by Tara Rose
Annalise rose and gave Carma a tight hug. “I know. I’m sorry. We don’t mean to come down on you like this. Forgive me?”
“Of course.” Carma glanced at Rowena, “By the way, before I forget to ask, do you remember that ghost hunter who was trying to get into this house while it was being remodeled?”
“Trace Coleman?”
Carma nodded. “Yes, that’s him. Apparently he’s back in town. That’s why Blaine came over last night. Trace showed up at Blaine’s condo and tried to talk him into convincing Mateo to have his house investigated.”
Rowena hugged herself. “I don’t like that man. There’s something cold and sinister about him.”
“Well, I wouldn’t worry. It sounds like Blaine put him in his place. I think he’ll slink away now like he did last time.”
“I hope so.”
* * * *
Friday morning as Carma was about to leave for work, the downstairs buzzer sounded. Thinking it was her mail delivery person with an oversized letter or package, she pushed the button and unlocked the door, leaving it slightly ajar, then went back into the kitchen to finish cleaning the coffee pot before she left.
“Florist delivery.”
She whirled around, jumping slightly at the unexpected words. When she went into the living room, a deliveryman stood in the doorway holding two long white boxes tied with red ribbons. “Are you sure you have the right apartment?”
He glanced at the slip of paper in his hand, then at the tags on the boxes. “Carma Mandanici, right?”
“That’s me.” After he left, she sat on the floor and opened the first box, her fingers shaking. When she pulled out the dozen red and white roses, she laughed out loud. “Are you kidding me?”
The card simply said, Can’t wait to see you later. Mateo.
“No way…” The second box contained a dozen dark purple roses. She gasped as she ran her hands over the delicate buds. Where had he found such an exquisite color? This box contained a card, plus a blindfold that matched the rose color. Carma’s face flushed as she read the card.
I hope you’ll let me put this on you tonight. Looking forward to helping you explore your fantasies. Blaine.
Assuming a lot, isn’t he? But even as the thought formed, a shiver ran up and down her spine and her clit began to throb. It was seriously the sexiest gesture any man had ever made toward her. But she couldn’t help wondering if they knew that they’d each sent her flowers? How had she landed in the middle of this?
She put the roses into vases and tucked the blindfold in with the lingerie she planned to wear tonight. It belonged to Annalise, who had bought it here in Passion Peak at Sassy Brassy, but hadn’t yet worn it. Last evening, after Carma had asked her every question she could think of, she’d asked her what to wear to the club. The three had finally decided that Carma should dress in street clothes but wear sexy underwear, just in case. Since Carma had no lingerie that anyone would deem “sexy,” Annalise had given her these brand-new lacy things to wear.
Carma brushed her fingers along the silky blindfold, wishing she had time to think about tonight, but she was going to be late for work if she didn’t leave right now. As she walked downtown, she texted Mateo and thanked him for the roses. Then she texted Blaine and thanked him for the roses and the blindfold, and at the last minute asked if Mateo knew about either gift. She didn’t want them facing off again tonight the way they had on Wednesday.
The only way Carma would be able to handle this was if each man knew up front what the other one was doing. They might not like that, but she couldn’t deal with best friends fighting over her attentions right now. This was all new and exciting, but she also recognized that she was on unfamiliar and potentially dangerous ground. Staying levelheaded and in control of her emotions was the only way to keep from getting burned.
As she passed the totem pole, she stood still and closed her eyes. She hadn’t done this in a long time. When she opened them again, she focused on the first image that her eye fell on—a saddlebag. That meant a journey. She knew that could mean both a physical as well as an emotional or mental journey. Carma sighed as she made her way across the street into Expressions salon. What kind of a journey would tomorrow night bring?
Chapter Fourteen
As Carma and Annalise drove toward Indulgence Friday night, Carma went over the events of the day in her mind. Earlier, Blaine had texted Carma back, telling her he would let Mateo know about the roses and the blindfold before tonight. Mateo had texted after lunch to tell her again that he couldn’t wait to see her, and Carma had wanted to ask him if he’d heard from Blaine, but in the end she didn’t mention it.
She had no frame of reference for this. She’d barely dated one man at a time, let alone two. She had no clue right now what was going on. She only knew that the closer she and Annalise got to the Stonecraft estate, the more nervous she became.
Annalise had insisted on driving with Carma to the club. Chad and Dustin had borrowed Rowena’s car to drive separately. Annalise wanted Carma to have a way home on her own if she needed to leave for any reason.
The lacy black bra and panties Annalise had given her to wear itched, and she felt self-conscious in her short summer skirt and crop top. She was showing far more skin than she’d wanted to, but Annalise had assured her that no one would think so.
Carma glanced sideways at her cousin as she turned onto Cheyenne Boulevard. Annalise wore a royal blue PVC halter top and a matching skirt that was pretty much useless because when she sat down, Carma could almost see her thong. How long had it taken her to get used to being in a crowded room dressed like this?
They pulled into the driveway, and Annalise had to give their names to a uniformed guard. Once they were waved through, she followed the sweeping drive around to the back of the house, and parked where another uniformed guard directed her car.
“Wow. Security?”
“He warned me about that,” said Annalise. “Apparently there’s been some trouble in the past, so he’s taking no chances now.”
“That sucks.”
Annalise turned off the engine. “Yeah, it sure does. Not used to that, you know? Everyone in Racy knows about Maddox’s club, and except for the occasional letter to the editor of our local hick paper, no one complains about it.” Annalise laughed. “Our mayor did, but he was recently implicated in a huge kickback scandal and charged with murder, so there you go.”
Carma raised her eyebrows. “I heard about that.”
“Yeah, Bernie was a real scumbag. The entire community is trying to convince Maddox McCree to be his replacement.” They exited the car, and Annalise smiled as she slung her bag over her shoulder. “Come on. Chad and Dustin should already be here. Let’s go find our men.”
The first thing that struck Carma when she walked into Nash’s house was the smell. She detected coconut, leather, and sweat. It drifted up from the stairwell at the end of the back hallway like a mist. She half-expected to be able to see it, and imagined it would be deep purple, like the blindfold in her bag.
Music pulsed from below, and as her eyes adjusted to the soft lighting, she felt a rush of relief. At least her half-naked body wouldn’t be in full view in harsh light. Carma moved toward the staircase, intending to descend, but Annalise told her to wait. She took out her phone and sent a text, then nodded toward Carma. “Let Blaine and Mateo know you’re here. You don’t want to just go wandering around down there. You look like fresh meat.”
Carma laughed, but it was more from nervousness than anything. Shortly after she texted them, she spotted Chad and Dustin leading the way up the stairs, followed by Blaine and Mateo. From the easy way they walked with each other and the relaxed expressions on their faces, it was obvious the four men had already talked. Just as Carma was starting to allow relief to course through her body, knowing that Chad and Dustin had most likely vetted Mateo and Blaine for her, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of how the men were dressed.
Annalise dropped to her knees in front of Ch
ad and Dustin, and while Carma wanted desperately to process that gesture, her attention was drawn to the tight leather pants Blaine wore. The fabric left nothing to the imagination. Rings and hooks attached to his belt held various toys she knew by picture only. Breathing became difficult as her gaze traveled up to his chest. His leather vest was open, and Carma had to bite back a moan at the sight of his muscles. He was fucking gorgeous. She actually became dizzy, so she forced her gaze toward Mateo, but that did nothing to lessen her reaction.
Mateo looked like sin itself in his black tank top and olive camo pants. The outfit was sexier than when he’d been stark naked on Wednesday. There was something almost flirtatious about the way it showed off his muscles, yet didn’t allow his entire torso to be on display. And it wasn’t only their outfits. Something in their very auras had changed. They were clearly in control.
The testosterone in the small hallway between the door and the stairwell must have been off the charts, because all Carma could seem to think about was kneeling before them and begging them both to use her and take her. All she wanted to do suddenly was serve them, please them, and absorb the powerful energy coming off them.
Annalise was off her knees now, and her hands curled around the forearms of her two Doms, one on each side. She raised her eyebrows at Carma. “You okay?”
Carma nodded, unable to form words.
“Want us to wait for you?” The tone of her voice and her piercing gaze snapped Carma out of her daze.
“I’m okay. Thanks.”
Annalise nodded toward Carma’s bag, where she’d put her cell phone after texting Mateo and Blaine. “I’m only a text away.”
“I know.”
“She’ll be okay, Annalise,” said Dustin. “Let’s go.”
As Annalise, Dustin and Chad descended the stairs, Carma swallowed hard and gazed at Mateo and Blaine. “You both look amazing. Very sexy.”
The corners of Mateo’s mouth turned up. “So do you, Carma. Although next time, we’ll make sure you have club wear.” She remembered that he’d promised to take her to Sassy Brassy this weekend.
“I told him about the roses and the blindfold,” said Blaine. “And, we both appreciate how you want to keep this open and up front.”
“I have to. No more secrets. That’s very important to me.”
Blaine looked momentarily confused, and Carma remembered that he didn’t know about Michael, but this wasn’t the place or time to tell him. “Am I supposed to kneel like Annalise did?” She wanted to.
“No. You’re not our sub,” said Blaine. He held out his hand and she took it, trembling at the shiver his touch sent up and down her spine. “Tonight, you’re our guest, and we don’t want you to worry about protocol. We only want you to experience the club, ask every question you want to, and hold nothing back. If you want to play with something, just say so. If you want to watch someone else play, let us know that, too.”
Mateo stood close to her, and she breathed in the scent of his cologne, mixed with leather. The effect was intoxicating. She wanted to be totally submissive to him tonight. She’d do anything he asked. “Tonight is only for you, Carma. This can be overwhelming the first time, so we don’t want your mind cluttered up with a bunch of expectations or rules. Just be yourself, and let us guide you.”
She nodded, and then she curled her hand around Mateo’s forearm as she’d seen Annalise do with Chad and Dustin. “Okay. I’m ready.”
She’d told them that, and she’d believed it when she said it, but she wasn’t prepared for the emotions that rushed to the surface as she descended the stairs and walked into the main room. She was happy to see that not everyone was in shape and gorgeous. If she’d walked into a room full of perfect naked bodies, she probably would have had the urge to bolt. This was unnerving enough without feeling self-conscious about the fact that she might end up in nothing but her underwear later.
On the heels of that image came the reality of where she was. The air down here was warm and charged with an energy she really didn’t understand, but could feel nonetheless. She flinched at the sight of a woman getting flogged. She was tied to a large X, and her cries sounded both pleasure and pain-filled. Watching it sent Carma’s mind racing toward Wednesday night, and she remembered experiencing that exquisite combination when Mateo had spanked her. Would getting flogged feel just as incredible as Mateo’s hand had?
She glanced at Blaine. Had Mateo told him what he’d done to her? He was watching her with a mixture of lust and curiosity, and Carma was grateful again for the dim light in the room because she could feel her face flushing. His eyes looked even bluer down here, and they pulled her right in.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“By the way,” he said, “I know we said you don’t need to worry about protocol, but don’t use our names down here. Address us each as ‘Sir,’ but we will address you as ‘Carma.’ Is that okay?”
She nodded and whispered, “Yes, Sir.” The very act of saying the word caused something inside her to shift, as if she now belonged to them. She gripped Blaine’s hand and Mateo’s arm tighter, and then forced her feet to keep moving.
Watching impact play with various toys didn’t freak her out. Even the single tail whips didn’t make her squirm, although she wasn’t sure she was ready for something that intense. A paddle or flogger, definitely. But when the guys stopped to let her watch an edgy scene where a Dom tore the clothes off his sub with a knife, her mind flashed back to when she was eighteen.
She knew it was only role-playing, and that they had planned it this way, but the music filled her head in a way it hadn’t earlier, making thought difficult. She had the uncomfortable image of it trying to take over her thoughts. She wondered if she was allowed to ask for water. Her tongue felt dry and heavy, and her legs were trembling slightly. She fought for control of her emotions while at the same time pushing away memories, but eventually the memories won out.
The sub was lying flat on a bench, on her back with her arms and legs restrained by rope. Her Dom stood over her, methodically cutting away her clothes while she screamed and begged him to stop. Even though Blaine whispered in her ear again that they were only role playing and had negotiated this scene ahead of time, something snapped in Carma’s mind, and the room started to spin.
She shook her head slightly and tightened her grip again on Mateo and Blaine as her palms grew damp and started to slip from their skin. In her mind’s eye, Michael chased her through his room and tore her shirt, just before her hand clutched the alarm clock and she swung it toward his face.
Even after he left for New York City, the only escape she could see was August first. That was the day she was going back home. She’d circled it in red on the small calendar she’d hidden in a dresser drawer, under her clothes where no one would find it. She had to hang on until then because even if he returned to Chicago after that date, she would be safely back in Colorado.
Carma blinked a few times, and then stared up into the faces of Mateo and Blaine. Mateo held a bottle of water to her lips and she drank from it, glancing around. Where was everyone?
“You fainted,” he said. “We’re upstairs, in the main house.”
“Oh, my God…”
“It’s okay, said Blaine. “It happens. It can be very overwhelming your first time.”
She sat up and shook her head. “No, no that wasn’t it. You don’t understand.”
“Carma,” said Mateo, “it’s all right. We probably should have eased you into this a bit—”
“No, please.” She cut off his words. “Please let me explain. That wasn’t it.” She glanced at Blaine, and then sighed. “You need to know what happened to me the year I graduated from high school.” She told him what she’d told Mateo, and then she told both of them how the scene downstairs had triggered memories of Michael.
Blaine surprised her by pulling her into his arms. She glanced at Mateo, but he wasn’t upset by the gesture. “I’m so sorry, Carma. I had
no idea.” As Blaine stroked her hair, Mateo brushed a hand along her arm.
“Carma,” said Mateo, “I’m sorry, too. I had no idea you’d react that way.”
“I didn’t either. I feel so foolish.”
Blaine’s hand, gently stroking her hair, was so comforting. “Please don’t. You experienced something very normal. I’m just sorry I didn’t know beforehand. Mateo and I would have eased you into this a bit more.”
Fresh guilt washed over her. “I should have told you, but I didn’t know this would happen.”
“I know you didn’t.”
“But there’s more.” Carma raised her head and glanced at each of them in turn. “I have to tell you this. I have to try and make sense of it. Before the memories overwhelmed me, it aroused me to see the other women being flogged or in bondage. Is that crazy? I don’t understand how I could be turned on by one thing and have flashbacks by watching something else, both in the space of a few minutes.”
“Carma,” said Mateo, “do you remember what I told you Wednesday night? I said that it’s not weird to be aroused by something that can also upset you. It’s all in the perspective. How can we help you through this? Tell us what we can do.”
“I need to experience it without the fear.” She pulled out of Blaine’s embrace and sat up straight. She had no clue where the idea had come from, but she knew it was the right one. She knew it was the only way out of this. “I have to replace the memories. I can’t undo what he did to me. I can’t get revenge, and I know I will probably never face him in a courtroom.” Tears splashed over her lids, but she kept going. She had to get this out or she’d never say it.
“But I can banish the memories. I can make new ones and I can find new associations for the things that remind me of that summer to replace the bad ones. And not just that summer, but also my failed attempts at intimate relationships since then.” She tentatively touched Mateo’s face “You helped with that Wednesday night. Much more than I think you realize. Thank you.” If Blaine didn’t know she and Mateo had made love, he would now, but she didn’t care. “Now I know what making love is supposed to be like.”