‘It sounds just fine, Paolo,’ she replied, forcing her mouth into what she hoped was a grateful smile.
Paolo studied Rosanna’s face and read her thoughts immediately. ‘Rosanna, please don’t think we’re trying to hold you back, but I’ve seen too many promising young sopranos pushed into the spotlight before they’re really ready. They burn out by the time they’re thirty. Your voice is a precious thing, Rosanna, and neither Riccardo nor I wish to push you, or it, too far and too fast. My plan might not be as glamorous as some of the other offers you’ve had, but you must gain experience and be allowed to make mistakes unseen.’
‘Of course.’ Rosanna nodded. ‘I do understand, Paolo, really I do.’
‘And in a year’s time, I hope you will make your debut here. I’m thinking of opening next season with La Bohème. You would, of course, play Mimi and we might try to entice Roberto Rossini to play Rodolfo.’
Rosanna’s eyes lit up. ‘Mimi in La Bohème has always been my dream.’
‘Good. So, all is settled, apart from what we shall pay you,’ Paolo continued. ‘Again, it will not be as much as you could earn if you were playing the lead at the Met in New York, but believe me, Rosanna, there will be no shortage of money for you in the future. I think the amount of four hundred thousand lire for the season should cover your needs adequately, plus there will be overtime and performance payments. Is that acceptable?’
‘Yes, it’s more than generous, thank you.’
‘And Rosanna, if at any point you feel unhappy, please don’t hesitate to come and talk to me. Remember, we’re doing this for you as well as us. So, will you accept our offer?’
Little did Paolo know that he had just dangled the perfect carrot. Rosanna was still lost in thoughts of singing La Bohème with Roberto Rossini in a year’s time. ‘Yes. Thank you, Paolo, for everything.’
‘Then I’m very happy. And I think you should find some friends and have a drink to celebrate.’
‘I will! Oh, I will! Paolo, before I go, could I ask you one thing?’
‘Of course.’
‘Will Abi Holmes be joining the company? I promise not to breathe a word,’ she added.
‘She’s your close friend, isn’t she?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then I can confirm she will be, so you won’t be parted just yet.’
‘I’m so pleased for her and for me!’ Rosanna clasped her hands together, happy that the picture of her immediate future was now complete. ‘Thank you again, Paolo.’
When Rosanna had left his office, Paolo breathed a private sigh of relief. He hadn’t been sure whether she would agree to his proposal. And if putting Abi Holmes in the company kept his protégée happy, then he would find a space for her in the back row of the chorus. Rosanna was going to need all the support she could get in the next few years. At present, she was innocently unaware of the seething undercurrent of jealousy and competition that existed backstage between rival singers. Rosanna would have to develop a tough outer shell if she was to take her rightful place at the top of her profession. She had a lot to learn and joining the company would be a rude awakening.
‘To us!’ said Abi.
‘To you both,’ added Luca.
Three glasses clinked against each other for the umpteenth time that evening. The small table in Rosanna and Luca’s apartment was now littered with the remnants of their impromptu celebration, as the two girls toasted the good news.
‘I just can’t believe Paolo has actually put me in the company!’ exclaimed Abi. ‘I nearly fainted when he called me in to tell me. I was on the verge of packing my bags, and I know my parents were expecting me home in England at any moment.’
‘So you are pleased after all? I thought you didn’t care whether you had a career as an opera singer,’ said Rosanna.
Abi threw her hands up in a gesture of mock despair as she turned to Luca. ‘My God, your sister can be naive at times. Of course I wanted a place in the company, but I was protecting myself against rejection, pretending it didn’t matter. It’s the British way, you know. Not showing your true feelings; stiff upper lip and all that. Unlike you emotional Italians, who wear your hearts on your sleeves. Well’ – Abi eyed Luca impishly – ‘at least most of you do.’
‘And what exactly do you mean by that, young lady?’ asked Luca, chuckling gently, for once allowing himself to be drawn into the light-hearted banter.
‘My brother, he is the deep horse,’ intoned Rosanna in her best English.
‘“Dark” horse, actually,’ Abi giggled. ‘Yes, you are, aren’t you, Luca?’
Luca shrugged good-naturedly. ‘If you say so, Abi.’
‘I do.’ She drained the last mouthful of wine from her glass. ‘Pity the bottle’s empty. I could have downed plenty more tonight.’
‘We’ve shared two already. Remember what Paolo says about alcohol and your voice,’ said Rosanna primly.
‘I know, I know,’ Abi sighed. ‘And I suppose that now I’m a bona fide member of the company, and might possibly have a future as a singer, I have to start taking these things seriously. What a bore!’
Rosanna stifled a yawn.
‘Oh look, the little soloist is weary,’ Abi teased her. ‘Listen, why don’t you go to bed and we’ll clear up in here, won’t we, Luca?’
‘If you’re sure you don’t mind. I must admit I’m a little tired.’ A frown of worry crossed Rosanna’s brow. ‘I hope I’m not getting a cold. I have my first lesson with Riccardo on Monday.’
‘Oh, listen to the diva! You see, it’s all downhill from here, Luca,’ Abi commented with feigned sarcasm. ‘And this is only the beginning of her prima donna tendencies: there’ll be neuroses over the state of her health, she’ll complain about the whiff of cigarette smoke wafting to her delicate nostrils from one hundred yards away, the—’
A cushion from the sofa landed squarely on Abi’s chest. ‘The diva is going to get her beauty sleep. Goodnight.’ Rosanna winked at Abi and left the sitting room.
Luca got to his feet and began ferrying dishes and glasses to the tiny kitchen, while Abi rummaged around in her overnight bag. ‘Look what I’ve found!’ she indicated as Luca came back into the room and she waved a bottle of brandy at him. ‘I’d forgotten I’d brought it,’ she lied smoothly. ‘Like some?’
‘No, thank you, Abi. I’ve had quite enough,’ Luca replied.
‘Don’t be so dull, Luca. This is a very special night and I shall be most offended if you won’t have a brandy to celebrate with me. Just a small one . . . please?’
‘Okay,’ he agreed reluctantly.
Luca watched as she filled a tumbler and handed it to him. He raised an eyebrow at the amount.
‘I’ll drink what you don’t want. Cheers,’ she said, taking a large gulp and sitting herself down on the sofa.
‘To you, Abi. Bravissima! I’m very pleased for you,’ smiled Luca.
‘Are you? I sometimes wonder whether you care for me at all,’ she said abruptly.
Luca was taken aback by her words. ‘That’s a silly thing to say. Abi, you should know that I consider you one of my closest friends.’
‘Yes, of course. Sorry.’ Abi, realising that she was already dangerously inebriated, changed the subject. ‘So, what will you do with yourself now Rosanna has come of age, so to speak? You’re being made redundant, aren’t you?’
‘Well, I think that’s an exaggeration. Rosanna will still need support and family around her as she joins the company.’
‘Yes, but she’s a grown woman now, Luca. Surely, you must have some idea of what you want to do with your future. Will you stay in Milan and continue to work in the café?’
‘No. That’s just to earn some money. I know exactly what I’m going to do.’ Luca sat down on the sofa and took a sip of the brandy.
‘Then tell me your plan. I’m dying to know. Open a restaurant, maybe?’
‘No,’ Luca smiled ruefully, ‘definitely not that.’
‘Okay, but surely one day you’
ll want to get married? Have a family?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Luca, may I ask you a personal question?’ Alcohol had given Abi the courage to probe further.
‘You can ask, but whether you get a reply or not is a different matter,’ Luca said evenly.
‘Okay. Well, why, during the years I’ve known you, have you never had a girlfriend? I mean . . . are you . . . do you . . . prefer men?’
Luca gave a sudden bark of surprised laughter. ‘Honestly, the questions you ask! No, Abi. Just because a man doesn’t have a woman it doesn’t mean he’s gay.’
‘Then, do you find me attractive?’ Abi found herself blurting out.
Luca studied the girl sitting next to him. Her lovely blonde hair fell becomingly around her oval face, her vivid blue eyes sparkled with life. He glanced involuntarily at the long, shapely legs curled up underneath her.
‘I think you’re very beautiful. I would have to be blind not to notice.’
‘Well,’ she said slowly, ‘if you like my company and you find me beautiful, why have you never tried to—’
‘Please! You shouldn’t ask me that.’ Luca stood up, walked over to the window and looked out at the still busy street. Couples were strolling hand in hand, meandering in the way that people do when they have no particular destination except each other. Luca felt a pang as he silently acknowledged that it was not his destiny to be like them. And if there was anyone he would choose, it was the girl he had grown so fond of . . . loved, in fact, sitting on the sofa behind him. He took another sip of his brandy and put his glass down on the windowsill. He knew he must be honest with Abi, and himself, for both of their sakes.
‘Luca, you must know how I feel about you, why I became involved with your church choir, why I virtually live at this apartment,’ she persisted.
‘I’d presumed it was because you’re my sister’s best friend and because you wanted to help.’ Luca turned to look at her.
‘Of course, of course,’ she reassured him quickly. ‘I adore Rosanna, she’s very precious to me. And I loved building and coaching the choir too. But surely you must see that there’s more to it than that?’
‘Abi, please, I don’t know what to say.’
There was a short silence as Abi drained her glass. It was now or never.
‘Luca, can I now tell you something? Something very private? I . . . I think I’m in love with you.’
Luca stared at her, misery etched on his face.
‘God, is that so terrible?’ she entreated him.
‘No, yes . . . I . . .’ He turned away again, his head bowed.
Abi stood up and walked slowly towards him. ‘Please, Luca, answer me truthfully. Can you honestly say you don’t feel anything for me?’
Abi moved closer until she stood right behind him. Finally he spoke. ‘No, I cannot.’
Abi’s fingers traced a pattern on his back.
‘Then kiss me.’
‘No . . . I . . .’ He turned round sharply, to find his face tantalisingly close to hers.
She pulled him towards her and put her lips to his. She could feel his tension easing as she teased his lips open with her own. Her arms wound round him and, finally, he began to respond.
Abi had lived this moment so many times in her imagination, yet the reality was much, much better than she could ever have dreamt.
Then, with a groan, he pulled away. ‘Please! Stop!’
‘What? Why? I knew what you felt for me. I wasn’t imagining it, was I? During these past four years I’ve had boyfriends, yes, but they meant nothing. In my heart there’s never been anyone else. It will always be you, always.’ Abi moved forward, but Luca cowered away from her like a cornered animal.
He sank onto the sofa and buried his face in his hands.
‘I . . . oh Luca, whatever is the matter? Please, Luca, tell me what it is?’
When he looked up, Abi saw there were tears in his eyes.
He shook his head slowly. ‘You won’t understand.’
‘I will, I promise. If we have the same feelings for each other, then we can work it out, whatever the problem.’ She sat down next to him.
‘No, Abi, we can’t. There can be no future for us. I’m sorry, so very sorry that I have let you believe even for a moment that there might be.’
She inhaled deeply and shook her hair back from her face in an attempt to regain her equilibrium. ‘Then you’d better explain why not.’
‘All right, I will tell you. Dearest Abi, I will do my best.’ Luca too took a deep breath, in preparation to tell her what he must. ‘You see, I always wondered when I was younger why I was unhappy. It was as if I was searching for something, something I felt that neither women nor a career could give me. Then I came to Milan with Rosanna and ironically, on the very first day I was here, I discovered what it was.’
‘How? Where?’
‘I found myself in La Chiesa Della Beata Vergine Maria. While I was there, I saw her.’
‘Saw who?’ Her lip trembled.
‘Maria, the Madonna,’ Luca said quietly. ‘It sounds strange and ridiculous, I know, but she spoke to me. From that moment on, everything else fell into place and I realised what I must do with my life. So’ – he reached for Abi’s hand – ‘I cannot be with you; I cannot be with any woman or love them. I have given my life to God.’
Abi could only stare at him in stunned silence. Eventually, she found her voice.
‘But I believe in God too. Surely that doesn’t mean you have to stop loving someone, does it? I thought God was love?’
‘He is, but, Abi, I must make the ultimate commitment. I’ve been putting it off until Rosanna finished at the music school. She was my first priority. But very soon I’ll be joining a seminary in Bergamo. I’ll be there for seven years. I’m going to train to be a priest, Abi. And that’s why I can’t be with you. There,’ he breathed, hardly believing he had finally voiced the words, ‘I’ve said it. I don’t expect you, or Rosanna for that matter, to understand, but it’s what I want more than anything.’
Such was her shock, Abi was almost overwhelmed by the urge to laugh hysterically. But then, as she gazed into Luca’s eyes and studied his gentle face, she saw that this was not a game, or an excuse. It made sense of everything Luca was.
Luca was watching her intently. ‘You think I’m crazy, don’t you?’
‘No, I . . . of course I don’t think that. Really I don’t,’ she reiterated. ‘But, Luca, if you become a priest, it means sacrificing all worldly pleasures. Are you really prepared for that?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘And yet, you can’t tell me you feel nothing for me?’
‘No,’ he agreed, ‘I can’t. From the first moment I saw you, Abi, I felt something for you that is difficult to describe. And ever since then, you’ve had a place in my heart. We’ve grown so close over the past four years.’
‘Yes, we have. And perhaps the “something” you can’t describe is called “love”, Luca.’
‘Yes,’ he finally agreed. ‘I think you are right. But don’t you see? You’re just one of the tests that God has placed before me. A test which I failed just now.’ Luca hung his head miserably.
‘I’m not sure whether I’m flattered or insulted.’ Abi spoke in a small, hollow voice.
‘I’m sorry, that came out insensitively,’ Luca said hurriedly, ‘but it was meant in the best possible way. You’re the first and only woman I have ever loved.’
‘So you admit you do love me?’
‘Yes, I think I must love you, Abi. I’ve spent so many nights thinking of you, wanting you, and asking God for guidance. Your presence here so often has made it very hard. That’s why sometimes I’ve seemed . . . aloof maybe,’ Luca admitted.
‘So . . .’ With a heavy heart, Abi realised she was powerless to alter the situation. ‘When do you intend to enter this . . . seminary?’
‘I’ve already been through my interviews. If all goes well, I shall leave for Bergamo in six weeks’ time
, when Rosanna and I return from Naples.’
‘I see. Does Rosanna know yet?’
‘No. I’ve been planning to tell her but I didn’t want it to spoil her good news.’
‘She’ll be devastated. You two are so close.’
‘No, I don’t believe she will be. If she loves me as I think she does, then she’ll be happy for me.’
‘Maybe,’ Abi sighed. ‘But forgive me if I can’t be happy for you too, at least not for now. There’s nothing I can do to make you change your mind?’
The yearning in her voice caught at Luca’s heart, but he knew he must remain steadfast. ‘No. Nothing.’
She could keep back the tears no longer. ‘Then hold me, Luca, please.’
Luca opened his arms and she went into them. Luca stroked her hair, feeling his body stirring as he did so.
‘It won’t change, you know,’ she murmured.
‘What?’
‘The way I feel about you. What we’ve shared.’
‘Abi, I promise that it will. You’re a beautiful girl and very young still. One day, you’ll find someone to love you as I cannot. You’ll forget all about me.’
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘Never,’ she said. ‘Never.’
The following day, Rosanna sat down at the table and listened to what Luca had to tell her. Surprisingly, despite her sadness at the thought of being without him, she felt relief that the mystery of her brother’s solitary life was resolved.
‘When do you leave?’
‘In the autumn, when we return from Naples.’
‘Oh Luca, will I be able to visit you in Bergamo?’
‘Not for a while, no.’
‘I see.’
‘You do understand, don’t you, Rosanna? Why I have to go?’ Luca asked her.
‘Yes, as long as it’s really what you want.’
‘I’ve wanted it for many years, without even realising it.’
‘Then I’m happy for you. But I’ll miss you so much, Luca.’
‘And I you. But you won’t be alone. I think Abi is eager to move in here. You’d like that, yes?’
The Italian Girl Page 12