Noah stares at me for a moment and I wonder whether he knows I’m kidding. I think I’m kidding. Although, if I decide to abdicate, China might be the only place I could really escape evian politics.
“My dad’ll probably be a bit shocked, but sure. Why not?”
I exhale. “I’m kidding Noah. I can’t really run away to China. It’s the middle of the school year, for one.”
“I really would take you back with me for a visit as your boon. And we could see a bit of the world on the way, if you want. Paris and Rome, and don’t let’s forget Venice. Maybe even Prague.”
Now I know he’s kidding. But going on vacation with someone sounds nice. Too nice to be real. Visiting places, snapping photos, seeing sights like a normal person. “Would you really want to travel with me?”
Noah’s not as tall as Edam, but he’s taller than me by a few inches at least. Our relative similarity of height means his face is already hovering near mine when he says, “Say the word and we’ll leave tomorrow.” His breath blows warmly over my face.
“The word.”
Noah’s grinning when his mouth lowers toward mine, but surprisingly I don’t feel his perfect teeth when he kisses me. When his lips press against mine, all I feel is a soft fullness. I close my eyes and sigh against him. His arms circle my waist.
My heart goes on vacation, which is fine. Heartbeats are overrated.
I turn toward Noah’s warmth, my hands balling up the fabric of his t-shirt. It’s soft, and I release it and splay my hands against his chest. He’s bulkier than I would have guessed, corded muscles taut underneath his shirt. When he pulls back abruptly, I’m dizzy. His eyes dance as he shifts slightly and nibbles on the edge of my mouth. When he presses tiny kisses down my jaw to my neck, I gasp. He’s smiling again when his hands cup my face and pull my mouth back to his. I want to fall into this exact moment in this exact place forever.
This is why people want to live a thousand years.
It has taken me seventeen years to figure this out, but not all moments are created equal. Some stretch, some fly by, and some drag miserably on and on. But some moments, like this one, make the rest worth it.
Maybe I should try to convince him to return to China with me and never look back.
Loud, punctuating explosions above my head pulverize my thoughts. I leap away from Noah, eyes searching the sky for a split second, until I recognize the sound. Fireworks. I watch the sky blossom with a sense of wonder. “Wow. Tell me you didn’t plan that.”
He points behind me. “I wish I had that kind of game, but no, that’s nothing more than garden variety luck. They’re rededicating Lady Liberty after the work they had to do fixing the torch. I don’t know why that thing has so many issues, but I forgot about the fireworks entirely until this very moment.”
“Bartholdi was a little bit in love with my mom, you know. That’s why—” I choke and cough. What am I saying? Noah would think I’m crazy.
“Huh?”
Maybe he doesn’t even know who Bartholdi is. “Nothing,” I say.
He leans back and puts a little space between us. “If you want to talk about your mom, I’m happy to listen. About anything. Whatever.”
I look down at where our fingers are still interlocked. “I don’t.”
“That’s fine, too.”
I look up at the fireworks and then down at the reflections of light the explosions cast on Noah’s perfect profile. “They’re beautiful, but the kiss didn’t need them.”
He leans closer and closer until any less space would make my eyes cross. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the minute I saw you, all overdressed and lost. Now that I finally have, I don’t want to stop.”
“Then don’t.”
He pulls my mouth back to his and my hands tighten on his shirt again.
“What the hell?”
Edam’s standing at the bottom of the dock, fists clenched. “Your sister called. It’s time to get home, Rebecca.”
Noah drops me and steps backward. He inadvertently stumbles against the edge of the dock and almost falls in, pinwheeling his arms to keep his balance. It might have been comical under other circumstances.
“I thought you were kidding about chaperoning,” Noah says. “How’d you even get my address?”
Edam ignores Noah. “Let’s go.”
“Umm, did I miss something? Is Coach Renfro taking you home?”
“I should probably have admitted to knowing him earlier, but he’s friends with my much older sister, the one who enrolled Laura and me.” I force a laugh. “I’m pretty sure that’s how he got the job.”
Noah straightens up and reaches for my hand. I let him take it. “So you know him, like outside of Trinity?”
I nod. “Yeah, I just didn’t want to start off at a new school as like, the friend of a teacher.”
“Seriously,” Edam barks. “I can’t risk angering your big sister. She is my patron.”
Noah turns back to Edam. “What’s your problem? Geez. It’s barely after ten. I get that it’s late for a school night, but it’s not like, epically late. She hasn’t had a drop of alcohol. I’d think you’d be glad she’s getting to know some of the kids at her new school.”
“Getting to know them?” Edam glances around. “The only person I see here is you.”
“I’m the best of the bunch.” Noah tilts his head in a particularly arrogant way.
Edam glances down to where I’m holding Noah’s hand and his anger morphs into something else, an emotion I recognize, though I’ve never seen it on Edam’s face.
He’s hurt.
I drop Noah’s hand and take a step toward Edam. “It’s not what you think.”
Edam stiffens. “I wouldn’t dare think anything at all.”
I reach out to touch his arm and he steps back. I drop my hand and my shoulders slump.
“Uh, what’s going on?” Noah glances at Edam before he says, “You don’t act like a friend of her much older sister.” Noah looks at me and then back at Edam and I can see when the realization dawns in his eyes. “You guys are involved somehow, aren’t you?” His lip curls. “Ewww. I mean, how old are you exactly? Does her sister know?”
I don’t say anything and neither does Edam.
“Wait, are you here with me to make him jealous?” Noah looks from Edam to me and back again. “Because that’s messed up.”
My tone is strong, commanding even, when I order Edam. “I’ll meet you at the car. Grab Laura and give me a minute to talk to him. Now.”
Edam hesitates, but finally he nods and heads for the group of teenagers, ostensibly to collect Lark.
“Noah, we aren’t involved,” I say, “but Edam’s not that much older than me. He just finished college and since my mom died, we’ve gotten close. That’s all.”
Noah laughs. “Man, Trinity’s PE department cannot catch a break. This guy’s worse than the last one. But I owe you a favor, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He tilts his head. “This is significantly less awesome than a long, transcontinental vacation would have been.”
I turn to leave.
Noah puts his hand on my arm. “Tell me one thing?”
“What?”
“I kiss better than the old man, right?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“You don’t know because you haven’t kissed him? Or because you can’t decide?”
I’m smiling when I walk away.
Noah grumbles behind me. “Oh, come on.”
Edam’s waiting for me in the back of the Toyota Land Cruiser he borrowed, but he is most certainly not grinning, smirking, or smiling. Lark’s sitting in the middle of the bench seat, and she tries to catch my eye, but I’m too tired to deal with it. I climb into the seat, lean my head against the window, and close my eyes.
No one speaks on the drive back. I’m frankly surprised that Lark doesn’t interrogate me. It might mean she had an interesting night of her own, but I don’t have the bandwidth to figure that out either.
/> Once we reach Alora’s, I leap from the car and race up the front step. I don’t even realize Edam kept up with me until my hand is on the doorknob to my room.
Edam’s door creaks behind me.
I jump. “Geez, how did you get up here so fast?”
“I’m evian too,” he says.
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
“What’s the big deal?” I ask.
Edam slams his hand against the solid wood door in front of him and the entire frame trembles. “What’s the big deal?”
“Yeah,” I ask. “What are you so mad about? I’m trying to make some big decisions here, and I need you to lay off the smoldering fury.”
“You’re making your big decisions based on what? On how good a kisser the human is? What exactly is that going to help you decide?”
“Are you kidding right now?” I clench my fists but resist the urge to hit anything. I’m not that juvenile. “My choices are to go back and fight my sister and possibly die, or, best case, kill her, my own twin, my blood. Or, in a shocking turn, I could choose to abdicate and if I hide well enough, I can lead a normal life, which for the record, is the life I’ve always wanted. And if I do that, I’ll be dating, Edam. I’ll be looking for someone to spend my time with. Don’t you think it’s important for me to find out whether any of the humans will even like me?”
“Like you?” He snorts. “You’re perfect! You have luminous hair, a face that would make an angel weep, long legs, and not an ounce of fat on you. Even so, you have perfect curves, high cheekbones and the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. The humans will fall all over themselves to pursue you. Even among evians, you’re smarter, funnier, stronger, and faster than everyone else. Guys will literally collapse at your feet if you abdicate.”
“You’re acting like that’s a bad thing. I’ve spent my whole life being not quite good enough, so what you’re describing sounds a little like heaven.”
“You’re asking the wrong questions, Chancy, researching the wrong things.”
“What should I be asking?”
“Whether you like any of them. That’s what you should be trying to figure out.”
“That’s what I said!”
He shakes his head. “Everyone at Trinity can see Noah likes you. But do you want to spend your life with him?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “He’s the only person I’ve ever kissed and—”
“I’m sorry, that’s one of your arguments for abdicating?” Edam asks.
“Of course not. That would be stupid.”
His voice drops. It’s raspy when he says, “Someone should do something about that. You need some way to compare.” He crosses the hall in an instant, towering over me.
When I look up at his face, time warps and buckles all around me. I know in my brain that seconds continue to tick by, but instead of rolling past, they tumble into a pile on the floor. Because now we’ve stepped into a strange alternate reality, where the guy of my dreams is paying me compliments and looking at me like he needs me to breathe.
Every time I’ve imagined a kiss, it’s been with Edam. Every time I’ve thought about pressing my fingers against the stubble on a man’s chin, his perfectly carved face comes to mind. Every time I’ve made up a dreamy future, my boyfriend wears Edam’s face.
He’s the strongest man I know. He’s the bravest guy I’ve met. He’s the most powerful fighter Alamecha can boast. And he’s looking at me hungrily, like a panther who’s done playing fetch and is ready to pounce.
Noah leaned toward me slowly. Noah pressed his lips against me gently. Noah gave me time to object, to move away, to stop him.
Edam comes after me like he does in training, but this time, his hands pull me closer instead of thrusting me away. His mouth closes over mine from above, angling down hard, capturing my lips with his own. My sigh is lost in the heat of his body, pressed against me from knees to lips. My fingers run over the hard planes of his chest, and down to his abdominal muscles. My knees buckle, but his arm wraps around to hold me up. My teeth bite his lip with the knowledge I can’t hurt him.
No matter what I do, no matter how much I give or take, Edam won’t break.
When he finally pulls away and takes a step back, I notice that the doorframe where his free hand rested now boasts a handprint. Edam crumpled the solid wood of my door during our kiss. I bring my fingers up to brush against my mouth. My lips are swollen, but they’re already healing.
I wish they wouldn’t. Because I want to see evidence of this moment when I look in the mirror. I want to know that the world is different than it was, and for the first time in a long time, better.
“Abdicate if you must, but do it with all the information.” Edam’s gaze dips to my lips and then lifts back to my eyes. Then he slips through his door and closes it behind him.
Great. I’m never going to be able to sleep now.
24
The next morning, I wake up early. My hands shake when I pull my pants on. My breathing hitches when I yank my shirt down over my head. I’m not tired; I slept fine. But memories from last night flood my mind, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to look at Edam during our training session. I open my door a crack first, and then when I don’t see or hear any sign of him, I swing it open all the way, my eyes drawn to Edam’s handprint on the doorframe. I trace the indentations in the wood with my fingertips.
What do I do now? I can’t stand here in the hallway, swooning over last night. Maybe I’ll head for the training room early and run through forms for a while before our session starts.
But when I reach the ballroom, Edam’s already there. He picks up a sword and meets my gaze steadily. The jittery feeling just under my skin intensifies. Will he kiss me again? Will he pretend it never happened? He crosses the room one step at a time, his eyes never leaving mine. As he approaches, my heart races embarrassingly. I know he can hear it, because I hear his thumping steadily along in his chest.
“Obviously you’re not nervous this morning,” I say.
“Or maybe I’m always nervous around you,” he says. “So you can’t tell a difference.”
He’s teasing me.
I like it.
He stops a little too close and leans over and around me, his palm pressing against the wall behind me for support. His free hand holds a sword loosely at his side, but instead of being menacing, somehow it’s exhilarating.
Will he kiss me again? Will I be able to fight him? After that kiss, I don’t see how I could. His head dips toward me, and a pit opens up in the bottom of my stomach. I swallow and turn up to face him.
“Pick your weapons,” he whispers, and then he spins away.
My fingers tremble as I run them over the hilts in front of me. Anger floods into the abyss in my belly opened by desire. What’s wrong with him? Why didn’t he kiss me? Maybe he didn’t enjoy it last night, not like I did. My hands close around the hilts of two swords. Not a long and short sword, not this time. I’ve chosen a pair of evenly weighted swords, not too long, but not short either. I turn back toward Edam with a scowl on my face.
Edam’s blade flashes as he arcs it toward me, and I bring up both my swords to block. Instead of leaving me unwilling to attack like I feared, something about last night increases the energy of our sparring. Edam decimates me like always, but I’m faster, and I’m healing quicker still.
“Progress, right?” I ask at the end, afraid of his answer.
“You’re doing better,” he says. “Much better. A week may not be quite long enough, but you’ve improved faster than I’d have thought possible. Who knows what you may be capable of?”
A week might not be long enough.
“You know,” he says, “the day your mom died was probably the worst day of your life.”
I lean against the weapon rack. “It was.”
“And I’m sorrier than you can know. But for me, it was the first time I’ve had hope in a long time.”
“Excuse me?”
>
“Not because of your mom,” he says, “but when I found out that she changed the paperwork. I never picked Judica, you know. She picked me, and it wasn’t like I really had a choice. I mean, I dumped her, and she was going to execute me for it.”
True.
“But when I heard the paperwork had been changed and you were the new Empress instead of her, I couldn’t believe it. I know you feel like you’re not savage enough to rule and maybe that’s true by comparison to other rulers. I even get why the empresses act the way they do. It’s a kill or be killed world. But the evian system is messed up. Something has to change, and Judica’s a one-way ticket to the status quo. You’re Door Number Two. No one’s quite sure what might lie behind it, but I’m not afraid to find out. I’m exhilarated.”
The same word I’d just used to describe my feelings about him. And I agree with what he’s saying on so many levels. Exiling evians and kicking out half-evians from our society must stop. We’ve also allowed humans to form into patriarchal societies all over the world because men follow rules easier, but it’s suppressed billions of human women. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Without talking to others, I’ll never find out how many things must be changed or come up with the best solutions. Which is why I ask, “What would you prioritize?”
“I get that women’s bodies don’t experience deletions to their eggs as they age. It means you’ll have as genetically perfect a child in nine hundred years as you’ll have now. But that shouldn’t mean that the opinions of men don’t matter. Male evians have become expendable commodities. We’re literally bought and sold like stallions for breeding stock. Did you know your mother paid six times for me what she paid for anyone else because I’m seventh generation, same as you? Doesn’t that bother you? Like our worth has nothing to do with who we are, and everything to do with what we are?”
My jaw drops. I’ve been thinking about female humans for years, but I hadn’t even considered the injustices to evian males. Human men mistreat and abuse women because they’re stronger. But with evians, the genders are much closer in strength. Since our royal families sell their boys at birth to ensure loyalty, it leaves them without a support system, further weakening their power. My mom hated the system, but not enough to eschew following it.
Displaced (The Birthright Series Book 1) Page 28