by Hall, Roni
“No sir, sorry but you’ll have to follow in your car.”
“No. I’m staying with her.” The other tech nodded to his partner. He let Kevin in and closed the door.
The inside tech started working on a second IV line. “Talk to her. Keep her with us,” he instructed Kevin, making eye contact. Kevin knew he was trying to tell him that he could lose her but he would not let this happen.
Kevin took hold of Jamie’s cold, limp hand and brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. “Jamie. I’m here and I’m waiting on you. I love you sweetheart, you know that. I should have told you sooner. And I know you love me. Forget all that crap about us trying to figure things out. I love you and you love me and we’re going to be together from now on. That’s it. No more discussion. Once we get you all mended up and strong again, you’re coming back to Montana, where you belong. I know that and deep down you do too. Everyone there loves you. You fit in so perfectly with the whole ranch family. I noticed that right away and I should have told you. I should have told you.” He paused to steady his voice.
“And Jack . . . Jack needs you. Hell, he’s not my horse anymore, he’s your horse. And that’s okay. I wouldn’t give him up to anyone but you. Actually it wasn’t my choice, Jack chose you. I was a little hurt at first but when I saw you together I knew it was right.” Kevin knew he was rambling but he had to pour his heart out. He should have told her all of this long ago. Both his hands surrounded hers tightly.
“You stay with me, Jamie. You stay with me. I-I would be lost without you. Now that you’re in my life, I can’t imagine it without you. Stay with me, please.” And Kevin broke down. “Please, please.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
The EMS truck pulled up to the ER and the hospital staff took control. The EMS tech filled them in on her injury, her vitals, and what had been done. They wheeled Jamie away from Kevin and through closed doors. He stood in the waiting room not moving. Minutes later, Ben and Noah rushed in, asking about Jamie. Kevin shrugged, not trusting his voice. Ben put his arm across his bud’s shoulders and steered him over to a seat. The three sat there in silence, all deep in thought with what ifs and if onlys, which, of course, served no purpose other than to torture them even further.
One of the physicians came out to the waiting room.
“Family of Jamie Harcourt?” he asked. The three stood up.
“I’m Dr. Boyer, one of the trauma surgeons. She’s lost a lot of blood. The bullet hit the spleen. That’s why she’s bleeding so badly. She needs surgery. We won’t know until we get in there, but we may have to remove the spleen. Who’s next of kin? We need authorization to operate.”
Without a second’s hesitation, Kevin stepped forward. “I am. I’m next of kin. Where do I sign?”
Both Ben and Noah looked at Kevin but did not speak. Kevin followed the physician to give his signature. “Can I see her?” Kevin asked the ER doc.
“For only a minute. Time is our enemy here. I won’t lie to you, she’s in bad shape.”
Kevin gave his quick signature then followed the doc to Jamie’s stretcher where they were prepping her for surgery. He bent down and whispered in her ear.
“I’ll wait for you, Jamie. Don’t forget your promise. I love you, I love you.” He kissed her forehead.
Kevin returned to the waiting room, his heart in his throat. He felt numb. Jamie’s blood still covered his hands and shirt. Ben asked Noah to go to the gift shop and get Kevin a clean shirt and Ben took Kevin into the rest room and helped his friend clean up.
Kevin watched as Jamie’s blood mixed with the water then circled down the drain. The symbolism not lost on him. He shook his head in denial of it all. Never had he ever felt such fear before in his life. He looked in the mirror.
“How did this all happen, Ben? Yesterday we were at that little restaurant, laughing and having so much fun. How did this happen? Jamie told me he was crazy dangerous but I thought she was exaggerating. Twice. Twice she protected me from him. And look where it got her. I’m supposed to be the protector, me, the man. Not her. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I . . .” He broke down.
Noah returned with a new shirt and Ben helped Kevin put it on. They escorted him to the surgical waiting room, which had a nicer atmosphere.
Hours later, the operating physician came into the waiting room.
“She made it through surgery, and I don’t mind telling you now that I didn’t think she would. She’s lost a lot of blood. We did have to remove the spleen, it was pretty damaged, but it’s not a vital organ. She’ll do fine without one.
“It’s still touch and go. Her blood pressure is very low and we have her on some medication drips for that. We had to transfuse quite a bit of blood and she’ll probably need more. She’s being transferred to the surgical ICU as we speak. I must be honest, she’s not out of the woods yet, but I think her will is strong or else she wouldn’t have made it this far. Go to the ICU waiting room on the 5th floor and once they get her settled, you can go in and visit.”
“Thanks, Doc,” Kevin couldn't trust his voice to say more and shook his hand with both of his.
Ben put his arm across Kevin’s shoulder and the three headed to the surgical ICU waiting room. In about a half hour, the staff called them in to visit.
Approaching her bed slowly, no one spoke. It didn’t look like Jamie. Tubes were coming out everywhere, her normally rosy complexion was pale, and her lids were closed, hiding her sky blue eyes.
“Oh Jesus,” escaped from Kevin’s lips as he reached for her hand. Taking a seat in the chair next to her bed, he laid his forehead on her forearm, still holding on to her. Ben and Noah stayed a few minutes then returned to the waiting room. Regaining his composure, Kevin raised his head to look at her then began talking, rambling on about anything and everything.
“I love you, Jamie. I love you and I will wait for you. I told you that before and I still mean it.” He laid his head down on her bed. Still holding her hand, he toyed with her slender fingers and gently rubbed the skin of her forearm, which felt silky soft. He’d wasted so much time. Rick warned me not to waste time, and I should have listened.
“If, I mean when you come out of this, we’re not going to waste time ever again. We’re going to come clean with our feelings. We know it, we feel it. We have to make sure we say it to each other. I’m going to tell you how much I love you every day, every single day. I promise.” He put his head down on her bed again. He needed to stay with her, it was the least he could do.
After a few hours, Ben came in, trying to convince Kevin to come out for something to eat.
“No. I’m not leaving her,” he stated firmly.
“Kev.” Ben knelt down to face his friend. “She’s gonna be in here for a while. You need to eat so you can be here for her. Just for a few minutes, come on. They won’t let you eat in here. Noah will stay with her so she won’t be alone.” Reluctantly he agreed and left the room, but not before he kissed her forehead.
Noah came in and Kevin patted his shoulder. “Thanks, Noah. Jamie would appreciate you being here, though it wouldn’t surprise her. You two are tight.”
“Yes we are. I’ll keep an eye on her while you eat something.” He put his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. Noah looked like hell too.
Ben led Kevin down to the hospital cafeteria, which was almost empty at this time of night. They ate lightly but at least Kevin ate something. He returned to her room and hours went by without any change. Her condition had not worsened and this was a good thing according to the medical staff. They asked Kevin to leave the room for a few minutes so they could work on Jamie.
Returning to the waiting room they sat in silence. Suddenly the door opened and Rick burst in. He stood there for a moment taking in their solemn faces.
“How is she?” His rugged face was furrowed with worry.
Kevin stood up and his eyes welled in appreciation at the sight of his friend who had traveled so far so quickly. Rick threw his big arms around Kevin and hugged him.
“How is she?” Rick repeated as he looked at Kevin.
Kevin shrugged, finding it difficult to speak.
Ben looked at Kevin and answered for his friend. “Doc says it’s still touch and go.” Rick reached for Ben and hugged him too. He shook hands with Noah as the nurse came into the waiting room and announced that they could resume their visits with Jamie.
“Come on, Rick.” Kevin found his voice and nodded for Rick to follow him.
The big guy followed Kevin and stood next to Jamie’s bed, his eyes moistening. No doubt this brought back painful memories of Roseanne’s illness.
Rick bent down to Jamie and kissed her cheek. “Hey, Jamie, it’s me, Rick. Everyone at the ranch sends their love. All the guys are expecting you to hurry up and get better because you still owe them some dance lessons.” Kevin chuckled at this.
Then Rick took a folded piece of paper from his pocket and opened it in front of Jamie. The handmade card was covered with hugs and kisses from Tommy.
“Tommy misses you. I won’t lie, he took it hard when you took off without saying good-bye, but once he learned that you left to protect all of us, he called you his hero.” Rick choked on this and so did Kevin.
“So we need you back real soon, okay? Someone needs to look after Kevin and frankly, I just can’t look after two kids.” He winked at Kevin. Rick walked over to Kevin and patted his shoulder a couple of times. He left him alone with Jamie and headed back to the waiting room.
Kevin stayed by her side for hours on end. He took Jamie’s hand and caressed it with his. Bringing it to his mouth, he kissed it tenderly then laid it back down but didn’t let go. The night proved to be the longest night of his life. Nodding off a couple of times, the nightmare played over and over in his head. Trying to come up with a different outcome, the brutal reality of Jamie’s comatose body cut deep every time he opened his eyes. With his head on her bed, sleep finally provided him temporary relief from the hurt.
In the morning, Ben mandated that he go down and get breakfast with him while Rick and Noah stayed with Jamie. Worry and stress began to take their toll on the handsome quartet who now appeared haggard.
Soft voices outside the waiting room grew closer. Kevin’s ears perked up as the hospital volunteer escorted the graceful gray haired matron in.
“Oh, honey.” Only two words and Kevin jumped out of his seat into her welcoming arms. His body shook as he released his grief onto this pillar of strength that stood barely five feet tall.
Looking away, the guys gave Kevin some privacy. Finally releasing his hold, he motioned for the little lady to sit.
“Aunt Sarah.” Kevin lost his voice and hung his head.
Wrapping her frail arm around him, her soothing voice comforted all of them. “It’s okay, honey. It’s gonna be all right. She’ll pull through. I know this girl, remember? She’s pretty damn spunky.” She caught his eye and he chuckled.
“Yes she is.” His voice wavered again.
“I think I remember these young men from the ranch when Jacob and I visited.” Her kind eyes landed on Rick and Ben. “At least these two.”
“Yes ma’m,” Rick and Ben both stood and hugged Sarah.
“But not this tall city boy.” Her gaze turned to Noah.
“No ma’m, I’m Noah, Jamie’s friend. It’s a pleasure.”
“Sorry, Noah, this is my Aunt Sarah, my angel. She had the unlucky chore of raising me.”
Sarah slapped gently at Kevin. “You were a gift. You know Jacob and I treasured every minute.” Kevin’s eyes welled as he hugged Sarah again.
“So how’s our girl?” The mood turned somber and a heavy silence hung in the air.
Finally Kevin offered, “She hasn’t woken up.” Pausing, he swallowed hard. “The doc said she’s not out of the woods yet. But she’s holding on, and that’s good.” His face grim, he hung his head again.
“Well, that is good.” Sarah stood up and started walking. “I need to talk to that girl. I’ve got a message for her from Jacob.”
Kevin sprang up and followed Sarah as she instinctively walked toward Jamie’s room. For an eighty-five year old fragile thing, she sure was spry. Kevin caught up with her as she entered Jamie’s room. One of the nurses had just finished changing one of the IV drips.
“How is she, dear?” Sarah addressed the nurse.
Smiling at Sarah, the young woman answered apologetically. “We’re doing everything we can, but it may take some time.”
“Yes, of course it will.” Sarah returned her smile. “Is it okay if I visit with her now?”
“Of course, I’m finished.”
Kevin positioned a chair for Sarah near the foot of the bed. “Not there, honey, bring it here and one for you too.” She pointed near the head of the bed. “I need to talk to her.”
“Of course, Sarah.” Kevin did as he was told and Sarah settled into her seat.
“You know, when we realized Jacob wasn’t doing well, he fought me tooth and nail about getting a nurse. He did not want one. He was stubborn as a mule when he wanted to be. But I won out, told him I couldn’t do it alone.” Fixing her eyes on Jamie, she took hold of her hand. “But on her first visit, Jacob and Jamie hit it off. You could see it in his eyes. He adored her. She could get him to do anything. And talk, Lord they talked for hours. It would get late so I made her stay for dinner. She tried to say no, but I think she liked it.” Sarah let out a small laugh and then looked out the window.
“As Jacob weakened, their bond strengthened. I knew she would get hurt, tried to warn her but she was smitten with him, and he her . . . like soul mates from another time. It did my heart good to see them together. And she was a big help to me too. I couldn’t have managed without her those last two months.”
Shaking her head and straightening her posture, Sarah reached into her purse. “After Jamie left town to go to her dying aunt . . . poor thing, so much at once. When she left, Jacob asked for a pen and paper. He was so weak but he wanted to write it himself.” She pulled out an envelope and opening it, smiled sadly. “He made me promise to give this to Jamie when the time was right and I would say the time is right now.”
Adjusting her glasses, Sarah unfolded the letter, looked at the comatose Jamie and began to read.
Dear Jamie,
I thank God for bringing you into my life. You have been a wonderful nurse who has nurtured Sarah and me during these difficult last few months. You have eased my transition from this life to the next so much more than you can ever know. But more than that, you have proven to be a true friend and dare I say daughter to Sarah and me. You have brought us such happiness and comfort by your limitless kindness and love. I can never repay what you have done for us, except to tell you that true love is right around the corner. Don’t ask me how I know, but I do. God works in mysterious ways and I do not second guess Him. You have always envied the love that Sarah and I share and I find this humorous because I know that this is what awaits you and Kevin. Cherish it. Enjoy it. Don’t question it. It is a gift from God. I wish I could be there in person to see both of you together, but that is not God’s plan. Just know that I am there in the wind that you hear, in the warmth of the sun that you feel, and in the beauty of the mountains that surround both of you.
All my love, Jacob
Kevin stood next to Aunt Sarah, speechless. Uncle Jacob knew. He knew before Kevin did. His chest felt like it would explode as raw emotion pumped through his veins. Feeling the spirits of Jacob, Aunt Sarah, and Jamie pulsing through his very being, overwhelmed him and caused him to fall back into his chair. Taking hold of Jamie’s hand, he wanted to infuse his strength into her. Love connected them all together. He c
ouldn’t lose her. She was his link to life.
After Sarah left, Kevin needed some time to digest Jacob’s letter. His heart and head were physically heavy, and he rested his head on her bed, still holding on to her hand.
Kevin’s head jerked up. Had she squeezed his hand? He wasn’t sure but maybe. He looked at her face, but nothing had changed.
“Jamie? Jamie, I love you. Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what I would do without you.” He put his head down on the bed next to her hand. “I need you. Please babe, please.” His voice was weary with anguish as his tears dampened her bed linens. Eyes closed tight, he opened them in response to movement on his head. Her fingers imperceptibly touched his hair. This time he was sure he’d felt it. He lifted his head and looked at her hand, her fingers moving again. Picking up her hand, he kissed it. He put his face in her hand, needing to feel her move, and she did, ever so slightly. It was a small movement, but at this point he would take any sign and said a silent prayer of thanks.
It was a long night, but Jamie’s numbers held and the medical staff was pleased. Kevin did not leave her side. Every now and then, one of the three guys would come in to check on both of them.
The nurses brought in a recliner so he could rest more comfortably. He appreciated their kindness and told them so. The whole experience made Kevin realize all that nurses do for the patient and their families. Kevin felt pride for all that Jamie did as a nurse. Nurses were unsung heroes. There was so darn much he needed to tell her. She would wake up, he had no doubt about it now. Jamie had promised him and she kept her promises. Her finger movement earlier let him know that she was coming around. She just needed some time.