He grunted. “Alexander will not be able to find us. You see, we are moving as we speak. This is not just a building. I am sorry that I had to deceive you to get what I needed. All right, in truth, I’m not sorry, but I have inconvenienced you, and that may prevent you from wanting to help me in the future. That fact is most unfortunate.”
“Just spit it out and let me go!” I screamed, my anger turning me from translucent to a light shade of red.
“In due time, Aislinn.” His energy felt so negative that it caused a strange throb to circle through my essence.
“Why the delay? Just ask me.”
“This is not something I can ask. This question has to be felt.” All three men began to laugh. I began looking for the door. If I could move fast enough, maybe I could get by them, but the other two were blocking the only exit.
I forced myself to the wall and attempted to float through, but I was shocked like a thousand electrified fences were touching me all over at the same time. I gasped in horror at the severity of the pain that surged through me.
“Please! Let me go!”
“Keep her here, boys, and keep your distance from us, regardless of what happens.” Farrow’s dark eyes turned toward the other men, and he winked with satisfaction. Then he turned his half-invisible glare to me. “You ready, my dear?”
“Ready for what? What are you doing?” But I already knew. Something inside me was already preparing for the worst. He planned to touch me. I couldn’t figure out why he would want to do that. Alexander said that it was too dangerous, that I should never touch a Tirate. Concern over having Farrow’s negative energy with me for the rest of my life sent me searching to find an escape. I wanted to avoid him at all costs. But if what Alexander said were true, why would Farrow risk having my energy inside him?
On the far side of the room I finally saw my chance: an opening in the wall. Thinking I’d spotted a way out, I went for it. When I got there, it turned out to be a shadow, not a window. My disappointment only grew when I turned to go the other way and found myself trapped. I had nowhere to go, nothing I could do. Fear crept through my essence like acid, trying to slow my vibration.
I attempted to manipulate my fear, hoping to change into solid form. At least then he couldn’t mesh his energy with mine. But it was no use. Whatever they had set up in the room prevented me from shifting again. I closed my eyes as the vision of us mixing flashed before me.
“No, Farrow, please. The Jarwin told Alexander mixing could be fatal. Between my mother’s spell and the Jarwin’s warnings, aren’t you afraid that this may destroy you?” My voice sounded weak as terror ran its course.
“I am counting on it.” Farrow’s eyelids lowered ominously.
The shock of his answer sent me into a state of confusion. “You want to die?”
“Very much so,” he admitted. “You are my only chance to have some peace before I go, to feel hope just once before I die. If you are Relina’s daughter, then this should work.”
“Should? You don’t know for sure what’s going to happen?”
“No, I don’t, but I do believe that the stories of you are true. I have already seen that you are different. One of a kind, maybe; I’m not sure yet. You can do something that no one else can, except the Jarwin, but they will never help someone like me speak with the celestial ones. They believe me to be unworthy, despite my attempts to be something more. That is why I need you.” His voice grew stronger and more confident.
“You realize that I can’t guarantee anything right?” I spoke clearly and with strength of my own. “You’ve taken someone against her will, and now you hold me against mine, and you’re trying to force your way into getting something that these last acts alone should prevent. What if the celestial beings I connected with earlier, reject you? What then?”
“I know there are no guarantees. If I must pay a penance for what I have done, then I gladly will. To be able to have hope, to feel anything aside from misery, for once in my entire life, I would pay any price. Even death.”
“But the death of someone else as well?” I countered. “Are you more important than me? What if I die in this process? Alexander said this was dangerous, even without my mother’s spell on you.”
My question stumped him into silence for a brief moment, then the look on his face became fierce. “I’ve never heard anyone say mixing with a Ewlishash could be fatal. I don’t think you will die.”
“But you don’t know!” I shot back. “If you had just asked in the first place, I may have agreed, but now? Why should I take this risk for someone who has no concern for me whatsoever? I could have asked for guidance from above. From whoever or whatever I connected with earlier, but now that you’re forcing this on me, what will they think? You really should have thought this through.”
“You’re right,” Farrow admitted, much to my surprise. “I didn’t think things through all the way, but part of that is because of you. I never thought you would want to speak with me, even if I could have made it past your guards. And why should you agree to help me if it could destroy you?”
“I could have connected and asked if there was a safer way. Some way for you to feel them without hurting anyone. I have felt them, and they are nothing but pure and unconditional love. I don’t think they would have objected.” My response went from frightened to lecturing in a manner of minutes when I realized Farrow’s intent had not been to kill me. Though he had been extremely selfish, I understood now that he needed hope.
“I didn’t know. I will probably die when I touch you anyway, just because of the spell your mother placed on me, but I can’t take this place anymore. I am done with this life.” Farrow’s voice cracked. Where had the fearsome warrior gone? Who was this weak man who hovered in front of me, looking like a frightened child?
“I have an idea,” I interjected. “But it involves a drastic change on your part. You may not die, just be different. If you could feel the love just once, and know that there was something more, something to look forward to, would you give up your abilities?” Farrow’s mouth fell open when he realized what I was asking of him.
“If I gave up my abilities and had to stay here, how would I survive?” He struggled with his words, horrified.
“Like everyone else. Most people don’t have powers, but they struggle every day to help others and do the right thing. They go to work for money to buy things. They don’t all just take it. Some may steal, but not most. You can be like those hard-working people that you have caused pain and heartache to, just to get what you desired. You can walk in their shoes for a while. If you agree to this, then I’m sure I can convince the celestial guardians to let you connect just this once.”
I waited for his answer, and when none came, I spoke again. “If you try to force me, we’ll both be destroyed. I will not allow someone so selfish to force me into a connection. I may not agree with the Jarwin when it comes to guiding you all, but at the same time, I can’t let someone take what should be earned.” My face went rigid.
Farrow’s gaze found the ground as he considered my words. I couldn’t even grasp what I had offered. It felt like I was just following orders. The words that came from my mouth seemed to have changed, like I had become a different person, someone with power. The terror that I had felt had subsided, replaced by a strong voice of reason.
I could feel something moving inside my own little bouncing atoms. I could feel some of what I felt earlier, while connected with the celestial abode—like there were trillions of little voices trying to help me. The more I listened, the more I could feel them. Had I opened some kind of channel to them? I still didn’t even know who or what they were.
Farrow met my eyes. “I will give up my abilities if I can connect.”
I nodded, smiling graciously. “I must connect for a moment, to ask for guidance. Will you lessen whatever it is that is preventing me from changing, so I can speak with them?”
Farrow looked to the men and nodded. Then he turned to me. “O
kay, but no tricks.”
“No tricks,” I agreed. “I wouldn’t lie about something like this. I’m not even sure I can when it comes to those I connected with earlier. I will return shortly with their answer.”
I closed my eyes, letting my energy swirl up to the stars again. The connection took no time at all. The instant feeling of warmth took all the remaining fear away. I didn’t even need to instigate the conversation, as they already knew why I had come.
“Yes, child. How may we help?”
“I just need to know if I can help this man, Farrow. I’m sure you already know his story much better than I do, but rather than force me to connect to you, he has agreed to give up his abilities in exchange for feeling hope and peace, even if it is short lived. Is this possible?”
“Of course, dear, but he cannot connect with us in the state that he is in. We will gladly strip him of his abilities in exchange, but the only way for him to feel us is if you two connect first. Then you can reach us. Farrow was correct in that assumption. He does not have the same DNA as you do. It is impossible for him to connect on his own.”
“But won’t we die? Won’t we be in terrible pain?”
“You will feel great pain, but you will not perish. We are unsure why any of the Jarwin teach that dying is a possibility, when it is not. They have their reasons, yet they are incorrect. You will, however, know everything about him, and he about you. He may not remember all of it when he is just human again, you will. You will be able to feel anything he felt at any given time just by thinking about it. It is very selfless of you to consider this, and that is noble. But make sure you want this, Aislinn. It will be harder for you than for him.”
“I don’t really want all that; all I want is to help. I don’t want pain or suffering or to have to know all the terrible things he may have done or experienced. Is this the only way I can help? And will I still be able to connect with Alexander later if I connect with Farrow now?”
“You can connect with as many as you want to. The result will be different for a Tirate than when you connect with Alexander. There is no other way. We will tell you this: This is part of your path. Sometimes pain and chaos bring harmony and peace, if you are willing to help.”
“I am. Thank you. I will return with him soon.”
“We will be waiting.”
I let myself slowly spiral back down to Farrow, not looking forward to what was coming. When I reached him, I could see that I shone brightly again, feeling very light and loved. Farrow held a look of pure bliss and anticipation.
“They told me you and I must connect first, then we can connect to them. They will strip your powers upon your return. You will be an average human. I will know everything about you, and you might remember some things about me. Is this still something you want?” I tried to relay the instructions as clearly as possible.
“And you won’t die in the process?”
“They tell me no. The Jarwin are misinformed about that, though they did not explain any further,” I answered swiftly.
“But you will feel my pain? Know all that I have done?” His face contorted.
“Yes.”
He shook his head. “Are you sure you want to do this for me?”
“It’s why I’m alive, my reason for being. I’ll be okay.” My eyes didn’t leave his. Deep down, I really wasn’t sure why I felt so compelled to help a man who had caused so much harm already, but he was giving up the one thing that made it possible for him to hurt others so badly. How could I ignore a sacrifice like that?
“All right, I guess… Are you ready?” He seemed almost as nervous as I did.
“Yes.” I closed my eyes and waited for him to come closer.
I could tell when he began moving. The pain increased quickly, becoming almost unbearable by the time he reached me. I cried out in agony when his energy brushed mine. Before I could shout for him to stop, we became one.
All his negativity was like millions of knives stabbing every tiny piece of me. There were thousands of screams running through me and, worst of all, rejection, abandonment, and hopelessness.
I saw his mother leaving him alone in his crib while she went to shoot up in another room, Farrow crying for hours while she ignored him. I experienced the heartache he felt from the moment he was born.
A bully beat him up at lunch, and his stepdad beat him up for not defending himself. Farrow’s sorrow over his mother when she up and left, leaving no note, to never return. His stepdad’s fury when he had to raise a child who wasn’t his. He took every ounce of bitterness out on Farrow.
Farrow’s change and how frightened he’d been. How he hated what he became until his gift proved useful in finding his mother and seeking revenge. His first terrible deed. Then those that followed.
I felt his rejection when he learned of the Jarwin and tried to get help from them. His first love, his first loss, his first terrible act against a human. All of these things swam through me like they were my memories, my experiences.
As the memories progressed to adulthood, I saw my mother, Relina. He loved her, but she left him for someone else, and he was devastated. My mother looked crazy, evil.
The pain became so intense that no matter how hard I tried, I failed to reach the celestial abode. I sent Farrow the sense to assist me in the connection, then tried at the same moment he did. Finally, after what felt like hours of agony, we were able to connect. The relief came instantaneously. Love and compassion surrounded us as the heaviness stayed below.
Once we were there, our connection separated. An unimaginable force moved me to one area and Farrow to another. As if we were caught in a wind tunnel, I was helpless to move.
I drifted to what appeared to be a floating bench, and some of my solid form returned. I sat down and waited while I took in all that surrounded me.
Farrow floated where he waited.
A large ball of energy gathered in front of him, human in shape, but also different. The being looked female, and all different colors of light flowed through her. Colors I couldn’t see while in solid form. I had no idea what she might be, but she seemed to be helping Farrow.
Her graceful hand reached out and touched Farrow on his head. He winced, but then relaxed. The gentle woman seemed to be speaking with him, for he kept nodding his head, then shaking it. He kneeled before her, completely humbled.
Everything happened so quickly that I wasn’t exactly sure what had occurred. The woman let something twinkling and soft pink flow from her hand. When it reached Farrow, it flowed straight into his heart. His head fell back, and his translucent body lifted lifelessly from where he kneeled.
Worry turned my stomach. They told me he wouldn’t die. Was it my mother’s spell? Or had they lied? But something told me that these beings, whether human or not, couldn’t or wouldn’t lie.
I was trying to make sense of what was happening when another energy ball appeared before me. Before my fear could take hold, a soft and shining figure smiled warmly at me, calming my internal storm.
“Fear not, little one. I am the one with whom you spoke earlier.” This being looked female as well. Her voice felt like feathers caressing my face.
“I…” My words fell short.
“You were very brave, Aislinn. We are proud of you.” Her voice lifted in billows of swirling notes around my head. I could see her words as vibrations of color as they danced toward me.
“Thank you. I did what I felt was right.” I tried to keep my voice calm.
“When we saw that you were having trouble connecting, we assisted. Farrow has seen much and felt much sorrow, but he was a product of his environment, no more. He deserved a second chance and guidance, though the Jarwin did not see things so clearly.” She reached out her arm toward me, and I could see that it was not an arm at all, but moving lights that took the form of an arm. “So we want to thank you. You have done well.”
I looked around to see to whom she referred when she said “we.” But I saw no one else. I couldn’t
even see Farrow anymore. The woman watched me curiously, and she seemed to think I was funny. Her laughter refreshed me like a light breeze on a scorching hot day. I could almost see myself at the beach, letting the cool air hit me from off the water.
“Do you mind if I ask some questions?” I asked sheepishly, not wanting to impose.
“Of course you may, dear!” The woman was kind. “Why do you think we are here now? We are here to help you.”
I grinned, feeling oddly guilty at asking for their assistance. “I guess my first question is where did Farrow go? I’m worried that my mother’s spell may have caused complications.”
“Oh no, a spell holds no merit here. Farrow is fine, and happy. The process is very fast. Farrow had his powers removed and has been returned to earth under the name Kip Thompson. Because of his extensive abuse as a child, we took many of his memories from him, at his request. He has a place to stay while he finds work and learns to make his way. We have many helpers on earth.” She smiled so widely that her face looked about to expand, but she seemed to realize she had overdone it, and lessened her grin.
“Second,” I continued, “who are you?”
“In your mind, I read you as calling us the Celestial Guardians. That is somewhat correct, so you may call us that. The truth is that we have no names. We are all. Everything. We used to be like you, and also Elvish, Pleiadian, Martian, and many, many more species. As guardians, we are part of everything. That is why we have no solid bodies.” She changed in a blink from human looking to a shining star, then back again.
“You see, once we have reached this state, lived many lives in many different dimensions and on many planets, then we can join with the source of all of creation. We become part of everything around us, and everything around you when you are at home. We can be many places at once or one place at a time, but we have no real names as we are no longer individual people or beings, but many put together. Like a drop of water that has been added to an ocean.”
The Heart-Shaped Emblor (The Ewlishash Series) Page 26