by Leslie Gould
“Denki,” he said, turning the buggy down a country lane and parking under a willow tree. He turned toward her, his knee against hers. “Anything else?”
She smiled a little. “All these years, especially after Mamm died, I had this idea that life with my biological father would have been better than life with Dat.”
Zane shook his head. “I think that’s pretty normal.”
“And then he turned out to be far worse. He left them. Butch Jr. seems like such a great kid, you know? But wounded.”
Zane nodded.
“Even though his mom is such a great parent.” Lila leaned back against the bench. “My intuition was so wrong.” Lila exhaled. “I wish Mamm would have warned me.”
“She wouldn’t have known how Butch Sr. turned out. He was still young the last time she saw him.”
“That’s true,” Lila said.
“But it looks like there was a reason your mom didn’t tell him about being pregnant,” Zane said. “Apparently she didn’t think he was good father material.”
“Jah, you’re right,” Lila said. “And I feel bad about that because maybe she did think Dat would be a good father. Maybe that’s why she married him—so Daniel and I would have a father and then siblings. The truth is,” she said, thinking through it as she spoke, “I truly believe Dat did favor Simon and Rose, and then Trudy too, in a way. But I don’t think he did it intentionally. I don’t even think he was aware of it.”
Zane nodded. “Perhaps part of it was he expected more out of you and Daniel—because you were older.”
Lila agreed. She’d actually wondered that before but had dismissed it. But it probably had some merit. He treated Trudy with even more leniency than he had Simon and Rose.
“Maybe you’d feel better if you said something to your Dat, thanked him for being there for you all those years.”
Lila wrinkled her nose.
“Think about it,” Zane said.
It was hard to imagine that sort of conversation with Dat. Maybe in time. She definitely needed to say something to Rose though. Encouraging her to hold out hope for a relationship with Trevor might not have been the right thing to do.
The blue dusk had faded to darkness, but she could see Zane’s face by the light from the lantern on the side of the buggy.
She shifted toward him even more, but a jolt of pain made her shift back in a hurry.
“Are you all right?” Zane asked.
“Jah,” she answered.
“Just trying to avoid talking?”
She smiled a little and then shivered.
“Are you cold?” he asked, scooting closer to her. He put his arm around her and pulled her tight. The shift caused more pain, but then it stopped. She relaxed against him, surprised at how good his touch felt.
“So what about marriage?” he asked. “Are we going to set a date?”
“Let’s see how the next few months go,” Lila said.
Zane paused for a long moment and then said, “All right.”
“It would be better to wait until Rose has her baby.” Before she even realized what was happening, a sob shook Lila.
Zane scooted even closer. “I’m sorry,” he said.
She leaned her head into his chest, thinking of all the times he’d been her place of safety. She felt that now. “It just feels so unfair.”
“But what she’s going through doesn’t have anything to do with us,” Zane said. “Except for giving us a niece or nephew. It doesn’t have any bearing on whether we can have children or not.”
“But I feel like it does. As if her getting pregnant so easily means I won’t.”
“That’s superstitious,” Zane said.
“I know.” She sighed. “She’ll need me once she comes home from Eve’s, and especially after the baby is born.”
“Jah,” Zane said, “but not for long. What are you thinking, as far as us?”
“September, maybe.”
Zane’s expression fell.
“I’m sorry,” she said. It was more than just feeling as if she should be around for Rose and her baby. She couldn’t climb up the stairs of the little house to their bedroom. She couldn’t do the chores to run a house. She wouldn’t be able to tend a garden. There was so much she couldn’t do.
He was silent for a long moment. Finally he leaned closer. “I’ll wait,” he said. “I’ve been waiting since the first time I saw you, standing on the other side of the gate. I’ll wait as long as it takes, no matter what.”
“Denki.” She did believe him, even though she walked with one of his father’s canes. None of this was what they’d expected.
23
Rose sat on the table in the doctor’s office wearing a gown. “Would you like your aunt to come back in?” the doctor asked as she typed on the laptop she’d brought in with her. She seemed young to be a doctor, probably in her early thirties.
Rose nodded. As the doctor left the room, she fixated on a photo of a newborn sitting in a bed of red tulips. The little one wore a red stocking cap and a red dress and green tights. It was a ridiculous photo—but still cute.
The clinic was near the hospital in Lancaster, the one Shani worked at. The one Lila had been in after the accident. The one Trevor had given Rose a ride to.
She hadn’t heard back from him. It was the middle of March and she doubted, since he hadn’t called by now, that he ever would. She’d call him when the Bobbli was born, just to let him know.
Eve had been trying to get her to go to the doctor since Rose moved in, but Rose kept saying she was young and healthy and didn’t want to go yet. Finally Eve told her she couldn’t keep living with them if she didn’t—she needed to put her Bobbli’s needs first. By the time Rose finally called the number Eve gave her, the first available appointment was a month away. Now here it was, the middle of March, and Rose was over halfway through the pregnancy.
She’d never had any type of exam before and hadn’t been to the doctor at all for years. Eve told her she’d tag along if that would make it easier, and Rose was grateful for the offer. Eve had taken the afternoon off work, and Charlie was home with Jackson.
There was a quick knock on the door, and the doctor and Eve walked into the room. Once they were both seated, the doctor said she wanted Rose to have an ultrasound.
Many of the women in the district used midwives and never had ultrasounds. Rose didn’t feel comfortable having a first Bobbli at home, but she’d told the doctor she didn’t want to have anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary. “Are you sure I need one?” Rose asked.
“Yes,” the doctor replied. “You’re small for twenty-two weeks—the height of your fundus should correlate with how many weeks along you are. Unless you miscalculated your date.”
Rose shook her head. There wasn’t any chance of that.
“There may not be anything to be concerned about, but we want to cover our bases. I can’t be sure how much weight you’ve gained but according to what you’ve said it’s less than ten pounds. ”
Rose glanced at Eve, who had a concerned expression on her face.
“The technician will be in with the machine,” the doctor said. “I’ll come back in afterward.”
Once the doctor left, Eve stood.
“Does she think something’s wrong?” Rose asked.
“We’ll know soon,” Eve said.
The technician arrived, pushing a cart with the machine on it. After a couple of minutes of getting everything set up, she instructed Rose to lie back down and lift her gown. She explained that she would put gel on Rose’s abdomen and then rub the wand over her belly. She pointed at the screen. “Then we’ll be able to see your baby here.”
Rose kept her eyes on the screen.
“Do you want to know the baby’s gender?”
Rose shook her head.
“Okay, I won’t say anything. You might end up being able to figure it out though.”
“I doubt it,” Rose said. It was all pretty blurry.
Th
e technician kept rubbing the wand around. “There’s the head,” she said.
Rose’s heart quickened. “Oh, goodness.”
Eve stood.
“And there are the legs.” The technician chuckled. “Good thing you don’t want to know the sex. This one isn’t cooperating.” She continued with the test, saying the machine would take some measurements. After a few more minutes, she said, “I’ll go get the doctor.”
When she left, Rose turned to Eve. “So nothing’s wrong, right? Or she would have said something.”
“Not necessarily,” Eve said. “The doctor explains the results.”
“Oh,” Rose said, and then, “How do you know?”
“I had one a few years ago.”
“You were pregnant?”
Eve nodded. “I miscarried.”
“I’m sorry.” Rose wasn’t sure what else to say.
“Thank you. It was a couple of years after we married.” Eve smiled a little. “I’m so thankful we get to have Jackson in our lives now.”
Rose nodded. Jackson was a sweetheart. She enjoyed caring for him, and being at Eve and Charlie’s had been really good for her. At home it had been easy to rely on Lila and then Beth. At Eve’s house, it was up to her to care for Jackson during the day and make sure all of the household chores got done. And nearly every evening, both Eve and Charlie said that her caring for Jackson in their home had helped make him a happier baby.
Finally the doctor arrived, carrying the laptop with her. She placed it on the tray, flipped it open, and then scanned the screen. “The baby’s small for its gestational age.” She turned toward Rose. “We often don’t know the reason right away but in your case we do. You have placenta previa.”
“What’s that?” Rose asked.
“The placenta attached low in your uterus. It happens sometimes. Have you had any bleeding?”
Rose shook her head.
“Good. Sometimes, as the uterus expands, it will pull the placenta upward, but in your case it’s really low, over the cervix. You’re going to have to take it easy, as in bed rest. And no lifting.”
“But I do childcare—for my aunt’s baby.” Rose nodded toward Eve.
The doctor shook her head. “You’ll have to stop. This is a very serious condition. You’ll have to have a C-section and your baby may come early.” She went on to explain that if Rose started to spot at all, no matter what time of day or night, to call the office number. “Whoever is on call will get right back to you.”
She’d need to move back home. There wouldn’t be any reason for her to stay at Eve and Charlie’s—she couldn’t expect them to care for her.
“If you start bleeding, anything more than a spot here and there, call 9-1-1,” the doctor said. “Any questions?”
Rose looked at Eve, a wave of panic rushing through her. “Can you think of anything to ask?”
“Besides bed rest, is there anything else that can be done?”
The doctor paused a moment. “Well, the usual. Take your prenatal vitamins.” Rose had been—Beth had bought them for her early on. “Make sure you get plenty to eat, around 2,200 calories a day. Hopefully with the bed rest and if you eat well, you’ll start gaining more weight. The bed rest really is essential though. If you don’t take it seriously, you could have the baby far too early. If you do go into premature labor, we’ll try to stop it. Also, do you have books about pregnancy you can read?”
“I have some,” Eve said. “And we’ll get more.”
Both Rose and Eve stayed silent on the way home. Rose half watched the countryside zip by. A colt ran across a field. A teenage boy drove a team of workhorses. Daffodils bloomed in the flowerbeds of farmhouses, green shoots emerged out of newly planted gardens, and red geraniums bloomed from window boxes along the way.
As they turned off the highway, Eve said, “We’ll figure things out. I’ll talk to Charlie, but I’m thinking I’ll go ahead and resign from my job. You can decide if you’d rather stay at our place or go home.”
Rose inhaled sharply. “I’ll think about it.” She wasn’t ready for her time at Eve and Charlie’s to come to an end, but there really was no reason to stay.
As they neared the house, Rose noticed a buggy and horse hitched to the post by the garage. “I think it’s Lila.”
Once Eve had the car parked, Rose got out slowly—she was going to be fearful about everything now—and walked toward the house. Lila met her at the door with a half hug. “I’m picking up Trudy today. Beth had to go to Ohio to finish up some business.” She leaned against her cane. “How are you?”
“Not good,” Eve said, coming up behind her. “Lie down on the sofa for now. We can talk with Lila about what to do next.”
Eve hurried down the hall, and Rose soon heard her speaking with Charlie in the baby’s room. Rose eased herself down on the sofa as Lila asked, “What’s going on?”
“Placenta previa,” Rose answered. “The doctor said I need to be on bed rest.” She explained what else the doctor had said, adding, “So I can’t watch Jackson anymore.”
“Oh, no.” Lila leaned her cane against the wall and sat in the rocking chair.
“Do you think you could watch him?”
Lila nodded toward her cane. “It wouldn’t be safe.”
“Jah, I guess you’re right. He’s getting pretty big.” It wouldn’t do for Lila to be hobbling around, carrying nearly fifteen pounds.
Charlie stepped into the living room carrying the baby. “We’re going to go down to the station for a little bit, and leave you ladies alone.”
The baby lunged toward Rose, laughing as he did. She waved, and he waved back but began to whimper as Charlie headed out the door.
“What are you going to do?” Lila asked.
Rose shrugged. “Eve said I could stay here.”
Eve stepped into the living room. “Yes,” she said. “I just told Charlie I’m going to go ahead and resign. But I’ll need to give them some notice. You wouldn’t be able to stay here until I’m home for good. I’ll put Jackson back in daycare until then.”
Rose thanked her aunt and turned toward Lila. “I guess that means I’m coming home. I might as well go now.” Lila would have to help take care of her after all. Even though she had resolved not to call Trevor until the baby was born, she decided he deserved to know what was going on.
While Eve and Lila went down the hall to her room to pack her things, Rose got up off the sofa and headed to the kitchen. She dialed quickly and let it ring until it went into voicemail. Not surprising. He most likely recognized Eve and Charlie’s number. She quickly explained what was going on and then said, “I’ve been staying at Eve and Charlie’s but I’m going back home. Bye.”
As much as she felt she should give up on Trevor, she couldn’t help but remember Lila’s pain in not ever knowing her biological father. Perhaps God still had a plan concerning Trevor.
“No, I was completely wrong,” Lila said. “I didn’t know what I was talking about.”
Rose reclined on the sofa at home, covered with the quilt from her bed. Dat had hustled Trudy out to help with the milking as soon as he saw Rose was home. She placed her hand on her abdomen. Jah, she was definitely showing now.
Lila had started the conversation in the buggy, telling her about meeting her half brother and what her birth father had been like—until they picked up Trudy. Now Trudy was out helping Dat with the milking, and Lila was at it again.
Lila shook her finger at Rose. “Are you listening to me?”
“Jah, I hear you. You were wrong.” Rose turned and grinned at her sister. “I just want you to say it a couple of more times.”
Lila wiggled the pillow out from under her arm in Dat’s chair and threw it at Rose, hitting her in the chest.
“Ouch,” she said, grabbing it and throwing it back. “Don’t hurt me.”
Lila caught the pillow and held it to her stomach. “It’s going to be a long four months.”
“Jah,” Rose replied.
&
nbsp; Lila pushed herself to her feet and grabbed her cane.
“Unless the Bobbli comes early.”
Lila shuffled out of the room.
“Come back,” Rose said.
“Why? You won’t talk—not seriously, anyway.”
“No, I will. Just come back.” For as much as she used to want to sit around, she couldn’t bear the thought of bed rest for the next four months. She’d never liked being by herself. “Please, Lila.”
Lila stopped in the kitchen doorway and turned around. “I heard you leaving a message for Trevor today. I should have told you all of this before.”
“Told her what?” It was Dat’s voice from the kitchen.
Lila turned slowly, away from Rose and toward Dat. “What I discovered from meeting Butch Wilson Jr.,” Lila said. “There’s something I should have told you too.”
“You’ll have to tell me later,” Dat said. “I just came in to fill my coffee cup.” Beth had bought him a travel mug, which was quite a luxury for Dat. Rose could hear his footsteps across the linoleum as he called out, “We can talk later.”
Lila turned back toward Rose.
“Wasn’t it January when you saw Butch Jr.?”
Lila nodded.
“How come it’s taken you this long to talk to me?”
“I don’t know,” Lila said. “I guess I was still thinking it all through. Plus, you know how much I hate conflict.”
“You’re acting the way you did when you loved Zane but were courting Reuben. Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. When are you going to talk to Dat? Stop being so passive.”
Lila stared at Rose for a few long seconds, and then retorted, “Says the unmarried pregnant girl on bed rest.”
Rose felt hurt for a moment. Jah, she was on bed rest. But she wasn’t being passive, at least she didn’t think so. She sighed, knowing Lila had her own hurts and worries, and maybe she thought lashing out at Rose would help. Then again, maybe Rose hadn’t been very understanding.
As Lila turned around and headed into the kitchen, her cane bumping along the floor, Rose called out, “I’m sorry.”