by Cee Bowerman
“He replaced me?” I whispered as I turned to lay my hand on one of the babies. “He doesn’t want me to take care of them now?”
“Why the fuck aren’t they dressed?” Ronan asked. “Fuck this shit, letting that uppity bitch come in here and change things. We should have just kicked his ass like I suggested in the first place.”
Ronan moved over to the dresser and pulled out a sleeper for each baby. I watched as he picked one of the babies up from the bed and pulled the diaper away to look down to the ‘parts and pieces section’ as I had heard him refer to the diaper. He was holding the baby like a seasoned veteran as he laid it down on the changing table and whipped the diaper off. Once it was changed, he had who I now realized was Dylan, dressed and comfortable.
I watched as Royal did the same thing with Bellamy.
The two of them were old pros at this baby thing now, I saw. A little piece of me was proud of them. Another piece of me realized that they were old hands at this and didn’t need my supervision anymore.
“Why did he replace me?” I whispered to myself as I left the nursery. I heard the two men behind me, and once I reached the living room, I saw that they had bundled the babies up and were heading to the front door.
“We’re taking the kids so you two can fuck it out.” Royal said gruffly. “Tell him how you feel, Lena, because he thinks he’s doing the right thing and you’re gonna have a hell of a time changing his mind.”
✽✽✽
I heard the front door open and close, and then I silently waited to hear Finn’s footsteps in the hall. After a few seconds without Finn appearing at the bedroom door, I figured it was one of the brothers and got back to the task at hand.
Packing my shit and leaving the man I loved with all my heart. And my babies.
I moved from the bureau to the bed and dropped a pile of underwear down beside the bag. I moved back to the bureau and grabbed my bras and a few pair of pajamas. On my third trip, I realized that Finn was standing in the door of our bedroom.
“What are you doing? Get back in bed before you hurt yourself.”
“Fuck off.” I growled, wiping the tears from my face.
“What? Are you packing?”
“Ding ding ding. We have a winner, Chuck!”
“Why are you packing? Do I need to take you back to the hospital?”
“You gave up on me, Finn. You replaced me, so yes, I’m fucking leaving. Apparently, I don’t have a place here anymore.”
“What are you talking about? I hired a woman to take care of you and the kids when I’m not here. She can make sure you get enough rest and you don’t hurt yourself.”
“Hurt myself? By doing what? Living my life?”
“Honey, you just got out of bed, you were in a fucking coma. Let me take care of you.”
“That was almost a fucking month ago, Finn.”
“Still, you’re weak. You shouldn’t be up stressing yourself right now. You were in the hospital for a long time, baby, and I finally got you home.”
“I’m not your second chance.” I mumbled.
“What did you say?” Finn asked as he stepped closer to me. “Have you taken your meds? You should have had another dose ten minutes ago, sweetheart. Get in bed and I’ll get them for you.”
“I’m not your second chance, Finn.” I said a little louder. “You said you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, I should be first in your mind, and I understand you’ve been through a lot. But, I’m not second best, I’m not your chance for a mulligan. I’m me, and I’m not going to let you mold me into something I’m not.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I have a car coming to get me. I’ll send someone for the rest of my things later in the week once I get settled.”
“You are not fucking leaving me, Lena!”
“Yeah.” I nodded slowly, “I am.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You replaced me, brought in someone to raise those babies that I’ve missed so much. Let her change everything we had talked about with them. Kept them away from me for over a week, Finn. A goddamn week!” I wasn’t crying anymore, now I was in a rage as I screamed at the top of my lungs, “You replaced me already!”
“You almost died, Lena.” Finn whispered.
“But I didn’t. Bellamy did. I’m not sure you know the difference.”
✽✽✽
FINN
I watched the love of my life limp out of our bedroom, her backpack slung over one shoulder, her crutch under the other arm. She moved slowly across the living room, and no matter how hard I tried, or how much I wanted to move, I couldn’t go to her.
She detoured to the other end of the living room and swiped an 8x10 picture off the mantel. I knew that it was the picture of me and my brothers with the babies. I watched her lean down over the back of the couch and scratch Wyatt’s and then Josie’s ears as the tears fell off her face down onto their fur.
I didn’t say a word as she made her way slowly out the front door to the car she had called to drive her into town. Without even looking in my direction, Wyatt and Jose followed Lena out the front door.
And still, I stood there. Silently. My heart and soul were gone. Again.
“Mr. Conner?” I heard Nora, the woman I had hired to be a nanny for the twins and a nurse for Lena, call to me from the end of the hall. “One of your brothers took the children. It’s their nap time, and they need to come home.”
“Get out.”
“But …”
“Get out. I’ve ruined everything by hiring you, listening to you. Get out of my house.”
With a huff, Nora spun around and walked back into the bedroom I had given her three weeks ago when I hired her to take care of the twins while I sat at the hospital with Lena. Nora, the woman who had all the experience and all the knowledge. She had the ability to get us all in order and ready for Lena to come home.
And when she’d come home everything I had tried to do for her had just broken her heart.
I finally moved toward the front door, hoping to catch Lena before she got away. I stopped at the edge of my porch as I watched the taillights of the cab fade out on the road leading toward town.
“Fuck!” I roared, and then I stomped back into my house.
✽✽✽
LENA
“Are you going to tell him she’s here?” I heard Chess ask his brother.
“Nope. None of his fucking business where she’s at. He fucked up.” Royal growled. “She can just stay here in my spare bedroom as long as she wants to. And I’m keeping the babies too. Let that fucker stew in his own juices for a while.”
“I can’t believe he’s doing this. I can’t believe he hired that hag and let her fuck up the whole house. Did you see that she took all the pictures down in the nursery? Said it was distracting to the kids, and they wouldn’t be able to sleep.”
I hadn’t even realized there weren’t any pictures hanging in the nursery in the few short minutes I had been in there. As I looked down and realized that Dylan was awake, I ignored the brothers talking down the hall and focused on his beautiful blue eyes.
“Hi there, Dill Pickle. How’s my boy?” Dylan nuzzled his head into my chest as he stretched his body out. I was happy to see that his arms had little fat rolls on them now. “Look at how big you are, baby boy. I just want to eat you up!”
I nuzzled his cheek with my lips and he squirmed when I blew a raspberry into his neck. I felt Bella moving on my other side, so I held Dylan in my arms and I rolled so we could both look at his sister. I giggled when I saw Bella’s face. I swear she smiled when she saw me. Or maybe it was when she saw her brother.
I would just pretend it was me she was happy to see.
“Bella Boo Boo.” I whispered as I snuggled her between me and Dylan. I was lying on my side, my elbow bent and my head propped up on my hand so I could look at both babies. “I’ve missed you, pretty girl.”
Both
babies squirmed as I tickled their round little bellies. I laughed as they snuggled each other and tried to get away from my tickles.
“I’m going to have to go soon, you guys. But I’m going to miss both of you so much it will be hard to breathe.”
“You aren’t going to leave us, Lena.” I heard Royal say from the doorway. “We took a vote. We’re keeping you and kicking him to the curb.”
I laughed at Royal. “He’s your big brother. You’ve got to stand by him.”
“Not when he’s being an idiot, I don’t. You belong with us. You’re our family. You’re the only Mama those babies have ever known, the only one they will ever know. You’ll stay here as long as you want, and I’ll keep them here too.”
“I don’t want to cause problems between you and Finn.”
“Finn’s the one causing the goddamn problems Lena, not you.” Royal walked over and picked up Dylan. He held him up in the air for a second and then swooped him down and gave him smacking kisses on his neck. “Dinner’s ready. I’ll get them into the kitchen, you come on in when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Royal.”
“No problem, sis. No problem at all.”
How hard was that? I thought to myself. Royal didn’t treat me like a china doll. Hell, he hadn’t even asked if I needed any help. I kind of did because the comforter was somehow snagged on the cuff of my brace. Fuck that. I could do this by myself.
Once I was untangled, I moved my legs around and put my feet on the floor. I readjusted the brace on my leg and then pushed up to stand, reaching over to grab my crutch so I could make my way out into the kitchen and talk to Royal and the guys.
“Hey, sis.” Angus called from the table. I saw that he was holding Bella in his arms, and she was smiling up at him adoringly. “Glad to see you out among the living.”
“You look good.” Tavin said. I turned slightly to see him standing in the doorway leading out to the living room. “Your color’s much better. Getting around like a champ too.”
“I got a new brace this morning before they released me. It gives me just a little more range of motion, and it makes it easier to get around with only one crutch.”
“What’s the brace for exactly?” Chess asked. “I’ve wondered about that. You didn’t break a bone or anything.”
“It’s to help keep my leg stable. I lost most of that muscle, and I need to rebuild it slowly. The way it is right now, it wouldn’t hold my leg steady and could actually cause injury to my knee. So, this stabilizes me, and helps me slowly build it up while I get around.”
“Cool.” Chess kissed me on the top of my head as he walked past me. “Glad you’re home.”
“Are we just not going to discuss that I left your brother?” I asked them quietly.
“Nothing to discuss. You left our brother not us, right?” Royal stated calmly as he passed plates around the table. “Families fight. It’s what we do. Give it some time, let him realize he’s being a total douchebag, he’ll grovel a little bit and all’s good. That’s how families work.”
“He replaced me.” I whispered as I sat down. “With Nurse Stick Up Her Ass.”
“He wants you to be safe and taken care of, Lena. He’s just going about it the wrong way.” Chess helped me push my chair a little farther under the table and then he sat down beside me.
“I think he’s trying to make up for what he couldn’t do for Bellamy.” I said quietly.
All movement at the table stopped. The only sound in the room was Dylan and Bellamy’s soft coos as they talked to each other from a blanket on the living room floor.
“Do you really think that’s what he’s doing?”
I nodded my head.
“Wow. You’re almost as full of shit as he is.” Royal snorted. “Perfect match.”
My eyes shot over to look at Royal, a little angry that he would dismiss my feelings so easily.
“You almost fucking died, Lena. He wasn’t there to protect you. You put your life on the line to protect the kids, you had to hide in the goddamn woods for hours until Clem found you. Then, you get to the hospital and you almost died two more fucking times. The man’s been through the damn wringer, and he wants to set you on a shelf and take a few beats before the next fucking curveball is thrown your way.” Ronan started to dish out some of the food onto his plate, and when I saw the mountain of mashed potatoes he had piled there, I worried for his health. “He went about it wrong, listened to the wrong input. But she was highly recommended, had centuries and centuries of experience, and he thought he was doing a good thing getting the babies taken care of until you were up to speed.”
“Taking care of them and getting back to the life I loved is what got me through all the shit in the last few weeks. I’ve been working my ass off with all kinds of therapies trying to get home. When I get there, he’s got Bertha McBitchiness fucking with my babies and messing with my shit. Fuck that.”
“Did you tell him all that?” Tavin asked me.
I sat there silently. They knew I hadn’t told Finn how I felt. Hell, I hadn’t known how to put my emotions into words until it just fell out of my mouth a second ago.
Royal’s phone beeped and he picked it up to read a text message. He chuckled and then put the phone back down on the table and continued to shovel food into his mouth.
I looked down at my plate and realized I had barely eaten anything. I had worked with a dietician in the hospital, and she had put me on a strict diet to help me build up my muscles and stamina through my recovery. If she saw my plate right now, she’d be giving me that look.
I cut a bite off of the pork chop that one of the guys had grilled, and I swirled it in my mashed potatoes before I put it up to my mouth. After the first chew, I moaned, the perfect flavor of the meat melding just right with the buttery mashed potatoes.
“Jesus, Royal, you can cook.” I took another big bite and savored it. “I’ve missed home-cooked food. Shirley brought me some food every chance she got, but it’s not the same as sitting at home and eating with family.”
“See. You are family, Lena. You’re not leaving us.” Chess shrugged. “If it doesn’t work out with you and Finn, you’ll have to choose one of us to start things up with. I suggest Angus. He’s the quietest and he’ll let you read in silence.”
I looked over at Angus and saw that he looked a little grossed out at the idea. I pulled a bite off my roll and threw it at him. When it bounced off his cheek, he looked up at me and shrugged.
“You just don’t do it for me. You’re like a sister or something.” Angus shivered and then looked at Royal. “You’re oldest right under Finn. You take Lena.”
“Nope. I’ve got myself a date this weekend, and it would be hard to tell her that I’ve already got a sister wife.”
“That is so fucking gross. All of you.” I looked around the table and watched Ronan as he picked up his phone and smiled at the text he received. “What are you guys laughing at on your phones?”
“Finn is scouring four counties looking for you. He’s hit up all three cab companies, and they have no record of picking you up. He’s sort of losing his mind right now.” Tavin chuckled. “How long are we going to let him go like this?”
“Until he learns that I’m not a fucking china doll. Six weeks?” I said, right before I put another bite in my mouth.
“Cruel woman.” Chess smiled at me. “Let’s say three hours. Give it until ten-thirty?”
“Eleven.” I growled. “In the morning.”
✽✽✽
FINN
It had been two hours since Lena had left my house in a huff, and I couldn’t find her anywhere. It couldn’t be easy to hide a woman on crutches and two dogs, but she had disappeared into thin air. My brothers had all said that they hadn’t driven her anywhere, and the cab companies had no record of her fare.
Where in the hell could she be?
My mind went to all sorts of scenarios that had her in a ditch somewhere or kidnapped by some serial killer, maybe even c
rying alone in a hotel room. Well, maybe not crying, because she had been pissed when she left my house. I would bet money that the tears had dried up by now, and the anger was in full force.
I had fucked up. In a really big way, kind of fucked up. I realized about three minutes after she walked out that she thought I was trying to save her because I couldn’t save my sister.
That was bullshit. I was trying to help her because she was the love of my fucking life, and I had almost lost her. I wanted her to get well, regain her strength and then be by my side for the rest of our lives.
I wavered back and forth between anger and fear, one minute pissed that she’d leave me and the next minute terrified that she wouldn’t come back.
I pulled over to the side of the road and called Royal. After three rings, he answered the phone, and I noticed that he was out of breath.
“What’s up?” He greeted me. I could hear laughter in the background and then I heard a door shut before there was complete silence.
“Are the guys there?” I asked him. Now I was really pissed. Royal stayed home to take care of the kids, and when I had sent messages to each of my other brothers, none of them had answered me. I had assumed that all of them were involved in something else, out with friends or shit, I don’t know, sleeping or something. I had never considered the idea that they were ignoring me.
“Who?” Royal asked, feigning innocence.
“Our brothers, fucker. Are they at your house?”
“Why would you think that?”
“Are they at your fucking house, Royal?” I growled.
The asshole laughed at me. I started forming a good defense to give to the judge after I ripped my brother’s fucking arm off and beat him to death with it.
“Why the hell aren’t they answering their phones? I need help looking for Lena, goddammit!” I yelled.
The fucker laughed even harder.