by Tara Rose
“What?” Annalise scrutinized her face carefully. “Why not? Are you okay?”
“No, not really. I didn’t sleep well and I have a headache.”
Dustin eyed the sky. “Yeah, that was some storm last night.”
“Well, okay,” said Annalise. Clearly, she wasn’t convinced. “You want me to tell Aunt Pet and Aunt Rosario anything for you?”
Carma shook her head. She didn’t give a shit what her great aunts thought of her skipping out on the meal. “I’ll see them in the morning at the attorney’s office.”
Annalise rolled her eyes. “God, I wish I could get out of that one. What a clusterfuck that’ll be.”
“That’s for sure.” She gave Annalise a quick hug, fighting back tears. Would things have turned out differently if she’d confided in her after that summer? “Thanks for understanding. I’ll talk to you later.”
Carma practically ran to her car. She drove into the town square and parked, then got out to walk even though it was still raining. As she opened her umbrella, she took in several deep breaths, still feeling unable to get enough fresh air into her lungs. She began to wish she hadn’t requested so many days off this week. It would do her good right now to be at the salon, chatting away to her neighbors and making their hair look terrific. Her structured routine gave her something to focus on, and kept stray thoughts from slipping through the cracks.
Like they were doing now.
How the hell was she supposed to get through tomorrow morning? And what if Michael showed up? She had no idea who had been summoned for this will reading and who had not been. For all she knew, the entire fucking family would be there. How much of an estate had Uncle Dominick left? A better question would be, how much of it had been acquired legally?
As Carma stood in front of the courthouse, she eyed the forty-foot tall totem pole in the center of town, surrounded by flowers. It had authentic carvings representing six Native American tribes—Apache, Arapaho, Cheyenne, Pueblo, Shoshone and Ute—and Carma thought it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. Each time she studied it, she saw something she hadn’t noticed before.
Local legend held that if you stared at it long enough, and visualized a question or a situation with which you needed guidance from a spirit guide, you’d see the answer to your problem. If only she could stare at the monolith now and find a way to banish her memories forever.
Her phone chirped, causing her to startle. She glanced at it and smiled. Thoughts of Uncle Dominick’s funeral and her insecurities abated a bit as she read the text message from Mateo.
Can’t wait to have dinner with you tomorrow night. Hope the funeral wasn’t too sad.
Carma sat on the nearest bench, not caring that it was still soaked from the rain, and texted him back, telling him it hadn’t been too emotional, and that she was looking forward to their date. She stood up to continue walking when he texted again.
Helping Blaine with furniture and appliance delivery. Too much to do at the ranch, but a friend in need, and all that…
Carma wished she could help someone move furniture and appliances. She debated for a few moments whether to invite herself over, but decided against it. As much as she was looking forward to her date with Mateo, she wasn’t quite ready to insert herself into the middle of helping his friend move into town. She was curious about Blaine Peterson, but there would be time to find out more about him while she cut his hair on Saturday.
She didn’t want to go home, and she certainly wasn’t going back to the funeral home. Annalise wouldn’t return to Rowena’s house for hours, knowing their family and the way they could eat and talk. Most of them hadn’t seen Annalise since she’d been a teen, so they had a lot of catching up to do.
Finally, she walked to Rowena’s house, knowing Van would be out on a job somewhere and Rowena would be at home, working. She did freelance costume design for several production companies in New York City, and Carma loved to watch her create clothing designs on a spiffy computer program she had. It would a nice distraction, and she’d have someone to talk to. Rowena wouldn’t ask endless questions, and Carma could pretend everything was just perfect.
* * * *
Blaine and Mateo sat on the deck outside Blaine’s living room, sipping cold Coors and admiring the view. Blaine kept shaking his head. “This is fucking gorgeous. Why the hell didn’t I move back here before now?”
“I don’t know. You had a taste of it in school. How you could have left it and gone back to a flat city is beyond me.”
Blaine glanced sideways at his friend, debating. He hadn’t told Mateo what had happened with Larissa. Maybe he’d never have to? “Thanks again for helping me today. I’m sure you have a lot of work to do.”
“I do, but it’s not like it isn’t getting done.”
“Must be nice to sit around all evening and drink beer, knowing everything is just taken care of back at the Ponderosa.”
Mateo chuckled. “Fuck you, city boy. I told you that there was a job for you at the ranch anytime you wanted it.”
“Oh right. I get to be the hired help while you sit around and drink beer.”
Mateo shook his head, smiling. Neither man was actually upset, and they each knew it. It was an old joke between them. Blaine’s father had been a prominent cardiovascular surgeon in Chicago, and both his parents had come from old money. Like Mateo, Blaine worked because he wanted to, not because he needed to. And, like Mateo, Blaine didn’t have a lazy bone in his body. Taking time off like this to relax was rare for him, and he knew it was just as rare for Mateo to do so.
The sound of music drifted across the clear night. Blaine tilted his head and listened. Country. He’d have to get used to that. This wasn’t Chicago. “You still play your sax?” he asked. Mateo was the best tenor sax player Blaine had ever heard. He used to give him crap all the time about not majoring in music, but Mateo wasn’t interested in pursuing a career in it. He simply loved to play it.
“Every chance I get. I miss our jam sessions. Now that you’re back, we can do that again. Unless of course you haven’t touched a keyboard in years and you suck now.”
“Ah, did you happen to notice the baby grand inside?” Blaine had hated taking piano lessons as a kid, but now he secretly was grateful for them.
“Fucker weighs a ton.”
Blaine took a long sip of beer. “What are you complaining about? You didn’t have to move it.” He pointed toward a moving light on the winding road below them. “Which street is that?”
“Cheyenne Boulevard. The Stonecraft estate is on it.” Mateo gave him a quick grin. “You’ll want to visit Nash Stonecraft. He runs Indulgence, the BDSM club, on his family’s estate.”
“Oh yeah? You’ve been there?”
“No. You know I’m not in the lifestyle.”
Blaine took another long sip of beer. “I know. I also know you’ve asked me enough questions about it for your curiosity to be more than a passing fancy. Why don’t we both go? You can have a look around.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Blaine chuckled. “You live like a fucking monk, Mateo.”
A quick flash of pain crossed his friend’s face, but then it was gone. What was that about? Blaine knew Mateo played things close to the vest, but was there something he didn’t know about? “Monks don’t fuck.”
“You sure about that? I would. Cooped up all day long with a bunch of chanting dudes, copying text for hours, I’d be fucking like a rabbit.”
“You’d be fucking other monks then.”
Blaine shook his head. “Not a chance. I’d be sneaking into the village at night to find willing wenches.” Blaine sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the sound of insects singing, and enjoying the heady, unfamiliar scents around him. Chicago had never smelled this fresh or fragrant. It was good to be back in Colorado. “Speaking of fucking, how’s your sex life?”
Mateo chuckled. “Nonexistent. Although, I hope to change that soon.”
“Oh
yeah? Who is she?”
“No one you know.”
“I don’t know anyone here but you, dumbass. You’re seriously not going to tell me.”
Mateo drained his beer and rose. “I’m seriously not going to tell you. I have to get back home.”
“Asshole.”
Mateo chuckled again as he walked down the stairs to the patio below. Blaine watched him walk toward his car, and then Mateo turned around once. “Call if you need anything.”
“Fuck you.” But he was smiling as he said it. He and Mateo had hit it off from day one as freshman at Colorado State University, and Blaine was happy to be here. Good friends like Mateo didn’t grow on trees, and Blaine only hoped the potential shitstorm waiting for him back home wouldn’t cause him to lose the best friend he’d ever had.
Chapter Five
Carma woke up from a dream that seemed so real, she turned on the light and looked under her bed, just as if she were still a child and there were monsters hiding under there. Only the monster she sought had close-cropped, dark hair and cold, hard eyes. His cruel voice taunted her, telling her that no one would ever believe her if she told on him.
She drank an entire glass of water, but the burning in her stomach was still there. She tiptoed across the room and yanked open the closet door, snapping on the light switch, but Michael wasn’t in there. Not that she’d expected him to be, but she could still smell his breath, heavy with beer and cigarette smoke.
She ended up checking the entire apartment, feeling like an idiot afterwards. It was only eleven. She’d been asleep less than two hours. Even the thought of having to get up at seven wasn’t enough to send her back to bed. Instead, she turned on the TV and flipped around until she found a comedy to watch, but her mind kept wandering back to the dream. When her phone chirped she nearly screamed.
The caller ID said it was Mateo, and she snatched the phone to answer the call, turning down the sound on the TV as well. “Hi there.”
“Carma, I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No, not at all.” It wasn’t a lie. Not really.
“Just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, thanks. I’m not sure what to expect.”
“Was the funeral difficult?”
“Not really. I didn’t know my uncle all that well.”
“Those are the worst kind. It’s a family member, but you never know what to say because you felt so distant from them while they were alive.”
“Exactly.” Carma choked back tears. If only she could open up to him right now and get all this off her chest. But she barely knew him, despite the fact they’d grown up in the same town.
“I was with Blaine all day, helping him get settled, but I wanted to talk to you before I went to bed.”
She closed her eyes, wishing he were here right now. No doubt her dreams would be more pleasant. Until he tried to make love to her, that is. Then he’d realize how fucked up she truly was.
“I’ll see you tomorrow evening, Carma. Is six okay?”
“Six is perfect. Sleep well, Mateo.”
“You too, Carma.”
She stared at the phone for a long time after disconnecting the call. Why the hell was she doing this? It couldn’t possibly end well. No relationship she’d had that had progressed beyond a couple of dates had ended well.
Carma tried to watch TV again, but her mind kept wandering away from the program. She finally crawled back into bed, after deciding that she’d base her decision on whether to break her date with Mateo in the morning at the will reading. If Michael showed up, she’d make some excuse to Mateo. She’d have to, because she would be useless anyway if that happened. And there was no way she was going out with the guy she’d fantasized about for years while in that state of mind.
If he didn’t show up, she’d take a chance and go out to dinner with him. It was only dinner, after all. She could do this. She was lonely, and she wanted to live her life, not hide in the dark, afraid of shadows and her own past.
* * * *
Wednesday morning, Annalise called Carma and offered to drive her to the offices of Fox and Associates on Sandcherry Road. Since Chad and Dustin weren’t coming to the will reading, Annalise thought it made more sense for her and Carma to go together. Carma would have preferred to walk to help clear her head from the dream last night, and suggested that to Annalise without telling her why she wanted to, but Annalise said it was too humid. Carma wasn’t in the right frame of mind to push the point, so she said that was fine if they drove.
After she’d gone back to sleep the night before, she hadn’t dreamed about Michael again, but she still felt off this morning, not knowing what to expect. The drive took them past the Stonecraft estate, and Carma glanced at Annalise, wondering if anyone had told her about Indulgence. “You know what’s on the grounds of that estate?”
Annalise shook her head.
“A BDSM club. Nash Stonecraft runs it.”
Annalise grinned. “No shit. I had no idea.”
“That’s the rumor, but I’ve never been there.”
A blush crept up her neck as Annalise glanced sideways and gave Carma a thoughtful look. “Why not?”
“Oh, right. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a date? And aside from that, I’m not in the lifestyle like you are. I can’t just walk into a club and look around.”
Annalise shook her head. “You probably couldn’t anyway. Most of them don’t simply let in strangers off the street, even the ones in private homes. You’d need to know someone who had invited you. Maddox insists that anyone who hasn’t been to his club before be escorted the first time by someone he knows.”
Carma had heard that name before from Annalise. Maddox McCree ran the local BDSM club from his home in Racy. “See? That’s why I haven’t been to it.”
Annalise nodded. “Fair enough. But as for the dating issue, you’re still going out tonight, right?”
“That’s different.” Why the hell had she said anything in the first place? Carma hadn’t meant to steer this conversation toward Mateo. She’d only wanted to ask if Annalise knew about the club.
“What’s different about it?”
“It’s dinner, nothing more.”
“How do you know?”
“What?” She shifted in her seat to face Annalise.
“I said, how do you know? What if it ends up in bed? What if Mateo is part of the lifestyle here?”
Carma narrowed her eyes, watching Annalise’s face carefully. She’d never lived here. Despite having spent a few extended holidays with Carma’s family over the years, this was the first time she’d been back here since she’d turned eighteen. How would she know anything about who was or who wasn’t into BDSM in Passion Peak? Was there some kind of directory, so that the people who belonged to the club in Racy knew who belonged to every other club in the country? “Something you want to tell me, Annalise?”
“No, of course not. I don’t even know Mateo, and I don’t know anyone here in the lifestyle. I’m just trying to find out why you brought up the club.”
Carma faced the front again. She’d always been able to do that. It was like Annalise could read minds or something. Maybe they really were sisters? Then again, maybe Carma was simply that transparent this morning.
“I’m sorry. I’ve made you uncomfortable.”
“No you haven’t.” Annalise hadn’t made her uncomfortable, but she had somehow known that Carma wasn’t asking merely to inquire whether Annalise was aware of the club. To say she was curious about the lifestyle her cousin lived was an understatement.
“Yes, I have. Really, I’m sorry, Carma. It’s just that if you have questions, I wish you’d simply ask. Do you want to talk to me, Chad, and Dustin after we get this over with at the attorney’s office?”
“They wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not.”
“Let’s see how it goes first.” Images from Carma’s dream came back, sending hot slivers of fear down her
arms and legs. How she wished she could talk to Annalise, Chad, and Dustin about Michael. Then again, if he showed up this morning, she might have to.
When they arrived at the gleaming office building, Carma grimaced. It looked so out of place among the brick structures from the nineteen twenties and thirties that characterized this street. The sun glinted off the windows, and Carma had to put a hand up to shade her eyes. She had no clue where her damn sunglasses were. She was forever losing them.
Once inside, they were shown to an enormous conference room on the top floor that overlooked three sides of the building and afforded an awe-inspiring view of the mountains. Nadine and Tim were already there, but no one else was. They made small talk, but it was difficult for Carma to even look them in the eyes let alone ask about their families. She didn’t give a shit. They hadn’t been there for her when she’d been a summer guest in their home, terrified and alone.
On the heels of that thought, fresh guilt washed over her. They’d just lost their father. No matter what he’d done in his life, he’d still been their dad. And, she still had no clue if they knew what Michael had tried to do. She’d probably never know.
Her great aunts and her parents came in, and since she’d hardly said two words to her mom and dad yesterday at the funeral, let alone to her two great aunts, she and Annalise walked over to talk to them. Within minutes, the room was filled with approximately forty people. Carma noted the absence of her sisters, several male cousins, one of Uncle Dominick’s brothers, and Michael.
A constipated-looking man who kept pushing horn-rimmed glasses up his nose cleared his throat then asked everyone to have a seat. Carma thought she’d seen him in town from time to time, but she couldn’t put a name to his face
They shuffled chairs around to sit at the largest conference room table Carma had ever seen. The man at the front adjusted a microphone while they took their seats. That didn’t surprise her. He’d need one in a room this size.