“Good job I’m self-assured, isn’t it?” Caitlin murmured to the assembled crowd. “That’s all I’ve been hearing all night.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Luke said as he gestured towards the sales desk where people were thronging to get more information and money was being exchanged for paintings.
“Oh, here she is now,” Caitlin said. “Sarah, can you come over here? There’s someone I’d very much like you to meet.”
I looked just in time to see someone wearing a purple crocheted hat coming towards me only to be steered in a different direction by one of the door attendants.
“Oh dear, she must be needed elsewhere,” Caitlin said apologetically. “She’s creating quite a stir.”
I had to resist the urge to stamp my feet and flap my arms against my thighs in the manner of a bad-tempered toddler as I was now desperate to meet her.
Mammy and Gabriel approached at that stage and distracted me from my annoyance.
“I just very nearly got speaking to Sarah,” I said. “Have you seen her stuff? Oh my God, it is out of this world. I could move into that room and admire her work forever.”
“I’m in sympathy, dawling,” Gabriel drawled in an affected voice. “I could move into Darryl’s room and admire him forever although I have to say that the doorman is quite cute and available as well if his flirting is anything to go by.”
“Ha!” I said loudly, startling half the people beside me and making one woman slosh her wine out of her glass and onto her dress.
“Ruby, must you shout?” Mammy enquired whilst giving me the cold shoulder and smoothing down her hair (and effectively trying to let on that she didn’t know me).
“Sorry. I just love being right.” (Even though I didn’t need it, I had a radar too it would seem. That could be a cause for concern actually.) Caitlin attracted my attention for a second time by waving at me from the other side of the room and beckoning for me to follow her.
“Come with me now, Ruby,” she called. “She was about to leave but I told her to wait for a few minutes until she got to meet her newest and most fervent fan.”
I practically climbed over four people and stampeded over two others in my haste to join Caitlin.
“Where is she?” I said breathlessly.
“Ruby, I’m sorry, this was obviously not meant to be.” She pointed to the window and I followed the direction of her finger which indicated a car into which the same hat-wearing woman was climbing.
“For feck sake!” I said loudly, attracting the attention of the whole room. “What is she? Plain rude or publicity shy or what?”
“She is actually very publicity shy,” a man answered in response to my outburst.
I recognised him as the gentleman who had served us the day that I had bought Mammy her Sunset Across the Bay picture. “She very rarely comes out to meet anyone.”
“Oh great, so not only did I not get to meet her tonight but now you’re telling me that the chances of me ever seeing her again are next to none. Great. Just great. I feel like a groupie who has narrowly missed getting a ride in the tour bus. Metaphorically speaking,” I added quickly as eyebrows shot up around the room.
“Listen, don’t worry, pet. I’ll sort something out,” Luke said, squeezing my arm.
I sighed with disappointment and then started to feel truly sorry for myself as I remembered that my wedding reception was now in tatters and that I was still a poor abandoned baby who nobody loved (slight exaggeration as my mother and fiancé were both standing beside me but if I was going to go down the road of complete self-annihilation I might as well do it properly and air all my woes).
“Have you seen everything you wanted?” Luke asked, packing his camera back into its case.
“Let me just go and have one last look at Sarah’s display,” I said before tearing off in the direction of the room which held the pictures that I wanted to burn into my memory forever.
Luke came to get me after fifteen minutes had passed and I was still staring open-mouthed at the splendour in front of me.
“We need to go, love.”
“Okay, pet. I’m coming.”
“No, you need to come now. Mandy has just arrived but she won’t talk to me. She’s insisting that she needs to speak to you.”
“Mandy has driven all the way from Belfast just to speak to me?”
I rushed out to the entrance and grabbed my coat, before tearing out to where I found Mandy looking ashen and shaken.
“What’s the matter?” I demanded.
“Luke is going to have the mother and father of all fits, Ruby,” she said through her tears.
“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad,” I said, linking arms with her, wondering what her parents had done now – I knew it had to be something to do with them. “You ought to have been in my shoes today. Feckin bloody hotel where we were going to have the reception got blown up and I just missed the opportunity to meet my newest art icon.”
“Ruby, listen to me. It’s really bad.”
“What is it?”
“Mum and Dad phoned me again.”
“Tell them to feck away off!” I said angrily.
“I would, Ruby, only it’s a bit late for that.”
“Why?” I asked slowly, hardly daring to breathe.
“Hello, Tommy,” an irritating voice said behind me.
Only one person called me ‘Tommy’ – for ‘tomato head’.
“I’m sure since your own father’s dead you won’t mind giving your future father-in-law a big slobbery kiss.”
Chapter 46
“Please tell me that I’m in the middle of a desperate nightmare that I’ll wake up from eventually, hoarse from screaming blue murder and in a cold sweat,” I said in a controlled voice.
I grabbed hold of Mandy and steered her round the corner to the side of the art gallery and demanded an explanation.
“What the hell are you doing here and why did you bring them? Not exactly smart when you know how annoyed Luke is likely to be.”
“I got a phone call this afternoon asking that I pick them up from the airport, and I thought it best to bring them here because Daddy has a key to your house and was talking about staying there until you and Luke came back in the morning and, no matter how annoyed you both are now, I think that that would have been worse.”
“How the hell did he get a key?” I demanded.
“He said that he got one cut the last time they were here.”
I blew out in frustration and could hardly believe the brass neck of the pair of them. How dare they land unexpectedly like this?
“We’ve had enough bad news for one day. I can do without this,” I said.
“We’d better go back to them in case Luke comes out,” Mandy said.
I took a deep breath and we went back.
“Well, isn’t this nice?” Fred Reilly announced in a thick slightly slurred voice, roughly gathering Mandy to him in a bear-hug.
He reeked of alcohol and I was amazed that he had been allowed to board a plane in that state. The airports definitely should have been warned that they were coming and extra security measures taken. I could just imagine Luke’s mother being manhandled into a secure area to be searched. Only problem was that the old lush would probably enjoy it too much (young virile men in uniforms everywhere beware).
“Nice? Strangely enough not a word I would have used,” I said through clenched teeth.
“That’s not quite the welcome we were expecting,” sniffed Beverley Reilly. “Not considering that we’re about to accept you into the bosom of our family.”
I had to sit down on a nearby wall to stop myself from falling over. “Believe me, when I agreed to join your family, Beverley, neither you nor your husband were the main attractions.”
I couldn’t feckin believe this. Not only did they have the cheek to arrive unannounced but it seemed that they were disgruntled that there wasn’t some type of fanfare awaiting them. They also appeared to b
e completely deluded as to their own importance.
“Where’s Luke?” Fred demanded. “We must see him and talk about the sleeping arrangements.”
“Sleeping arrangements?”
“We’d like to stay for a little while,” Beverley chirruped. “It’s not every day that your only son gets married and we’d like to be here for him.”
I wondered had she undergone brain surgery (specialist surgeon required for a brain so tiny) or a personality transplant since the last unpleasant meeting, as she had never been there for her son in his life before so what exactly was the point in starting now?
“You should go away and come back again nearer the time then,” I snapped. “The wedding isn’t for another few months.” (Mental note to self: destroy all written statements pertaining to the wedding and tell manky in-laws that the event is happening in June as opposed to May. Also ensure that there’s a bomb scare at the airport the next time they try and visit.)
“That’s not a problem. We’re here to stay. No point in coming all this way if you’re not going to make a proper trip of it.”
“I beg your pardon? What the hell do you mean you’re ‘here to stay’?” I demanded. I could feel the panic rising inside me and was trying not to react too much as I was fearful that a) Mandy might pass out and b) that if I actually did what I wanted to do and banged their two heads together and then drop-kicked them back to where they came from, it might attract just a little too much attention.
“It’s not uncommon for parents to want to come and visit their children, is it?” Beverley said in a superior voice.
“Normal parents usually try to take an active interest in their child’s life the whole way through and not only when it suits them or when they need something,” I hissed.
“She always was a bit of a drama queen, wasn’t she?” Fred said, looking at me coldly.
“And bad-tempered and highly strung. Our Luke could have done a lot better really. Got somebody a bit more like himself.”
I wondered if the smoke that I sensed billowing out of my ears was visible to everybody?
“Someone like him, Beverley?” I asked in an icy voice. “And what exactly is your son like? Please tell me as I’d be really interested in hearing your analysis of your son’s personality, especially given the fact that you hardly know him and only ever show up like the proverbial bad penny when you’re looking for something.”
The silence that ensued was not due to an awkward intake of breath resulting from shock at being snapped at but because Fred (arsehole drunkard) was too busy swigging from a tin to respond and Beverley didn’t answer because she had just clocked the hunky doorman that Gabriel had expressed a liking for and was now standing bolt upright and sticking her well-padded boobs out as far as she could.
“Go ahead, Beverley, see if you can convert him. I’m sure the poor guy will be thanking his lucky stars that he bats for the other team when he sees you staring at him with your slutty eyes and lopsided chest.”
Mandy intervened before anything more could be said and attempted to persuade her parents to wait in the car.
“Why?” Beverley asked in a peeved voice.
“Are we going?” Fred asked. “Where’s the party? I could be doing with another drink.”
“Just come on,” Mandy said, obviously upset, as she steered them towards her car.
“Ruby, what the hell is going on out here? The whole place is at a standstill in there as the party now seems to be outside and Caitlin’s asking questions. Where’s Mandy? Has something happened?”
I prayed that Mandy had acted in time and that Luke hadn’t seen anything but of course that would have been too easy.
“Ruby, this is not a game. This is a very important night in my career. I could get a lot of work through Caitlin and her contacts and you skulking about out here whilst being heard screeching like an alley cat is not exactly the image I want to project. What the hell is wrong with you now?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and wondered why God Above seemed to have it in for us all. What the hell was the deal with families and why did they have to be so troublesome? When you’re small you’re led to believe that your family is the most important thing in the world. They are the ones who are supposed to look after you, encourage you to do well, protect you from all harm. Yet from where I was standing all they did was lie to you, cause no end of trouble and arrive at the most inopportune times and have your fiancé blame the whole sorry mess squarely on you even though it wasn’t your fault and you’d rather be anywhere else in the world.
“I’m sorry, Luke. Mandy has a few problems and she wasn’t sure how to deal with them so together we’re working on a solution.”
“Could you try and do it quietly?” he asked in an incredulous voice. “Honestly, does everything have to be such a drama?”
“Didn’t I tell you she was a drama queen?” Luke’s mother chose that particular moment to pipe up and make her presence felt as she escaped from Mandy’s grip and headed straight for her son.
I closed one eye and tried not to make visual contact with Luke as I wanted to avoid seeing the panic in his face.
“That’s not exactly the welcome I was expecting from my boy,” Beverley said as she stepped forward and grabbed Luke, pulling him to her ample bosom.
Luke stared at me, apoplectic with horror, and I put my arm around Mandy who had started to cry and was now shaking uncontrollably.
“Cheers, everybody! It’s good to be home!” Fred Reilly announced as we heard the ring being pulled on another can and he continued to guzzle his beer.
Luke pushed his mother away and stared angrily at his parents.
“Did you know about this, Mandy?” he demanded.
“Luke, it’s not her fault,” I said in a stage whisper. “Have you ever tried reasoning with your mother and father?”
“So let me get this straight. Obviously, seeing as they are here and knew where to find us and now you’re indicating that there was reasoning to be done, you all knew about this but nobody told me. Care to enlighten me as to why not?”
“Because you mightn’t take it very well,” I said in a dull tone, waiting for the eruption that was bound to come at any second.
Trouble only came in threes, didn’t it? Or did it? Because right at that moment I saw Judith McQueen arrive with her suited gentleman friend in tow and of course she was visibly delighted to note that the world seemed to have blown up around my ears.
Chapter 47
I found myself in the unfamiliar position of wanting to calm someone else down. So this is what it felt like trying to deal with me.
“Luke, don’t panic. We’ll sort this mess out.”
“Mess? Well, I suppose that’s one word you could use to describe them,” Luke hissed. “What the hell are you doing imposing yourselves on us like this?” He walked over to his sister and put a protective arm around her. “She doesn’t deserve this crap and neither do I. We’ve been through enough thanks to your behaviour and we don’t want to know any more.”
Luke let Mandy go, then pulled out his wallet and dug out his bank card. “How much?” he demanded. “How much will it take to get you out of our lives once and for all? You can take it all as far as I’m concerned. It would be money well spent.”
“You’d think you were an abused child the way you’re carrying on,” his mother commented, not seeming to notice how desperately upset her son was.
“Don’t you dare try and make light of my feelings, Mother,” Luke responded. “I grew up in a house where I didn’t know where my father was nor what state he was going to arrive home in. It was so humiliating and embarrassing to have other kids comment on what a drunken disgrace your father was –”
“Now just you wait one minute,” Fred Reilly started to bumble. “You might be a big lad now but I could still take my belt off to you if I wanted.”
“Really?” Luke spat. “Do you think you could focus on it for long enough to actually see w
hat you’re doing or would you perhaps be seeing double?”
Beverley Reilly was standing stock still when her son rounded on her and instinctively she went to hide behind her daughter for protection except that her daughter didn’t seem keen to get involved. Mandy stepped aside and left her mother at the mercy of her brother who was now foaming at the mouth in bad temper.
“And as for you, what sort of an excuse for a human being puts herself about so much that her children get laughed at for having the village bike for a mother?”
“How dare you!”
“Shut your stupid great mouth and listen very carefully to what he has to say, Mother!” Mandy shouted. Her eyes were wild, her hair had come loose from the clip that was holding it and her knuckles were white from the pressure of trying to control herself.
“You come here, you great hypocrite, pretending to care about my wedding!” yelled Luke. “Tell me this, Mother. What’s my favourite food? Where do I work? What’s Mandy’s favourite colour? Where does she do her grocery shopping? Does she have a boyfriend? Do you realise that your daughter now concentrates all her efforts on writing about the lives of other people because she can’t bear to think about her own? She gains great satisfaction from reporting on everyone else because then people actually notice her and pay her some attention. It’s just a pity that her own mother could never do that!”
I was stunned at Luke’s insight about Mandy and, when I thought back to all the years that she had spent gossiping about the rest of us within the college, I suddenly understood it.
His mother stood open-mouthed in shock as did everyone else. We had attracted quite a crowd outside and I could see Caitlin O’Donnell looking confused and perplexed through the window. Mammy, Donal and Robbie were also peering out, no doubt wondering what the commotion was about, and I prayed that they would stay where they were. There were already too many people involved.
“Luke, I know that your father and I may not have been perfect parents but really there’s no need to make such a –”
“Perfect parents!” Luke spat. “If there was an award for having been the worst, most useless parents in the world I think you both would most definitely be in with a fighting chance of getting the crown.”
Anyone for Me? Page 26