But now a stranger with cold eyes and a remote expression stood before her.
“I didn’t do it. And I swear, I did see Adam setting the fire, no matter what you and Sam saw.”
Nolan remained still. “I’m listening.”
Encouraged, she plunged ahead, telling him about shifting as wolf to run up into the hill, seeing the gas can and Adam and how she’d had to shift back in order to grab the gas can.
Throughout her monologue, Nolan remained still, his expression distant.
Her heart sank. He wasn’t buying it.
“Why were you running alone in wolfskin? I told you to never go anywhere without an escort.”
Shame arrowed through her. Nolan didn’t know about her problem. “Guess now’s the time to tell you. I never learned to shift as quickly as you. I went alone to practice. Last thing you needed was a mate who couldn’t shift when you ran beneath the moon with the pack.”
Nolan crossed the room, clasped her chin and lifted her face to meet his fierce gaze. “Last thing I need is a mate who lies to me, and one who doesn’t obey a direct order for her own good. Ever think I didn’t know about your problem, and maybe if you’d come to me with it, we could work on it together?”
Jordan’s temper rose. “I’m capable of taking care of my own problems. You should have known I don’t always follow orders, Nolan. Especially when you’re giving so many this place turns into a military camp instead of home.”
He released her and she felt cold dread snake down her spine at the emptiness in his eyes. “You never follow directions. Even when it means you endanger yourself and others. You screwed up big time, Jordan.”
He didn’t believe her. “I told you the truth. It was Adam setting the fire.”
“Adam was with us.”
“You don’t believe me. Not even giving me the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was someone who resembled Adam.”
She stood now, fisting her hands. “I would never set a fire, Nolan. That’s not me. Endanger the forest? I know how important it is. What reason would I have to risk wildlife and burn down the lodge?”
He ran a hand through his hair and his broad shoulders tensed. “Perhaps the same reasons that drove you to run from us in the first place.”
One last attempt at reasoning. Swallowing her pride, she went to him, took his hands, feeling the tensile strength in them.
The coldness.
“I love you, Nolan. I would never hurt you or do anything to endanger the pack.”
His eyes closed. He pulled his hands away and the gesture felt like a hard slap. “I want to believe you, Jordan. But the evidence points elsewhere.”
“Screw the evidence,” she shouted. “You’re a wolf, you can flush out the scents and find out for yourself. I wasn’t the only one there.”
Nolan’s eyes opened. Deep in those caramel depths she saw doubts flicker. Encouraged, she pressed on.
“Why would I set fire to the forest and destroy my home, Nolan? Destroy what is so important to you?”
But he pulled away as she pressed close to him. “You were important to me, Jordan. The most important one in my life, more than my own damn family. And yet you threw it away and left. Maybe you’re changing your mind again because you’ve decided this isn’t going to work out and you want out. Again. You’re good at running. Just not sticking around.”
Nolan added, his voice growing deep with frustration. “Why did you run the first time, Jordan? You never told me.”
Her heart dropped to her stomach. Gods, he was going there now. Should have realized it would happen sooner or later. She’d hoped to have more time to solidify their relationship first, make him realize she did love him.
“I do care. I always did, Nolan.”
His dark eyebrows arched. “Uh huh. Then why did you leave and say those things to me?”
Jordan struggled with her emotions. “To stop you from coming after me.”
Nolan’s mouth thinned. “That’s a poor excuse.”
Tears burned the back of her throat as she turned away, struggling with her lost composure. She refused to surrender to them, just as she’d refused to cry that night. Now it would come out. He would know everything.
“I didn’t want to leave. I had no choice.”
He didn’t even blink. “Don’t lie to me, Jordan. You’ve lied enough.”
“I lied because of what Bryce did. I lied that day because he was your brother and you had to live with him.” Fisting her hands, she turned away from him, unable to look him in the eyes. “That night after you and I made love…when I was walking back to the lodge…”
Words failed her. Jordan clutched her throat, feeling the acid boil in her stomach, the terror and shame of that night bubbling up.
“What happened?”
He seemed so caring and concerned, all her barriers broke like water squeezing through a hole in a tight dam. Jordan shrugged out of her shirt, unbuckled her jeans and turned around.
“This is what he did!” She pointed to the ink on her lower back.
Silence for a moment.
“He’s the reason I had to get this ink. Bryce hurt me. He carved his fucking name on my back.”
Turning around, familiar shame and grief surged. That night, the utter helpless feeling as the two women had held her down. Bryce had laughed, and the hot bite of pain as he sank the knife into her skin…
“Bryce said, he said, he wanted you to know he put his mark on me first. So every time you went to take me in the traditional mating position, his name would be there.”
She gulped down a breath. “He would have done worse, but they started arguing and I turned around, kicked at him and ran off. He hated you, Nolan. Hated you for being the eldest, always getting the attention, inheriting the pack. Anything that was yours he wanted to ruin. Including… me.”
More silence from Nolan.
Screams she’d suppressed for years threatened to escape. Jordan took a deep breath, fighting for control.
Nausea swirled inside her. Six years she hadn’t told a soul. Six years of suppressing the awful truth. Talking about it made the panic rise, ripped open the wound to bleed fresh…
A half-laugh, half-sob escaped her.
“Why didn’t you tell me what he did, Jordan? Or my father?” he asked quietly.
A long silence draped between them. Jordan bit her lower lip so hard she tasted blood. What terrible irony…she’d lied to Nolan to drive him far away from her, so he’d forget about her and move on. And now her own lies caught her in a tangled web of deceit.
“My father would have done something if you told him,” he added.
Jordan stared at him, rage bubbling inside her.
“Your father was a bastard, as much as your brother was. I’m glad they’re both dead!”
Nolan went still. “Jordan…”
“Blood always wins with your family. Craig made that known from the day I moved into your home. I wasn’t blood. Oh, he was good to me, but he always pointed out that pack and blood came first.
“I told your father what Bryce did. He didn’t believe me. And then later, Bryce warned that if I didn’t leave the pack and go far away, worse things would happen to me.”
Nolan fisted his hands. “I would have protected you.”
“Against your own damn brother? And your father, who thought he could do no wrong. Bryce wanted to take away from you whatever you had – your father’s affections, your birthright. Everything. And me. He hated the fact that you were my first lover.”
Her voice dropped to a bare whisper. “I packed my things and ran as far as I could so no one would find me again. Because being in a pack is bad news for females like me. Pack wins. I lose.”
Jordan pulled up her pants and buckled them, and shrugged back into her shirt. Nolan pushed a hand through his hair and paced. Anguish twisted his expression, but it wasn’t as heart-wrenching as the pain in her chest.
He wouldn’t believe her. Pack always came before family.
A hardness replaced the pain, the same hardness that toughened her, enabled her to survive on her own for six long years and forsake the only real home she knew.
“Screw you, Nolan Mitchell. Believe what you want. It won’t change the truth.”
Adrenalin and fury fueling her, Jordan ran outside. She leapt over the railing of their porch, landing twenty feet below on her feet, and raced off toward the hills.
This time she was never coming back.
13
He’d lost her for good.
The only woman he’d ever loved ran away, just like she had six years ago. This time it was all his fault.
Nolan swore beneath his breath, and vaulted over the railing to hunt her down.
Bring her back at all costs.
I can’t lose you, Jordan. You’re everything to me.
He shifted into his wolf to track her, flushing out her scent. She’d cut through the forest where the Fae danced now, their fairy lights shining through the trees, visible only to Others, Lupines like himself.
Other pack members whispered the forest was haunted at night and they feared these woods, feared invading the Fae’s privacy.
Nolan didn’t care about the Fae’s privacy. He wanted his mate back.
The scent trail ended by the pond. His wolf growled low in frustration.
Now was not the time to go animal on Jordan. Shifting back, he paced, trying to think. If Jordan wanted to reach the road and hitch a ride, she’d head west, toward the stables.
He took that pathway. A few minutes later, his nose twitched as he picked up the fragrance that was uniquely his mate.
Nolan stopped, his breath hitching. Like a ghost in the moonlight, Jordan stood motionless on the path leading to the stables.
Body tensing, he took a deep breath. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Now or never. He wasn’t one to gush sentiments or be real romantic, but Nolan had to say what he must.
“Jordan, I sure hope you’re coming back, not because you forgot something, but because you want to come back. And if you don’t… then I’m not going to make the same damn mistake I made six years ago.”
He paused, watching her. “This time, I’m coming after you and nothing will stop me. You’re mine, pixie. You became mine the day we were married and what I claim, I never let go. I vowed to honor and protect you to the last drop of my blood and I stand firm on that.”
Silvery moonlight showed her expression ease, the tension flee her taut body. Jordan still did not move.
He took another deep breath. “You’re mine. I will fight for you and protect you to my last dying day.”
Nolan held out a hand. “Come here.”
Putting just enough authority into his voice, he locked gazes with her. “Now.”
Jordan took a step forward, filling him with relief. Another step and then her hand sought his.
Nolan pulled her into his arms, holding her tight, stroking her hair as she trembled. “I came back because I made a promise the day we got mated. And I’m tired of running. So tired of not having anywhere to go,” she told him.
She looked so broken and lost, his heart ached.
“Will you believe me, Nolan? Or the pack and Sam and everyone who thinks I’m an arsonist?”
Nolan gentled his voice. “Pixie, I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m listening now. But forget the fire. I need to know exactly happened that night, and what my father told you.”
Taking her hand, he walked with her until they reached the barn. Inside, he found a bale of hay and sat, pulling her onto his lap. Jordan needed touch, needed comfort.
So he sat for a moment, stroking her hair, letting her rest against him.
Finally, he spoke into the quietness of the night. “Tell me.”
She hung her head. Tipping up her face with a hand beneath her chin, Nolan winced at her blank expression.
All the life had drained out of her.
“Why should I tell you?”
No emotion. Dull, flat voice. Nolan pressed on. Had to coax her back, his Jordan who had suffered a trauma and ran away instead of sharing it with him.
“Because I’m your mate. For life, Jordan. I made a promise as well, to honor you. I can’t do that unless you talk to me.”
Jordan twisted her hands in her lap. “I don’t know. This is hard. I haven’t talked about it…since it happened. Never told a soul.”
“Take your time.”
After a few minutes, she spoke in a faltering tone. “The night you and I made love, I went to the lodge, but didn’t follow the path up to the lodge. I heard them in the woods. Bryce, and two others.”
Nolan’s stomach tightened. “Males?”
Jordan shook her head. “Females. I scented them. I knew their scents, knew their voices, but couldn’t be certain… One smelled like jasmine flowers.”
After that night, she’d hated jasmine.
“I ran, but he was faster. Stronger. He taunted me, called me outsider and bitch. Bryce caught me on the path, dragged me into the woods. I wasn’t quick enough.” Jordan pushed a hand through her hair. “I wanted to shift, but couldn’t remember, it was as if everything inside me shut down.”
Nolan waited, not daring to breathe, though inside, he was furious.
“They dragged me into the woods, and blindfolded me. Couldn’t see…their faces. They ripped off my clothing, turned me on my stomach and held me down laughing while Bryce…”
Jordan gulped down a breath as his stomach gave a sickening jolt. “B-bryce said he knew you took my virginity. H-he watched us in the hayloft. S-said he would mark me so you’d never forget it. He took the knife, heated it with his lighter… I screamed and screamed, but no one heard me.”
Nails cut into his palms as he squeezed his fists. The things he wanted to do to his brother for hurting Jordan…
Good thing you’re dead you son of a bitch.
“When he finished, they started arguing. They wanted him to carve me up more, make me ugly to the world. Bryce said no, he only wanted this one mark. The ones holding me loosened their grip and…”
She gave a shaky laugh as fat tears dripped down her pale cheeks. “They let go. That’s when I rolled, broke free and ran.
“By then someone was on the path. Your father, coming down to check on you as I thought.” Jordan’s laughter held a note of hysteria. “He saw me, naked. I told him what happened with Bryce. Craig told me to ‘go on now, git to your room and wash up.” He would deal with it and punish Bryce ….”
The sickening nausea intensified. Bryce was dead, he kept repeating to himself. Focus on her. She’s more important.
“I was too ashamed to ask for help with the wound, so I treated it myself. Waited at breakfast the next day to s-see if the alpha would condemn Bryce. You were out riding with the Skin group. And Bryce sat there, looked at me. He mouthed the words, ‘Tonight, I’ll finish carving you up.’”
Nolan’s heart twisted at the woefulness in her wet eyes.
“I kept hoping all day the alpha would punish him, say something. I finally went to your father. He said, he said…”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Your father, my alpha, told me he questioned Bryce. Bryce said it wasn’t him, but I paid another guy to put that on my back and accuse him.”
How could his father believe such crap? Then again, Craig had always been blind when it came to his younger son.
“Bryce warned him I was an upstart female who wanted to get rid of him so she could gain power through the alpha’s heir. I had no roots, no family and needed to firm up my position in the pack. To do that, I needed to kick Bryce out of the way.”
Fury filled him, but he managed to control his emotions. “Did my father ask to see the wound in the daylight?”
Another characteristic shrug. “I showed him. Told him I wasn’t that desperate that I’d deliberately carve myself up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But Craig didn’t believe me. Because I wasn’t blood, Nolan. I was an outsider, just like Bryce had
said.”
“My brother hurt you and my father did nothing.”
Jordan’s mouth wobbled precariously. She gave a customary shrug that hid much, but he knew how deeply his father’s betrayal hurt. “I couldn’t wait, knowing Bryce might try again, knowing others hated me enough to aid him. So I ran. I said those terrible things to you so you would never know what happened, would never come after me. I was the outsider, the one who didn’t belong.”
Rage filled him. He couldn’t imagine how she survived. Nolan wiped away a single tear. “How, how the hell did you get through it?”
Her mouth twitched in the merest smile. “You swore. You broke your rules about swearing.”
“Screw my rules,” he said fiercely. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She refused to meet his gaze. “I would have driven an even bigger wedge between you and Bryce, and your father as well. You were the alpha’s heir, his pride and joy. And maybe, just maybe, I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me, either.”
The last sentence grieved him. He put a finger on her chin, lifting her face up. “I wish you’d had more faith in me, Jordan. I would have believed you. What happened to you after you left? Did you get help?”
Jordan shrugged. “Nothing interested me. I couldn’t eat. Sleep. I couldn’t stand the sound of my thoughts. Or being near people, Skins or Lupines. Stayed in the forest, Tristan, he helped. He came to me in the form of a wolf, cooked me game, otherwise I would have died.”
He made a mental note to personally thank the Silver Wizard. “Jordan, there are no words. No words can make up for what my father did to you. Yeah, my brother, too, but more than that, my father. Craig should have stood up for you instead of dismissing you.”
“Pack first, then family.” She scrubbed at her face. “Last comes me, the orphan dumped here by Tristan. Your family was forced to adopt me.”
“My father was responsible for your safety and welfare. Good alphas watch out for the pack’s young. My father took away your sense of fairness, your innocent outlook on life.”
Nolan’s throat tightened. “Your safety and belief that the alpha would protect you,
WILD WOLF: Werewolves of Montana Book 12 Page 14