“You know, Bryer, if you took the time to think about it, you might find that you actually enjoy staying here.”
He’s fucking with me, like some psychological game getting me to crack. Control being his game of choice. “You must have some hidden agenda.”
“Nothin’, darlin’.” As he closes his book.
“Why, Cash, why me? You’re rich, powerful and handsome, you could have any woman you want.”
“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, I can’t have any woman I want.” Sliding closer.
“You look at me like I’m some sort of a monster, Bryer. I’m a man, imperfect, but still just a man.”
I remember doing a paper on Stockholm, it took only five days for the captives to feel affection and trust towards their assailant. That’s a fucked-up comparison. But I fear I’m getting comfortable being with him. I have to remind myself, I fell in love with poison, and he’s inches away this very minute.
“Do you recall the trip we made to the State Capitol?” He smiles.
“How could I forget? Distinguished you called it, a historical landmark.” Why is he reminiscing?
“You were bored, I remember.” Obviously savoring the memory.
“Not true, I enjoyed the view of the Colorado River and found it educational.”
“That’s selling it, Bryer. What about the 15th century architecture, the wall’s sunset-red granite? I was like a kid at an amusement park.” Emotions from the memory glowing in his eyes.
“I remember, it was so you, an up-and-coming lawyer in the midst of your element.” Finding the conversation not as distasteful as I would have thought. But then again, that’s when I trusted him, believed in him, even loved him. But easily brought back to reality knowing the true man he is.
“I recall the rush of the secret skylight structure on the north wing behind the flag and pediment, I was in awe.” His eyes closed for a moment, and as he takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out, he looks in my eyes. “I think you had a better time when we made it to the hotel.” He boldly boasts.
“We don’t have to take a trip down memory lane, Cash.”
“Oh, but I want to, it still burns in my memories, as most days are.”
“Cash, please.” Holding back the need to run.
“The Intercontinental Hotel ring a bell?” Awaiting my response.
But these memoires are all polluted, he’ll never understand that. “It was minutes away from the Capitol,” I answer.
“That’s not what I meant,” he says, his expression remembering it all.
“Cash, I don’t think about that, ever.”
“I think about it all the time, Bryer.” He sighs.
And I can see the internal struggle.
“Come.” As he rises he holds out his hand.
I take it. What the fuck? Slowly pulling it away.
“Follow me.”
We walk towards the back of the house where I see countless pairs of boots, galoshes, and gloves. Mimicking Cash, I pick a pair and change into them.
He grabs our coats and we trample through the snow until we reach the pond a short distance from the house, not quite frozen over. He points to a row of bird feeders hundreds of birds are present, cardinals male and female. The red stands out so vividly against the white snow, and it’s picture perfect.
“The male, prominently more beautiful, is aggressive, naturally,” I say
“Naturally.” He smiles.
I have to admit, watching them undetected is a rare sight. They never get their fill, its nature’s perfect painting. We stand until the cold starts to take its toll, then head back.
“Beautiful?” he asks as we walk. Feeling his hand on my back, but I don’t shrug it off. Without warning, he sinks into the snow deeper than expected, losing his balance, taking me with him. We are both on the ground, covered in snow our bodies tangled together.
Laughing, he attempts to help me up, which only makes it worse causing Cash to fall on top of me. His million-dollar smile beaming as he focuses on my face, then my mouth, his golden eyes captivating as he presses his lips to mine in a wet searing kiss.
A blinding wave screaming NO in my head, I turn away, forcing the connection to stop. His hands are in my hair, holding me still so he can take me like he always had with animal need. I attempt to overpower him as his tongue makes its way into my mouth. For one split second, I surrender. This isn’t happening.
“Stop, Cash, please.” A small part of me buried deep inside under the pain is succumbing, my own body desire betraying me, continuing down this reckless path. Shame overpowers me. What just happened? I feel corrupt, unfaithful, and shame washes over me as I think of Nathan. What have I done? I’m finding I’m losing myself here.
“Don’t get me wrong, Bryer, that was unplanned, as if my body had a mind of its own.”
Liar.
“Then get off me.”
He reaches to help me up.
I accept. Trying to ignore what I just let happen. Returning inside, I watch as he starts a fire. I catch his gaze.
“Maybe this is something we can’t control.” He offers as an explanation.
“I can control it.” I watch his face as an ache of compassion consumes me. Confused by the sudden empathy towards Cash, but also reminded of the piranha I labeled as the biggest mistake of my life. “It was a mistake,” I say.
“Was it?” The corners of his eyes crinkled. “That’s the burning question.”
I freeze, knowing he touched some kind of nerve.
“Why don’t you read me a passage out of your mother’s journal?”
Fuck, he doesn’t play fair. Feeling the pull to share it with someone, anyone, I agree. Accepting the fact that I’m agreeing because he’s the only one here.
I nestle on the floor’s cozy rug in front of the fire, absorbing the much-needed heat. Pillows all around me. Opening to the next entry.
Did you miss me? I haven’t written in weeks, my world has turned more complicated, graduation is right around the corner, and then I’ll be free to do whatever I please. Mom and Dad are still going at it, and I’ll take any opportunity to leave this house.
I have a secret I haven’t told anyone.
These pages will be the first to know David and I went all the way. I know I said I would wait, but I love him, and he loves me.
I won’t go into every little detail, but it was passionate. His family was away, and we had the whole house to ourselves. We watched TV, and David was such a dork, making me laugh. What a spicy meatball, he teased, and soon all talk turned to kissing, he’s a great kisser.
With little coaxing, we were in his bedroom, and that’s where it happened. He did things to my body that I didn’t know existed.
I promise you, I’ll love you forever, he said. And he meant it. I knew what happened would bind us together forever, but not in the way I imagined.
I’m late…
Mary
“They had to get married? Because of me?”
Day Three
~Nathan~
“Nathan, you’ve been on that thing for over an hour,” Clayton says, leaning on the doorframe of my workout room, witnessing my punishing rhythm on the treadmill.
I thought this would make me forget. What a fool I am to think that. “Why is she with him?”
Clayton just stares.
He doesn’t have the answers I’m looking for. I slow to a walking pace, so I can keep asking the same questions, knowing in reality I’m only asking myself.
“Why hasn’t she called?
“Is she angry over our fight?
“Has she gone back to him?
“Does she love him?
“Where the fuck is she?” I continue, unable to stop the rapid fire-questions at anyone who’ll listen.
“Nathan, calm down. I would say no to all of those, most are idiotic. Has Gen called?” He continues.
But I look at him, questioning his motives. “No, why?” I answer.
“She’s h
er best friend.” Looking at me as if I’ve lost it.
And let’s be honest, I have. “And why are you here?” I ask,
“The Bro-Code dude.” Handing me a water.
But I just lose my shit, chucking it across the room. I’m boiling with rage, helpless, no power, no control. Ashamed at how I’m treating my friends. But unable to control the rage, it’s controlling me.
“Are you keeping the scruff?” he asks randomly.
“What? Skip the attitude, Clayton, I’m in no mood.” Wiping the sweat from my face with my own shirt.
“Maybe a shower?” he suggests.
“You never shut up, do you, Clayton?” Pushing past him. “There’s going to be blood.” I promise him.
“Not mine, right?” Clayton replies, with the utmost sincerity.
“Depends, if you keep this shit up.” As I glance over my shoulder heading for the shower. With the water set on the hottest temperature I can tolerate, resting my forehead on the tile. Reliving everything that happened our last night together. My inexcusable behavior over the ring, it wasn’t Bryer’s fault, yet I blamed her. I’m not entirely sure I would have told me either, knowing about the engagement would have driven me crazy. I wish I could take it all back.
I need her like oxygen.
Day Four
~Bryer~
I wake to the sounds of knocking. Before I have time to answer, I see the door open. Cash is holding a tray.
“Breakfast.” Sitting up, wiping the sleep out of my eyes. It was a restless night, many demons fighting to my attention—the journal, Cash, Nathan, even my job. I pull the sheet up to my chin when his eyes sweep over my body.
“Uhm, that’s not necessary,” I say in a groggy voice, a voice only Nathan should be hearing.
“No arguing, Bryer. I’m serious.” As he sets the tray down.
A single yellow rose displayed.
“Pancakes.” He smiles. “Still your favorite?”
I nod. Noticing the sheet isn’t covering as well as I thought, the T-shirt rising up, revealing my panties, and it doesn’t escape Cash, making me uncomfortable. “Coffee, the exact color I like.” Realizing he knows me well is daunting.
“You?”
“Coffee, black.” Raising his cup and sipping it.
But when the silence grows between us, I’m instantly aware he’s sitting, sharing my bed. “Cash, maybe you should go.” An attempt to draw a line in the sand, the line he constantly steps over.
“You don’t mean that, darlin’.” He leans in and caresses my cheek.
It’s an unwanted comfort that stirs guilt within me.
“You’re just upset about your mother’s passage you read, her pregnancy. How can that be your fault? They did what they thought was right. You weren’t responsible, you can’t possibly see it that way.”
I hate that these comforting words are coming from Cash. Surprisingly, I accept them. “But they got divorced, it wasn’t meant to be. They only married because she was pregnant.”
“That’s not what I read, they loved each other, they loved you, and in the end, they also forgave each other.” He pauses, reflecting on his own words. “Could you ever forgive the damage I’ve done?” Cash pleads.
Can I forgive? Questioning my ability to let go of the past, the pain he caused. I’ve held on to this anger as a coping mechanism. I’m not sure I want to let it go, it’s served its purpose well.
“Or is it broken beyond repair?” he asks.
“Broken promises, Cash, forgotten promises.” Apparently not. I push the tray.
He lifts it and sets it on the bed side table.
“You ruined me, Cash.” Hugging my knees to my chest.
“And you ruined me for any other woman.” Slowly pulling the sheet off my body, exposing my bare legs, and what little the t-shirt covered.
Stop…Stop…Stop, I scream in my head. “Cash.”
“Now that I’ve got you here, I’m never going to let you go.”
And in one fell swoop, panic sets in, he can’t be serious. “I love Nathan, I do. There’s no question about it, Cash, I love Nathan.” Almost a chant being said, not only to Cash but to myself.
“You’re never gonna get away from me again,” Cash whispers in my ear. His hands running up my leg, skimming the shirt.
“Stop,” I say with a desperation, hoping he will be strong enough to pull away.
“You don’t want me to, Bryer.”
“You’re wrong.” Resting my hand on top of his to stop him from going farther.
“We have this moment, darlin’, let it happen.”
He’s spellbinding, corrupting my thoughts. “I can’t.” Falling towards the edge of insanity.
“Shhh, I dreamed of a second chance.” And without warning, our lips touch.
I’m on the edge of my thoughts, looking at myself as if I’m someone else watching it all unfold, knowing he holds the power. I pull away, turning my face as he pulls away.
“I want you,” he softly says.
“NO, it’s too late, Cash.” And at that very moment, all I see is Nathan and the pain I would cause if he were to witness this. I use both of my hands on his chest to push distance between us. “I’m not coming back, Cash, I’m moving forward. I love Nathan.” It’s crystal clear.
Sadness clouds his features, while looking hopelessly at me. “I thought we had a moment.”
“We did, a moment of forgiveness.”
Nodding, he silently leaves my room.
Day Four
~Nathan~
“We got a tip,” Stan says immediately when I answer his call.
“Holy fuck. What? Where?” Adrenaline pumping through my veins. The agony has devoured every waking moment. Now, hope is a flicker away.
“I’ll pick you up in ten, I’m bringing her bodyguard. We’re lock and loaded, buddy. Awaiting details from Intel, but it’s coming in soon.”
“Get here double-time.” My urgency apparent.
The drinking spree last night has caused me a hell of a lot of grief today, but soothed me into one night’s sleep. The hazardous waste I consumed is just a trailing memory now.
As I see them pull up, I jump into the back seat. “Catch me up.” Breathing as if I just ran a marathon.
“Nathan, we located Cash’s off-again, on-again assistant, Sonya from Austin. She rented the house here for Cash, secluded, and in a rural area. She confirmed it was in the process of setting up all internet, land lines, etc., but the weather put a hold on all that,” he explains, but the speed in which he speaks shows his desperation.
“So, whoever is there has no way to contact the outside world.” Stan adds.
“Thank fuck, there’s some relief in that.” The tension radiating off everyone in this car is explosive.
Frantic to reach her, fearsome about what I may do to Cash. Every cell in my body wants to beat the shit out of him. If he hurt her, justifiable homicide is on my side. A small voice of doubt sweeping through me. How confident am I she is there against her will? Confident.
“Nathan, we’re twenty minutes away, pull yourself together. The last thing I want is to wind up in jail.” He glances back at me. “With a fucking lawyer.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, no promises.” I hear his disapproving sigh.
“Love means commitment, of course, so does insanity.”
Stan and I both look in surprise at Bryer’s bodyguard uttering the only words I’ve ever heard come of out of his mouth. “Story of my life, pal.” Never knowing his name.
As we approach the entrance to the grounds, without a word, the two men jump out and go straight into defcon five. I’m left to follow.
They stalk as predators, hidden, professional and quite impressive. “Perimeter, you got my six?”
“Yes sir.”
I stand back in the shadows, as hard as this is, I know it’s for the best.
“Bring it up the rear, Nathan.” And points.
I know my purpose now.
“No cars, and this house is so big, but I don’t see anyone on the main floor, except smoke from the chimney.” Stan assesses.
“We’re going in aggressively, Nathan, this is what we do. You’re in third, got it? Stay low and under no circumstance are you to take him down,” he orders
“What? Fuck, lucky for him.”
They knock, but don’t wait. In seconds they’re in, guns drawn.
I watch as they strategically go from room to room. Then it happens. And I watch in slow motion as they take him down. I watch as Cash crashes on the floor.
“I’m a God damn lawyer. Are you sure you want to do this?” he yells.
“Let me give you a brief rundown on kidnapping, and several other charges we’ll come up with.” And I watch as the handcuffs are put on.
Stan calls 911.
A vision appears at the top of the staircase.
“Nathan.” She screams.
“For the love of God, Bryer.” I wail, not recognizing my own voice.
Our eyes meet, and she starts running toward me—it’s all in slow motion, it’s in every movie I’ve ever been forced to watch, it’s magical. She dives into my arms, wrapping her legs around me, crying. I could devour her whole.
Damn woman, but all mine.
Chapter Ten
~Bryer~
Home, he opens the door and subliminally ushers me inside. A sudden comfort seamlessly awakens my body, mind and soul. I feel him hovering behind me. And I know I will have to satisfy his curiosity. But at this moment, I’m rendered speechless. How much do I tell him? The truth? No, a voice answers in my head. A version of the truth?
His arm is over my shoulder, cocooned in his strength, like a life line. We walk upstairs, wrapped in each other’s embrace. Nathan starts a bath, and undresses me with the tenderness I rarely see.
“Once you’re finished, we’ll talk.” Leaving the room.
I look in the mirror, feeling the intensity of what has occurred these past several days. The guilt weighing me down like bricks and mortar. I lavishly pamper myself and think of the conversation to come. My choices, my actions, and I’m beginning to unravel. I wish we could just move forward, and never speak of it again. But reflecting, I realize I owe him this.
Forgotten Promise (Forgotten Series Book 2) Page 7