You’re holding back, Challers. What’s the problem?”
“Nothing. Really.” I turned off the tablet and slid it back into its carry-pouch. “Come on, we need to get to Astronavigation.”
In class, Grecca didn’t sit up and behind me, but alongside me. It seemed like she was taking the course alongside me, so much so that I wanted to help her understand as much as I did. She knew the material, but her enthusiasm was entirely for me, rather than for the science itself. The same pattern held true in Technology and Medical. Rather than being another teacher, she was another student.
This subtle shift in her attitude, compared to Shirley’s, put a whole different spin on the classes. Instead of a subtle feeling of being ganged up on—in spite of the fact that one of the teachers was a hologram—I felt like it was Grecca and me together, taking on the instructor. We covered for each other, coached each other, and generally made each class feel like a triumph.
Then, after Medical, came evening Physicality. I walked into the class and immediately threw off my uniform and jumped onto the bed. “So what’s the lesson?”
“Hold on a moment,” said Grecca. “Let’s just take a moment to get centered.”
She slipped out of her shirt and shorts, stepped into the middle of the bed, and sat down.
“All right, sure.” I sat down facing her and took a few cleansing breaths.
There was a certain tension in my body, mainly from not having Shirley there for my first sexual session with Grecca. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough for her and, adding that to the basic fear of the unknown, I was nervous.
“Now then,” she said, putting the soles of her feet together, knees apart, “I want you to sit like this.”
I imitated her pose. From the exercises I had been doing, I was flexible enough that my knees nearly touched the bed. “Like this?”
“Yes, good.”
She got up and sat in the space between my knees, facing me, and wrapped her legs around my body. Her hands fell naturally on my shoulders. No one had ever sat so close to me. She spoke softly, intimately.
“Medical makes sure that Scouts who are partnered together have compatible pheromone profiles. That provides a foundation for a physical relationship. Women, and to some extent men, need the right kind of mismatch in order to form a bond. But that’s just the beginning.”
Our noses were nearly touching. I could feel her breath on my lips as she spoke.
“There is a kind of comfort in being together that comes from that bond, that builds on it. It lives in the eyes, the breath, the hands. It’s part of the body, rather than the mind or the heart, and it’s essential. Feel my breath on your face, as I feel your breath on mine. Let our breathing come together, you breathing in as I breathe out. Look into my eyes, as deeply as you can, and hold on for as long as possible.”
We sat that way for long minutes. I could feel the effect she was describing, right there as we were sitting.
“This is crazy,” I whispered. “I can just feel it.”
She hushed me gently. “Stop thinking about what’s happening, and just let it happen.”
This was like the meditation techniques we had learned before, but with a difference; instead of pulling inside myself, focusing on my own body and mind, I was focusing on her breathing, her eyes, the feel of her skin on mine. Time stood still. Words that had been running through my brain scattered away and disappeared. Even my awareness of myself seemed to fade into a single, transcendant us.
It felt marvelous.
I was tipping over, then, but it wasn’t an unbalanced fall—more like a light drawing-down, as if gravity had been dialed down. We were floating towards the bed, stretching out face to face, embracing with hands and lips instead of legs and breath. Totally comfortable, totally at peace, there wasn’t desire or impulse—I could only follow the slow rhythm of our heartbeats and our breathing. I was what I was, Grecca was what she was, and we were doing what we were doing. The moment had no history and no future, no cause and no effect, no meaning but itself.
And then, after no time had passed, we felt ourselves drift apart again.
I blinked and shook my head. “That was amazing. I should have been scared, but I liked it a lot.” The warmth I felt had faded a little, but I could feel a lingering affection that wasn’t there when we had started. “Did you make me fall in love with you?”
She giggled. “No, it’s not mind control. It’s just a little trick to engage some of the human instincts for bonding on a subconscious level. Rober
t taught it to me.”
“It works,” I said.
“So no sex today?”
“This isn’t intimate enough?” She giggled at the confused look on my face and then soothed me with a tender caress on my cheek. “We can if you want. There’s time before dinner.”
Dinner. I knew I had forgotten something. My stomach growled.
She laughed. “Or maybe not. Come on, I don’t trust that mouth near my tender parts until you’re not hungry anymore.”
“I don’t bite!”
“Not yet, maybe, but we’ll see when my visit’s over.” With a wink, she stood up and pulled her uniform back on.
When I was dressed again, she put her arm around me and we walked to the mess hall like boyfriend and girlfriend.
I never wanted it to end.
Chapter Eighteen
I walked with Grecca to the docking bays. The last few minutes of our time together was passing. As the hatch leading to her ship came into view, I stopped and took her hand.
“I want you to stay,” I said, softly.
“I know, Challers, I know.”
“You’re a much better teacher for me than Shirley. I’ve learned more from you the last three days about sex and technology and, well, just being a good Scout. I think we’d be good together. Good for each other, and good for the Scouts.”
“Challers, I can’t.” She put her hands on my shoulders and twined her fingers behind my neck. Her blue eyes sparkled, and there may have been tears waiting there. I could hear the emotion in her voice.
“Why not?”
“I haven’t finished my own training cruise yet. I’m not a full-fledged Scout.”
“So come back when you’re done.”
“By then, you’ll have graduated and you’ll be on your own training cruise. Look me up when you’re done with that. I’d love to be your partner when you’re a full Scout. We would be a good team.”
That would be fine, except I still held out hope that I would be able to partner with Valka when our training cruises were done. I shook my head. Why did nothing ever go my way?
Another hand landed on my shoulder. “So this is the cadet, eh?”
He was a good head taller than me, with a short, dark beard speckled with grey hair.
Grecca pulled away and nodded in his direction. “Challers, I’d like you to meet Captain Robert Halko.”
He took my hand and squeezed. Hard.
You want to play that game? I thought. Fine. I can play, too.
I squeezed back. I wasn’t going to crush him, but I wasn’t going to let him crush me either. It lasted maybe a half a second, but much was communicated in that grip.
“Pleased to meet you, sir,” I said, exchanging a nod of respect with him. I felt like I had passed some kind of test.
“I’ve heard a lot about you, cadet.” His voice was a deep bass. It reminded me, in some measure, of Masters. In fact, there were many things about him that reminded me of Masters. His build, his bearing—even the shape of his face.
“Good things, I hope.”
“Very good things. From what she tells me, I can safely leave her with you.” He turned in the direction of the hatch. “Is everything prepped, Grecca?”
“I haven’t been in the ship yet.” There was a tentativeness there that bothered me. Was she afraid of him?
I tried to catch her eye, but she turned away and hustled up the hatch. Yeah, she was afraid of him.
Robert and Shirley shared a goodbye kiss that was too intimate for my taste, so I walked a short way down the passage back into the academy.
They finished, and Shirley walked past me, head down. I fell into step beside her. She looked up, smiled a thin smile, and pulled me to her as we walked. I knew how she felt. It seemed like everyone I became even slightly attached to was pulled away from me just as I was really getting to know them.
“So how was Grecca?” said Shirley.
“Good,” I said, not knowing what else to say.
“Kept up with your studies?’
“You know me. Scholarly and studious.”
“Mmm.”
“Have a good time with Robert?” I regretted the question as soon as I asked it.
She sighed. “Yeah. Too short, though. I guess it’s time for, what, lunch?”
“You don’t know?”
“Robert was on a totally different sleep-wake schedule; I have no idea what time it is.”
I noticed, then, that some of her droopiness wasn’t just sadness or loss, but just plain old fatigue. “How much sleep have you had lately?”
“Oh, I’m okay.”
“Forgive me, Shirley, but that’s vack-yack. You’re floating dead. Come on. To bed with you.”
She yawned. “But you have lessons . . .”
“I’m good. I’ll show you what I’ve been doing, once you’ve had some sleep.”
Too exhausted to protest any further, she let me guide her back to our room and get her settled onto the bed.
She woke up after a couple hours to find me sitting at the desk, reading from my tablet.
“Mmm, you weren’t kidding about studying.” She rolled out of bed and moved up behind me, her warm, soft breasts barely touching the back of my head. “More newgens, eh?”
“I’ve been researching more of the history of the Astrolo and Souree.”
I didn’t know why I was so fascinated with newgens. Perhaps it had something to do with the way the Chevalier newgens had surprised and troubled me the first time I saw them. In any case, I wanted to learn as much as I could about everything related to them.
“Never heard of them. Tell me.”
“They’re extinct now, or at least until someone decides to jump in the tank and become one. I’m not sure why anyone would want to, though.”
I pulled up an image of an Astrolo, a young woman sitting on a hoverchair wearing a helmet and a uniform fitted to her limbless body. Robots flanking her held food and drink, ready to provide to her.
“What was the purpose of that?”
“I’m not sure. None of the sources agree on anything. Some say it was a religious group, others that it was some kind of status symbol, and still others that they were emulating a cultural hero. In any case, the last of them destroyed their archives and used the gentank to become Sourees a long time ago.”
“That’s another one I don’t know.”
I switched the screen to display another holographic image. This one looked fairly human except for the scaly skin and the feathered crest on top of her head.
“The Souree were a reptilian version of humanity. They were egg-layers like the Ovors. They were all killed when Raghar Station was destroyed by the Fleet.”
“You have been busy.” She patted me on the head and turned towards the fresher. “So what time is it, really?”
“In a few minutes, it’ll be time for afternoon Physicality.”
“Ooh, excellent. I want you to show me what you learned from Grecca. According to Robert, she’s a supernova. “
“I can do that.” I turned off the tablet and put it into its carry-pouch. “I don’t know about supernova, though. I thought she was sweet.”
Shirley came out of the fresher wearing a clean uniform. “Sweet? You couldn’t have thought that when she had you pinned to the ground, tickling you until you were red in the face.”
“Mmm. Maybe not then.”
We left the familiar bed of our quarters for the equally familiar bed of our classroom.
“So,” she said, hands on her hips. “Show me what you’ve learned.”
I sat in the center of the bed, knees bent, feet together. “Sit here,” I said, patting the diamond-shaped space between my legs. “Facing me.”
Shirley sat and I positioned her legs on either side of me. Our faces were so close I could feel the heat of her body on my nose and her breath on my lips.
“Look into my eyes,” I said. “Put your arms around me, but don’t hold tight. Relax.”
�
�I know this position,” she said, reaching down toward my crotch.
“No,” I said, “just sit. Relax. Look into my eyes.”
Shirley giggled. She was seeing the same thing I was—a squashed one-eyed head.
“It looks a little silly at first, but just let that go. Relax. Breathe.”
The moment Grecca showed me this technique was the moment the true depth of my feelings for her opened up. It wasn’t true love, perhaps, but it was a kind of instinctive, basic intimacy. This was, I could see, the foundation of the surprisingly deep relationship we had built over those three short days.
Now that it was gone, I missed it, terribly. Everyone that mattered to me had been taken away. There was only one person who was a constant in my life, and I hoped that if I could build that kind of relationship with Grecca so easily, then with the right techniques, I might be able to do the same with Shirley.
I synchronized my breathing with Shirley, breathing in only when I felt her exhalation on my lips. I could feel myself falling into her eyes, losing myself there. The “she” and the “I” were becoming “we.” I could feel it.
And then, suddenly, she pulled back, breaking the link almost before it could get started. She held my shoulders and smiled. “That was an absolutely fascinating experience! We’re definitely going to have to do that again sometime soon.”
“Wait, no. We only just started.”
“Challers, if this is all you did for Physicality class for the last few days then we have material to make up.”
I gritted my teeth, struggling to keep my rising pique in check. She moved to stand, but I put my hands on her thighs and held her down.
“Challers . . .”
“Listen. Shirley. This is important. You said that you can’t have sex with someone without developing feelings for him. I know now what you were talking about, but there’s more to it than that. You can allow a relationship to happen as a byproduct of all this, or you can deliberately set out to form a relationship, to create something real, something meaningful.”
Shirley’s brow knitted for a moment, and then her eyebrows twitched upwards. She was holding onto something, holding something back, holding it in. She put her hands on mine, ready to peel them from her thighs to escape.