by Kim Black
She nibbled on her bottom lip and looked away, walking away slowly to the brightly lit reception area, making me follow close behind her. She didn’t take a seat, but turned around and finally met my eyes while her arms flew in the air in surrender, “Fuck it! Look, I really didn’t want to get in the middle of this fucked up situation you all have going on with this Diana shit, but…” she began before trailing off.
“But what? Spill it, Suzie. Whatever it is, it can’t be worse than Emily being hurt in an accident.”
She nodded her head in agreement and began again, “Well, Emily’s … boyfriend is here … upstairs … with her …”
I didn’t hear anything after the word ‘boyfriend’. I just stared at Suzie, and tried to wrap my mind around the thought of another man tending to her, being with her instead of me. She has a boyfriend? Why didn’t she tell me?
I spoke to Emily twice in the past two weeks, and both times I knew that she hadn’t given me that vital piece of information, even though I poured my heart out to her. She never mentioned the possibility of another man. That was why I felt comfortable giving her space, to allow Emily time to process the misunderstanding that led up to our break up. Fuck!
Had I known, I would have done things differently. It never occurred to me that Emily would really move on after what we shared. I’m sure it seemed selfish for me to say; but, before Diana, everything was perfect between Emily and me. We were beginning a new phase in our relationship, although she hadn’t known it at the time.
I had just purchased a beautiful half carat engagement ring for her and was waiting for the right time to propose. I actually solicited Diana’s help in picking out the perfect ring. I figured, “Who would know Emily better than her best friend?” Boy was I wrong.
I often wondered if I had only purchased that diamond on my own, without Diana, if my relationship with Emily would have ended. That outing seemed to be the start of our break down. I sighed and pushed the whole thing out of my head. I couldn’t think about what Diana cost me. Each time I did I became flooded with rage.
“It’s been a whole fucking year… Shit, of course she moved on,” was all I could say to an uncomfortable Suzie, who now sat in one of the many blue chairs that lined the waiting area.
She didn’t respond. She didn’t need to.
My encounter with Mr. Julien Belmont was not pleasant. Suzie didn't want to piss off the already distraught Julien. She thought it was a better idea to wait him out, figuring that he would eventually have to go home and rest. Well, that didn't quite go as planned, since the chump looked as though he planned to move right into Emily’s hospital room. Fucking kiss-ass!
When Suzie came downstairs and told me that I had five minutes before Julien got back from the restroom, I groaned in annoyance. This was so fucking wrong. I had been with Emily for years! This lame guy just got here, and I’m the one sneaking around, tip toeing around him as if he was some fucking god.
Just get to Emily, Adam… Fuck that boyfriend of hers! I thought to myself.
When we got upstairs, Emily lay silently, seemingly asleep, in the center of a huge bed. Her small, frail, body was bandaged in various places, the centerpiece being her head, which suffered the most damage. My heart broke at the sight. Memories of her laughing and enjoying life flooded my mind while I watched her placid face.
“They put her in a medically induced coma to allow her body time to heal. Some shit about swelling in her brain,” Suzie said while fighting a fresh wave of tears and nibbling on her bottom lip, as she always did when shit just got too real for her.
I stared at my girl under the harsh florescent lighting over her bed, my heart ached; and I knew that there wasn't much I could do to help her other than let her know that I was here with her. “Baby girl, what did I tell you about talking on the phone and driving, huh? I swear you’re trying to kill me. Don’t you know I love you? I’ll always love you, sweet girl.”
“Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” I heard from behind me and someone grabbed me by the collar of my work shirt. Ah, Julien.
Needless to say, Mr. Tall-dark-and-handsome was a pain in my ass! French! Emily was dating a fucking Frenchman. How in the hell was I going to compete with that shit!
JULIEN
Three days after the accident, I called my brother Shane to unload. My exhaustion, coupled with the guilt that gnawed away at me every second of the day, caused me no end of emotional, physical, and mental pain. I was fucking losing it. No, I had lost it!
I needed relief. I needed someone to talk to, someone who wouldn’t judge me, but would actually listen. Normally I spoke to my assistant, Sylvie, knowing that whatever advice she offered would more than likely be correct; but I also knew that if I told her what I had done to both Emily and Charlette she would scold me to no end. I couldn’t deal with any more guilt than I already felt, and she would more than likely cause me to jump of the roof of the hospital in an attempt to end the maddening plague of my guilt-ridden heart. The thought had crossed my mind several times. Realistically, ending it all would only cause me to become lose Emily forever; which brought a sobering and resolved attempt to reign in my overwhelmed emotions.
My heart died a bit each second Emily lay helpless in this hospital. Each time I held her hand, each time I looked upon her angelic face, caused me physical pain. My body was actually forsaking me because I betrayed and hurt her. She owned every inch of me, whether consciously or not.
Shane wasn’t exactly an expert when it came to relationships, but he was an ear and that was all that I needed.
“Well, look who finally decided to return his only brother’s call,” he jested when he answered the phone.
Shane had called the day after Emily’s accident and I was no fool. My brother was not the ‘call to just chat’ kind of man. If he was calling, it meant that father had put him up to it! He called a few more times the following day, but I was too worried about Emily to speak with him at the time.
“Ha ha ha, I take it that father spoke to you?” I asked, despite the fact I already knew the answer.
“You bet!” Shane confirmed. “And he isn’t pleased with your… um, what did he call it, ‘erratic, vagabond, behavior,’ Shane said, imitating father’s thick French accent. I wasn’t sure how, but Shane managed to rid himself of the accent completely, while I still had a slight accent.
“He said something about your disappearing from work to nurse a harlot, when you have a wife on whom you should focus. Then he went on and on about grandchildren and legacies. Thanks to you, I got the lecture of my life! What gives big bro?” Shane continued.
I never told Shane about my arrangement with Charlette. I did not want to pull him into my charade of a marriage. It also made the arrangement more believable if fewer people knew about it. I never told a soul and, from what I knew, Charlette hadn’t either. For the past three years, Charlette and I had pretty much mastered our ruse. Whenever we were called on to make public appearances, we put on a show; the powerful husband devoted to his loving wife, and Charlette the adoring wife who cherished her husband’s love. It was brilliant really. The perfect way to please our overbearing parents who insisted we marry and bear fruitful heirs for our empires.
“Look Shane, my situation with Charlette is… complicated. It’s not what everyone believes,” I confessed sternly.
To my surprise, Shane chuckled and I felt myself slowly relax. “Man, who did you think you were fooling? I saw through that shit from day one! It’s about time you fessed up. Let me guess, you married her so that the old man would leave you alone, right? Typical,” He uttered through burst of laughter.
I shook my head and chuckled. I should have known that Shane figured it out. There wasn’t much that Shane didn’t notice; and, since we were close despite my younger brother’s reckless ways, it didn’t surprise me.
“Something like that,” I admitted. “But I need to end things with her. This arrangement has brought nothing but trouble into my
life and I cannot allow it to continue. My relationship with Charlette no longer affects just me.”
“So … what’s her name?” he asked in a low teasing tone.
“Emily,” I whispered breathlessly, just saying her name caused my gut to twist while guilt raked through my body.
Shane sighed, paused, and then continued, “Well, if you’re blowing off work for this chick then ―”
I didn’t let him finish, “She isn’t just some chick, Shane, alright? I love her! Now, my relationship Charlette has her lying in a fucking hospital bed in a damned coma, so show a little respect!” I barked back at him, tightening my grip on the phone, causing my knuckles to turn white.
“Alright, alright. My bad big bro. What happened?”
For an hour, I explained my whole affair with Emily; although I hated to use that term, technically it was an affair. I told him about the first night I met her and how I couldn’t seem to live without her. I told him about the gala, my slip-up with Charlette, and how it caused the woman I loved great pain. I told him about her ex, Adam, and how she had called him when ran away from me. Everything I felt as I sat on the side of her hospital bed came pouring out of me all at once, and by the time I was through speaking I was barely coherent; sobbing in between words. As I did, pieces of the man I used to be, before Emily, chastised me, Belmonts don’t cry!
I ignored the voice, shaking it out of my head. I thought about Emily, and about how her presence brought out a different part of me; one I never knew existed. In my entire life, I had never cried the way I did that night on the phone with my brother. Had it been any other time I knew he would have teased, but not this time. This time he just listened, and when I could no longer speak, he remained on the phone with me, silently.
Chapter Two
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi ~
JULIEN
Diana and Suzie spent the entire night at the hospital with me, regaling me with stories of how they’d all met. Apparently, when Emily first arrived in California she had a grand total of six hundred dollars, no apartment, and no job. After three days of living in a motel, she answered Diana’s ad for a roommate on craigslist and moved in that very day.
Diana explained that, within the first five minutes of Emily arriving to view the apartment, she and Emily ‘just clicked.’ Emily later confessed that she’d left the motel with all her belongs, left her two moderately sized bags in the building’s lobby, and told the attendant that she would be back for them in a few minutes. She had no intension of not getting the apartment and it was by sheer luck that they instantly clicked.
I noticed the pained look on her slender face as she told the story, her sad, dark brown eyes darting over to Emily.
“What’s wrong, Diana?” I asked, half wanting to know, but also knowing that I probably didn’t. I wasn’t good at listening to girl drama; the stench of it was now thick in the room. She sighed before bringing her right finger to her mouth, biting on her already chewed-to-the-quick nails. God, I hate when women do that! I thought to myself.
“You have her to thank for fucking up Emily and Adam’s relationship! I still can’t believe you did that… And I stood up for you.” Suzie muttered, while rolling her eyes.
“You don’t understand… I didn’t mean to…,” she trailed off and turned to touch Emily’s hand with the same fingers that had just been in her mouth.
I cringed.
“I’m just glad I’m here with her now… When she wakes up, she might not want it that way,” she continued.
“Yeah well… me either,” Suzie whispered before returning to Emily’s side.
It was obvious that whatever Diana had done to Emily ate away at her. An awkward silence fell on the room, each person lost in their own thoughts.
It was then that I realized something. Though I knew that I loved Emily, I didn’t know Emily. Since the night we met, everything had been purely primal; a desperate need that burned within me to be with her - an unexplainable lust-filled connection. I wanted her from the moment I saw her in that bar – and after just having her wanton in my bed, in complete submission; I couldn’t let her go. Something broke inside of me that night, or rather something was fixed. It was hard to tell which, but I knew that being with Emily was the most electrifying experience of my life, and I would do anything to have her, to make her mine.
The problem was that I hadn’t known anything about her. What was her favorite color? What was her childhood like? I hadn’t known those small pieces of information that comprised her personality. The modest information I did know I had learned through the many times she had left me. Each time, forced me to investigate and dig for information. Emily Roberts was a complete mystery. A puzzle I needed to solve, to uncover. It was obvious that she was deeply guarded, but why? I wanted to find out. I needed to find out. And I would.
I woke up the next day to the sound of a nurse drawing the window shades. It was then that I noticed that both Diana and Suzie had left. They were more than likely out getting breakfast, I concluded, before standing up. I yawned and stretched my sore, aching, muscles. Diana asked me why I hadn’t thought to have more comfortable hospital chair brought in since I went through the trouble of upgrading Emily’s hospital bed. I admitted that, under normal circumstances, I would have; but I didn’t deserve to rest comfortably while Emily’s body struggled to repair the injuries she sustained from the car accident. It was hardly enough punishment.
I walked over to Emily’s side, grabbed her hand as I stared down at her breathtakingly beautiful face, and admired her soft, plump, lips that I hadn’t kissed in well over a week. Memories of our last kiss haunted me. I closed my eyes in an attempt to will the day away; the same day I drove her into that car, to that accident, and potentially to Adam.
Never again would I hurt her. She was now my only concern, my sole dedication – my all. I was willing to give to her everything, if only she gave me one more chance.
“Morning, mon amour. I am not sure you can hear me, but if you can, please come back to me mon coeur, my heart,” I said, brushing my fingers against her warm cheek.
“I hope you can forgive me. I don’t know how to survive without you. You mean so much to me. Know that all I need is you.”
I brought her hand to my lips, kissing it softly and held back the tears welling in my eyes. Seeing her so helpless tore my heart apart. I wanted so badly to turn back time and never go to the gala with Charlette. That woman did nothing but cause me pain from the moment she entered my life. The thought came to mind that Emily would probably have been better off had I never pursued her that night in the club. That realization made me wince.
“I don’t deserve you, Emily; this I know, but please don’t leave me again…” I whispered against her hand.
Just before I thought to release her hand, I felt a gentle squeeze and my eyes instantly widened.
“Nurse!” I screamed excitedly. I called few more times for assistance before a panicked woman, who looked to be in her early thirties, rushed into the room.
“What’s going on?” she asked as she came to Emily’s side.
“She’s awake… I mean… I think she’s waking up. She squeezed my hand,” I stuttered excitedly, holding out Emily’s right hand toward the woman.
She was unfazed by the news. In fact, she seemed rather indifferent. Instead, she told me that it was perfectly normal for coma patients to move involuntarily.
That was three hours ago and, since then, Emily opened her eyes a few times and seemed to be responding to sounds around her. She was coming back to me, again.
“How’s everyone doing today?” Doctor Avery asked as she sauntered into Emily’s hospital room, smiling from ear to ear. Dressed in her white coat and navy designer suit, her fiery red hair bounced as she strode to Emily’s side.
The sun shone through the window and caressed Emily’s soft face in celebration. After a full week, Dr. Avery believed they could soon wake her
from the medically induced coma. The moderately sized room was filled with friendly visitors, and Adam, all waiting for Emily to wake from her seemingly peaceful slumber.
Adam’s presence grated my on my nerves. The smug look plastered on his face when he walked in made my fists clench, but I kept them safely in my pockets. The only thing that kept me from physically removing him from the room was the stern, daunting look Suzie cast me from across the room. She silently informed me that she would follow through on her threat to cause me bodily harm if I ruined today for everyone – Adam included.
I looked around at Diana and Suzie and saw hesitation in their eyes. I could see the worry buried deep in their troubled expecting eyes. They loved Emily, but one had cheated her out of her relationship, while the other abandoned her. I knew they were thrilled that she was finally doing better, but I understood their reservations.
My mistake with Charlette caused both Emily and me a great deal of pain. The unrelenting guilt that churned within me, never letting up, had become unbearable. I knew that, if Emily decided to forgive me, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I needed to prove to her that she was the only one for me. To do that I needed a clean slate, to cut all ties that hindered our future together.
I pulled out my cell phone and searched for the number. I couldn’t recall the last time I dialed it, since she normally intruded on my day. When I reached Charlette’s name, I pressed the message icon and began typing. It wasn’t a long message, but it said all it needed to say.
‘I want a divorce.’
I eagerly pressed send, still staring at the phone in my hands, knowing that the angry she-tyrant would respond within a few moments. I was confused when a full minute passed with no reply from Charlette. I slowly released the tight grip I had on the phone and slipped it back into my pocket. Charlette was not a woman who took to well to defeat, and I couldn’t deny that I had half expected her to storm through the hospital door at any given moment. However, it did not matter what the woman would tried, and try I knew she would, I had made up my mind. I was no longer going to live the life my father sought out for me. Instead, I would spend it with the woman I loved – my Emily.