by Hall, Roni
“One night I had just come home from a rough day at school, and as I walked through the garage I saw my dad’s old box radio. Seeing it there like he just left it set me off. I don’t know why. I grabbed my baseball bat and smashed it to pieces, hitting it over and over again. Uncle Jake came running in but he didn’t try to stop me. He let me finish then told me, ‘Kevin, I don’t blame you for being angry, but know that whatever you do or say, Sarah and I will never leave you. We’ll always love you.’ I was crying and he came over to hug me. I tried to shake him off, to push him away, but he wouldn’t have it. He hugged me tighter and wouldn’t let go. I finally gave in, let him in, and cried like a baby.”
Kevin looked away for a moment, his voice faltering. “After that, we settled in as a family. Every day I’m reminded of what they did for me. I wouldn’t be where I am today if not for them.” Jamie listened intently as he spoke. “They came out to visit me a few times when his health was good and he loved it. I tried to get them to move out here, to my ranch, but they said New York was their home. I know what you mean. It’s such a paradise in these mountains that sometimes when I’m outside . . .” He paused. “It’s better than church. I feel a higher presence.”
Jamie took his hand squeezing it then looked up, meeting his eyes. His face remained serious as he brought his lips close, kissing her cheek with the weight of a feather.
“Thanks for listening.”
“Your uncle had a big heart. I miss him.”
“Me, too.” Standing shoulder to shoulder, hands linked, they lost track of time as they witnessed the sun slip away into the night.
“Ready?” he asked. “We better get back before it gets too dark. The path can get tricky.” She nodded and held his hand to help her maneuver around a boulder as they began their descent. By the time they reached camp, night was fully upon them and she headed straight to her sleeping bag. Jamie felt an inner peace that she had never experienced before. Waiting for sleep to claim her, she had to admit that this new found peace directly resulted from the fact that she was miles from home . . . physically and emotionally.
Talking about Jacob and Aunt Jenny earlier brought home how much she missed both of them. Aunt Jenny would have loved to hear about this Montana adventure. Even though she saw her aunt only a few times a year, they’d talked daily. She was Jamie’s source of strength and moral compass. Her aunt had been very open about her dislike of Jamie’s ex-boyfriend, Derrick. She didn’t think he was good enough for her but he was good . . . in the beginning. He used to do little things like wait for her at her subway stop with an umbrella on nasty days or meet her for lunch in between her patient visits.
When Jamie caught the flu, he’d surprised her with a bag full of groceries and prepared homemade chicken soup in her small kitchen. The soup was god-awful but his heartfelt effort proved to be the best medicine. Not many people had seen the tender side of Derrick and sadly they never would. He was gone. Derrick had grown up poor, became bitter, and his want of money and all that came with it had changed him into a cold, unfeeling shell of his former self. Thinking of him made her unhappy so Jamie deliberately switched gears to the present and listened intently to nature’s lullaby symphony that surrounded her.
Chapter 6
The morning light woke Jamie and she lay listening to the symphony of bird songs. Trying to regain some of the inner peace she’d experienced after her walk with Kevin last evening, she decided to retrace their steps.
As she hiked, Jamie marveled at the scenery once again, but after ten minutes, she noticed that the trail path seemed a little narrower and looked a little different too. Stopping to get her bearings, she wondered if she had wandered off the main path.
She backtracked her steps, or so she thought, but this path didn’t look familiar either. Coming to a fork in the path, she felt confused. Oh come on, there’s only way up and down, right? Bearing right up an incline, she again came to a beautiful vista, but nothing was familiar. Trying not to panic, she stopped and strained her ears for the sounds of her fellow campers. Nothing. Okay, time to head back down to camp. Attempting to retrace her steps, she came to another fork in the path. This time she chose to go left.
Searching for familiar landmarks, she started to sweat as she tried another path. All the pine trees look alike, all the rocks look alike. Shit! I’m lost. Again she strained her ears for sounds of humans, but there was nothing. Looking skyward, she tried to get her bearings from the landscape or sun. I’m a frickin’ city girl. I can’t read landmarks or tree moss. Holy crap, what do I do now?
Kevin didn’t see Jamie at the chow area so he walked over to her tent thinking she’d overslept, but her tent was empty. Trekking around camp looking for her, he ran into Rick and Tommy on their way to breakfast. “Hey, have you seen Jamie?”
“Not this morning,” Rick answered. “Why? What’s up?”
“Not sure yet, just wondering where she might be. Tom, have you seen her?”
“No, Uncle Kevin. Is Jamie lost?” Tommy’s eyes opened wide.
“Want some help Kev?” Rick offered.
“No, not yet. Let me look around camp again.” Kevin’s eyes searched the area as he spoke.
“Okay, but let me know.”
Approaching Ben at the mess tent, Kevin asked but he hadn’t seen her either. Now he became concerned. “I’ve been looking for her for about 15 minutes. There’s no place to go around here.” Kevin’s brain registered an idea. “Except . . .”
“What, Kev?”
“We hiked one of the trails last night. I wonder if she went back. She loved the view.”
With that thought, Kevin turned toward the woods with Ben following close behind.
Once on the path, Kevin called, “Jamie?” As he climbed, he raised his voice, knowing how easy it was to become disoriented on mountain trails.
Ben joined in. “Jamie! Jamie?”
In no time, they reached yesterday’s destination with no sign of her. Kevin’s concern grew as he tried over and over. “Jamie! Can you hear me? Jamie!”
They wandered off the main trail to some smaller ones, yelling her name repeatedly.
“Ben, we may have to get some of the guys to help search. She’s not used to being in the wild. Who knows how far she may have wandered,” Kevin said with growing unease.
“I’ll go back down to camp to make sure she didn’t return while we were up here. If she’s not there, I’ll bring others back with me to help us.”
“Good idea. I’ll keep looking.” Kevin took off again, calling out to her over several different paths. He followed one of the trails that winded up and down, keeping track of his landmarks. Once he got to the bottom, he headed up again, taking a side trail. “Jamie. Jamie!” Searching another ten minutes with no results, he started to plan for a more formal search. As he neared the crest of an incline, he shouted her name and this time got a faint answer that quickly grew louder.
“Kevin! Over here! Kevin!”
Relief flooded through his veins as he rushed up the path toward the sound of her voice. As he neared the ridge, Jamie ran toward him, her eyes wide with anxiety, near tears. Arms open, she hugged him. “Oh God, am I glad to see you! I thought I was lost for good.”
Hugging her back, he sighed with relief. “You had me worried. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just embarrassed now. I feel so stupid! I thought it would be a quick trek to where we went yesterday but man, it’s easy to get lost. Every turn looked the same. I’m sorry you had to come for me.”
“No problem. I’m glad I found you before I sent out the search party.” He laughed but she blushed. “Don’t worry about it. It’s easy to get disoriented out here. Many an experienced camper has lost his way.”
“The only cool part is I saw a baby bear a few minutes ago and—”
The hair on the back
of his neck stiffened and he cut her off in a hushed tone. “What? Where? Which direction?” She pointed behind her. “Okay, listen to me. Very quietly we’re going to leave the way I came. Now.” He hoped the sternness in his voice and the serious look on his face convinced her to do as he said. He whispered, “Where there’s a cub, there’s a mother bear, and they’re extremely dangerous. Let’s go.” Kevin grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the path.
Jamie’s expression changed from smiling to fearful. They silently retraced his steps on the descending trail for about a quarter mile before they were met with a posse of campers trailing behind Ben.
“Kevin, you found her!”
Jamie looked mortified, as the purpose of the group must have sunk in.
“Yeah, we’re good, guys.” Kevin empathized with Jamie’s wounded pride. “It worked, Ben. We knew the only way to get you guys up and exercising was to feign a damsel-in-distress. Thanks, Ben, great idea!” Kevin winked at Jamie and laughed as the men took out their wrath on Ben. Pushing him around good-naturedly with a few soft hits, Ben took it well.
“And after dinner, we’ll be doing jumping-jacks!” Ben informed the angry mob as he absorbed more playful punches before everyone headed back.
“Thanks, Kevin. I know what you did there. Thank you.” Her lips barely touched his cheek but he felt the heat as if branded. Shrugging, he played dumb and attempted a facial expression to go along with it. Hand in hand they continued their trek back to camp.
Once in the safety of their camp, Jamie looked forward to another day of adventure. Like fingerprints, no two rapids were alike and each offered its own beauty, thrills, and challenges. Her reactions changed as quickly as the rapids, pure glee, then fear, then glee again. As fun and exciting as it was, the guides reminded everyone of techniques and rules to keep the rafters safe.
Refreshed by chilled facial washes that were then soothed by the sun’s warmth, she was in awe of nature’s raw beauty. They rode the rapids for three hours, broke for lunch, and then resumed their journey. Right on target they pulled into camp. Laughter filled the canyon and like the fisherman telling of the one that got away, the rafting stories grew in exaggerated detail.
The tired campers gathered around the bonfire for more storytelling and good-natured razzing. Tommy could barely keep his eyes open, though he refused to go to bed, afraid he would miss out on something. He finally passed out on Jamie’s shoulder. Feeling his limp body leaning against her and peeking at his angelic face, Jamie’s heart melted. She put her arm around Tommy and gently rearranged him into a more comfortable position. Jamie looked up and caught Rick’s eyes taking it all in. They shared a knowing smile. Tommy was a precious child. The stories and jokes began to wind down and campers were wearily packing it in. Rick came over to Jamie, whispered a soft “thanks,” and picked up Tommy in his massive arms. Exhaustion suddenly hit Jamie too and she bid her goodnights. She stood up and her legs confirmed her fatigue. Kevin stood at her side, steadying her gait.
“A bit tired, are we?” he questioned with a small smile and walked beside her, cupping her elbow with his hand.
“Just a tad. Got to get my beauty sleep, tomorrow’s the final day of rafting. This trip is going too fast. I’m not ready for it to end.”
Kevin’s smile faded with her words.
Being their last day of rafting, they had the luxury of lingering over breakfast. They planned to leave later, about 10a.m., raft for four hours, then pull in for the last time. Jamie impressed herself at how well she’d adjusted to living outdoors. New York City was home and she sensed a guilty betrayal about her new love. There was no denying it, she certainly felt alive here.
After a hearty meal, the campers boarded the rafts one final time. Everyone seemed excited and senses were heightened. As in the past two days, before each rapid, the guides circled the rafts and secured the rafters’ attention to recite specific instructions for handling the upcoming rapids. The waters were getting progressively rougher but even the most novice rafter now had some experience under their belt. Today’s ride would take them as far as they dared go on this river.
Cooper’s Hole was the last stop and take out site since past that, the water was too rough for recreational rafters. The final campsite was a peninsula where all rafts would pull out on the first landing, before the water wrapped around the bend. The rationale was that was where these rapids were the calmest. If by any chance a raft missed the first stop, they would have a second and even third chance to land as the river rounded the camp. Once past the campsite, the water was too violent and dangerous to continue.
As promised, the last day of rafting proved to be the wildest. Jamie didn’t have time to worry about the danger of the rapids. She had no time to think, only to do, as Kevin shouted instructions over the roar of the whitewater. After the last rapid when they pulled the raft into the first landing, Jamie’s first impulse was to jump out and kiss the ground. Not wanting to make a scene, she attempted to gracefully exit the raft but instead fell flat on her face, not realizing her legs had gone to jelly.
“Jamie!”
“Jamie’s down!”
The guys in her raft rushed to her aid, but being totally embarrassed and wanting to minimize the attention, she tried to laugh it all off as a joke.
“Just kidding, I’m all right.”
She didn’t fool Kevin. He appeared at her side in an instant and helped her up. Not letting go of her he walked her over to a flat rock and sat her down gently.
Making eye contact, he asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I have sea legs.” She tried to laugh it off again.
“Sit for a while and we’ll take care of the raft.” He brushed some sand from her cheek with a few gentle strokes of his fingertips.
Feeling silly and shocked at her physical weakness, she collected herself as she watched the other rafts pulling in. The rafters, almost all rugged men, seemed to hardly notice the rough waters as they drew in. I guess they have experience on their side, Jamie consoled herself, still wanting explanation of her wimp moment. All of the rafts managed to dock at the first landing and the guides voiced relief that none had to chance the rougher second or third landing sites. The boats were taken out of the river and portaged to a clearing where the rafting company workers systematically deflated them. It saddened her to see their faithful lifesavers demoted so quickly to rubber cubes. She reminded herself that they would come to life again for the next lucky rafting party.
Jamie decided to test her legs. They felt solid so she walked around, exploring the new site. Since they were surrounded on three sides by rushing water, the roar of the river was much louder here than the camps of the past few days. The whitewater churning over the rocks was hypnotizing, but the sheer power frightened her. The feel of solid ground under feet gave her a sense of security. The thought took her by surprise because she had enjoyed her white water rafting, but she now felt safer on terra firma. The violent motion of the river unnerved her, as if her friend had a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality and she was seeing the monster for the first time. Rick must have had similar feelings for he would not let Tommy take off his life jacket and instructed him to stay clear of the water’s edge.
A rustic rope wood bridge crossed the river and allowed campers access to the other side. It was a beautiful site, very picturesque and many campers tried their hand at fishing here. In fact, the menu featured a fish fry tonight, so campers were encouraged to fish for their dinner. The water appeared fairly tame near shore but if you ventured out more than eight or ten feet, your chance of getting swept away was very real. All campers were warned not to go past ankle-deep water.
The rafting staff busied themselves packing up gear that had completed its tour of duty. Rafts, paddles, and lifejackets were neatly packed into their traveling containers and loaded onto trucks that left whil
e there was still daylight. The campers’ vehicles would be delivered early tomorrow. A sense of completion, pride, and physical expenditure hung in the air. They had completed their job well and now deserved rest and celebration. Ice-cold beers appeared followed by a loud cheer. There had been no alcohol the whole trip, except for Kevin's contraband bottle of wine the first night. The ice-cold beverage tasted wonderful! She was not sure if it was the spirit or the temperature of the beer that hit the spot.
Some simple appetizers were served to tame their hunger for a while. The rafting staff passed out poles with bait and the game began. The biggest fish challenge started slowly but began to escalate.
“Hey, Mike, my momma catches fish bigger than that. Without a pole!”
“Wait, let me get my glasses on. Oh yeah, I see your fish now, I think. Looks like the hook is bigger than the fish.”
“Is that the fish, or is that the worm?”
“I didn’t know there were shrimp in this river!”
Taunts and jibes were thrown back and forth regarding the fish competition which had now become a full-blown dog-eat-dog contest. Fish stories of the ones that got away were exaggerated by the minute. Jamie leaned against a big rock and took it all in, laughing at the bantering back and forth.
There were pools of calm waters and most of the fishermen had congregated around these. She watched as Tommy could hardly contain his joy. Surrounded by his dad and his friends all fishing together, his grin stretched from ear to ear.
“Hey, Dad, they’re catching bigger ones on the other side. Let’s go there!” Watching Tommy in his glory was pure entertainment. She chuckled as Rick tried to keep up with his son as he raced across the wood bridge.