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What We Search For

Page 5

by Stories, Natasha


  “Handsome as ever I see.” She said, smiling up at me.

  “Don’t you start that. I’ll get a big head.” I joked, as I struck my best pose. She whistled and laughed as I sat down, “So how was your day?” I asked, settling in.

  “Fantastic! We went hiking along a creek bed and found a beautiful frozen waterfall.” She began, “How about yours? Did you go snowboarding again?” She asked, “You were getting so good at falling over. I wouldn’t want you to forget how!” She added. The smart-ass in her making an appearance as she flashed a grin.

  “I was getting good at falling over? How about you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you fell into the waterfall.” I said, with an absolutely straight face. Her reply coming as laughter, I couldn’t help but join in.

  “I fall over in an airport one time. One time! You’re not going to let that go are you?” Amanda asked.

  “You have to admit it was pretty spectacular. There was nothing there for you to fall over!” I replied with a grin of my own, “Oh and no. I’ll keep that one with me for life!” I added with a laugh.

  “Great. Now I’ll have to pay double attention so I’m there when you do something stupid!” Amanda replied, smiling.

  “Bring it on!” I said happily, as I threw some playful punches in the air.

  “Oh it’s on.” She replied, slapping at my hands as they moved.

  “And no. I didn’t go snowboarding today. If I did go, I’d be so good you’d never catch up. I’d have to give you one on one lessons. It’s tough being a pro sometimes.” I said, flashing the cheekiest grin I could muster.

  “Thanks! That’s so kind of you James. Such a gentleman!” She replied.

  We spoke for hours of small things and big. Family and friends, life, goals and past adventures. The time flew by and my face hurt from smiling and laughing so much. My feelings for her were growing at a rapid rate. And so was my despair. Knowing she was leaving soon was frustrating, I was just getting to know her.

  “Thank you for tonight. I had fun.” Amanda said, as we walked down the street.

  “Me too. It’s hard not to have fun when I have such an easy target to mess with all night.” I replied with a wink. She threw a quick punch at my arm, which I just managed to dodge, “Whoa! Violent much?” I asked, backing away from her slowly with fear in my eyes.

  “You’ll know the true meaning of violence if you keep backing away from me like that.” She said threateningly as she advanced.

  “Alright! You got me!” I said, coming to a stop with a grin on my face.

  “Dick!” She said with a laugh, as she punched me gently on the arm.

  “I try my best.” I replied, smiling and bowing in acceptance of my new title.

  “I was being serious!” Amanda replied, exasperated at my display, “I really did have fun tonight.” She added, returning to my side as we resumed our walk down the road.

  “So did I.” I replied seriously this time, “I always do when you’re around.” I said quietly as we walked. We reached the front of her hotel and Amanda turned to look at me.

  “Let’s do this again before I leave. Okay?” She asked, looking into my eyes.

  “I’d like that.” I said, returning her gaze.

  Our eyes locked, and the silence dragged out slowly as we eased our heads together. Reaching out I grasped her hand in mine and drew her towards me. Never looking away from her, as our lips came together, we each closed our eyes gently. Our kiss was soft and delicate. Lips meeting lips at first, yet just a feathers touch, then building in pressure.

  My right hand eased its way to her lower back as I held her closely. My left hand coming to her cheek. Pulling my lips away from hers for a moment I gently stroke her cheek, and taking her chin in my fingers, I guide her back to our kiss. Cupping her face in my hand, we kissed as the sweetness of her lips sent lightning bolts through my body, and the warmth of her against me, a comfort I didn’t want to lose.

  Soon we pulled back from one another, breathing heavier than before. “We’re definitely going to have to do that again.” I said, still looking into her eyes.

  “Yes.” Amanda replied with a hint of a smile, “And, you’ll have to take me out again.” She added. With that, she turned around and walked towards her hotel with a quick laugh, “See you soon James.” She called, and vanished inside the door.

  Watching her walk away gave me mixed feelings. I didn’t want to be crushed when she left. I should know better than to get so attached, but sometimes there’s just nothing you can do about it. You have to take a ride on the emotional roller coaster once in a while, and this was one of those times.

  Chapter Four

  Sound asleep, I stirred awake at the sound of my phone ringing. At first I had no recognition of it as my dreams and reality tried to merge, yet finally my dreams succumbed to the constant beeping.

  I rolled over to see an international number on the screen. Answering in a very groggy state, “Hello?” was all I managed.

  “Darling. It’s Mum.” She said.

  “Oh hey Mum. What’s up?” I asked, as I looked at the time. “It’s four in the morning.” I added sleepily.

  “I’m sorry but I had to call.” She replied.

  Something in my mother’s voice made me sit up with panic striking me instantly. There was a seriousness there that usually wasn’t, which woke me up.

  “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” I asked, concern clear in my voice.

  “I hate to say it over the phone like this, but there’s no other way. Jam. It’s your sister. She’s been in an accident.” She said. She only ever used my nickname from childhood when she was emotional.

  “What do you mean accident? Is she alright? What happened?” I demanded, a little too strongly.

  “She was in a car accident. Another car ran through a stop sign and straight into the side of her car. She’s alive, but she’s in a coma.” Her voice breaking at the end as she described the incident.

  I sat there for a moment speechless. This happened to other people. Never me! How could this be possible? I hadn’t spoken to Sarah in a while, but the picture of her in my head was of her healthy and smiling. She was older by two years and happily married to Alex.

  “I don’t know what to say Mum.” I said, struggling with even those words, “What about Alex? Was he with her?” I added, still shocked.

  “No he wasn’t in the car. He’s at the hospital with me now, he hasn’t left her side. I don’t know what to do, Jam…” she drifted off, and started sobbing into the phone.

  “Mum, I’m going to come home. I’ll be on the first available flight.” I said, as I mentally checked off what I would need to get done to do so.

  “No darling you shouldn’t do that. You’re out there living your dream. I’m sure Sarah would want you to keep on living it.” She said, a firmness coming to her voice.

  “She probably would Mum, but she’s my only sister. I have to come home and see her. See you, Dad and Alex.” I pleaded.

  “The doctors say she is stable and they have high hopes of her coming out, but for now we have to wait. Please, please stay there. Your father and Alex agree you should stay there.” She said almost pleadingly, “We’re fine, it’s just very stressful is all. It’s horrible to see her this way but honestly, the hospital is fantastic and everyone here has been very supportive.” She said with finality.

  “I don’t know Mum, I feel like I should be there to help out. To do…something.” I said, struggling to come to terms with the news.

  “There’s nothing you can do love. Just think of her and keep on living that dream, and know we all love that you are enjoying yourself so much, and finally out in the world doing what you’ve always wanted to do. Sarah would hate it if you stopped that because of her. Trust me son. We love you very much and I’ll keep you up to date at every opportunity.” My mother’s voice got stronger with every word.

  She was a strong woman when she wanted to be, and it was hard to argue. As painful as it was
to know my sister lay in a coma in a hospital, all I would be doing is waiting. I didn’t want to admit it, but she had a point. Sarah would be very pissed off if I left just because she was in a coma. I laughed to myself at ‘just in a coma’. I finally agreed with Mum, and sent my love and best to everyone back home.

  Falling back to sleep was not happening so I got dressed and went for a walk. My emotions were all over the place, bouncing between my sister and the pain in knowing she was so hurt, and my growing feelings for Amanda. My sister right now was my main concern and it sobered me up. After doing a few laps of the block I ended up back home, and took a very, very long shower.

  Later that morning, I was sitting on the couch with the TV on, lost in thought when my phone rang. It was Amanda. Still struggling emotionally I let it ring out, and returning my attention to my thoughts, I noticed tears rolling softly down my cheek. My sister had always been there for me whenever I needed her, and here I was on the other side of the world sitting on a couch.

  It just wasn’t right, but what was I meant to do. My phone went off again, but this time it was a text message. Opening the message it said ‘We’re going to go snowboarding. Jane spoke to Brad earlier and invited him, and told him to let Chris know. Would you like to come with us?’ Reading the message, I put the phone away and returned to my brooding.

  Day turned into night and I still sat on the couch. Having hardly eaten anything for the day, I finally peeled my ass from the cushions and went straight for the fridge. Unfortunately, it was empty apart from beers I had bought a while ago. Opening the first beer, and grabbing a second, I returned to the couch still brooding.

  Drinking each beer, I picked up more from the fridge thinking about my sister, and why such a thing would happen to her. She was such a beautiful person and didn’t deserve this to happen. Especially at such a young age. Her life was just beginning and with her finding such an amazing husband as Alex, it just wasn’t right.

  A pang of sorrow struck me for Alex. Thinking about him sitting next to his unresponsive wife in the hospital, hoping she would wake up. It broke my heart.

  My sister stuck alone in her dreams with her prince charming at her side not able to do a thing. Throughout the course of the night my phone was ringing and receiving messages, but I ignored them all and kept on drinking.

  I lost count of how many I had and my thoughts were still dark, but I was drunk and I knew it. I needed a distraction. I left the house stumbling. After some time I made it to the nearest club and put on the straightest face I could muster. I vaguely knew the bouncer at the door and was let in without any trouble.

  Inside was packed. People had to shuffle past each other to get to the door or the bathroom or the bar. I made my way to the loudest part of the dance floor and threw myself into the crowd. Not caring about anyone nearby I jumped to the beat and threw my arms everywhere, hitting people in all directions. People started to catch on that I was extremely drunk and they made a little more room around me.

  I didn’t care. Lifting my head and looking up, I shouted in frustration as loud as I could, and the music took the noise away with it. Most people didn’t even notice apart from a few nearby. My movements became more aggressive, as I danced with no care in the world.

  My flailing arms hit someone fairly solidly and I ignored the impact and kept dancing. Suddenly I felt hands on my back, and I was shoved into the crowd. Falling over onto an onlooker, I hit the ground with both of us landing with a thump.

  Trying to regain my balance, I pushed off the person beneath me and turned to see a guy pointing at me looking angry. I had no idea why he was so angry, and didn’t give a shit. Once back on my feet, I ran at the pointing guy and tackled him to the ground.

  We hit anyone who was nearby as he hit the deck first, with me landing on top of him. Fists balled, I threw punch after punch as he tried to defend himself with his arms. I connected to his nose and it gave under the weight of my fist, and I kept swinging. I didn’t stop until I was dragged off of him by people around us.

  Shouting at the people, I thrashed my arms trying to get released, but there were too many of them and I couldn’t do anything. Looking down I could see my blows had an effect as the guys face was a mess of blood. He was moving very slowly, being helped up presumably by his friends.

  It took only another ten seconds until bouncers were surrounding me and my opponent. The one who got to me was luckily the one I knew, and he took charge of me and guided me towards the exit. He was not gentle, but he didn’t try to hurt me either.

  Walking through the crowd we stopped for a moment as someone had reached out and grabbed the bouncer and spoke to him. Everything was a blur of anger and pain as we stood still, until finally we started moving again, but this time a small figure clutched me from the other side and helped me out of the club. It was Haley.

  As we were leaving, I thought I heard my name being called out but couldn’t make out where from. Haley thanked the bouncer by his name and we were moving down the street in short notice. Cop cars pulled up as we were just down the road, and they were running into the club, presumably to arrest me.

  Haley took me home. After struggling with the door, we got inside as I laughed at nothing at all. Just the pain and frustration of everything. She took me to bed and got me a glass of water, laughing at me the whole time as I struggled to get any in my mouth.

  She didn’t look much less drunk than I was, but she still managed to strip me off and get me in bed. Thanking her in a slur I grabbed her arm gently and insisted she join me. She looked at me for a moment shaking her head, but I pleaded with her to stay.

  Undressing herself, she stayed in her underwear and got into bed. Wrapping my arms around her I pulled her into me, and just for a fraction of a moment things were better. Having another human next to me who cared about me was nice.

  My head was spinning and my words slurred. Trying to thank her again for staying I kissed her sloppily, and started to become aroused at her figure pushed tightly up against mine. Haley moved her hand to it and squeezed. I responded by moving my hand to her panties and gently caressed the outside.

  She rubbed my member up and down as she moved her head lower down my body. A quick flick of her arm removed the bed covers, and she looked up at me with a wicked smile. Pulling my hard penis from my briefs she put it in her mouth and kept her eyes locked to mine.

  Every movement she made sobered me as pleasure shot through my body. Haley flicked her tongue across the tip of my penis and took it further inside her mouth. She watched me the whole time as I let out a soft moan.

  I placed my hands in her hair, and she continued to work her mouth up and down. “I’m close.” I slurred. The alcohol still having a strong effect on me, I didn’t care about anything else. She stopped and shook her head.

  “Not yet,” She said, as she took off her panties, “Fuck me first.” She added. I nodded in agreement and got on my knees as we moved into position.

  Looking down at Haley’s naked body, I paused. A moment of clarity in my drunken haze, “I- I can’t do this,” I said slowly, easing myself back onto the bed. A tear came to my eye and rolled its way down my cheek.

  “It’s okay,” Haley said, sitting up and cupping my head in her hands. “Just lie down and get some sleep.” She added.

  “I’m sorry.” I said, as the alcohol kicked in again. I was exhausted.

  “It’s okay.” I heard, as I rested my head down onto my pillow. My hair was being stroked, as my thoughts wandered from the pain of Sarah being in a coma, to the pain in my fists for some reason. Slowly I fell asleep.

  A long time passed until I returned to the waking world. My head was in a horrible state and I couldn’t move as a weight over my chest was holding me firmly in place. Trying to open my eyes, I groaned. Cracking them open, I soon found out what the ‘weight’ was.

  Haley was draped across my chest as she slept soundly. Her soft breathing tickling my chest. Looking over at my clock I was shocked by how la
te it was getting. I flexed my hands. My knuckles hurt like crazy. I tried to remember the night before. Bits and pieces began to return.

  I had remembered drinking on the couch and going dancing, and then flashes of anger. Trying harder, I vaguely remembered the fight I had. Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t been in a fight for as many years as I could remember. It was something I always tried to avoid, but my hands were evidence enough it seemed.

  Closing my eyes again, I let my memories come back to me in patches, yet my head was foggy at best and the room was spinning. I lay there a time until I gave up and dozed for a while. The weight of Haley on my chest removed itself, and I opened my eyes to her moving out of bed to gather her clothes. I couldn’t help but admire her petite body as she left the room in her underwear to go to the bathroom. Closing my eyes again I drifted.

  Haley returned to the room and jumped back in bed. She cuddled up to me which caused me to gasp, as her hands had gotten cold. Looking at her, she apologized and put her head on my arm, “Are you feeling better today, James? I never thought you would get so angry like you were at the club last night. It didn’t seem like you at all.” She said, concern in her voice, “I couldn’t believe it when I saw you punching that guy like you had gone mad! What did he do?” She asked gently.

  “Nothing. He did nothing.” I started, looking away in shame, “I’m alright. I was drunk and a lot is happening at the moment. I’m not in the best place.” I replied, not wanting to talk about it any further. Haley seemed to understand and just watched me.

  “If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.” She said softly. Looking in her eyes I could see her concern and sincerity.

  “Thank you. I appreciate that.” I mumbled, as my head sparked more pain. Another reminder of my binge drinking from the night before.

  We lay there for hours as I tried to recover some composure. It was late in the day before I finally got out of bed, but only to satisfy my extremely noisy stomach, which would not stop complaining. Haley and I went to the kitchen, where we made macaroni and cheese. We spent the remainder of the evening on the couch and watched TV. I didn’t say anything to her, but I was extremely grateful for her staying with me, as she was a welcome distraction from my thoughts.

 

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