by Leslie Gould
“Denki,” Rose said. “I appreciate it.”
After she left, Reuben flipped the sign to Closed and shuffled over to his house, feeling like an old man. He’d been burned twice by the Lehman girls, but this hurt far worse than the first time. He needed something to numb the pain, so he veered off to the side yard, picked up his axe, and began splitting wood. He did that for the next hour. In that time, not one customer stopped by. After he’d finished, sweaty and tired, he took the wood into the house, load by load, filling the box by the stove. Then he went to the warehouse and finished up the accounts for the day.
Next, he washed up, made himself a sandwich for his supper, and ate it standing at the counter. Perhaps his old house would never have the touch of a wife or the laughter of children in it again.
A half hour later, the smell of coffee greeted Reuben as Tim welcomed him into the warmth of the kitchen. A peach cream pie, the sauce still bubbling, sat in the middle of the table, and Rose and Beth were wiping the last of the supper dishes.
Rose gave him a little wave, followed by a pained look. Then she bent down to put a frying pan in the drawer under the stove. Reuben turned away, not wanting to hurt himself more by watching her.
“What brings you here?” Tim slapped Reuben on the back. Beth smiled at him as she hung her towel.
Tim and Beth both seemed so happy. He hated to think of the disappointment they would soon feel.
Before Reuben could answer, Beth asked, “How about a cup of decaf? And some pie. Rose made it.”
“Denki,” Reuben answered. “I’ll take you up on both the decaf and the pie.”
In no time they were settled around the table. Reuben could make out Trudy’s voice in the living room and every once in a while Lila’s soft murmur.
“So what does bring you out tonight?” Tim grinned, first at Reuben and then at Rose. “Are we to have another wedding in the family soon?”
“Ach, Dat,” Rose said. “It’s not that. I’m afraid I have news that won’t make you very happy.”
“Oh . . .” Tim’s face fell.
Rose tried to speak again, but no words came out. Reuben wrapped his hands around his mug of coffee.
Gently, Beth asked, “Does this have to do with the two of you?”
“It has to do with me,” Rose answered. “Reuben is just here to support me.”
Tim’s eyes narrowed. “What’s going on?”
“I’m going to have a Bobbli,” Rose said.
Tim exhaled, as if the air had been kicked out of him. “And the father isn’t Reuben?”
Rose shook her head. Reuben felt as if he couldn’t move. He was doing nothing to support Rose, except sitting beside her, paralyzed.
“Who is the father?” Tim’s voice grew louder. “Not that Englisch boy who was hanging around here, I hope.”
Beth put her hand on Tim’s shoulder. For a moment Reuben thought he might shrug it off. But he didn’t. Instead he reached up with his hand and covered hers.
“Rose?” Tim said, this time quietly.
“Jah, that’s right,” she answered. “Trevor is the father.”
“Does he know?”
Reuben followed Rose’s eyes toward the archway to the living room. Lila stood there, leaning on her crutches. “I left him a message.” Rose pulled her eyes away from her sister.
“But you haven’t heard back from him?” Tim asked.
Rose shook her head.
Tim exhaled again. “I wish you hadn’t told him.”
“Why?” Rose sputtered.
“He might want parental rights. Shared custody. That sort of thing. It might make things more difficult, in the long run.” Tim tugged on his beard. “We can pray he doesn’t contact you. That might be best for all involved.”
Reuben couldn’t help but notice the frown on Lila’s face. And then the confusion on Rose’s.
“Trust me, Rose,” Tim said.
Now Tim was looking at Reuben. “I’m guessing you’re here because you plan to stand by Rose.”
Reuben cleared his throat, aiming to choose his words carefully. “I want to support her, jah. As far as standing by her . . . what exactly do you mean?”
“Going through with your commitment to her.”
Reuben’s mouth went dry. Tim had married Lila and Daniel’s mother—and he wasn’t their biological father. But Reuben couldn’t imagine that Rose actually wanted him, not after being with Trevor, and if Trevor called her back or returned to Lancaster County, Reuben wouldn’t have a chance.
“Dat . . .” Rose said.
Tim leaned forward, away from Beth’s steady hand. “Reuben, why else would you be here?”
“Because he’s kind,” Rose said. “I don’t want him to sacrifice for me.”
Tim’s eyes narrowed. “I’d like to hear what Reuben has to say.”
“Dat,” Rose said. “We haven’t talked—”
“What do you have to say, son?”
Son. Everyone knew Tim cared for Reuben as much as he did his own sons. And Reuben cared for Tim the way he did his own father. In many ways, he understood Tim better than he did his own father.
Reuben glanced at Rose. She frowned.
Finally Reuben said, “To be honest, I don’t know what I plan to do. I think there’s time to figure that out.” Then he turned to Rose and said, “Are you ready to go speak with my Dat?”
Beth, her expression tense, stood. “How about some more coffee first?”
Tim pushed back his chair. “I think we’re done with dessert.” He fixed his gaze on Rose. “I’ll take you over to Gideon’s. You should have your Dat with you at a time like this.” Tim didn’t look at Reuben.
Beth stopped in the middle of the kitchen and turned back toward her husband. “Tim . . .”
“I know what I’m doing,” Tim said. “Let’s go, Rose.”
Beth didn’t budge.
Reuben stayed put as well while Rose whispered “Denki” to him and then stood. Tim led the way to the back porch. Rose followed. A moment later the back door slammed.
Beth turned toward Reuben. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Are you all right?”
Reuben couldn’t reply, but tears stung his eyes—as Lila’s crutch hit the floor.
Fifteen minutes later, Reuben hurried to the Lehman barn and called Shani Beck. Lila had made him wait until Tim and Rose left before calling. The phone rang and rang, and he was just about ready to hang up when Joel answered. Shani was over at Zane’s little house.
“Could you tell her Lila fell?” Reuben asked. “She says she’s fine, but Beth wants Shani to come take a look at her.”
“I’ll go get her,” Joel said. “And Zane too.”
“Or I could go tell them,” Reuben said, wondering how hard it was for Joel to get around with his cane in the dark.
“No, stay there. I’ll go get them.”
Reuben thanked Joel, hung up the phone, and leaned against the wall of Tim’s office. How many times had he been overwhelmed by the chaos of the Lehman family? How many times had he felt the need to distance himself? And yet he’d loved Lila. And he had loved Rose too. Had? Was his love gone, just like that?
Reuben was tempted to go on home. Shani and Zane were on their way. There was no reason to stay. He sighed and lingered longer even though he needed to go in and tell Beth and Lila good-bye. And Trudy too. He wasn’t sure if she was upset solely because Lila had fallen or if she’d overheard the conversation, but she was out of sorts. Poor girl. She’d gone through so much in her short life.
Finally Reuben slipped through the office door, out into the barn. Maybe in time he’d come to care for Rose in the same sisterly way he did for Lila now. He cared for their Dat too. He never had to guess what he was thinking, and he always worked hard, harder than anyone else Reuben knew. Tim and Reuben did have a lot in common as far as their personalities—and they’d always gotten along well—although Tim clearly wasn’t pleased with Reuben now.
He left the warmth of the ba
rn for the cold night. Stars glimmered overhead, and a nearly full moon rose above the poplar trees. He stepped into the driveway, staring at the sky, mourning what he’d lost. A wife. A family. In-laws.
He stood longer than he’d meant to, until headlights turned toward him. Shani’s van, most likely. He hurried toward the house, but Zane beat him to the back door. Reuben waited on the top step for Shani and opened the door for her.
“Thank you for letting us know,” she said.
By the time they reached the living room, Zane was kneeling on the floor beside Lila, who reclined on the sofa. Beth hovered at the end of the sofa, and Trudy sat in Tim’s chair, staring at her sister.
Shani said hello and then asked, “Did you twist anything when you fell?”
“I don’t think so,” Lila said.
Shani stepped closer and asked her to move each foot and then each leg. She was able. Then she had her sit and then stand, pushing up with one crutch.
“Hand her the other crutch,” Shani said to Zane.
“Mom,” he replied. “Don’t push her.”
“No, it’s best to get up and move around.”
Zane handed Lila the crutch, and she took a couple of steps.
“I think you’re okay,” Shani said. “Take some ibuprofen. Keep moving. If you’re worse in the morning, call the doctor.”
Beth thanked Shani. She simply nodded, said, “Of course,” and gave Lila a hug and then Trudy one too.
She turned to Zane. “I’m going to get home so I can read Adam a bedtime story. Want to come with me?”
“I’ll be by later,” Zane said.
As Beth walked with Shani to the back door, Lila told Trudy she needed to get her pajamas on.
“Is Rose really going to have a Bobbli?” Trudy asked.
Zane spun toward Lila. “What?”
“Jah,” Lila said. Then she turned to Trudy. “Go get ready for bed, and then either Beth or I will come talk with you. And plan to go to school tomorrow. You haven’t had a fever today, and your cough is much better.”
Trudy nodded, as compliant as ever. After she left the room, Zane asked, “What’s going on?” This time looking at Reuben.
“It’s not what you think.” Lila collapsed into her father’s chair.
“I should get going,” Reuben said.
“No, please stay,” Lila responded.
Reuben couldn’t guess why Lila wanted him to. Beth stepped from the kitchen to the hallway and then into the girls’ room.
When the door clicked shut, Zane glanced from Lila to Reuben and then asked, “Who’s the father?”
Lila answered, “Trevor.”
Zane groaned and turned toward Reuben, his expression pained. But he didn’t say anything.
There were all sorts of things Reuben wanted Zane to say. That he was sorry that he hadn’t watched his friend better. That Rose getting pregnant was the culmination of all the years of influence the Beck family had on the Lehmans. Jah, there were all sorts of things Reuben wished Zane would say.
Instead he said, “I don’t understand. Trevor said he wouldn’t pursue Rose, not even as a friend.”
“Apparently they were sneaking around,” Lila said. “Which makes sense now. There were times Rose left the little house after she thought I was asleep. I thought Trevor was over at Eve and Charlie’s though, so I assumed she was seeing Reuben. Maybe.” Lila shook her head. “Actually things were pretty foggy for me.”
Reuben couldn’t hold Lila accountable for what Rose had done. And, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t hold Zane directly accountable for Trevor either. It sounded as if he’d tried to address what he saw as a potential situation. But the decade-long relationship between the two families really was the foundation for Trevor getting to know Rose at all.
Zane raked his fingers through his hair. “What’s going to happen now?”
“She’s with Dat over at Gideon’s,” Lila said. “Then she’ll have to confess to the church. She’ll be banned, then reinstated. Then she’ll have the Bobbli and . . .” Lila’s voice trailed off.
Reuben guessed they both expected him to say something, but he had no idea what.
Lila shifted her gaze to Zane. “Did Trevor say anything about Rose?”
“No,” Zane answered. “Not in particular anyway. Not about them.” He dragged his hand over his face. “He told me he’d leave her alone, and foolishly, I believed him.” Zane shook his head. “There was that morning when we were going to the doctor. That seemed a little odd. And before he left for home, Rose stopped by the little house. At least I think she did. I saw her heading toward the field that day.” Zane paused for a moment as if thinking and then asked, “What was Trevor’s response to the news?”
“Rose left a message for him,” Lila said, “but he hasn’t gotten back to her.”
Zane grimaced. “One of the reasons he went back home was because of his girlfriend.”
It was Lila’s turn to groan.
Reuben turned toward Zane. “Do you know for sure that he got back together with his girlfriend?”
“No.”
“Then I think we should wait to tell Rose.” Reuben doubted Trevor was out of the picture for good. He’d seen the way the Englischer looked at Rose. He’d be back.
“All right, but I don’t think it’s best for Trevor to be in the picture.” Zane turned toward Reuben. “He’s not reliable. Not good husband or father material. Rose would end up leaving the church, possibly moving to Delaware. It would be horrible for her, of all people, to be so far from home.”
Lila shook her head. “If Trevor will take responsibility for this Bobbli, I think that would be best.”
“He can barely take responsibility for himself. Besides,” Zane said, “you weren’t raised by your biological father. Things turned out all right.”
She wrinkled her nose, glanced toward the hall, and then said in a low voice, “Jah, perhaps so . . .”
“Your Dat loves you,” Zane said.
Lila sighed. “Of course he does, but would he have ever done for me what he did for Rose tonight? Going over to Gideon’s like that?” She shook her head. “No, I would have been on my own.”
Zane reached for her hand. “I don’t think that’s true. I think he would have.” When Lila didn’t respond, Zane glanced Reuben’s way again. “You’re awfully quiet.”
Reuben just nodded. He couldn’t get past Lila not feeling as loved as Tim’s biological children or the fact that Rose saw the situation in the same light. He’d always admired what a good father Tim had been to Daniel and Lila. True, he seemed to have higher expectations for them, but they were the oldest. That wasn’t uncommon. He knew his parents had been more lenient with him than they’d been with his older brothers. But perhaps, for as much time as he spent with the Lehman family, he didn’t know them as well as he thought.
If Tim Lehman hadn’t loved Daniel and Lila like he did his other children, then Reuben was pretty sure he’d never love Trevor Anderson’s Bobbli as his own. He felt too much anger. Too much betrayal. Tim had the advantage of not being betrayed by Abra. And as far as he knew, Tim never met Lila and Daniel’s biological father, not even later. Reuben could never get the image of the way Trevor looked at Rose out of his head. Nor the way Trevor humiliated him at the barn raising.
“I’m going to look for my biological father,” Lila announced.
“Babe,” Zane said. “Why?”
“I need to know who he is. I know his name, and I’ll ask Eve if she has any more information. I want to know what I missed.”
Stunned, Reuben managed to say, “But that’ll hurt your Dat.”
“I’m not doing it to hurt him,” Lila answered. “I’m doing it because I’ve wanted to for years. And now that it seems I might not be able to have children—” Her voice caught.
Reuben tried not to react but guessed the accident had done some sort of damage.
“I want even more to know the person who’s always been missing from my l
ife.”
“Babe,” Zane said again. Reuben’s heart fluttered at the way Zane talked to Lila. His love for her was so obvious, in a way Reuben—as an Amish man—wasn’t accustomed to witnessing. Zane took Lila’s hand. “We don’t know about the Bobbli part,” he said. “For sure.”
She swiped at a tear. “It doesn’t matter. I still want to find my father.”
Reuben cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable. He’d stayed too long. “I need to get going.”
Zane stood and shook Reuben’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Really.”
Reuben swallowed hard and said, “It’s not your fault.” It was Rose’s fault. And Trevor’s. “I’ll let myself out.”
Zane followed him to the kitchen. Reuben stopped a moment and faced him. Zane took a step backward.
“Don’t worry about all of this,” Reuben said. “In time, it will work out. Like all things do.” He believed that—he just couldn’t feel it right now. He continued on to the mud porch, grabbed his overcoat, and hurried out the back door. Thankfully Zane didn’t follow him. Otherwise he would have seen him swiping at his eyes as he jogged toward his buggy.
It wasn’t as if he was fleeing a burning building. It was more like he was fleeing the charred remains of the life he’d hoped to have. First with Lila. Then with Rose.
He was out of options.
19
The next morning Lila got out of bed not long after Rose, took her turn in the bathroom, and then managed to dress by herself. She was sore from her fall the night before and decided to take a pain pill, even though she hadn’t had one since the morning of her ob-gyn appointment. But the bottle wasn’t where it belonged. She looked through all the cupboards but didn’t find it anywhere. Perhaps Rose had put the bottle away somewhere different.
Lila woke Trudy and told her she needed to get dressed. “Rose is helping Dat with the milking, so you need to feed the chickens.” Trudy yawned and snuggled under her quilt for another minute but then slipped out of bed and dressed quickly. She wasn’t one to chat much in the morning, which was fine with Lila. She hoped Beth had talked with her about Rose the night before because, honestly, Lila wasn’t sure what to tell her.