by Leslie Gould
Beth shook her head. “Just keep us all company.”
Jenny sat down too, with Brook facing Lila. The little one waved her fist. Lila smiled but didn’t reach out to her.
Rose couldn’t believe in a year she’d have a Bobbli bigger than Brook. The little girl lunged for her. Jenny laughed. “She knows her Aenti.” Rose took the little one in her arms. Standing up straight, Rose marveled at how tiny the little girl was at seven weeks.
“How was Christmas Eve at your Mamm’s?” Lila asked Jenny.
Rose drifted toward Beth with the Bobbli, not wanting to think of Reuben with his Dat and Monika and their entire blended family. She held Brook closer, trying to ward off her loneliness, thinking of the horrible trade she’d made.
Jenny gushed about how lovely the evening was. Between the two families there were nine children and now eighteen grandchildren. Rose had fantasized about being part of the Byler brood, of how she would have been accepted as Reuben’s wife. They were good people. She couldn’t have asked for better in-laws.
Rose’s family always visited Monika and Gideon the day after Christmas. No one had brought up the outing so far this year, and she doubted Reuben would be there even if they did.
Brook waved her arm, swatting at the tie to Rose’s Kapp.
“Has anyone heard from Simon?” Jenny asked.
Rose turned back to the conversation.
“No,” Lila said. “You know he hardly ever writes.”
“How about from Casey?”
Lila shook her head.
Beth put the potato masher down and said, “We’ll eat in ten minutes. Trudy, would you please go tell your Dat and Daniel?”
Lila turned toward the window, probably wondering when Zane would arrive. Rose didn’t know what was going on between Lila and Zane, but it seemed things were tense. Lila definitely hadn’t been herself since the accident.
Dat and Daniel returned to the house and washed up, and Beth started putting the food on the table. Lila glanced out the window again. As everyone gathered at the table to sit down there was a knock on the door. Trudy ran to it and let Zane in. It took a minute for him to take off his boots and hang up his coat, but then he stepped into the kitchen.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Simon called.”
Rose snuck a look at Dat, wondering how it was for him to have his son call the Englisch neighbors on Christmas. He’d probably left a message on the barn phone too, but still . . . Dat’s expression remained stoic.
“He said to tell all of you hello and that he misses you,” Zane said. “He says not to worry, he’s doing fine and he’s safe.” He turned to Lila. “Just after he hung up, the phone rang again. It was Butch Wilson. He asked if I’d wish you a Merry Christmas, and said he and his mother would like to meet you sometime soon, perhaps halfway.”
Rose wanted to roll her eyes. Really? Didn’t he get that this was a touchy subject?
“What’s that all about?” Daniel asked.
Lila said, “I’ll tell you later.”
“Jah, let’s sit down and pray,” Dat said. “And get started on this wonderful meal Beth has prepared.” Rose couldn’t imagine what life would have been like if Beth wasn’t part of their family now. Dat would be beside himself with all that was going on without Beth’s steady and cheerful presence.
After the meal was over, Rose sent Dat, Beth, and Trudy off for a sleigh ride. As Rose and Jenny did the dishes, Daniel held the Bobbli while Zane helped put the food away. He was more in the way than anything, but he seemed to want to do something.
“So who’s Butch Wilson?” Daniel asked Lila.
Rose didn’t need to look at her sister to know her face was growing red.
“Lila, what’s going on?” Daniel asked.
“That’s our birth father’s name.”
Jenny spun around, her hands covered with soap bubbles. “What?”
“Jah,” Lila said. “But the person who called isn’t our father. He may be our half brother though. And, if he is, our birth father is dead.”
An expression of dismay passed over Daniel’s face and then he groaned. “What have you done?”
“A little research is all.”
“Lila, how could you?” he asked loudly. The baby startled. He hugged her closer and dropped his voice, but he was clearly angry. “Dat is our father. We don’t need to know what’s in the past.”
“I’ve wondered about our biological father since I was little.”
“Well, I haven’t,” Daniel said. “You could have at least asked me before digging into the past.”
“Aren’t you sad that he might be dead?”
Daniel shook his head. “Sorry for his family, jah. But it doesn’t have anything to do with me. And if you don’t know for sure, you shouldn’t be making assumptions.”
By the look on Jenny’s face she seemed to agree. “Have you talked with Gideon about this?”
Lila shook her head, looking a little defeated.
“You should,” Jenny said, turning back to the sink. “I think this family has enough problems without stirring up any more.”
That night, after Trudy had fallen asleep, Rose whispered to Lila, “Are you still awake?”
“Jah.”
“Are we going over to Gideon and Monika’s tomorrow?”
“No,” Lila said. “Dat said we needed to start new traditions. But we’re still going to go over to Mammi and Dawdi’s.”
Rose hadn’t seen her grandparents since she’d found out she was pregnant. She knew they wouldn’t be judgmental, but they probably would be sad, knowing what was ahead of her.
Her thoughts fell back to Monika and Gideon. “Are they mad at me? Is it because of what I’ve done?”
“I don’t know,” Lila answered, and then it sounded as if she yawned.
“Because of Reuben, right?”
“You did betray him.”
“They weren’t mad at you.”
Rose could hear Lila shift a little in her bed, which she knew wasn’t easy for her. “Rose, I didn’t do what you’ve done.”
“You hurt him.”
“Jah, but you cheated on him.”
Rose didn’t respond for a long minute. Finally she said, “I told him I’m sorry, which I am, and I asked for his forgiveness. He seemed all right that day we saw him on the road.”
“Well, he’s not all right. He cared about you. He loved you—more than he ever did me.”
Rose’s heart swelled. “I don’t think so.”
“I know so. He looked at you in a different way than he ever looked at me.”
Rose swallowed hard. “I don’t even know why I did it. I got so caught up in the way Trevor treated me. I could tell by the way he looked at me that . . .” She stopped, wishing she hadn’t started the sentence.
Lila’s voice was harsh. “That what?”
When Rose didn’t answer, Lila asked, “That he wanted you? Because, jah, that wasn’t the way Reuben looked at you. He looked as if he cherished you. Wanted to protect you. Wanted to spend his life with you. Wanted to have a family with you. Trevor just looked like he wanted—some excitement.”
“You don’t need to be so blunt,” Rose said.
“Actually, I wasn’t,” Lila answered.
Rose bristled and stayed silent—for a couple of minutes. It wasn’t like Lila to be so harsh. “What’s with you?” she finally asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re mean. And peckish. Like a cross between a bull and a hen.”
Sarcasm filled Lila’s voice. “Denki,” she said, followed by the sound of her head shifting on her pillow, most likely away from Rose.
“I’ll get out of your hair soon,” Rose said. “Me being at Eve’s will make it easier for everyone.”
“Stop it,” Lila said. Suddenly the battery-operated lamp flicked on. Trudy stirred and rolled away from it, but she didn’t wake.
Rose turned toward her older sister. Tears streamed down Lila’s face. �
��Look,” she said. “Trevor took advantage of you. Zane and I both feel horrible we didn’t realize what was going on.” She swiped at her face. “Reuben is the victim in all of this, but he’s not acting like one. You are a child of God, and God is the perfect parent—he will never abandon you. And neither will Dat. He will care for you and the Bobbli. But make it easy for him, not harder. Go to Eve’s, but don’t act like it’s our fault you need to. It’s your choice.”
Your choice. All of this had been Rose’s choice. She threw away a good man for a few nights of fun. She had no one to blame but herself.
Lila stared at her for a long moment and then snapped off the light.
Rose didn’t say any more, but she stayed awake long into the night. She’d thrown away the future she had absolutely wanted. Lila was right. What kind of woman did she want to be? What kind of mother? It was time for her to grow up, to humble herself.
She pulled the quilt up higher against the icy cold with one hand while her other went to her stomach. It wasn’t as flat as it used to be, but it wasn’t as if she was showing either. Sooner or later she would be though.
She rolled to her side. She needed to forget Trevor. And Reuben too. She had no idea what her future held, but she was sure it didn’t hold either of them. The only thing she was certain of was her Bobbli. And she couldn’t help but hope, as Lila said, that God loved her and would never abandon her. But that was easier to hope for than to actually feel.
Another verse came to mind. “Therefore, brethren, stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle.” That’s what she would aim to do. She wouldn’t call Trevor again—instead, she’d trust the Lord. That was the only thing she could be one hundred percent sure of, that would bring her any peace.
She’d also lean on her family and the community that loved her. And she’d do her best to become a good mother to her Bobbli.
22
The first Saturday of January, in the late afternoon, Lila and Zane sat on the sofa in the living room of the Lehmans’ home, watching the snow out the window. Big fluffy, mesmerizing flakes were falling.
He was talking about the lawyer again, saying the man had left a message on his parents’ phone yesterday. A second claims adjuster from the insurance company was investigating. “He’ll come out and ask you questions on Monday,” Zane said.
She leaned back against the sofa. “I told you I’d rather not talk to him.”
Zane answered, “You have to.”
The sound of tires over gravel caught Lila’s attention.
“Are you expecting someone?” Zane asked.
“Jah, Eve and Charlie are coming for Rose.”
Zane stood and went to the window. Lila leaned her head back and closed her eyes. A couple of minutes later Zane opened the door for the couple. Eve held Jackson. After they entered, Charlie pointed to the boxes and suitcase by the door. “Are these Rose’s?”
“Jah,” Lila answered. While Charlie and Zane carried the items out to the sedan, Lila called out Rose’s name.
“Where is she?” Eve asked. “I’ll go get her.”
“Try our bedroom,” Lila answered.
Eve returned with Rose, who said, “I’ll go tell Dat, Beth, and Trudy good-bye.” All three had gone out to check on the twin calves that had been born the night before.
Jackson fussed a little, and Eve lifted him higher and then said to Lila, “I hope having Rose come stay with us won’t make things harder for you.”
Lila shook her head. “Not at all. Beth has everything under control. I think it will be good for Rose to be with you.”
Eve glanced toward the kitchen, as if Rose might reappear. “How’s she doing?”
Lila shrugged. “Sometime in the last few months she reverted back to the way she was before Reuben started courting her. I think she’s trying to find her way back, but she still seems pretty self-absorbed.” Lila sighed. “I keep thinking about our Mamm. She was younger than Rose when she got pregnant with Daniel and me. I can’t imagine she ever acted the way Rose does.”
Eve smiled, just a little.
“What?” Lila asked.
Eve shook her head. “Don’t get me wrong, but your Mamm had her moments. In fact she was a lot like Rose is now.”
“You’re kidding.” Lila pushed herself up a little straighter. “Everyone always says I remind them of Mamm.”
“The way you look, yes,” Eve said. “And the way you act, in some ways—but I think they’re making a comparison to when your Mamm was older. Not when she was Rose’s age.”
Lila wrinkled her nose.
“Take that as a compliment,” Eve said. “You’ve always been an old soul.”
Lila shook her head a little. “I don’t know about that.”
Eve smiled and then asked, “Speaking of the other old soul I know, have you and Zane chosen a date for the wedding?”
Lila shook her head. “We haven’t talked about it.”
“Why not?”
Lila glanced at her crutches. “It’s not like I can be much of a wife yet.”
Eve gave her a sympathetic look and then said, “What does Zane say?”
Lila shrugged. She didn’t want to discuss it with Eve. The truth was, Zane hadn’t said much lately. “He’s mostly obsessed with holding the guy who hit me accountable and getting his insurance to pay for everything.”
Considering how long it was taking the men to come back in the house, Lila guessed Charlie was grilling Zane too. She appreciated their concern—she really did. But there weren’t any quick and easy answers to her dilemma.
Jackson began to cry, and then a commotion at the back door distracted Eve more. Trudy came running through the kitchen into the living room, with Beth right behind her, walking quickly. After they both hugged Eve, Trudy reached for Jackson. He fell into her arms, laughing as he did. Dat came into the living room next, followed by Rose.
Lila glanced toward the front door, expecting Charlie and Zane to join the rest of them, but the door stayed closed.
“Well now,” Dat said to Eve. “So you’re really taking Rose away?”
Eve nodded. “She’ll be a big help to us.”
Dat stared at the baby for a moment. Lila could guess what he was thinking—that Eve shouldn’t have taken in a foster child when she was working. It was no surprise that Beth had given up her job so soon after she married, probably under Dat’s influence, although the school board probably would have required it soon enough. Then Dat turned to Rose. “Learn all you can,” he said.
“Jah,” Rose said. “I will.”
Dat nodded. “There’s a lot to learn. And about keeping a house too. Your Aenti is good at that.”
Rose answered, “I’ll do my best.”
Lila was surprised Dat had paid Eve a compliment. It wasn’t like him.
The door opened, and Charlie and Zane stepped in. After everyone hugged her, Rose stepped over to Lila and patted her shoulder. “Stop by some time.”
“I will,” Lila answered.
Rose smirked a little. “Keep me posted on your meeting with Butch Wilson.”
Eve gave Lila a questioning look but didn’t say anything.
“Jah,” Dat said to his sister. “See what you’ve put in Lila’s head? Sometimes the past should stay the past.”
“Eve, don’t worry. It’s not him,” Lila said. “Although it might be his son. We’re going to try to meet sometime soon.”
“Oh,” Eve said. Her face reddened as she spoke. “I’m not sure what to say.”
Dat harrumphed. Lila guessed Dat’s frustration with Eve dated back over a couple of decades. He turned toward Lila. “What does Daniel have to say about this?”
“He doesn’t want to have any part of it,” Lila answered.
A hint of a smile passed over Dat’s face, but then he was back to frowning. Beth stepped to his side. Trudy squealed as Jackson grabbed hold of her Kapp and pulled.
Eve came to her rescue and took
the baby back.
“We should get going,” Rose said. Lila thought her sister looked a little sad as she led the way out the door. This would be her first time living away from home.
After everyone left the living room, Zane said, “Speaking of Butch Wilson, I have a message for you.”
Lila was glad he used enough common sense to not blurt it in front of everyone this time.
“He called earlier today. He said he and his mom want to meet you in two weeks.”
“Oh,” Lila said, her face growing warm.
“They suggested a place. Do you want me to call them back and tell them it will work?”
“Will you come with me?”
“Of course,” he said. “And Mom already said she’d drive us.”
“Denki,” Lila said, her heart racing. “Jah, call him back and tell him we’ll see him then.”
After Zane left, Lila thought more about Rose and how self-absorbed she’d seemed. But the truth was, Lila was still acting pretty self-centered too. She wanted to put others first, including Zane, but instead she kept putting all of her thoughts and energy into finding out about her birth father. She leaned back in Dat’s chair. Once she met with Butch Wilson Jr., she’d move on, sort things out with Zane, and figure out what to do next.
Monday afternoon, while Lila was resting, Beth came and told her there was an Englisch man at the door. “An insurance adjuster,” Beth added.
Lila groaned.
“Do you want me to ask him to come back later?” Beth asked.
Lila shook her head as she sat up. She might as well get it over with. By the time she reached the kitchen, Beth had served the man coffee and a slice of fresh bread with butter. He seemed quite grateful. He was older, probably over sixty.
As Lila came in, he stood and introduced himself as Mr. Stark. “Owen Stark,” he added. Once she sat down and propped her crutches against the table, he shook her hand. She reminded herself to look him in the eyes, which was hard for her to do with a strange man. Zane had told her it was what Englisch men expected. She was able to do it at the restaurant, but it was harder in her home. She wished Zane were with her.