by Leslie Gould
“I’m not sure.” She dreaded their next encounter.
“He seems quiet lately,” Dat responded. “Is everything all right?”
“Jah.” She quickly changed the subject, asking if he and Beth had come up with a guest list for the wedding.
“Just family,” he answered. “And Gideon and Monika. And the Becks.”
“Do you have a list of what needs to be done?”
Dat shook his head and then smiled. “But Beth does.”
What a relief it would be for Dat to have someone to partner with in life. Guilt washed over her. There was no doubt Reuben would be a good husband, much better than Trevor. How could she have been so foolish? She wouldn’t see Trevor anymore—she had no future with him.
After she’d cleaned up from dinner and did the dishes, she ran a load of sheets through the wash and hung them on the line before going to pick up Trudy. Once she reached the school, she parked and went inside to say hello to Beth. She was radiant.
As Trudy told her teacher good-bye, Beth leaned down and gave her a hug. There was both a peace and an excitement in Beth that Rose hadn’t seen before. She would be a mother—something she’d surely longed for her entire life. Rose thought of Reuben again, and then of Trevor. It was also obvious who would make the better father. She must, when it came to Trevor, follow her head and not her heart. Thankfully, as long as Trevor didn’t tell anyone, Reuben would never know that she’d kissed the Englischer—twice. She wouldn’t do it again.
The next time Reuben came by, she’d take the time to listen to him. She’d had her fun.
When they returned home, Rose pulled the laundry off the line, folded it and put it away, and then changed into her milking dress to help Dat. Trudy asked to go see Lila, but Rose said she needed to stay home. “Do your homework,” she said. “Then put the pot of soup on the stove.”
Weariness was catching up with Rose.
As she headed to the barn, the sound of a horse and buggy stopped her. She turned. It was Reuben. He waved and smiled slightly, as much as he ever did.
She waved back.
As he approached he called out, “I’ll help with the milking.”
She could have hugged him. “Denki,” she answered. Relieved, she headed back to the house and changed into her regular clothes. She’d rest for a half hour and then make biscuits and potato cakes to go with the soup.
After settling into Dat’s chair, the next thing she knew Trudy was shaking her arm. “The soup is hot,” her little sister said.
Rose rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”
“Five forty-five.”
“Oh, no.” Rose struggled to her feet. “Is Dat done with the milking?”
“He’s just finishing up.”
“What about Reuben?”
“He went on home.”
Rose headed to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“Reuben didn’t want me to,” Trudy said. “He said he needed to talk with you but he’d do it the next time he saw you.”
Rose wished he hadn’t left. What if he could sense what she’d done? Or worse yet, what if some sort of gossip had already started?
She turned on the heat to the oven and then quickly mixed the flour, baking powder, and salt, and cut in the butter and added the milk to the dough. Instead of rolling it, she dropped spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. As she pulled the handful of leftover baked potatoes from lunch out of the refrigerator, Trudy announced that someone was coming up the driveway.
Standing at the window, her little sister turned toward Rose. “It’s Trevor.”
“Oh, dear.” Rose hoped Dat was still busy in the barn. At least Reuben had gone home. She hurried out the back door as Trevor climbed out of the car.
He grinned as he saw her. “Where’s the fire?” he asked.
“Right here if my Dat sees you.” She tried to keep her voice playful even though she was serious.
He stepped closer, and she stepped back.
He cocked his head, a sad expression on his face. “You’re not happy to see me?”
“That’s not it,” Rose said. “I’m cooking supper. Dat will be coming in from the barn any minute.”
He grinned again. “So bad timing on my part?”
She nodded.
“I can come back. . . . I really hoped we could talk.” He smiled down at her. “We need to talk.”
She didn’t answer.
“Say, around nine? Could you meet me in the Becks’ barn?”
She shook her head and said softly, “How about our barn? But don’t park here.”
He nodded. “See you then.” He stepped closer and put his hand on her shoulder, making her whole body tingle. He whispered, “I want to kiss you, right now.”
“You can’t,” she whispered back, ducking away from his hand. “Go.”
He pouted a little, but in a teasing way, as he retreated to his car while her heart raced. She couldn’t help but compare Reuben’s lack of pursuit of her today to Trevor’s.
After supper, Dat said he was going to Gideon’s for a short while. He told Trudy to get to bed on time and told Rose he should be home by nine.
She yawned. “I’ll be in bed by then. I got up extra early with Lila today.” Rose cringed inside. She’d tell Trevor tonight that she couldn’t see him anymore—that she wouldn’t. The thought made her sad, but it was her only choice. She couldn’t have any sort of relationship with Trevor Anderson.
Trudy was in bed by eight thirty. Rose kissed her little sister on the forehead and said, “I’ll be in soon.”
She peeked in on Trudy at 8:50. Thankfully she was asleep. Now to get out to the barn before Dat arrived home. She grabbed the flashlight from the back porch, swung her cape over her shoulders, and hurried out the door. She wouldn’t even hug Trevor. And she certainly wouldn’t kiss him. She’d tell him she couldn’t see him again. Sure, he might be hurt, but not any more than she would be. The alternative would be far worse.
As she approached the barn she heard the hoot of an owl again—another bad impression. She had the flashlight in her hand and swung it in a sweeping motion as she opened the door and stepped inside. Another hoot, this one from the hay stacked along the far wall. Dat wouldn’t see them there or hear them when he led his horse into its stall on the other side of the barn—not that she’d stay that long.
A beam of light appeared and Trevor called out, “Rose! I’m over here.”
The now-familiar longing shot through her. One kiss wouldn’t hurt. A good-bye kiss. The last one ever. She hurried toward him, her resolve one hundred percent abandoned.
14
Three weeks later, Reuben stood outside the Lehmans’ barn with Tim and Daniel. “We need help with the benches is all,” Tim said. “It’s going to be a small gathering.”
Daniel nodded. “Hopefully I’ll be here. Jenny’s been having contractions.”
“Aren’t first babies usually late?” Dat asked.
Daniel shrugged. “I don’t think that’s anything to count on.”
“I’ll be here for sure,” Reuben said. The wedding was the next day, Thursday, and he’d planned to close down the lumberyard altogether. It wouldn’t hurt to lose a day of business. Tim was his friend, and he wanted to support him, but he hoped to have a chance to finally spend time with Rose too and talk with her about setting a wedding date. It seemed it might be quite a while until Lila and Zane married, and although Tim had been busy getting ready for his own wedding, Reuben had never seen Tim happier and more congenial. He was grateful for how things worked out and thankful he hadn’t been the one to have to say something to his Dat about Tim and Beth’s relationship.
Rose had been distant and withdrawn the last several weeks. He’d been anxious about it and had even gone so far as to ask Zane if she was interested in his friend Trevor. Zane had said that Trevor wasn’t spending any time on Juneberry Lane anymore, so he didn’t think so. He added that he’d been concerned for a short
time about Trevor, but the Englischer had promised Zane he wasn’t interested in Rose and wouldn’t pursue even a friendship with her.
Reuben didn’t ask Zane if Rose had been interested in Trevor. Clearly, if she had been, the man hadn’t returned her feelings. Reuben could live with that—as long as she was over it. She was young. It was understandable that she might be interested in a handsome Englischer with a red sports car and war stories. Hopefully no harm was done, but it would be good to speak with Rose and know for sure what her thoughts were on the matter. If only he’d had a chance to speak with her about marriage all those weeks ago.
“I need to get going,” Daniel said. “See you in the morning.”
“See you then.” Reuben couldn’t help but wonder if Jenny resented Tim and Beth scheduling their wedding at the time her Bobbli was due. Tim probably hadn’t thought about it, and Beth must have decided it was worth the risk.
Reuben asked Tim if there was anything else he needed help with.
“Jah, do you have an idea of how we can get Lila into the house? The stairs are too steep for a ramp. We could carry her up in her wheelchair, but it leans back at a funny angle.”
Reuben rubbed his chin. “We could make a chair with our hands and carry her up. Does she still have that contraption on?”
“Jah,” Tim answered. “She gets it off Monday. Then she can walk up the steps. Carrying her like that might work. I should have thought about that before.” He tugged at his beard.
Reuben followed Tim back around toward the back door. “Come on in for some supper,” Tim said. “I don’t know what Rose fixed—but she has something for us to eat.”
The curtain over the dining room fluttered a little. Either Trudy or Rose was peeking.
Reuben hesitated, not sure if he should go on in. Tim assumed he would though and led the way. Rose wasn’t in the kitchen, but the table was set. Reuben headed to the bathroom and washed his hands. When he came back, Trudy was putting a basket of bread on the table. The table was set for four people, but Rose still wasn’t around.
Reuben took the place at the end of the table, where he usually sat when he visited.
Tim joined them a minute later, his sleeves still rolled to his elbows after washing. “Where’s your sister?” he asked Trudy as he sat down.
“She’s not feeling well.”
Tim frowned but then bowed his head. After the prayer, Trudy retrieved a pot from the stove and put it in the middle of the table. It smelled good. She took the lid off to reveal a pot roast and vegetables.
“Hmmm,” Reuben said. “Did you fix that?”
Trudy shook her head. “It’s leftover from dinner. Right, Dat?”
Tim nodded. “I thought Rose had something else up her sleeve for our supper, but I guess not. She’s probably been busy making preparations for tomorrow.”
Reuben hoped so, but he didn’t see any sign of it except for a large pan of rolls on the counter. Perhaps she had some pies cooling in a cupboard. If so, the scent of baking had dissipated. Thankfully the gathering would be small. “Will Simon be able to come home?”
“No,” Tim said. “He shipped out to Iraq last week.”
Trudy appeared downcast.
Tim patted her shoulder. “He’ll be back by summer.” He turned toward Reuben. “Hopefully it will just be a six-month deployment.”
Reuben wondered how all of it worked. Did Simon leave messages on Tim’s message machine in the barn? Hello, Dat, I’m shipping out to Iraq. See you when I get back. Reuben couldn’t fathom all that Tim went through as an Amish father. Reuben hoped he’d never have to suffer the same someday.
Trudy began talking about what she did at school that day. Reuben half listened as he thought about Rose. She never did come out of her room. After he finished eating he left, saying he’d be back in the morning to help with the chores.
The next morning, as the sun rose, Reuben approached the house with Daniel after helping with the milking just as Beth arrived. Reuben hurried to her buggy, taking the reins from her. “I’ll take care of the horse,” he said.
“Denki.” She climbed down. “I need help carrying everything in first.”
Daniel went around the back and grabbed a box. Reuben followed and grabbed a second one. He smelled chicken. Beth must have gotten up in the middle of the night to fix them.
“Just put the boxes on the table,” she said. “I’ll take care of everything.”
Daniel led the way, followed by Reuben and Beth. When they entered, Rose stood at the stove stirring hot cereal. Without looking up, she said, “We’re having a simple breakfast. I still need to peel the potatoes.”
She wore a work dress, and a scarf instead of her Kapp, and she looked as if she’d hardly slept. Reuben slid the box on the table and went back out to the buggy, leading the horse toward the barn. Maybe Rose really was ill. Maybe that was why she seemed so out of sorts.
He hoped she’d feel better later and he’d have a chance to speak with her.
Shani’s van arrived as Reuben returned to the house with another box. Shani stepped down, a bag in her hand, and Zane jumped out of the passenger seat and stepped to the back and pulled out a wheelchair. It did tilt backward, just like Tim had said. Zane rolled it around to the side of the van and opened the sliding door.
“May I help?” Reuben asked.
“Ach, I think we’re good,” Zane answered, reaching into the van. He transferred Lila to the chair. Her cape was pushed up over the apparatus around her middle, and she seemed to be wearing some sort of skirt and top. She wore a black bonnet over her Kapp.
“I’ll walk with you to the front,” Reuben said. “And then I can help you carry her up.”
“Denki,” Zane said.
As they walked along, Reuben asked Lila how she was doing.
“All right,” she said. “And I’ll be doing even better once I get this fixator off.” She glanced up at Zane. “Then I can start rehab.”
Charlie and Eve’s car came down the driveway as Reuben and Zane lifted Lila out of the chair and carried her in the sling of their joined hands up to the porch and into the house. They placed her in Tim’s chair in the living room, and then Zane hurried back out for her wheelchair.
Reuben stood in the archway to the kitchen as Charlie, Eve, and their foster baby came through the back door. Beth had taken charge, and Rose had disappeared. By the time Reuben finished breakfast, his Dat and Monika had arrived too, along with Jenny. She immediately sat down in a chair at the table. She was as big as any pregnant woman he’d ever seen. Of course he didn’t say that.
“Let’s clear the living room and then set up the benches,” Daniel said to Reuben. Charlie volunteered to help. They left the women peeling potatoes, while Trudy held Eve’s foster baby. Rose hadn’t returned. Reuben guessed she was getting dressed, but she seemed to be taking her own sweet time—that was for sure.
Zane had transferred Lila back into her wheelchair, and Reuben overheard her ask Trudy to go tell Rose they needed her help. The truth was they didn’t, but Trudy obeyed her oldest sister. She returned a few minutes later and said, “She’ll be right out.”
Rose finally appeared right before the nine o’clock service started. She’d changed into a good dress and wore her Kapp and apron. It seemed to Reuben that she avoided looking at him. Zane parked Lila’s chair on the women’s side and then joined the men’s side. Reuben settled down next to Charlie. Tim and Beth came down the middle of the living room and sat on the two folding chairs in the front, facing each other, smiling as they did.
After leading the small group in a song, Reuben’s Dat read the Scripture from Colossians about putting on charity and letting God rule in your hearts, and then about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives.
Next he preached a sermon, one Reuben had never heard before, about God’s love for the church and how the Lord called for the same sort of love in families—both unconditional and sacrificial. Reuben thought of his parents
and how gentle his father had been even when his mother was harsh and judgmental. He was certain he took after his mother more than his father and for a moment feared he wouldn’t love Rose the way he should. But he put that thought aside as his Dat continued on, quoting Ecclesiastes 4:9, 11-12: “‘Two are better than one . . . if two lie together, they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.’”
Reuben glanced over at the women’s side. Rose had her head down as if praying. Reuben couldn’t help but hope she was praying about their relationship.
After the sermon, Gideon instructed Tim and Beth to stand. Then he asked them if they would remain together until death.
Both answered, “Jah.”
“And will you care for each other during sickness, weakness, adversity, and affliction?” he asked.
Again they answered, in unison. “Jah.”
He took their hands in his and said, “Go forth in the Lord’s name. I now pronounce you man and wife.” Tim beamed down at Beth, pure joy on his face. She returned the expression.
That was what Reuben wanted with Rose. That moment. That commitment. He had to speak with her.
After the service, the women retreated to the kitchen while the men turned the benches into tables for the meal. It was by far the smallest wedding Reuben had ever been to—there were fewer than twenty people.
When the tables were set up, Reuben peeked into the kitchen. Rose stood with her back to the refrigerator, her arms crossed. Beth was clearly in charge, arranging the food on the table. Lila sat in her wheelchair, tilted back, watching Rose, while Trudy did her best to help Beth.
Reuben stepped back into the living room. Charlie held their foster boy, Jackson, and Zane and Joel both stood beside him, trying to make the little one laugh. Reuben appreciated Eve and Charlie caring for an orphan, but he was surprised they wanted to adopt the boy. Reuben wasn’t sure he’d be able to accept a child he had no biological connection to.