“Spending money we don’t have.” Unable to hold back my smile.
“Back to Austin then?” she asks.
“Yes, home. We can take care of the details there. It will only take a few days to record, and then I’ll have legal rights to it all.”
“What about M&M and Sea Blue, where Bryer works?” she questions.
Wishing I could witness the reaction on Nathan’s face once he realizes Bryer was with me in Austin, that shouldn’t take too long to get out. I have to admit this has been quite the evil plan. “Trivial matters, I have a lawyer in place to handle my plans. Adding to the generous gift I’ve just obtained.”
“You mean we, right, Cash?” Concern in her voice.
Chapter Thirty
~Nathan~
My head in my hands, gripping my hair as I sit propping my elbows on my knees, waiting impatiently. The front door opens, but I can’t bear to look up. Hearing the click of high heels and when they come to an abrupt halt, I know, I feel her in the room. Slowly cocking my head to the left to meet her gaze. The icy contempt surprising her.
Her, her…I can’t stomach to say her name, not yet.
Her eyes move to the table where several empty beer bottles sit, I see the question in her stare. And the worry on her face. Gritting my teeth, attempting to find an ounce of control in me.
A small wary smile surfacing on her lips, in confusion. Yet the muscles in her face have tightened.
I rub my hand over my dark stubble as I sit up, legs spread, and silence spins all around us. Minutes pass, and finally, the sound of her fiddling with her keys nervously, then resting them on the table. She approaches me, cautiously.
Smart fucking girl.
With deliberate slowness I stand, stuffing my hands in my pockets, self-consciously throwing a barrier between us. “Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught, is that right, Bryer?’
“Of course not, Nathan, tell me what’s wrong.” Desperation in her voice as it cracks.
Furious with pain and betrayal. She reaches for me and I flinch away.
“No, Bryer, YOU. TELL. ME.” The intensity of my stare mirrored on her face.
She says nothing.
I throw my arms up in the air feeling powerless. “I’m all ears.” Yelling, sounding crazy even to myself.
“Fine!” she shouts.
I stop to witness her reaction, what right does she have to be angry. None as far as I’m concerned.
“I was with Cash on a business trip,” she spills out.
“So you lied. LIED to me.”
Her head falls, hiding true feelings.
But I can’t tell any more.
“I had to….”
But I interrupt her. “Feast your eyes on this.” Holding my wedding ring in her face. “What does this mean to you?”
“Everything,” she says timidly.
“How can I believe that? You made a deal with the devil?” I ask, pacing the floor, my inability to decipher between hurt and anger, so they must be the same.
“I was coerced.”
This is her argument? “How?” Demanding an answer. “How many times are you going to let that monster come between us?”
“It was nothing.” Tears threatening to fall.
“Fucking shattering my heart is nothing? Answer me, Bryer, why would you allow him to do this to us, again?”
“I didn’t intend to hurt you, I thought I could explain when I returned, I knew you wouldn’t like it, but I had to do this, I didn’t think of it as if I was choosing him over you.”
“That was a stupid fucking stunt, Bryer, gambling on our future.”
“No, I swear, whatever you’re thinking happened, you’re wrong.”
Why those words set me off, I’ll never know. The anger bottled up inside exploding, fear, hurt, desperation knowing I may have lost her? All the above.
Smashing the vase that once belonged to my mother. I see her eyes flooding with tears dropping one by one.
“You’re acting crazy.” Knowing the gravity of my actions and what that vase meant to me.
“Oh, this isn’t crazy, you haven’t seen crazy.” Exploding, imploding a whirlwind consuming me.
Emotions pulling me under until I’m in a tailspin. Reaching for her, I viciously yank her arm, clamping my fingers into her tender flesh, my other hand fisting her hair, forcing her face up to meet mine. Attempting to find control in an out-of-control situation. “Goddamnit. Bryer, what have you done?” Violent desire betraying me. My moral compass annihilated.
“Nathan, I swear to God I would never do anything to betray you.”
“You just did.” Screaming at the top of my lungs. Slamming her against the wall, taking myself with her. Our bodies crushed together, leaving me shaken, I push away before I do something stupid.
Distancing myself for what’s to come, my half-assed attempt to keep a tantrum at bay is failing miserably. The object of suspicion standing right in front of me. I take a deep breath and choose my words carefully. The lack of eye contact obvious on my part. “Any red-blooded male, any husband worth a damn, would ask.” Fearing the worst. “A woman spent the night with Cash, I need to know, I need the truth even if it will hurt me.” Little did I know the storm of words just said would tear my heart out, as if a tornado twisted in my heart.
Her head shakes no before any words escape. Almost in disbelief. “It wasn’t me.” Sadness and hurt appearing as if I just punched her in the gut.
Such a simple statement, changing the trajectory of the world for me. There is a God. Shades of hope flashing before me. But not enough to forget her actions, the lies and the fact she willingly went with him is still a problem. “Fucking Christ, Bryer. Why?”
She edges closer, seeking forgiveness, comfort.
But I am unwilling to give it, incapable of it.
“It’s complicated,” she offers and no explanation.
“Complicated?” I laugh out of pure frustration. “Do we need to redefine the parameters of our marriage vows? I will not go away with my ex-fiancé and purposely hide it from my husband?”
Still no fucking answer to why. At least not one I’ll accept. How many times will that fucking jack-off win? It’s like a pool of sharks circling around us constantly. Her silence only heightening my distrust that’s still weighing heavy on me. I can’t even fathom a good enough reason to justify what she’s done. “And if the tables were turned, you’d castrate me.” Walking away in the direction of the kitchen pulling yet another beer out. Letting those words sink in.
“You’re probably right.”
“I don’t want you here.” Suddenly shocked by the words that came spilling out. But that was nothing compared to the look on Bryer’s face. Inflicting the same pain that’s taken me prisoner.
Holding back her disbelief of the blow I’d just given. I watch as her hand wipes the tears away, and she turns to leave, suitcase in hand. The door slams, hard.
She’s gone…
I sag against the wall, hitting the floor hard enough where my beer falls from my hand and spills, I watch it spread on the floor, and in that exact moment, unsure of my actions as I’m witnessing my entire world fall apart. “Fuuuucccckkk!” I scream.
Chapter Thirty-One
~Bryer~
As I stand at the threshold of my best friend’s door, the pain radiates through me as if I’m burning alive, a fire so strong the scars are warranted. I deserve this. Every aching throbbing hurt is all because of my actions. Wiping my tears away, I gently knock on her door, powerless over my transparent emotions.
The door opens and I see her face change in an instant.
“Jesus, Bryer, what the fuck happened?”
“Gen.” Instantly the floodgates open. “I fucked up.” Her look of confusion doesn’t surprise me.
“Come in, it’s cold, you have your suitcase too?”
She pulls it inside and traps me in an embrace only she is capable of giving. Yet, the comfort never comes.
“This calls for a fresh box of wine.”
A forced smile crossing my lips. “I don’t feel so well, you go ahead.”
She pulls me into her arms once more, holding me with all the love and care of a mother.
I’m unable to hold back, as my shoulders shake with sobs.
She cradles me like a child.
Igniting the awful memories of the night I just experienced.
“Then you’ll tell me everything?”
Knowing I can only tell her a portion. I nod my tear-stained face buried in her shoulder.
She pulls me away at arm’s length, looking into my eyes. “Put your suitcase in the spare bedroom, change and meet me back here pronto, okay?”
I do as I’m told, and through the fog, I manage to make it back now sitting on her couch, wrapping up in her throw. “Thank you.” As she hands me a bottle of water and a box of tissues.
She parks herself close to me, holding a glass of wine, waiting patiently.
“It hurts when the person who made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel unwanted today.”
“You’re going to have to start from the beginning, Bryer.”
“Unconditional love is very conditional,” I say
“Your cryptic comments aren’t telling me anything.”
Unyielding with my stall tactics, the stench of shame causing me to falter. I don’t think I’ll survive another ridiculed scene play out, and certainly not with the last person on this earth who loves me. I take a cleansing breath, and tell her what I can. “Cash put me in a situation, trapping me into a trip back to Austin. It was all business.” Pausing to shake my head. “No, not all business, I had to sign papers, related to my mother. But that’s beside the point.”
“I bet Nathan had a cow about that, I’m shocked he even let you go,” she says, assuming I’m a better person than I really am. “
“He didn’t agree, because I never told him. I lied and mislead him into thinking something else.”
“You didn’t, Bryer.” Aghast by my own omission.
“I was coerced, that’s all I can say.” Watching the scrutiny in her eyes.
“No, Bryer, no one, not even Cash can make you do something that would ultimately break the connection between you and Nathan.”
“I know what I should have done. I can’t take it back, I did what I thought was right.” Trying to explain, but fighting the chains Cash put on me.
She gets her second glass of wine.
I watch as her lack of understanding is actually understandable. Once she returns, she’s silent in her thoughts. I don’t feel judgment, that’s not Gen’s style. But her wheels are spinning, she’s no fool she knows what Cash is capable of.
“Let’s skip to the part where Nathan finds out.” Her eyes wary with concern.
“I’m not entirely sure how he found out, but it was obvious when I walked in the door from the trip, he knew.”
“What the hell, Bryer, you’re the good girl, not the girl who falls from grace.” She shakes her head silently saying no.
“Never, not once in the history of ever, should you have gone with Cash, of all people. What were you thinking?”
“I had to.” I offer up an unspoken prayer, for all this to disappear, and let me have a do-over.
“No, Bryer, you’re wrong, you didn’t have to. Quit, find another job, or don’t work at all, but you did not have to do this. Cash doesn’t have any holds on you anymore.” She sets her glass down and slides just a few inches closer, as if we’re not alone. “Did anything happen that you can’t share with Nathan?”
A nice way of putting did I fuck Cash. “Absolutely not. But the blatant lie was enough to bring us down.” Don’t tell her, I can’t tell her. I almost cave, confess the truth to try and make her understand. But Cash’s words are seared into my mind. If I’ve learned anything from my years with Cash, he doesn’t make empty threats. “I’m afraid I’ve lost him.” Shrugging my shoulders in defeat.
“Bullshit, the man can’t live without you, but the damage control will be monumental.”
“I’m not so sure, after tonight.” She reaches for me, her hand on my knee, the small physical connection is comforting.
“Hey now, you’re stronger than you think, Bryer. Of course, I’m looking past the hot mess I see right now, but I know deep down, you can fix this.”
“And how do you think I’m going to accomplish this? You didn’t just experience the horror show I was in.”
“Let’s start with time, let him cool down, then you may have to do the one thing that will show him you mean business.”
“And what’s that?”
“Quit.”
It doesn’t take long to agree with Gen’s plan. He may forgive me, but will he ever trust me again? They say love hurts, but loneliness hurts more, rejection hurts worse. I’ll fight to win him back, no matter what it takes. I know what needs to be done. “How’s the Golden Boy?’ Attempting to switch to a lighter subject.
As her smile unfolds.
That alone says it all. “Did you just blush, Gen?” Her eyes rolling skyward. I grin back at her genuinely pleased, this is good news.
“Officially I don’t think it was a blush, the wine often causes me to flush.” Refusing to look my way.
“Uh huh.” Not believing a word.
She shrugs, finding the right words. “He’s different when we’re alone, Bryer. I mean, he’s funny as hell, but there’s a side, he keeps hidden, he can be sensitive, and vulnerable. Believe me, it came as a shock to me too.” Taking another sip of wine, smiling. “Who would have thunk it, right? Laughing at her own realization.
“So he stole a piece of your heart? That’s what you really mean, right?” I watch her smile, her eyes filled with humor and the blush that reappears says more than any words she can express. She finishes her second glass of wine, a little giddy, I know this Gen, this is Tumblina.
“What gave it away, my saucy grin or my sexually satisfied expression?” She smirks with a gleam of triumph.
“The parts you aren’t telling me.” Giving her a subtle wink. “Time for bed, thank you Tumblina, what would I do without you?” I hug her and make it to her guestroom, knowing I still have my mother’s journal in my bag from the trip. I plan to curl up close to her, feel her energy around me, and pray for guidance.
It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, the pain of losing someone you love never dulls. The sharp agony may soften, but it never goes away, ever. And justice is never served. No witnesses means no consequences, that’s a tough pill to swallow. I need my mom, now in this moment but she’ll never be here to put her arms around me, wipe the tears away and tell me it will be okay.
I never knew what trauma on top of trauma could do, but that child was not meant to be.
It only added to the monumental grief in my life, the only consolation is knowing that baby is being held in my mother’s arms right now. That’s the only way I can live each day, without falling apart.
David is strong, or pretends to be for my sake. He says we will just keep trying, and hides all his pain. He becomes distant at times, that’s when I know the heartache is winning. He won’t discuss his pain. I guess men rarely do. We didn’t know the sex of the baby, I’m not sure if knowing that would help.
Bryer, she’s too young to understand, and losing her grandma was enough for this child to take. I’ll protect her with my entire being.
Because of what happened, David and I have a will in place, my mother sure didn’t. Leaving a mess for me to clean up. I won’t do that to her. You never know what tomorrow brings. I don’t have a crystal ball to predict what life’s outcome will be. Live in the moment, but plan for the future. I love my sweet girl.
Mary
Punching Gen’s pillow again but sleep won’t come. Confused by what my mother is talking about, there was never a will or an insurance policy, and no mention of the box that I eventually received. So, if there is any truth to this, who is the original truste
e?
My mind races, I become more restless. As the dark night goes by, I watch the clock angry with myself, and scared to death of my future. I already decided to take the day off tomorrow. I’ll be no good to anyone, and I don’t want to risk seeing Cash. That would make things worse, I know Gen’s right, I’ll give my resignation and then approach Nathan.
I wake to an empty apartment. Gen has left for work, leaving me the last of the coffee, bless her. Sometime during the night I thought about Dottie, she’s been at the firm for years, she may have some answers I’m looking for. I’ll call her once the office opens.
“Dottie Ferguson please.” And I’m put on hold listening to elevator muzak. “Dottie, it’s Bryer, how are you?” Forcing the smile in my voice.
“Fine, dear, did we overlook something from your visit the other day?” Sounding concerned.
“Oh nothing like that, I’m actually calling concerning my mother, and her association with the firm.”
“I only met your mother once Bryer, but yes she worked with an attorney that is no longer with us.”
“Where does he work now?” If I have to track him down, I need the answers badly.
“No, I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear, I meant he died. He was also the lawyer who gave a written referral on your behalf when you submitted your employment application.”
“I never knew any of this.” Shocked that I’m learning this now.
“Your mother may have asked him to do it confidentially, she respected your independence.”
That sounds like her. “Then I had to of known him, what was his name?” The pen shaking in my hand as this new information unfolds
“Charles Burman, he was a senior partner for years, but, Bryer, you wouldn’t have had too much access to him. He had his own team in place, he semi-retired a while back unable to completely walk away, then died about a year ago.”
“I’m sorry, Dottie, I’m sure it was a great loss. But you’re right, I know the name, but not the man.”
“He helped your parents years ago, they didn’t keep in touch until your employment request. That’s all I know really, I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help.”
Forgotten Promise (Forgotten Series Book 2) Page 21